When you're getting ready to quit (Preparation)

This article is about Stage 3 of the 'Stages of Change' model - Preparation.

For an overview of the entire model go here. 

The third recognised stage of the change process is where you start actively getting ready to quit. It's the stage when the negative impacts can no longer be ignored and you're starting to get a vision in your head of a different, more positive, life. It's when you've contemplated the situation for long enough, and are now getting ready to shift things and actually do something new to alter your circumstances and start trying to make things better. Officially this stage is called PREPARATION and it's a powerful one because it comes with a big shift in energy. 

Up until this point in the change cycle, things have only been happening internally. A lot of thinking, pondering, wondering, figuring out. With Preparation, those thoughts are utilised to make some moves. Again, these may be subtle and appear like not much from the outside, but really they are massive. Massive because a commitment is being made, and practical solutions are being sought, tried out, tried on, experimented with.

You'll know you've moved into the Preparation stage because you'll start doing new things focused solely on how you're going to shift your habit. You might start by self-motivating and gathering information, searching the internet, reading books by people who are sober (known as 'Quit Lit'), listening to recovery podcasts or following social media accounts promoting an alcohol-free life. The Preparation stage may involve reaching out to others, making moves to access support from friends, whānau, support groups or health professionals. Maybe you start shaping up a plan or decide on a course of action. Whatever the thing or things are, big or small, obvious or subtle, singular or many, they're significant and brave. 

"I started a moderation journal and wrote down definite 'dry days'," shares one Living Sober member about what they did in the Preparation stage. "I wasn’t going to drink Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The weekends-of course I’d drink. But only three drinks, and they’d be measured out. I bought wine in those tiny little bottles instead of a regular sized bottle, and kept them in a drawer in the basement, not the fridge. I found a dainty wineglass instead of my normal fishbowl on a stem. I wrote down kind affirmations in my journal, then really harsh criticisms when I blew right past all the moderation guard rails."

"I went to a women's 10 week alcohol and drug programme, and counselling," shares another member. "The compassion I received and the education of the effects of alcohol of my mind and body had a lasting impact. I tried moderation and measuring to no avail. I was referred to mental health services but they were either too scary or the wait was too long."

The stages around the Stages of Change model can blur into one another. Things don't always move in a linear direction and it's not always a clean shift from one stage to the next. You might not have one single moment where you go, "I've done enough thinking and now I'm ready to prep for action!". It's more subtle than that, and you might go back and forth for a while until you've cemented the move forward. 

One Living Sober member describes this fluidity between stages very well. "I tried on numerous occasions to quit. I could do a week then of course I deserved a wine cos look at me, I'm defo not an alcy. Then there were all the moderation attempts and naturally they all failed. And like many here, so many moderation tricks were tried, all in the name of keeping drinking. All these times I'd not read any quit lit, had no idea how to get sober and didn't bother to educate myself. I don't think I was serious about actually quitting. I think I still thought I had it all under control and look at other people and you're not that bad etc etc .. but there was that nagging worried voice getting louder and louder and louder. It kind of feels like stage 2 and 3 almost co-existed for a period of time."

It's also important to note that you might feel like you're in the Preparation stage but it's not doing anything. You might be hearing information and seeing messages, understanding intellectually why change is needed and knowing that it will likely have a positive impact. But you can't move yourself forward. Trust that even if you're struggling to move forward, what you're doing by sitting in Preparation is making a difference. As this Living Sober member brilliantly describes.

"I had read some Quit Lit books which made me think a lot, that's probably when I started trying to moderate. I also tried a few books on how to mindfully drink and moderate, but they required stopping for 28 days to recalibrate first, and I thought that was a bit extreme and I could easily skip that step. In the back of my mind I knew it was going to happen one day - quitting - but not until much later, like maybe 10- 20 years from now. I gotta say as well, every time I came across a social media post of someone saying how great it is to be sober and everything is amazing and you should give up that toxic crutch, it actually made me groan and roll my eyes and wish they'd give it a fucking rest already. In saying that, the morning I quit almost didn't feel like my choice, I woke up to my spirit basically yelling at me "this shit has to stop! Right Now!" Maybe all that reading and messages I'd seen were seeping into my subconscious after all!"

For some people, moving through the stages from Pre-Contemplation to Preparation to Action can happen very quickly. As addiction sector lead Amanda Bradley shares in her Sobriety Chat here, Preparation for her involved just one trip to see her doctor. "I drove home from being out, definitely over the limit and I was just so disgusted in myself actually. So the  next morning I woke up and I went straight to the doctors and I said, "I don't want to drink anymore. Help me. What do I do?" And they were good. They were amazing. He said, "Look, let's try some antabuse." And I'd sort of heard of it through my work, you know, working in the in the sector, but I hadn't really heard much about it. And so I tried it. Antabuse  makes you vomit if you have any alcohol at all, whether that's alcohol and food or or a drink. And that was enough for me. Something shifted in my head. I thought, I'm going to do this. And so I did it. I've never had another drink since that day."

Like with all the stages of change, they play out in a unique way for each individual. Your journey is your own, and the most important thing is that you are kind and gentle with yourself as you forge ahead to a new way of living.

To read about the next stage of change, Action, go here.

For an animated video about the Stages of Change model, go here. 

This article has been written, and quotes gathered, by Living Sober Community Manager Lotta Dann a.k.a Mrs D. 

Please add your own input in the comments below. Are you at this stage now? How's it going? Or have you been through this process? Share your thoughts and insights.