October 20th, 2024 Interviews
This week's Sober Story comes from Beth, a 49-year-old from the South Coast in the UK.
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Mrs D: How long have you been in recovery?
Beth: 3.5 years
Mrs D: What can you tell us about the last months/years of your drinking before you gave
up?
Beth: I was absolutely worn out and sick of day ones. It felt constant, I would do all the right things and be sober for a while and then get fed up and relapse. At the end I was drinking every day and had no off switch when I started. I was desperate for a
way out.
Mrs D: What was the final straw that led you to get sober?
Beth: It's strange because I’d had dramatic falls before when drunk and then would stop for ages because I had scared myself but the day I stopped wasn’t really very dramati at all. I had some relatives over for a meal the day before and the meal was very stressful. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t drink that day, but of course because I was unhappy and stressed, I gave myself permission to drink and drank quite a lot of wine. I woke in the middle of the night with my heart beating so hard that I felt ill, and the anxiety was physical. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I knew something had to change and this was my wake-up call.
Mrs D: How was it for you in the early days? What was most difficult?
Beth: The early days were so tough. I had spent years burying my emotions at the bottom of a bottle and I was not happy to have to now sit with my feelings. I was craving alcohol too, my confidence was through the floor, and I was very low and ashamed that I had done this to myself.
Mrs D: What tool or tools did you use to help you?
Beth: I was very lucky, within a few days of becoming sober I found an online free sobriety platform Hola Sober totally by accident. I found the courage to email the founder Susan Christina, and she immediately emailed me back and introduced me to another sober lady called Linda ( who is now my best friend). I would receive an email every day from the founder which meant that my day started with the intention to remain sober, I also attended online sober meetings and got to know the community. I had read quit lit books before; I had tried podcasts but for me it was community which was the key to remaining sober. I needed accountability and community and through the HS community I got this.
Mrs D: What reaction did you get from family & friends when you started getting sober?
Beth: They were cautious, they’d heard this story many times from me, so I don’t think they believed it at first. The more time that I was sober the more they relaxed and trusted me. They are now proud of me. Some friends were disappointed and said that they would miss, ‘drunk Beth’ and I have lost touch with some, but I am okay with that.
Mrs D: Have you ever experienced a relapse?
Beth: I have in the past, after ten months, but not this time. I think in the past, I would get bored and start to romanticize alcohol, convincing myself to try moderation again. We all know how that ends! This time, attending meetings and listening to others kept me grounded and reminded me of the reality of what alcohol truly means to me.
Mrs D: How long did it take for things to start to calm down for you emotionally & physically?
Beth: I would say it was up and down for the first year. By about 18 months I was feeling very secure in my sobriety, but I still had to make sure I was attending meetings etc
Mrs D: How hard was it getting used to socialising sober?
Beth: I hated it at first. I avoided going to the pub as much as possible at first. I realised that I didn’t like being around drunk people and without alcohol I found it boring. I realised that I had social anxiety and had used alcohol as a way of getting over my shyness. I am a lot more confident now, however, if the situation makes me uncomfortable, I now will happily leave the situation.
Mrs D: Was there anything surprising that you learned about yourself when you stopped drinking?
Beth: The one thing that I thought had given me confidence, was the very thing that had taken all my confidence away and disempowered me. I also learned that I had ADHD, I had used alcohol for years to self-medicate.
Mrs D: How did your life change?
Beth: Immeasurably. My confidence has soared. I like myself again. I no longer take the blame for everything in life because I am carrying the guilt of drinking too much. Everything in my life s better, relationships with family is better and I am in touch with lots of old friends again. I also now volunteer for Hola Sober. I host meetings, manage their social media, have written for their magazine and I am on the leadership team. While I was drinking, I could barely say hello on a work Zoom call and now I am hosting meetings! I recently attended a get together of all the Hola Sober members in Madrid. We had women attend from all over the world and I was on stage talking and I was perfectly happy to do this. This would never have happened before when I was
drinking.
Mrs D: What are the main benefits that emerged for you from getting sober?
Beth: Trust from my family. Professional growth, confidence, and it sounds cheesy, but I have an inner peace now that I never had before.
Mrs D: Would you do anything differently given the chance to go through the process again?
Beth: I would have found a community that I felt comfortable in earlier and then I am sure I would not have kept relapsing. I wouldn’t feel the need to explain why I wasn’t drinking, I just wasn’t.
Mrs D: What advice or tips would you have for those who are just starting on this journey?
Beth: Find a community. I started by using living sober and I would devour the sober stories because we really lack stories from ‘people like us”. I then moved on to a community with meetings and I gained sober friends who understood how I was feeling and also hearing other people speak reminded me why I never want to go back to where I was. Set boundaries, especially in your early days and don’t force yourself to go to bars and places that trigger you. Your sobriety is your most important thing. Because even if you offend people, in the long run you being sober impacts everyone’s lives for the better.
Mrs D: Anything else you'd like to share?
Beth: It isn’t easy and the first few months can be brutal, but the rewards are so many. We also should stop shaming ourselves. We got addicted to an addictive substance, a substance that is rammed down our throats as being a necessity from a very young age. It’s easier to blame and shame us than the addictive substance. But the truth is it could happen to anyone should their situation change. Thank you to Mrs D and Living Sober for being my first step into the sober world online.
A girlfriend made this for us when we visited her place for a roast dinner on Easter Sunday.
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