I am flying

One of our wonderful members @mac007 (who I have had the pleasure of meeting twice!) has just travelled away from home to see family and attend a wedding – always a big deal for any sober person. She has been doing so well with her recovery  (is now over 200 days sober!!) and regularly writes incredibly motivational, always insightful, often hilarious posts in the Members Feed which we all enjoy. Below is yet another powerful piece of writing she shared just as she was about to fly away…..

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@mac007: I write this on the plane feeling tired as it’s early and very dark outside. The flashing red lights on the wing remind me of the warning lights that once flashed through my mind, after I had guzzled too much the night before.

The plane is full, a baby is grizzly, mum trying to comfort her and I wonder what is going through the mind of the guy beside me as he lays his head on the tray table, looking very ‘tired’ and green. The flight is smooth so I know it can’t be turbulence making him feel this way. Shit, I hope he doesn’t spew! Where’s my sick bag to throw at him if I see the signs of an eruption. Holy heck, I haven’t got one in my seat. Someone else may have used it!! Let’s hope he holds on.

Whenever I have flown, I have always been intrigued whilst looking out the window peering down at the houses and cars from above, that someone is living a moment there, right then. A small dot for me to see. However, in their head they may have the walls closing in on them, feeling their life is worthless, no hope. Maybe they are sharing a drink with themselves, trying to escape their life for that moment.

To them the world doesn’t care, doesn’t exist outside their walls of hell. As I look down from above, I feel this and it saddens me that this is happening because I know I was once them. But I am flying now, above everything, never forgetting how hard it was living down there.

I’m flying because I made a choice to get out of the hell hole that was sucking me down further. I know if I had carried on the way I was I would have ended up 6 foot further down and at the final end of a downward trip. I didn’t want this to happen. So ‘ I did something’!

The climb is hard but you can get out of any hole. What you do is you get that ‘tool’ to help and you dig up, the dirt falls into that hole and you stand on that, keep digging out , stand on the shit you have chucked into the hole and eventually the hole gets smaller and smaller. Until you are standing on top and waving to the next plane that passes!

Aim high, but take small steps to get there, you don’t want to overwhelm yourself in thinking you will never fly because you will, you can. I did.

I am flying.

I am not the guy next to me who is crashing, who is now coughing as we land. Who thank god hasn’t spewed but shit he is not happy. Don’t be him, be me. Come and fly high with me, naturally!

Remember , you have two free hands now, grab this life with both, hold on to it and enjoy the wonders it can bring!

@mac007