You Are Not Alone

This is one of the main things I want every person who is stuck in a miserable boozy hell-hole – and every person who is working damn hard to get sober – to know. You Are Not Alone.

Being miserably addicted can be one of the most lonely and isolating places to be. I know that when I was in the depths of my drinking days.. wrestling constantly with myself, desperately trying to moderate my intake and change my reality.. I felt very alone.

And I was in a loving marriage surrounded by a good circle of friends and family. Yet this is what my awful alcohol habit had me feeling. I felt like I couldn’t fully express the depths of my guilt and anguish to anyone. I felt very isolated.

I think addiction wants us to keep feeling isolated and alone because then we’ll stay in the cycle of using and self-abuse. As soon as we start to sense that there are many, many others grappling with the same issues and feeling the same way.. our addiction starts to lose some of it’s power over us.. and the best version of ourselves (the sorted, sober, together versions) start to grow in strength.

That’s why fellowships and sober communities (in person or online) are worth their weight in gold.. because we gain strength in numbers. Go read the introductory note at the front of this site – the whole tone of it is pitched not only to make new visitors feel welcomed in but also to immediately give them the sense that they are not alone; “All of our stories regarding alcohol are different, but by sharing our individual truths, we are all immensely strengthened. Welcome to Living Sober. You are not alone.”

So the next time you are struggling hard not to pick up a drink at 5pm, feeling desperate to escape the pressures of the day, please stop and think of all the other brave people who are fighting the exact same battle at the exact same time. It will give you strength!

The next time you’re standing at a party at 9.30pm on a Saturday night feeling bored because most of the other people there are getting boozed and annoying, please stop and smile gently inside knowing there are many other sober people feeling the same way at the same time at their events. It will give you strength!

The next time you have ANY sort of sad feeling or tense thought or tricky emotion about not drinking KNOW that there are MANY other brave sober warriors who are likely to be feeling those EXACT same things at the VERY same time. It will give you strength!

And know this; booze is shit and all the cool people are sober nowadays. You are not a loser drunk, you are not a boring sober person. You are someone who struggles to control the drug of alcohol, who is working hard to get that shit out of their lives and turn themselves around to become the best version of themselves that they can be.

And You Are Not Alone.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. Trac 8 years ago

    @cazfree Hi , how are you getting on ? Im starting over once again

  2. Springdaisy 8 years ago

    Mrs D,
    This post really resonated with me! It was the words I really needed to hear (read). It is so much easier going through something when you are not doing it alone and this site has been my life line for the last 6 days. I am truly so thankful for this community. For the first time. I have such a positive feeling that this time I am going to succeed!! Thank you.

  3. Kcass76 8 years ago

    Hang tough everyone. Love yourself. Believe in yourself. You deserve this! One day at a time…….

  4. Bridge 8 years ago

    Hi, today is day 1 for me. I keep on thinking of why I am doing this. will need to keep very busy around 5pm. very determined to kick this in to touch. I know it is going to be very hard, 15 + years of drinking. thanks god for Mrs D book and the support of this.

    • Kcass76 8 years ago

      I’m on day 3 myself. I’ve been drinking on and off since I was a teenager and I’ll be 40 in December.
      It’s so weird not to be in physical pain. My stomach doesn’t hurt. My head isn’t pounding. It’s pretty incredible.
      I agree about 5:00. I might have to start going for a walk at that time and pound water.

  5. cazfree 8 years ago

    I read this as I started yet another day one – I woke this morning full of shame, guilt and embarrassment after slipping up and drinking last night. I felt very alone with my feeling of failure ( yet again.!) I have tried on my own so many times before but I know I need help and support and so am reaching out and have joined the Living Sober community.
    Thank you Mrs D. I’m not alone any more.

    • tipsyartist 8 years ago

      This is day 1 for me too. This will be my 3rd time starting over. I’m determined that this will be the last time. We can do it.

    • GAbby 8 years ago

      Hi Caz, yes I agree with you totally, the support and encouragement I have Recieved from this online community has really given me the strength, courage and hope to keep going. I’m coming up to eight weeks and still come home st 5pm thinking of how I would love a glass of wine or two. When I’m really on edge , I hop online straight away! I never really thought I would even get to week 8 but here I am! Be gentle with yourself!

    • Awip 8 years ago

      Hi Cazfree , don’t beat yourself up. We all need help. Keep believing in yourself. You can do it.

      • cazfree 8 years ago

        Thank you – I’m feeling really positive today. I can do this!

  6. HOllyLama 8 years ago

    This site has given me so much support since I found it. Knowing there’s so many wonderful people sharing the same experience has given me so much strength. Thank you Mrs.. D and the rest of the tribe for your in-site and wisdom. I am 64 and have been struggling for years but have found so much peace in my sobriety for the first time in 20 years. Feeling greatful,healthy,creative and happy!

  7. Seizetheday 8 years ago

    Wouldn’t be where I am today without this tribe. Alcohol disconnects us and isolates us that’s for sure. But here in our safe spot in this life none of us are alone.
    Loved your post xo

    • Rubilly 8 years ago

      Thanks Mrs D, I read your book a while ago and am glad to be here.

  8. enzedgirl 8 years ago


  9. Awip 8 years ago

    Thanks Mrs D, I will try to remember this when I’m struggling. Anyway, I’m not struggling now because my head is clear and I’ve nothing to hide or feel guilty about. I’m just going to enjoy today. Thanks YNWA

  10. seedynomore 8 years ago

    Thanks @MrsD I’m thinking I may have swapped my alcohol addiction to this site.But I’m fine with that because it’s really helping. More than I ever believed possible actually.Just the feeling of knowing every thought I have had or struggle im having around alcohol, is being thought of and conquered by some one else is really comforting.

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