Learning to step away from drinking spaces

This post was written by the incredible Ninakaye Taane-Tinorau on her Instagram (@ninakaye_taanetinorau), and she has kindly allowed us to republish it here.

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I was asked recently ‘What is the hardest part about your sobriety journey?” and had to really stop and think on that, because over the decades, being sober has become so normal to me, that it’s like asking me “What is the hardest part about your life?”

But honestly? The hardest part of sobriety for me is hands down, being around and observing people under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Early on in my journey, I realised that the experience people were having from an internal intoxicated perspective vs the experience they were having from an external and sober perspective, were mostly 2 vastly different things - and thats a hard thing to watch when you’re empathetic like me.

For the most part, it has gotten so hard to be around that I avoid or prevent myself from even entering social groups, events, occasions or settings. It took some years before I could give myself the licence to not go, or to leave before things got way too messy, no longer having to hold the sense of responsibility for others that I used to always have.

There is an interesting fine line that can emerge when people are under the influence, that can have someone teeter from being in a state of complete vulnerability, to presenting or projecting unsettling energies that cause others to feel vulnerable. Either way. when you are as sober as I am, and extremely clear in your vision, there is typically not a lot that is good about being around it any more.

Over the recent decades, I have too often had my comfort, safety and security put at risk by people under the influence, from rare occasions of my boundaries being disrespected in my own home or space, through to being harassed and abused at events.

I think it's good to share that this has been hard, for those who step onto the red road but continue to be surrounded by those who are still consuming. Your former role as a participant; it now transforms very rapidly into the role of observer. Being an observer can have its own phases through time, but ultimately, I believe it only becomes more difficult as the years go by and you lean more and more into the depth of mana motuhake that sobriety can offer.

Kia mataara e hoa ma ✊🏽

Ninakaye Taane-Tinorau (Insta @ninakaye_taanetinorau)