Sober Story: Jo

December 27th, 2024 Interviews

This week's Sober Story comes from Jo, a 62-year-old living in Pennsylvania, USA.

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Mrs D: How long have you been in recovery?

Jo: 3 Years

Mrs D: What can you tell us about the last months/years of your drinking before you gave up?

Jo: I believe that wine comes in a single serving container and I followed the rules that women should limit their alcohol to one serving a day. (This was pretty much my way of life, give or take, for 30+ years.)

Mrs D: What was the final straw that led you to get sober?

Jo: I was tired of not sleeping through the night and waking up with headaches every day. I was no longer productive as I spent most of my time berating myself for feeling like crap.

Mrs D: How was it for you in the early days? What was most difficult?

Jo: At the time I quit I had not gone longer than 2 days without a drink since I was in my mid 20’s. It was really hard to break the automatic habits of opening a wine first thing when the work day was done. Having a wine with dinner. Making sure there was wine served at the restaurant we were going to. Those things you do without thinking.

Mrs D: What tool or tools did you use to help you?

Jo: This site was my main tool. I used tips and tricks from members. Read some books, got into a few podcasts, and mostly asked a lot of questions from people who had been here before and relied on them to show me the holes in the road before I fell into them. The books and podcasts that helped me the most were the science ones that helped me understand what alcohol does to your body and what was happening to me as my body was not getting it any more.

Mrs D: What reaction did you get from family & friends when you started getting sober?

Jo: From my friends I mostly got “What? Do you think you have a problem?” I did get some curious questions from people who I believe were questing their own journey. Mostly positive.

Mrs D: Have you ever experienced a relapse?

Jo: So far I have not, but I know that if I am not vigilant that could happen and I really, really, really love my life without, so I am working hard not to make that happen.

Mrs D: How long did it take for things to start to calm down for you emotionally & physically?

Jo: Physically it took about 2 months? And that was mostly getting new sleep patterns, dealing with changes in anxiety, and exhaustion. Emotionally it was probably a year to find and build tools to change my habits and learn how to talk about it.

Mrs D: How hard was it getting used to socialising sober?

Jo: That was not an issue for me. My husband and I would split duties of designated driver so there were times I didn’t drink when we were out with friends. I also never drank if we were going to the theater or events I didn’t want to fall asleep LOL. Usually, no matter what time we got home I would sit down with a glass of wine or two before bed.

Mrs D: Was there anything surprising that you learned about yourself when you stopped drinking?

Jo: OMG! So much! I used to have a lot of anxiety which is now pretty much gone. I have much more confidence in myself. Because I’m sober in the evening I have started reading a lot more fiction before bed which I am so enjoying. I’m also re-watching movies and television shows that I have no recollection of seeing before!

Mrs D: How did your life change?

Jo: So many ways! I am so much more confident in myself. I am starting a new career at 62! It’s like all of that energy it took for me to berate myself for how much I drank is now available for more positive things.

Mrs D: What are the main benefits that emerged for you from getting sober?

Jo: Confidence in myself. My anxiety level has dropped to almost zero. I sleep through the night. I don’t wake up with headaches. When I am traveling or when I’m meeting new people I don’t have to worry if they are making arrangements at a restaurant without nice wine. The list is endless.

Mrs D: Would you do anything differently given the chance to go through the process again?

Jo: I started to quietly question my drinking a very long time ago and made so many excuses for myself. I didn’t share this with anyone. I really wish I would have listened to that little voice in my head way back when. But I didn’t . . . and here we are. We have to start somewhere.

Mrs D: What advice or tips would you have for those who are just starting on this journey?

Jo: Just do it. If you are questioning your use, there is probably an issue. From the outside, and from all of the AA check boxes, I did not fit into the alcoholics mode. However, it was a burden for me and my life. I spent years wondering if it was a problem and relied on others to tell me “Oh no, you’re fine!” I wasn’t fine. Trust your instincts. And when you're ready to give it up make sure you find the support that works for you. There are so many different avenues. You need to find the one that works for you. It may mean trying on a few different things. But there is something out there. You absolutely need support and tools to get through. While I don’t log into this site daily, I still use it as I need it. I feel sort of bad like it’s a one-way, transactional relationship. But that’s how it works best for me.

Mrs D: Anything else you'd like to share?

Jo: This may not be a popular opinion, but my observation has been that people who start out of the gate with a big bang are the ones who usually don't succeed. I think you need to face this with a bit of humility. It’s a big change. It’s a change mentally, emotionally, physically . . . and it affects people around you. There are a lot of moving parts. I think it’s good to face the demon with a bit of spunk, but you also need some humility to know that it’s bigger than you . . . until it isn’t.

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