When you stop drinking (Action)

This article is about Stage 4 of the 'Stages of Change' model.

For an overview of the entire model go here. 

The forth recognised stage of the change process is where you make the move, do the thing, jump off the cliff, put a line in the sand, (insert whatever saying or metaphor you like here) and stop. You put the drink down and you stop. The time for contemplation is over, you've done your preparation, and you're ready to quit. Officially this stage is called ACTION and while all the stages on the road to change are important and powerful, this is the really big one. 

Action is the stage where you stop doing the thing that has been a regular part of your life, through thick and thin, for so long. The thing that was fun until it wasn't. The thing you have relied on, that has been your steady companion, and your nemesis. Of course Action involves more than just putting the drink down. This stage comes with cravings, emotional upheaval, social implications, monumental realisations and significant revelations. Of all the stages, Action is the most time consuming, involving a huge amount of focus and effort.

When you move into Action, your world shifts. It's scary and tough, but it's also exciting and full of possibility. 

"I won’t lie: the early days were excruciating." shares Anna in her Sober Story. "I knew I couldn’t drink anymore, but I had no idea how to get through a single day without it, let alone the rest of my life! I found myself fixating on certain scenarios, like being unable to have a glass of champagne at my wedding (which was entirely hypothetical, since I wasn’t engaged at the time, but that’s what my brain kept coming back to). What helped me was simply taking sobriety one day at a time, dealing with whatever life threw at me in those 24 hours, and trying not to worry too much about what the future might bring."

There's a reason that the whole 'one day thing at a time works'. It makes the unachievable seem achievable. All you need to do is get through today and get your sober head on the pillow tonight. Think about tomorrow tomorrow. But even with this attitude, being in Action is not always easy.

"It was hard and everything was difficult," shares Jo in her Sober Story. "I needed to come up with a new plan to get sober and stay sober as my previous attempts didn’t work. I had to learn a new way of coping with life. I had bought a journal a while back, I opened it up and started writing. Journaling became and still is a big part of my sobriety. I came up with a mantra that got me through those early days: “I had my fun with booze, my not so fun with booze, now it is time to let it go.” I changed from a night owl to an early bird as evenings were when I drank. I changed my evening routine. I knew I had to stay away from all my triggers. No watching TV in the evenings, no long soaks in the bathtub, no eating out for awhile, no socializing that involved alcohol. I went to bed very early. I remember thinking, well, this is going to be boring. To be truthful, it kind of was. But, I was told boredom never killed anyone. They were right, I am still here! Haha."

Like with all the stages of change, Action plays out in unique ways for everyone. When you're in Action, you're finding the things that work for you to get you through each day. For Jo it was journaling and mantras, for another Living Sober member, it was large amounts of caffeine.

"I replaced my daily bucket of wine with a huge coffee at 3.00 pm every day. Still doing it. I had terrible headaches for weeks. I had been referred to our local A&D clinic by my GP. I spoke to a counselor there at about day 7. I knew I was never drinking again so she and I worked out when I could call her if I needed to. I haven't yet. I told my family, gave away my wine collection and just got on with it. My body slowly mended over months. Dropped weight. The gout went away, settled gut. I ate better. My feet still tingle slightly but that's ok, I'm 74."

For many people it's very powerful after they take action to connect with others who are doing the same thing. Either by attending meetings or recovery groups, or logging into an online community like this one here at Living Sober.

"I signed in here every day", a member shares. "Whenever someone said they’d slipped up again, I felt such compassion, and such gratitude that it wasn’t me this time. When I read posts from people who checked back in after years of sobriety, it helped me realize that life and fun don’t end when you quit drinking. There was a lot of painful growth and still is. I was so used to feeling stress or anxiety (or happiness or excitement) and then drowning it in wine. To face up to it and work through it was quite a challenge. Therapy helped, but I am still a work in progress. I can’t change the past. I can only move forward, sober and trying to figure out life along with everyone else."

"This time when I tried, I'd hit my rock bottom & literally hated myself so much I knew I HAD to do this," shares another. "And then I remembered this community. Once I got here, I immersed myself in everything I could & with the support here, well, it just made all the difference."

Interactions that people have while going through a big change in habits, having the right attitude from the people they confide in is essential. Positivity helps, as does a recognition of the effort that is being made.

"The acknowledgement of health professionals when I reduced then quit my drinking was a huge boost. And my friends too," shares one member.

"I needed people to understand that I was feeling really scared and nervous," shares another. "But I was also determined and brave. I was flip flopping around from one state to the next, one day to the next. It was such a rollercoaster and I was strapped in for dear life. But I did it. One sober day after another I made it through. I learned what to do when the cravings hit. I tried out different lines to use at parties and weddings (I had to attend 5 weddings in my first year of being sober, it was hell!). Slowly but surely I trusted myself that I wasn't going to drink and it got a little easier as time went on. But I won't lie, it was hard work."

How long people stay in the Action stage is dependant on a multitude of factors and will differ from person to person. For everyone it is an all-consuming process to go through, but with perseverance and commitment, things always get easier the more time that goes on.

To read on about the next stage of change, Maintenance, go here.

For an animated video about the Stages of Change model, go here. 

This article has been written, and quotes gathered, by Living Sober Community Manager Lotta Dann. 

Please add your own input in the comments below. Are you at this stage now? How's it going? Or have you been through this process? Share your thoughts and insights.