Acceptance …. tinged with kindness…

I’ve been doing this new thing in regards to my emotions. Lately I’ve been finding that I’m not only accepting my tough emotions (stress, anxiety, glumness etc).. but I’m responding to them with some kindness.

It’s hard to explain this because it’s quite subtle and seemingly minor but it’s a very delicate shift in my thinking and attitude toward my tricky emotions.

Bearing in mind that when I am feeling these tricky emotions I am GRUMPY and STRESSED and PISSED OFF and MOODY and GLUM and ANGSTY (sometimes one of these at a time, sometimes more!).

Point being I’m in a shit and not feeling great.

And when I first got sober I’d just feel these emotions really keenly and hate them and rail against them and be a bit of a mess internally (and sometimes externally – sorry family!) and reach for crap food or whatever.

And after a while of being sober I’d still feel these shitty emotions (obviously, because life’s like that) but I wouldn’t rail so strongly against them. I’d still be GRUMPY STRESSED PISSED OFF MODDY GLUM and ANGSTY but I would be better at controlling myself and I’d sort of accept them for what they were and know they’d go eventually.

But lately I’ve had a new little feeling creep into my brain when I’m in these moods. Kindness. Kindness towards myself that I am feeling this way.

It’s very subtle but it’s lovely. It’s compassion. I don’t try to rationalise or justify or explain away or anything quite so much. I just feel the SHITTY HORRIBLE MOOD but also feel kindly towards myself for feeling in a funk. I have compassion towards myself for whatever events have generated this mood. I don’t try to minimise it or make it go away, nor do I deny it and tell myself it doesn’t matter and I should harden up.

I accept it and I feel some kindness towards myself. This is some deep self-care shit going on inside me and I dig it.

Maybe this is because of the mindfulness work that I’ve been doing (am blogging about it here) … and in particular one of the audios that come freely with this book called ‘Befriending’. You can listen to it free here – it’s number 7. Listen to it once a day for a week and see if it makes a difference to you like it did to me.

I hope it does. Because while it is a very small – almost imperceptible – shift, it is very nice and calming.

Fascinating things brains, aren’t they?

Love, Mrs D xxx

P.S. Try it. Try just it….

9 Comments
  1. robbz 5 years ago

    Yes thank you. My next 100 days are going to be a focus on mindfulness. Think I expected it to all happen by now (or at least overnight on day 1 lol) it sure is a journey and one I am happy I am now on

  2. Gilbert 5 years ago

    Thanks for the link.I love this and I think I am doing something similar.Mindfulness creeping in and making me an all round better person.Less likely to fly off the handle.Able to be more patient with myself and others.Seeing a bigger picture.I think I was running around like a chook with it’s head cut off before.

  3. gabbygirl14 5 years ago

    @Mrs D that post could not be any more perfect for me today. It was EXACTLY what I needed to read. I am WAY too hard on myself and it needs to STOP NOW!!!! Thank you for always saying exactly the more PERFECT thing!!!! Sober 197 days today… Thanks to YOU @Mrs. D and Belle!!!!!!! I do not know what I would have done if I had not found you both. Well… actually I do but we won’t go there. You are angels from above!!!!

  4. J.C. 5 years ago

    Thanks Mrs. D. This is just what I needed today! I have been very harsh with myself, especially so it seems after getting sober. I guess trying to make up for all the lost and pissed away time. And that approach isn’t working so well, all I’m getting out of it is anxiety, stress, irritability and depression. I guess it never occurred to me to actually be gentle with myself, that I am enough, that I’m doing enough for now. Pretty elementary but thanks for helping to see it. I’m going to check out your mindfulness journey. thanks again .

  5. MaryLA 5 years ago

    That is such a helpful shift — I have a similar approach which I think of as gentling down. For some years I worked with a therapist who was also a practitioner of Theravada Buddhism. She would ask me when I was stuck if I could be patient with myself. Sometimes I could, sometimes not. She’d suggest I try to simply be gentle and accepting with what was going on.

    And then she’d suggest I work to develop a little curiosity about the stuckness, just stand back enough to be curious about my own process, as a kindhearted friend might be. That shifted the energy in small but crucial ways.

    Just to say too that I really like your new blog MrsD! Once I’ve caught up with work deadlines I want to spend more time there.

  6. Momentsofgrace 5 years ago

    I agree @Mrs-D – any lasting change I’ve ever made in my life has been because I approached myself with kindness. Telling yourself to harden up and just get-over-it only works for so long before you crumble under the weight of pressure and shame.

  7. QuietlyDone 5 years ago

    Grumpy, Stressed, Pissed Off, Moody, Glum, and Angsty? You need one more to have the seven dwarves of tricky emotions! I am so enjoying following along with you on your discovery of mindfulness, once again, you are a bit ahead, leading the way. Great post, thanks!

  8. sophia2 5 years ago

    Lovely post. @MrsD. You are right. Just go with flow knowing that all things will pass and be kind to yourself. Well said.

  9. wanttoliveanewway 5 years ago

    Thank you for this 🙂

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.

Licensed by NZ Drug Foundation under Creative Commons 4.0 2020. Built by Bamboo Creative and powered by Flywheel.

Forgot your details?

Create Account