All that effort…

Boy I did use to put a lot of effort into being a booze-pig. So much time and energy spent planning my drinks, buying my drinks, drinking my drinks, and recovering from my drinks.

On top of all the effort into my alcohol habit I also put a lot of effort into running the rest of my life. I ran a household, managed my relationships, work, study – I did it all. But of course everything was made a little bit harder because of the drinking.

All that effort drinking. All that effort recovering from drinking. All that effort managing everything else while drinking and recovering from drinking. Makes me exhausted just thinking about it.

@mac007 said the same thing in the Members Feed this morning. “It does take huge effort and strength on your behalf to make things happen. But we have to remember the effort we put into our every day life to drink. The planning, the gathering, the every minute thinking about it, the timing of moments, the secret squirrel missions to accomplish a moment to drink, the times we stopped our life and chosen to drink instead. The wasted days, holidays, years when they were washed away down our throats and never to be retrieved again. That all took a tremendous amount of effort…..”

But what does this show? It shows what we’re capable of. We’ve got superhuman abilities! If we choose to we can do anything. All is takes is a transferring of our efforts.

Work at your sobriety like your life depends on it (it does). Put the same amount of effort into getting sober as you did boozing. Put this same effort into staying sober as you did holding down your life while you boozed. Think about it, plan it, practice it, manage it. At first it really does need to take almost all of your energies. But as time goes on it will require way less effort (although you can never take your eye off it completely).

And always keep in mind a very clear picture about why you are making this switch, why you are transferring your energies into something else. Why you are digging deep to become the best version of yourself that you can be.

Because booze is shit, that’s why. And all the cool people are sober nowadays.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. Anonymous 7 years ago

    I too loved wine o’clock. Always one bottle a night beginning with dinner prep and finishing with me eating maybe. Isolating myself from people because of all the shame and guilt. Thinking I was hilarious and sparkly but really I became my evil twin sister whom it turns out no one likes.
    Now my marriage is over and I have no one to blame but myself. So grieving for my relationship and so so sad. But not drinking early days but Not Drinking. Walking dogs, changing furniture around, super cleaning everything, even painting the interior of the house, anything to keep busy and to make myself feel like I am worthwhile. Love this site, thanks for reading and giving me hope xx

  2. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Hey yes I have because my anxiety is horrible. I think for some of us, we may have to until our brain gets adjusted – which can take a year. Weve been relying on alcohol for a long time for peace. Exercise, just simply walk, cry, whatever. But do not drink. We have to get far far away from that place or else we will never escape. Love you!

  3. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Keep reading blogs!! Every night read read read! The longer u go without alcohol the easier it gets.

  4. Angela Ryan 7 years ago

    I have stumbled onto this website in desperation to do something about my drinking. So many familiar stories. I’m only day 3 and have tried “curbing” but as we all know this just doesn’t work. I have been drinking pretty much my whole adult life bar when I was pregnant. And now I’m close to turning 50. Right now I’m also nursing possible heartbreak due to another binge episode and no filter on what I say…..frightening what comes out after too many. It’s time……..This site has already helped and gives me so much hope. I feel like I’m at the bottom of a very steep hill but am determined to get to the top.

  5. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Hi I’ve just registered and hoping to either reduce or give up drinking all together. I drink 7 days a week probabaly a bottle of wine a night and only ever not have a drink unless I’m sick. I’ve known I have a problem for a while but choose to ignore it telling myself I deserve a drink and can stop at any time. A lovely friend has introduced me to this site for support. Im tired of feeling sluggish and not in control ? I have also noticed my memory isn’t as sharp as it use to be …. I need now to decide when I will take the plunge as it’s huge admitting I have a problem .

    • Lucy 7 years ago

      Hi nice to meet you.. My memory is so bad after years of alcohol abuse and you’ve made a huge brave step admitting you have a problem,, keep going I drank every day and night for a very long time, had a few months off. tried AA it’s good but not for me, can help lots of people though.. this site works wonders for me.. keep in touch. xxxlove Luce

  6. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Hi Lucy 🙂 Today is Day 10 for me as well, good on you! I know it’s early days but is still feels like a small victory. Have had many breaks from drinking before but now I am trying indefinitely. So sick of managing, moderating, checking, rationalising – I’ve had enough. This is my first time on such a blog, feels supportive already, thank you.

  7. Lucy 7 years ago

    thank your share is so very much like my drinking days.. I was always looking and thinking for the next drink.. and I shared today about my best holidays were the sober ones.. so much time and energy wasted with years of boozing and causing chaos on family holidays. I will always be keeping my eye and working hard at my sobriety every time I didn’t I drank again.. so it’s a big life change for me… a much better one.. xx

  8. Disappointedinme 7 years ago

    I just felt like I read my own story … feel relieved that I’m not alone. Just joined and hoping I can get out of the hell. This morning was terrible – just as so many mornings

    • Lucy 7 years ago

      Hi it does get better stick with us.. in a few days you’ll start to feel more alive. I’m on day 10 so still early days for me.. look after yourself it’s really worth being sober.. x

    • Gracebyfaith 7 years ago

      Mine was too this morning but today is a new day. Starting my 100 day challenge. I just joined this group and didn’t feel so lonely in my shame anymore. We all share or shared the same hell. Don’t give up!

      • Disappointedinm 7 years ago

        I surprised to se so many women here and the descriptions of how the alcohol has a grip of us, all the planning, hiding and strategising that goes on – the loathing one-self – the puking , diarrhoea and even falling about … i mean how “gracious” is that . I am doing this alone – cannot face talking to my husband (an enabler) or kids or anybody about this … so I hope I am string enough to do this … this is day 1

  9. Anonymous 7 years ago

    Hi! I am new here (on the blog and on this new journey of living a sober life). Mrs D ..oh how do I enjoy reading you..I think even if I was not alcoholic (..oups..did I say it really ?..) I’d keep reading your blog. If you ever worry that you might now be a boring sober woman, trust me, you are far from that. You are hilarious and so brutally honest. (I consider myself as a particularly witty, intelligent and freaking funny woman so you can value my compliment! ) Now, enough about you..Let’s get to what matters here: me !
    I am French (oh the beautiful French culture..the marvellous country where they all start drinking at the age of 3 and keep drinking moderately and with dignity and class for the rest of their lives. oh and also they live long, the French, because red wine has proven medical vertues..yeah right), living in Switzerland, married to a great guy who has never had more than 2 beers in a row (3 on his wild days!) and last but not least mother of 3 fantastic kids who now know that I’ve been drinking alone in my kitchen every single night while preparing their dinner. Needless to say I am not very proud. When I was 20 I was anorexic, I turned 40 and became alcoholic. What the f.. will I be when I reach 60? It’s gotta be something in “ic” ! Hopefully it’ll be fantadtic…After having set many different rules and never adhered to any of them, I’ve decided to stop drinking totally. I was lying, mostly to myself, thinking oh come on, I am a good mom, a good wife, dinner’s on the table, I had a long day, I deserve a drink. you all know, the key word here is “a”..because I used not to have “a” drink but 6 or 7. and for god sake, I was just killing myself slowly. I have been a week sober now. Only 7 tiny days. But you know what? It wasn’t hard at all. I take daily a pill to reduce my cravings. I am not sure it helps but so far, although I think of wine (“oh it’s 5pm, I am not drinking, huh, interesting..” kind of thoughts) in the evening, I neither want wine, nor need wine. Has any of you tried any medication of that kind? I have to go now but I guess I’ll be back on this blog. Thank you again Mrs D for sharing. Keep up the good work. Dee

    • Barbara 7 years ago

      Hi. I, too, did the nightly drinking. A glass of wine before starting to cook dinner, drank while I cooked, a glass at dinner and kept going until the bottle was gone. I have 2 kids in college and one at in high school. I was married to a man that drinks too much, and one reason I left him was because i thought he was an alcoholic! Through the sadness of my separation and divorce i ramped up my own wine intake and it became a habit. I’ve been fooling myself that it’s not a problem. It’s hard not to feel lonely when everyone around in me in this small town has intact families – I feel like an oddity who screwed up my kids lives by getting divorced. I will be 49 this year and I have had too many WTF moments about booze. I have romanticized it for far too long. Anyway, nice to see you on here. It’s nice to know there’s so many people with similar situations.

    • wanttoliveanewway 7 years ago

      What are you taking to reduce cravings?

    • Smokey1 7 years ago

      I am sober 3 weeks. I am on anti anxiety medication which decreased my craving for alcohol. I’m not sure if that answers your question Dee. I too drank while making dinner, but I really drank because I was lonely. I also drank because of social anxiety and depression. Everything I read says there has to be active work in order to stay sober. Read as many books as you can on alcoholism, listen to podcasts, go to meetings or follow the book 30,60 or 90 days to get sober by Jack Canfield. I exercise on a routine basis now, have started yoga and taken meditation classes. If you can’t get out of the house buy dvd’s ( I couldn’t when my children were young). Good luck

  10. JanB 7 years ago

    Excellent recap of drinking and the benefit of transferring that same amount of time/energy/focus into NOT drinking. To all who are struggling…read every one of these words from Mrs D slowly and out loud to yourself. Put your mind to be the winner of this epic battle in front of you. Change your mind, Change your life! You CAN do this! xoxo

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