We didn’t know we were missing…

puzzle with piece out of place

Someone wrote in the Members Feed recently; "this sober lark is just the best thing ever". These sorts of statements are always fantastic to hear - especially for new members who are in the early days of giving up. It's so beneficial when you are grinding your way through the hard early days to hear from longer-term members how good life can get when living alcohol-free becomes more the norm.

The same person then went on to write something that really interested me. They wrote; "On this journey we have found ourselves, but we didn’t even know we were missing til we gave up this booze."

We didn't even know we were missing until we gave up the booze.

I absolutely love this sentiment. It sums up brilliantly the overarching feeling I have that only since I stopped drinking alcohol have I truly connected with myself, grown to understand my emotional landscape, properly settled into and appreciated my tiny place in the world, and properly opened my eyes to all the people around me.

And what is still so incredibly fascinating to me is that I had no clue I was missing these things until I discovered them.

How could I possibly know when I had deprived myself of a certain way of living - through my heavy, steady wine habit - all of my adult life.

I didn't know what I was missing because I'd never experienced it. I'd never experienced any lengthy periods of time not bending my brain with booze. I drank alcohol regularly from the age of 15 to the age of 39.

I'd never dealt with any significant emotional event without turning to alcohol. I just drank all the time. And as a result I constantly interfered with my thinking and my brain chemistry.

Only after I took alcohol away and did a shitload of work to relearning how to live with no brain bending ever ... and only after having ground my way through numerous difficult emotional situations without numbing, escaping or avoiding ... did I realise what I was missing all along.

That sense of being truly alive. Of being a fully realised, grounded and robust human being. Of being me. Me in all my raw, sober glory.

So hang in there if you are in the tough early stages, and trust that there are wonderful discoveries around th corner. Chances are you're currently missing things that you don't even realise are gone

Eventually it all just falls into place and you too will look back and with gratitude.

Yes you will.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. Jeanie 3 years ago

    3 weeks no booze. Definitely enjoying the freedom from hangovers. I was having terribly upset stomachs, headaches, etc. I finally had enough. After my final hangover subsided every second has been an improvement. Better sleep, better appetite, better hydration. The first week there were some cravings, and I ate like a fiend! I think my body was adjusting from existing on alcohol calories rather than food calories. Sorry to be TMI, but I also had a day where I just couldn’t stop eliminating. It was like my system was purging. At this point the sugar and carb cravings have subsided, and things seem to be leveling off. My appetite has decreased, and I’m tryin to eat well, with occasional treats. I haven’t weighed myself, but I know I’m slimmer by how things are fitting. I just love waking up not feeling sick, and knows it could have totally have been prevented! Every morning I just lay in bed for a few moments and reflect on that. Then I get up, use the potty like a normal person (not one who’s ill and has a lurching stomach!) and enjoy a lovely cup of coffee (or two!) I’m doing this right now as I contemplate the rest of this Saturday, feeling happy and content, even if it’s just getting the house tidied and some paperwork done, and FaceTiming my granddaughter, and enjoying dinner and maybe a movie later. All while not trying to pretend I don’t feel like crap! Because I don’t! It’s Fourth of July weekend, and I just want to eat! And wake up the next day ready to read the drunk tales online, and grateful not to be one of them!

  2. Finallyfreetobeme 3 years ago

    I really enjoyed this post Mrs. D. Inspiring as ever, thank you. At this point in my journey (2 months AF) I am particularly interested in how alcohol has affected my brain. How has it changed who I am? Does it account for my oversensitivity and insecurity with my partner? No wonder he seems wary at the moment. Who can blame him? I want to understand more. Information is power. Can you recommend any resources on this particular subject. Thank you for creating this space. I am grateful x

  3. Atawhai 3 years ago

    Calmness, peace of mind, appropriate actions, appropriate emotions. Feeling real emotions at all. Non drinkers have felt like this all their lives. Thank you.

  4. Fantail74 3 years ago

    This is so true. Someone said to me the other day, that I’m looking so calm and relaxed. I’ve missed that feeling of being calm.

  5. johatnn 3 years ago

    Yes, indeed! So happy to be fully present and connected to who I really am. Alcohol has nothing to offer.

  6. Daisy70 3 years ago

    This is so true MrsD. Thank you for bringing my attention to this beautiful fact: my true connection with myself. Not always easy but always rewarding .

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