When does sober become ordinary?

It’s the million dollar question isn’t it? When does living sober become the new norm? When does sober become ordinary?

When will the obsession with booze end? When will the non-stop thoughts about alcohol move away?  When will the cravings be done?

When will I not feel like a sober alien on a boozy planet? When will my sobriety cease feeling like a hideous gorilla suit? When will I stop feeling awkward around other people drinking? When will ordering a soda & lime feel comfortable? When will glasses of wine proudly displayed by other people on Facebook stop hurting? When will every marketing image regarding alcohol not seem like a slap in the face (but rather a cynical ploy)?

When will my sleep improve? When will the weight fall off me? When will my relationships improve? When will all the drama around me end? When will I learn healthy boundaries? When will I feel strong in myself?

When will my self-esteem improve? When will my self-respect return? When will I feel proud of myself? When will I feel good?

When will I deal with stress in a productive way? When will I learn genuine relaxation techniques? When will my tears flow freely? When will I begin to feel healed?

When will I discover what truly makes me happy? When will I laugh freely from the bottom of my belly? When will I discover my true, authentic self?

When does sober become ordinary?


I can’t answer these questions for you. Your journey in sobriety will be as unique as mine has been, as unique as the journey of thousands of sober heroes that have gone before us.

But I promise you this. One by one you will be able to answer these questions for yourself. You will discover for yourself exactly when sober becomes YOUR new normal.

Because it will. Eventually it will.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. MaryLA 9 years ago

    Great topic, Mrs D. What I find at eight years sober is that I am still vigilant at times, especially when travelling or at social functions where others are drinking heavily, but on a daily basis I’m indifferent to alcohol. I don’t miss it or crave it, I don’t care if others drink or not. I prefer sober living and while I don’t want to ever forget why I needed to get sober, I’ve made great memories around sober experiences and can let go of the past. This is who I am now, alcohol-free and living the life I choose.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      Hi @sarno you can get the feeling of self-worth back and you can live a normal life. Yes you do have a hill to climb but there are many of us who are climbing it with you. Are you in the Members Feed? That’s where you can see a lot of the hour-by-hour interactions people are having with each other as they work hard to get sober. You have to register (apologies if you have already!) to get in there – it’s free and you can be anonymous – but that’s where the real gold happens. Also you can just lurk in there! You don’t have to interact if you’d rather not, although anything you post will get lovely replies. Hang in there, you can do this!! xxxx

    • Sarno 9 years ago

      hi mrs D I hope I can get the feel of self worth back and live a normal live it is only day one for me so got a huge hill to climb

  2. Freesia 9 years ago

    Thanks Lotta, I really liked that, I guess we just have to trust the process, not the timeframe 🙂 x

  3. Momentsofgrace 9 years ago

    Thank you Mrs D. I needed to read this today. xx

  4. Anonymous 9 years ago

    Mrs D I see you are coming to the south island to do a talk, is that just for a select group or can anyone come along?

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      Hi anonymous.. I am talking to 2 ‘Dinner Clubs’ in Timaru and Geraldine and I asked if they could accommodate extras but unfortunately they said they can’t … I was hoping I could put a shout out to anyone else who wanted to come along! I will let you know if any more talks come up.. hope you are doing ok anonymous wherever you are… are you registered here so you can get inside the Members Feed? Hope so because that is where lots of lovely supporting is going on. You can hide your identity if you like… xxxx

  5. KAM 9 years ago

    Thanks @Mrs D. I know it will become normal in time. It didn’t take 50 days for me to have a problem with alcohol and it wont take 50 days for me to be ok with not drinking. I’m trying to be patient…it does get very frustrating but I’m certainly grateful for the insight and encouragement that comes from.this site. I cant promise that I wont post another comment that asks the question, even if its just for conversation starters to help ease my vodka urges. But I will always keep in mind that everyone journey is different. Ive gotta grab this thing by the ears and take control of it in the best way I know how.

  6. Emily 9 years ago

    Great post! This resonates so deeply this morning as I just awoke thinking about sobriety both pre and post relapse. Before my relapse, I wondered so much. There were so many unknowns. Now, I know so much more. There are still a lot of questions. But, I know with 100% certainty sobriety is where I am supposed to be. It is my new normal and I would trade it for anything.

  7. Switchedon 9 years ago

    Thanks for this @Mrs-D – I am still laughing about the “hideous gorilla suit”!!?? Good description though. I just want to know when people will stop assuming everyone drinks!? I guess we just have to trust the process and be guided by wonderful people like you who have gone before us. 🙂 I would REALLY like to know when the weight will come off though. I am going to be a sober michelin woman shortly Guess it’s better than a drunk one. x

  8. one2many 9 years ago

    Great thought provoking post…I tend to get slices of the new normal sometimes without even realizing it which is a total blessing once I reflect at night .. tonight was a perfect example, I went to a high school hockey game tonight with an friend. In the past this would have meant many drinks before, during and after, but I didn’t really think about it much and in fact we both joked about how different the night would have been back in the day….not good and the next morning even worse. We had a great time with two of my sons and it was Normal and Ordinary! Simple blessings….take care everyone…

  9. thirstystill 9 years ago

    Lovely post, Mrs D. I agree with you. For all we have in common, we’re all different, too. But getting sober, after a while, does become ordinary. Sometime recently, I have experienced that myself. And what a truly glorious kind of ordinary it is! xo

  10. sweet-tea 9 years ago

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’m realizing that sobriety is much more complicated than simply stopping drinking. Glad I’m keeping a journal; going back makes me realize that I HAVE made progress after all.

    • gabbygirl14 9 years ago

      Isn’t that the truth @sweet-tea… sobriety is so much more than simply stopping drinking. There is so much shit that goes with it. Sorry I have been a moody mess. Today is day 2 of moody and day 149 sober. I NEED to keep a journal so I can write down when I am feeling GOOD!

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