I’ve been doing this new thing in regards to my emotions. Lately I’ve been finding that I’m not only accepting my tough emotions (stress, anxiety, glumness etc).. but I’m responding to them with some kindness.
It’s hard to explain this because it’s quite subtle and seemingly minor but it’s a very delicate shift in my thinking and attitude toward my tricky emotions.
Bearing in mind that when I am feeling these tricky emotions I am GRUMPY and STRESSED and PISSED OFF and MOODY and GLUM and ANGSTY (sometimes one of these at a time, sometimes more!).
Point being I’m in a shit and not feeling great.
And when I first got sober I’d just feel these emotions really keenly and hate them and rail against them and be a bit of a mess internally (and sometimes externally – sorry family!) and reach for crap food or whatever.
And after a while of being sober I’d still feel these shitty emotions (obviously, because life’s like that) but I wouldn’t rail so strongly against them. I’d still be GRUMPY STRESSED PISSED OFF MODDY GLUM and ANGSTY but I would be better at controlling myself and I’d sort of accept them for what they were and know they’d go eventually.
But lately I’ve had a new little feeling creep into my brain when I’m in these moods. Kindness. Kindness towards myself that I am feeling this way.
It’s very subtle but it’s lovely. It’s compassion. I don’t try to rationalise or justify or explain away or anything quite so much. I just feel the SHITTY HORRIBLE MOOD but also feel kindly towards myself for feeling in a funk. I have compassion towards myself for whatever events have generated this mood. I don’t try to minimise it or make it go away, nor do I deny it and tell myself it doesn’t matter and I should harden up.
I accept it and I feel some kindness towards myself. This is some deep self-care shit going on inside me and I dig it.
Maybe this is because of the mindfulness work that I’ve been doing (am blogging about it here) … and in particular one of the audios that come freely with this book called ‘Befriending’. You can listen to it free here – it’s number 7. Listen to it once a day for a week and see if it makes a difference to you like it did to me.
I hope it does. Because while it is a very small – almost imperceptible – shift, it is very nice and calming.
Fascinating things brains, aren’t they?
Love, Mrs D xxx
P.S. Try it. Try just it….