Why self care is so important in sobriety

This guest post comes from writer and Mental Health Coach Paulette Crowley, who has been sober for 11 years. You can see her Sobriety Chat here and find her online at Good Health Coach. 

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Self care was a term I silently scoffed at when I was drinking. It made me think of wellness gurus, silent retreats, hot yoga, juice fasts and meditation. The latter in particular was grating – sitting still inside my mind was the opposite of what I was all about. I wanted to get out of my mind, and that’s where alcohol came in.

Booze forced my mind to slow down its racing, anxious thoughts and relax my aching body. It was my reward for working hard, my treat to celebrate with, my crutch to lean on when I was angry, lonely, bored and confused. It was the way I looked after myself – my self care, if you will.

It was always a faulty remedy though, what with brutal hangovers, increased anxiety and depression, bloating and zapped energy levels. Eventually, it stopped being my solution and became my problem.

Getting sober was a wonderful awakening but it also highlighted that I had no idea how to really take care of myself. Alcohol felt like it met my needs – it loved and nurtured me when I was sad, bad, mad, glad and everything in between. I still had those needs in early sobriety but now I also had a body that was exhausted, stressed, under-nourished and frankly, weak and damaged from years of heavy drinking.

It was time to start developing skills to meet my needs that didn’t include booze. That meant eating good food (no more cheese and crackers for dinner and greasy hangover food), drinking enough water, getting enough sleep (that wasn’t actually a coma), gently exercising regularly (not just on the rare occasion I wasn’t hung over), mitigating stress as much as possible (not easy when you’re a mum and business owner), and meeting my social needs without drinking copious amounts of rose.

At first, this was exhausting. It felt foreign, time consuming and difficult to build new skills, habits and neural pathways that needed to be stronger than my old self-destructive ways. I had to learn to sit with my feelings, listen to my body and be gentle with myself. I had to treat myself like a little kid, which included doing things like taking myself off for an afternoon nap, or speaking kindly to myself when I was slipping into overwhelming feelings.

It took time to even identify what my needs were. Was I hungry, or was I thirsty? Was that wine craving related to stress earlier in the day, or was I just lonely and bored? Was my constant tiredness from a lack of sleep or a low mood? Was my job right for me now that I was sober? Were my friends the best people for me to hang out with? Was it okay to go to bed every night at 7.30pm with snacks and watch Netflix?

Getting to know myself and my needs, and healthy ways that I could meet them, was a core part of getting sober and staying that way. I am still not a meditator - that monkey brain can still dial up to 10 - but these days I make an effort to do things mindfully. That could look like leaving my headphones off during a walk, or eating a meal without being on my phone. I haven’t gotten anywhere close to juice fasting but I do try to get my fruit and veges in most days (and always make room for some ice cream and chocolate). I avoid overscheduling myself and being in environments that overstimulate me and stress me out. I try to get enough sleep but have embraced naps as the saviour that they are to my energy and mood.

It’s all a balance and it’s always changing but these days, I do have the skills to take care of myself far better than any bottle of wine ever could. But by far the most important self-care skills I have developed are a love for myself and a genuine curiosity for what I really need. That’s a far cry from the lonely, sick and unhappy woman I was when I was drinking, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.