Can you believe that I don’t touch any alcohol ever? None! Not one single drop, ever.
Someone said to me recently that they used to shudder whenever they saw anything I’d written online because they couldn’t relate to the fact I never drank. It was just too foreign and freaky for them. And I get it. I used to think that as well, at the end of my drinking days when I was facing a life with no alcohol in it.
I’d look around and it seemed like the whole world drank. So to consider giving up was astoundingly frightening. “Who does that?” I’d ask myself. “Who doesn’t drink alcohol in this day and age? How can I live a full, fun life and never touch alcohol ever again?”
I’d look into my imaginary alcohol-free future life and shudder. No champagne to celebrate. No wine to wind down. No beer to cool off. No whiskey to warm up. How would I live if I can’t do all these things? What would my life be with no celebrating, relaxing, cooling off?
Because, of course, this is what I’d been conditioned to believe alcohol does. It enables us to live fully. I had this message drummed into me from a very young age. All of the messaging around me – from friends, family, advertisments, the general state of our alcohol-soaked environment – was very firmly in the camp of ‘alcohol is necessary to live a full, fun life’.
But hey, guess what? It’s not.
I now know, because I had to quit my nasty & destructive drinking habit, that all of these messages and beliefs are complete and utter bullshit. The truth is fully the opposite of what I used to believe. It IS possible to live a full, fun life and never touch alcohol ever. It is!
Dear person who is shuddering right now reading what I’m saying.. please believe it. I celebrate, commiserate, relax, cool down, bond with friends, grieve, treat myself, host others, do a million different things each and every day.. and I never touch a drop of alcohol. I don’t miss it, I don’t hanker for it, I don’t feel like I’m missing out, I don’t fear the future.
I just live and don’t drink. Simple. Yes it’s hard work at first making the transition but it is so, so worth it.
It’s possible, it’s doable, it’s rewarding, it’s fantastic. Trust me.
And if you don’t trust me, try it for yourself and see how it works out. You never know what you might discover.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Dear Mrs D
I’m now day 18 sober. 6 AA meetings under my belt.
Bloody hard…. But you know that already. I had never heard of “witching hour” before, but I’m sure my husband wishes
I would hop on my broom and fly away 😂.
I get so anxious from about 3.30pm. Actually I’m anxious all day, but it increases by mid afternoon.
That’s when I pull out your book. I have never been able to read, my mind wonders and I then have to turn back a chapter and reread it.
It’s taken me 17 days but I have finished “Mrs Dis going without”. My husband downloaded “Mrs D is going within” this morning for me.
I’m going away on for a work conference today, my first social gathering since I stopped drinking and I must say I’m a tad nervous.
It always involves a bar and boozing. Lemon lime and bitter will be my friend, I just hope I can cope and not cave in
Wish me luck 😬
Love this blog Mrs. D. Tried and failed so many times I got tired of trying here I am again today is day 34.
And I’m not looking back again.
Had a lovely family celebration last night for my youngest daughter’s 19th birthday. My older daughter (22) and her nana (83) enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine, my wife had some cider. My daughter, her friend, my son (26) and me all had zero sugar soft drinks. We all enjoyed the night equally. No one had more fun because they were drinking. When at the supermarket buying up the treats for the evening I toyed with the thought of getting some zero wine and zero beer. The old conditioning kicking in that at a party you need alcohol- even if it’s just pretend. I was starting to get stressed walking the alcohol aisles at the supermarket looking for the zero options. Once I walked away and gave up on the idea of buying the zero options my mood and day improved. It’s a con. You don’t need it. We have been conditioned and even after two years sober, the conditioning still is there ready to sneak up on me. I didn’t miss the drink and I didn’t need a ‘substitute’ to feel like I was joining in to have a fun time.
I started my AF journey only 6 days ago. I have been here before about 3 years ago where I managed to reach about 6 weeks sober and then got sucked back into the vortex. Last night we had some friends for dinner and no-one noticed the Rose I was drinking was alcolhol free. After dinner I asked if anyone wanted an Irish coffee and I made myself one too without even thinking that it contained alcohol!!
I was laying it bed later when I sat up and said to my husband “Oh my God, I drank booze in my coffee!!” I guess that means it’s day One today.
It was frightening that I didn’t even realise what I was doing. I feel pretty determined to kick alcohol for good this time and will access this community regularly for support. Thanks for being here 🙂
i had to laugh at your remark because i relate and just found myself these last few days checking out the lower Alcohol beers I am on day 18 and my goal at this point is 30. I do feel better and look better but my research show 30 days is that magic number to se the benefits of no poison in system so today i said no to lower alcohol and stuck with NA beer. Came home and ate. If I eat i do not have the urge to drink. Good luck shush
Kia ora for your wonderfully wise words Mrs D. Prescient for me today as I’m facing my first sober dinner party in 3 months &1 day alcohol free. Sneaky thoughts of rewarding myself have wormed their way in to my subconscious. But is alcohol actually a reward?? Or will I feel poisoned, guilty and ashamed? Another insidious thought is that I’ve done so well, surely I can buy some lower AF craft beer (eg 2.5%) but I guess I know myself well enough that I will try to drink a lot of it with the ultimate aim being to get sozzled. And then will that segue into being tempted to accept (or ask for?!!) a glass of my friend’s vino? Probably … resulting in more angst and contributing to an even deeper sense of self-loathing tomorrow.
Or I could just let myself off all of these scary thoughts and go AF!