Managing Feelings

A big part of getting sober is learning how to deal with our emotions. This Sober Toolbox is a space for sharing tips and techniques for how to deal with emotional pain or stress. If you're looking for more discussion, interactions and feedback, head inside our Members Feed. That's where the real-time conversations take place.

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  1. LizzieL 3 weeks ago

    Hi having relapsed after 3 years alcohol free, am now on day 10, 2nd time around. Really recommend book ‘Mrs D is going without by lotte damm. Is my bible. “The problem isn’t me. The problem is the alcohol. Take the alcohol away and the problem goes away”. Has been my mantra last 10 days. And also some people can take or leave alcohol.. no big deal for them
    But I’m not one of those people. Wishing us all alcohol-free success 🙂

  2. La la 4 weeks ago

    I cannot shift the feelings qnd thoughts of being an absolutely shite human being whilst sober. Sober for 3 weeks. I have no patience. Im rude with family and friends. I am saying nasty comments as if i am gods gift. I wouldnt be my friend. I would tell me to shut up and wind my neck back in.
    Is this just my personality underneath the booze?
    Or is this something that will pass?

    I was such a chirpy happy go lucky, inspiring, motivating drunk…… doesnt make sense to be sober with my current new self

  3. Ron 3 months ago

    Day one of connection to this website and you all seem so strong!
    Got asked by d&a councillor today when was the last time I didn’t have a drink or drug and I can’t remember…..
    got forced out of my own business on Tuesday after drinking a half a bottle of vodka before we opened the door. Don’t remember that and swore on my kids lives that I hadn’t had a drink…. can’t remember talking to d&a boss when he rang me either though so guess it was me that drank it.
    Managed to sneak a drink in today while on a mission for work.
    Sick of this shit to be honest!
    Thought I was stronger than this. Seems I’m not.

  4. Felidae55 3 months ago

    I’m a month sober tomorrow, and one thing that has been helping me stay on track, is the ‘fast forward’. When the drinking a glass of wine pops into my head, I fast forward towards the inevitable. Waking up, sore from falling over, embarrassed, checking my phone to see if I drunk posted. Right now, my sense of being ‘good’ is helping me too. After a lifetime of feeling shameful and wrong, it’s a feeling I am so loving. Seeing my family happier is a huge help too. The podcast Sober Awkward is also EPIC! Funny, truthful, and not afraid of the grubby reality of life on the booze side.

  5. SarahQ 3 months ago

    Life of a binge drinker… today is day one, I’m out of control & it’s impacting every day life and relationships. Last night major blackout, not the first time but it is the first time reaching out for help. Can not continue like this anymore!

    • Felidae55 3 months ago

      I’m with you. I’ve been so fearful of stopping drinking, as I didn’t know how I would get that instant feeling of calm. My day 1 started when I woke up, so sore after having fallen off my bike. Worse, my 14 year old was seeing everything, and my out of control behaviour was keeping them in a dark and unstable place. Right now, I’m doing ok. I feel VERY in control, which is a brand new feeling, and kind of righteous too. I got so sick of being the bad one. Now I’m feeling saint like! Hope you are doing ok.

    • Thelma 3 months ago

      Ahhhhhh, I hear you loud and clear Sarah. I’ve been drinking to the point of falling over and hurting myself, but having zero memory of it…I’m scared, hurting inside and lost. Was hoping this site might help 🙏

  6. Mamabear 5 months ago

    I drink when I am happy, sad, stressed or as the sun is shining

    • Thelma 3 months ago

      Me too. Would love to be able to control it.

  7. Fish2603 6 months ago

    I’m in pain constantly from ongoing back issues, I have focal aware epilepsy and on medication daily which gives me anxiety and depression, and I still have auras. I am in constant threat of this getting worse which could ruin my life completely, causing me to lose my license, my job, and hence everything, including possibly the ability to pick up my kids, take them to school etc, hence custody. The ability to work, pay my mortgage, bills and live my life.

    I have issues sleeping because of the pain and anxiety and am constantly on edge causing issues in my relationship.

    I am just over it, bordering and beyond bordering suicidal thoughts almost daily. So very tired. So sick of taking panadol and ibuprofen to try and not be in pain daily. Wondering if this is what life is like now, as I get older this is just going to get worse and worse. Tired of talking about it, burdening people with my problems, which don’t go away anyway. Just so tired.

  8. Buggles 7 months ago

    After 8 days of medically detoxing, I never want to do that again. I’m still on meds to curb the tremors.
    My cravings drive me insane, but I have the most amazing partner who is stopping drink in support of me. I have photographed myself everyday during my recovery as looking back on day one picture confirms my decision to stop drinking. I listen to audio books by recovering alcoholics and reach out to my support networks including my doctor when things get tough.

  9. Nicknacker 8 months ago

    Over night I lost the plot. My withdrawal symptoms were so bad I took lorazepam which did nothing. Swore and declared to my husband I would not drink today. Too late. I feel so guilty but the power of the inner addict has taken over today. It’s just awful being in this dilemma! 😭 I even tried to throw everything back up. I’m so sad I’m not sure what to do. I wanted to go to hospital and I was worried about suicidal thoughts. There is something underlying this behaviour but I can’t work out what it is! Feel so worthless and alone.

  10. jamie111 9 months ago

    Had a real good day today 4 days sober first 2 days were hard but had family support day 4 today was the hardest been a Friday. I managed to get straight home help the wife with kids and went for a run! Was the best thing ever felt so much better. I ran until I pretty much fell over pushing all my anger and emotions out. Feeling real good. Hope things carry on like this!

  11. gumbootz 10 months ago

    Got wasted lastnight. Friday night ritual since my Father passed in September this year… managed to wait til Friday… after the funeral it was a nightly occasion. Go to work, come home and numb the emotions. Partner of 3 years left by the end of the month. Couldn’t stand being around me anymore. I couldn’t look after myself, so I couldn’t look after him. So, had a month of masking. Dragging myself to work, floating through the day like it was a blur. To come home and drink again. Finding pills to make myself sleep. Ex partner had a stash after he left that he never took with him. So those helped with the numbing. Until they ran out.
    Stopped for a week coz I could see my world fading away. And Mon to Fri I can function without drinking. Forced myself to stop…
    Come Monday, I’d tell myself I won’t do it again next weekend. But it keeps happening. Every Friday. Drinking, crying… drinking to forever… waking up and doing it again… trying to hurt myself and absolutely hating myself. I get suicidal thoughts. I cry and it feels like my heart is physically aching… Falling asleep downstairs on a couch in a mess of alcohol. Even started trying weed more.

    I want to kick this shit out of my life.
    I want to function.
    Its just sooo hard with all the emotional stress. I have triggers and its an internal battle I have at the loss of my Dad. Thats a whole story… and then the relationship break up. He will message me and trigger me… because I let him. Because I cant let go. I need to let it go. He didn’t choose to stay when I needed him most… and I’ve never once thought of leaving him through his shit. Thats also a whole other story too.
    Writing this helps. When im putting action to my words… making small steps… I know ill achieve my goals.
    I always do… its just never been this hard. I have always been the strong one helping everyone else.
    I’m the only person who can fix this. One day at a time. This is day 1 xx

    • Ronica 4 months ago

      Hey Gumbootz – day 1 for me too… you’re not alone.

    • wanttonotwantit 9 months ago

      Hey Gumbootz
      How are you doing today?
      You sure have a lot of emotional things going on.
      I agree that having this safe place to write it out is very helpful for me as well. I do need to find an accountability partner.
      Not today wine….not today.

  12. sibby 10 months ago

    I have trouble with being irritated and since I got sober I like being alone more. But I know the world doesn’t change for me and I gotta get out there so when I do become irritable, usually with others, I try to stop thinking of myself and tell my ego voice to back off. Laughing at myself can help too !

  13. Chas 11 months ago

    Hi, I’m new to this site. I’m facing another Day 1 after going on a bender. I couldn’t even get up for work. I feel so much regret and anger towards myself. I feel weak and like I keep letting alcohol overtake my life. I want it to officially end. No more Day 1’s. It’s becoming like a reoccurring nightmare and it keeps having bigger negative impacts on my life. It’s so frustrating that something so damaging could be so persuasive.

    • grayman 6 months ago

      Hey mate, same here a couple of nights ago. So I do kinda understand where you’re at, brother.
      1 step at a time, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, OK?
      We got this!
      cheers, Graeme

    • sibby 10 months ago

      Hi Chas. Just reaching out is a strength. Minute by minute hour by hour until day one is over.

  14. Justloveisnotenough 1 year ago

    I am not an alcoholic but my partner is and I would like to share my feelings about how it feels like to be with an alcoholic.

    I am 30 years old and am with my partner for the last 13 years and it’s been 4 years of marriage. I never knew that he is going to drink every day and not just a couple of drinks but till he is drunk enough to sleep. I am a very ambitious person and I have had a lot of dreams to achieve all that I wanted from life was his support. I used to think that he loves me a lot and we will have a very happy life but the reality is LIFE IS HAPPY TILL HE IS DRINKING and I just nod my head for every yes he says. If I put forward my opinion then there are two possibilities either he will straightway say NO or he will counterattack with so many questions that we will end up in a fight. I feel so helpless somedays, and somedays I just make peace with life for how it is. My schedule is to Get up go to work and then go back home, watch him drinking and do all the household work cook, wash, clean, prep for the morning, and then an argumentative night. I don’t know how many sleepless nights I have spent because he comes asleep and snores straightway. We live in a one-bedroom house and I have no space to run away or sit in peace neither I want to trouble the relationship but I am done with the sufferings. I am suffering from anxiety, stress, and depression. I have started blaming myself for his habits and behavior. I am tired of crying and expressing myself in front of him, begging him not to drink every day, and all that he does is listen to it for a while and then give a fuck to it and start drinking every evening.

    I feel like I am going into the dark every day
    I have no moral support and no one to talk to
    If he will come to know that I am talking to some about this then he fights and make me feel like I am harming his social image.
    I want to learn, do some activities, study, work more but all that I am ending up in my time is just doing the household work after my job. I have no support at all. He doesn’t even pick up his drink and glass once he finishes in the night. When I go back home I clean the mess from the previous night and gives him a clean table to mess again. I am really tired of life. Life sucks when you’re living with an aimless person who has no ambition and is happy if he can earn enough to drink. I feel shameful going out in society as he is always the last one at the table just drinking.
    My work is suffering, I have severe migraines, I need proper sleep but no one gives a shit about it. I am tired of pushing him, helping him to float somehow and the truth is I am sinking myself. If I tell him that I am in pain, fever, or whatever all that he does is it ok, you will be alright. It’s not normal to have high blood pressure, anxiety, pain in the left arm and chest, severe migraines at the age of 30. I just want to quit, quit with life.

    Tired of crying, wiping my own tears, motivating myself, and then crying again when he makes sure that all my efforts are going in a shithole.

    Leaving him is not a solution, Is there is anything else I can do other than just dragging life like this or quit from life? My chest pain has started while writing this I hope you guys can understand how hard life is……

    • Mollymo 7 months ago

      Hey Justloveisnotenough.
      I am brand new to this site, I don’t know if I’m allowed to do this, but Al-Anon is a 12 step program for friends and family of alcoholics. Lots of Zoom groups these days, Google it maybe!
      I am sorry for your predicament.

    • Mrs D 1 year ago

      we absolutely can understand how hard life is.. and your situation sounds really tough – my heart goes out to you. I would highly recommend that you join our community (it’s an easy two-step process, you just put in your email and choose an anonymous username, then you’ll get an email confirmation with a link to confirm your membership, easy!).. once you are a member you get inside our Members Feed which is our community area where people talk to each other in kind, understanding and very non-judgemental ways. I think you’d really benefit from talking to people in there about your situation. Go well xx

    • Frances34 1 year ago

      Hey @loveisnotenough I am so sorry to read of all you are going through. Please hang in there. It sounds like you need some real support – perhaps your husband isn’t well placed to offer that to you right now but it is still so important. you are valuable. I’m not sure what country you are in, but Al-Anon is a really good place to start – it is for those who love/are in relationships with those with alcohol problems, and you should find a lot of people who can relate to your experience in those groups.

  15. Rhonda75 1 year ago

    I’ve been free of alcohol since January 1, 2021. It’s a great feeling but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Because it is not….it’s summer here in Canada and I’m reminded of what the summer meant to me….it meant a cold drink usually beer after work and at the beach. Damn hard. I’m married to a man who I am now seeing in a different light, he continues to drink and I’m not knowing how I feel about that. I am now realizing that maybe all we had in common was the beers after work. Kids are grown up and don’t need us as much as if they were little so I know we are going through something now. I don’t think it’s fair for me to ask him to quit but is it fair to me to have to stay???? Anyways that’s my place at the moment. Thanks

  16. Mike 1 year ago

    Told myself again I have to stop drinking for good. Too many shameful nights, hangover after hangover. relationships failing. 53 years old, cant stop drinking. feel lousy all the time. This is day 4, this time. I am good for a couple of days and then the anxiety takes over. What am I going to do Sober, what does my life look like sober. My social life will be over. Yet I know I have to quit… I just cant figure out how to quit.

    • cgee 1 year ago

      HI Mike it was day 4 for you (2 months ago) and I’ve just read your post. It hit a nerve for me mate and am hoping that you have managed to continue.
      Its day 4 (again) for me also which is the classic make or break time for me then if successful day 8 then I can often do 14 days. I know that anxiety on Day 4 well .. and its the beginning of a feeling that I can only describe as a sort of loneliness or perhaps loss. I have family all around me however the friends I have are ALL involved in drinking and as we all enable each other I to have keep them at arms length and so suddenly there is space in that place. But more its as though a really dependable friend has been pushed away and thats alcohol itself and when it goes I realise the gap it must be filling as I feel emptied – if that makes sense. I know from my past abstinence’s that this impression dissolves to a far more random thing and that positive stuff – exercise, eating, reading much much walking etc help to slowly fill it and I guess ultimately new relationships form too but I also imagine that one becomes more comfortable with oneself – I experience fleeting moments of this and those feelings are fine.
      One thing Ive picked up in the booze lit I’ve been reading is to define yourself as a person ‘that doesn’t drink’ not as a person that is “giving up alcohol’ ie live as much as possible in this instant – the past has no bearing on right now, and the future is conceptual only – it’s right now that is. This also means if you haven’t managed to keep sober its ok because that was then – even if an hour ago – RIGHT NOW you are not a drinker, you can build on that.
      Its obvious from all of the posts on Living Sober that everyone posting has, without fail, tried and then had to try again often many times to be sober however its also obvious that by posting we all recognise this awful situation that we are living with and want change.

      • Grace09 5 months ago

        Thankyou Cgee, that is such a great comment – right now, I am not a drinker. Moving into day 4 & worried as it is a Thursday and I often can hang out ’til Thursdays……. hopefully this will be different! I am not a drinker. Goodluck to everyone on here – fabulous community.

      • Ckmot 8 months ago

        I like that live as , im not a drinker, thank you i will use that line xoxoxo

    • Maz57 1 year ago

      If you really want to take a break from alcohol, your Dr can prescribe you a medication (Disulfiram) to help you do that. You need to be sober for 3 days before you start taking it. Your Dr can assess whether you are suitable to take it or not. Once you are on it you cannot drink. How it helps is it give you a period of time to work through the underlying issues of your addiction. Once on the medication you immediately stop obsessing over having a drink because you know you can’t. It then provides you with time to notice/feel/experience how life is off the drinking treadmill. Read some of the recommended books in the resources section of this website, these books will provide you with additional motivation. Remember, alcohol is just a drug.

    • hrg4 1 year ago

      I keep resorting to alcohol to drown out my feelings, or feel included with all my friends and it’s caused so many problems in my relationship. I always blackout from over drinking and not knowing my limit.
      I want to stop but I feel like I’ll lose a lot of friends and be lonely and cave in and drink again 🙁

  17. MartinE39 1 year ago

    Day 3. You who have gone before me, when does it start to get easier. When does the “nothing to look forward to” feeling fade?

  18. dollsteak 1 year ago

    Never realized I had a problem…. Until……

  19. Atawhai 1 year ago

    Managing cravings. After 4pm, approaching 5pm, is the difficult time for me. Tired, hungry, feeling I need a lift up and feeling I deserve it.

    There are a number of things I find helpful.

    As soon as I start craving, I drink milk fresh from the fridge. As much as it takes. It feels cold on the throat, and reduces the hunger trigger.

    I keep in the freezer a variety of Watties’ frozen snacks, such as Shepherds Pie, Fish Pie, Sweet and Sour. They take 5 minutes to have ready, and they help the hunger. They are not enough to spoil a meal later.

    I make a big drink of Milo. The sugar and the comfort feeling that chocolate gives helps postpone the craving.

    If I can last until 7pm, the craving is rarely strong after that.

    Please can others advise what they do?

    Thank you

  20. Maggie73 1 year ago

    Thanks for this message. I’m out with my young son and his friend today. The sun is shining and I’m going to take your advice and live in the moment!

  21. Rlynn 1 year ago

    Sober now on day 2. I had three years and then caved so I am trying to work through issues. Dealing with emotions, past trauma etc. I am doing the Trauma and the 12 steps workbook by myself. Is that dumb? Not quite ready to be in a group and public. So here I am. I have been trying to moderate for 4 months now and it is not really working. I get 30 days and then go back for a few days. Rinse and repeat. I’m trying to change but I think I get scared of what upgrading my life means. I start to panic even when things are going well. Thanks for listening!

  22. Anonymous 2 years ago

    Today I woke up and I really really want to try to be sober this time. I had on and off periods of being sober and I guess I just realised that my drinking is starting to get slowly bad again…..I actually go to AA sometimes but havent had one of the miracle “lost the urge to drink experiences”…. I kind of realised in the night that maybe the reason I am drinking again is because I am just not managing my feelings and thoughts. I had an epiphany that if I put as much energy into looking after myself as I put into worrying about my relationship then maybe I’ll be okay.
    My relationship causes me so much pain and I thought what if I just stop putting energy into it for awhile and put my energy into sobriety and into surrounding myself with people who care about me.
    My boyfriends brother’s girlfriend has been causing a lot of pain for me and I dont know how to deal with it anymore. My friend said I need to block her out of my life completely. She is extremely rich and my boyfriend is unemployed and quite often she will pay him alot of money to do jobs for her around her house and get him to stay with her (four hours away) so we dont see each other much. my son and her son go to the same boarding school. She also does things like ring my partner in tears saying my son has been bullying her son – the school actually had to ring her and tell her to stop doing this as they did an investigation and found out he was not bullying him and that she’d made it up. This nearly destroyed my relationship with my partner as at first he believed her. I have been trying so hard to keep the peace I even wrote her a card saying I am so sorry if anything has ever upset her and I just want us to be friends but she didnt acknowledge it. I sort of realised I blame myself for others behaviour – I saw her at school yesterday and ended up sitting in my car crying about how she treats me and my son. Everyone else in my boyfriends family really really like me and so its hurtful for us all having her make this drama. I lie awake wondering why she does this and can only conclude she has feelings for my boyfriend herself which is why she is made up those things and gets him to stay with her and paying him lots of money to do odd jobs or she is jealous of me. Its my boyfriends childrens birthday next week and he said I was invited to the party (as well as to his dads birthday dinner) but I am terrified she’ll ring him and cause a drama to make me not be able to come. My boyfriend also causes me and my son pain – he regularly says he will come over and visit us or that we will do something then at the last minute he makes up an excuse……my son thinks of him like a step dad so its sad to see him cancel plans at the last minute. From weekend to weekend I never know if he’ll go through with the things he has said we will do together. Last week our plans got cancelled as she called him up there to so some work for her. I guess I have realised there will be more and more of this pain, so I need to try to stop thinking about them both and take all of the the energy I put into thinking about them into being sober. Plus I’d love to meet new people. The other day my friends invited me on a bushwalk and to an amazing cafe that was also an interior design shop but I was so hungover I couldnt enjoy it. Sometimes I also drink because my job is so boring – I guess boredom is a feeling too so I try to block out the boredom with alcohol. I feel gross at the moment – i feel like I need to wash my hair everyday but thats from the alcohol…… I know if I get through today I’ll feel better tomorrow and then the next day I will feel even better. …. my boyfriend drinks alot so I decided to tell him I am stopping alcohol to make my skin feel better as my eczema is flaring up as everytime in the past I tried to tell him I’m worried I drink too much he says that I dont and am just being too hard on myself.

  23. roadlesstravelled 2 years ago

    ok day one after a few drinks last night. I had done 30 days before this of no drinking and felt pretty good. Thought I would treat myself and had a few drinks over the month of Feb. Not very much but felt like I had let myself down a bit. So I am going to give this another go, because the little voice in my head is telling me that this is the right thing to do now.
    What has been difficult is the stripping back of “The why I drink”?” question and trying to work out what is now left in the space of used to be consumed by drink.

    I wonder has anyone else had that feeling post giving up for a bit – trying to piece together how fill in the time and space without pouring a glass of wine???

    • Liz West 1 year ago

      Hi Ive just started on this journey I guess youd call it Yes I know that feeling of emptiness. Actually its a physical feeling too of feeling quite down even though my minds telling me Im doing the right thing! Ah well Im going to hang in there see if it improves!

    • RunnerJ 2 years ago

      Hi @roadlesstravelled, I am at 7 months and struggling with the why I drink. Everything is so loud and in my face suddenly. The times where these things bothered me, I would reach for the wine, and not just one or two glasses – it always turned into the whole bottle and more. Ughhhh, this shit is hard – learning to be with me and the things that are still annoying – husband that talks too much, siblings that I am resentful of, elderly parents that I feel responsible for, signing up for another half marathon at my age 57, then feeling guilty for having no patience for my husband and parents and myself. Oh, poor me! Well, now that I have vented and put into words what I am feeling, I see it as part of the journey and I could just go with it, feel the feelings, grump it out and have some ice cream. I can relate to your stripping back the why I drink question. Thanks for posting, I needed to read it.

  24. Littlegem 2 years ago

    I’ve just joined living sober and have hit day 21 of being alcohol free. It was pretty easy to begin with, I’m home schooling, running and cycling lots but since yesterday, I feel really exhausted, having mood swings and feel like crying (it’s not hormones). I feel like I’m running out of distractions and the cravings have come back badly since yesterday. Wondering how long these feelings are going to last.

    • Peppa 12 months ago

      I feel exactly the same ! I am 28 days and don’t want to go back to drinking at all. I feel emotional, exhausted nd heavy. I’m just hanging in hoping it is just part of the journey . Take care let’s get there together 😊

    • Peppa 12 months ago

      I feel exactly the same ! I am 28 days and don’t want to go back to drinking at all. I feel emotional and flat and heavy. I’m just hanging in hoping it is just part of the journey . Take care let’s get there together 😊

    • AndreaInCanada 2 years ago

      Hello Littlegem, I see you made this post a month ago. 21 days is great! How are you doing now?

    • Jane 2 years ago

      Hi Littlegem , we must be on the same day. Day 1 Jan 1st ?
      I too feel sooo exhausted especially in the evening. I think I used to run on nervous energy all day just thinking about the drink that afternoon and then when I had a drink I would be able to keep going for longer.
      Also MAJOR cravings!! They are exhausting in them selves both Physically and Mentally!
      I’m not sure how long this will last but I have got this far and I know that drinking will in NO way help .
      Nobody regrets being Sober .
      Stay strong xx

  25. Arielbella 2 years ago

    So today was supposed to be day’s day 0.
    My husband is about to leave -he just told me.
    I am picking up prescription for Antabuse tomorrow.
    Husband said it’s a 50/50 success & just another excuse.
    What to do.
    I have been the picture perfect wife and mother for 20+ years.
    But now, I don’t know.
    He’s moving in to the spare room & extremely angry with me.

    • Andymuso 2 years ago

      Pick up the prescription wont help you need to take it and make your house maybe alcohol free zone for all friends and family i aint no councilor mate but dont push it to the last resort
      Care Andy

  26. Allie10 2 years ago

    Day 4 for me…I am so wanting some wine but will stave off the cravings today. My biggest issue was/is wanting to drink at the end of the day using alcohol like it is the reward for a hard days work. I have become so accustomed to this. ( For decades) I also wouldn’t eat all day, liking the feeling of an empty stomach, having a glass of wine making dinner and then finishing the bottle with dinner.
    Now I eat by 4:00pm because if I am home and not at work, that is when I would start drinking. Once I finish eating I wouldn’t even think of drinking…does all this sound familiar to anyone else?

    • Buttercup406 2 years ago

      Yes. The end of the day wind-down. The end of a busy day reward. The really nice day bonus. The really bad day solace. Celebrating time with friends. Consolation when lonely. It’s that time for me now, and that is why I joined this group. To find those folks who know how this feels and find a little support to push past that empty hour or two and find my way through the day without a drink. So I can settle in for a good night’s rest, check off my “Sober” count, and know that in the morning, my head will be clear, I will have no shame, I will not be bloated and puffy, and I can start a new day with confidence and resolve.

  27. Ataroa 2 years ago

    This is my first time even attempting to try n stop drinking. I have been drinking since i was 10 and i am now nearly 40 😔 I cant handle my stress i run straight to alcohol. As of lasnight i was drunk due to arguing with my partner. I want to better myself but im scared. I know i need help. Its ruining my life!

    • speedy1970 2 years ago

      I am 50 and started drinking around age 16. I have tried several times to quit but nothing has worked long term. Annie Grace’s 30 day alcohol experiment DID work for me. But of course after that 30 days I “rewarded myself” with a drink. It did make me so much more aware of what I was doing to myself though. I have become much more observant of my own behaviors. I would highly recommend that you look into the program.

  28. alyoop 2 years ago

    4 days back af,am having trouble keeping out of the blues,drive somewhere only to feel anxiety,Nd drive somewhere else,cant handle the mind chatter and lack of focus,even going to the local 4 square is an energy stealing event,dont feel wellcome in the community,trying to be aware that this is part pf being sober,thanks all

    • SarahD 2 years ago

      Hey how are you doing?

  29. KLynn 2 years ago

    Hi, this is my very first post and just joined today. Today is 17 days for me, I have been reading lots of resources and talking to the support I have in place, I am really struggling with the anxiety (really really bad health anxiety). Does anyone else suffer health anxiety, and if so how do you get past it, I feel very scared and lonely.

    • momoftwoboys1219 2 years ago

      I’m replying to you well after you posted so hopefully your health anxiety has passed but if not YES I get health anxiety for sure. My sister and I both had breast cancer. Wow I never tell anyone that but here it’s all confidential so feels good to say. She had a double mastectomy and chemo/radiation. Me I had a lumpectomy and radiation. My diagnosis was two years ago. I rarely drank after until I was in lockdown and then all my old habits of a bottle of wine at night were back. For all the excuses it doesn’t matter why because then I started feeling terrified the cancer would come back. Yet it wasn’t till 3 days ago that I finally got my head out of the muck and said enough. This is helping the anxiety begin to subside. Hoping you are well and getting the support you need.

    • Nitanoo72 2 years ago

      Hi, really sorry to hear you’re suffering. You’re bound to feel a lot of anxiety as your body gets used to living without alcohol. You not only dealing with physiological effects , theres the psychological and emotional side too. Alcohol has probably been your best friend for a long time, so you are trying to adjust to life without it. You may find talking with your Doctor beneficial as they can direct you probably better than I can. Just hang in there you’re doing great!!

  30. Peacewm 2 years ago

    Nine days today.Lot’s of changes in the last year and then N.Y shut down.No church,no Gym,no seeing family etc.etc.I have a heavy heart because my daughter has blocked me out of here life and I haven’t seen my granddaughters in months,but feels like years.I pretty sure that was the last straw for me and I didn’t want to feel.I put my situation in perspective,now I’ve got to get me back.I like being numb,but the cost after the drinking isn’t worth it. I’m going to give this support group a try.I’m really sick of AA.I have been going to aa since my early 20’sand I need something different now.

    • Peacewm 2 years ago

      oops 10

  31. Peacewm 2 years ago

    10 days sober

  32. mollmcc92 2 years ago

    Been drinking four bottles of wine a night and ruined a lot in my life. Yesterday I finally went to my doctor and accepted the help he’s been offering me for the last four years. Got the script for Antabuse but I can’t seem to bring myself to take that first pill. Many fears and emotions are stopping me. I keep saying ok I’ll take it after breakfast then I talk myself out of it. The thought of ending this toxic relationship with wine is worse than ending a normal relationship! Is this feeling normal?

    • Sunshinydays 2 years ago

      Absolutely normal. You are about to change your whole life! Feel the fear and do it anyway. Not drinking is hard but it is easier than drinking.

    • Emmjay 2 years ago

      It’s totally normal – and you’re not alone. Alcohol was always ‘there’ for me and easy to procure. I didn’t have to share my feelings with the bottle, it didn’t judge me and made everything feel all right. Even when I lost my job because of alcohol, it was still there for me. I currently working through the grief process – what I have lost because of alcohol, my 30 year relationship with alcohol. We’re all here to support you

    • Lovenlight 2 years ago

      @mollmcc92 in the beginning for me it was like losing a friend but that friend was really a backstabbing enemy. I think it’s so normal. Congratulations for taking the first step and talking to your GP. Antibuse doesn’t make you feel anything – unless you drink alcohol then your face gets red and you get nauseous and throw up. I am sure you will get some wonderful advice on your feelings here.

  33. 2 years ago

    Hi nscott. I did too! Today is day 10 of not having any wine. I am struggling to keep it that way. You are not alone. I’m only new to all this – but the people here are super nice, supportive and kind. They are generous with their advice and understand. Hang in there. One day at a time. I had an appointment today at the hospital and afterwards thought I would pop up to the neonatal intensive care ward as there is a little neonatal trust shop there that sells knitting and quilts for babies. My hairdresser is having a baby in a few months and I wanted to buy her a gift. Our two daughters (now 8 and almost 7) were both sick babies – the older one more than the younger – and I spent many distressing months in NICU watching as my tiny baby struggled to breathe and live. It was 18 months of pure hell. She was so sick. We flew to starship many times for various surgeries and she has a nasogastric feeding tube constantly until 18 months old. At the time we Simply surviving by the skin of our teeth and just got through. I never had a chance to process it or deal with the chronic trauma of the experience. Today standing in NICU I was flooded with memories, emotions, sadness. I had to race out, find a family room and suddenly the flood gates opened! It’s like I cried 8 years worth of tears. Tears and snot. Sobbing and gasping and shaking like a leaf. 8 years of drinking to numb it and dumb it down has managed to keep this well buried. But those gates opened and I can barely close them. I keep thinking of Lotta’s book and reminding myself of her journey. I’m trying to just breathe and be with the sadness and raw emotions – but the temptation to have a wine is like a physical pain.

  34. nscott 2 years ago

    I joined living sober yesterday. I have gotten a lot of encouragement from the different post, but as I type this I want to go to the liquor store. My victories over the last couple of days have been 1. Having one sober day, 2. Nit drinking in the morning at all, and 3. Having wine yesterday and not straight vodka shots. Not sure what to do.

    • alyoop 2 years ago

      hi elft,i know exactly how you are feeling ,its scary,and you feel like you are losing your mind but i do beleive this is part of hardening us up to cope ,it is a prosess and most important ,you have opened the door .be kind to you.x

  35. ELFT 2 years ago

    I’ve hidden Myself in books on sobriety
    I am not a book worm
    Been overwhelmed with responsibility then
    Defended my actions
    Lied to those I love
    Made many a social disgrace of myself
    Admitted I’m an alcoholic
    Clung to to wagon with all my heart
    Picked myself up when I’ve fallen off
    I am still here, willing and desperate

    • Jojogo 2 years ago

      @ELTF you are not alone – many, many of us have trodden this path. Just wanted to say you are on the right track – finding more knowledge about that mfer alcohol, being honest with yourself and picking yourself up. Here’s to a sober today today, together.
      Keep posting, you are safe here.

  36. bkohler 2 years ago

    I have been vodka free for just over 3 weeks, This in not even close to how long i have gone in the past but here and there I have a slip up. I look to vodka for any situation I have going on in my life. Happy sad birthday funeral anniversary hard day at work fighting with my spouse. I wish i had healthier coping mechanisms but that is why I am here I am trying to learn, It seems everyone around me has healthy relationships with drinking and I always go overboard and can never just have one drink. It has caused me many relationships, ans many problems in my marriage. Today is my birthday and i would be lying if i said i wasnt thinking about having a few drinks,

  37. Feisty52 2 years ago

    Some days clean sheets, a cup of tea and bed is the only safe space to be.
    That is ok. Tomorrow is another day.

  38. Charleigh62 2 years ago

    Trying to gain sobriety but failing. At wits end!

  39. Bella79 2 years ago

    Okay, this is a toolbox…sorry! I will place my item into a members feed.

  40. labu37 2 years ago

    Hi ! I am super sad that I lead Alcohol be so power on my , but today is my day one And I will do my everything to stay sober I will use every tool I can find to stay Sober, … But I feel shame, sad, lonely, scare

    • Sansa 2 years ago

      How are you doing now? I am exactly feeling the way you stated in your post. Someone responded to my post this morning that gave me hope again. We are all in this together. Its an addiction. I read Mrs. D’s post about no matter what anyone says it is only going to happen when we internalize and truly believe we want to quit. When I’m hungover I start bargaining with God, get me through this and I will never do it again. But I always forget when I am sober for a couple of weeks or a month. It has to sink in and become a true belief that we never want to pick up a drink again.

  41. Cindy9176 2 years ago

    I don’t want to drink anymore, I don’t want it to be a testiment to my lack of courage to live a fulfilling healthy life.
    I found alcohol at the age of 9 at a family social event. It subdued my internal piercing screams and I was able to escape.
    I found relief and over 30 years later I am still trying to rid myself of this elixir that saved my life and has destroyed many aspects of it simultaneously.
    I am afraid, but I want to completely heal and grow and see the real me, share the real me with my loved ones and stop this masquerade.

  42. Feisty52 2 years ago

    Feeling frightened. Frightened about my health (received biopsy results yesterday); and feeling frightened about how I may stop looking after myself post lockdown as people will get together and celebrate using the bonds of booze. I used to drink when I felt sad or scared (or happy, bored, angry); but especially sad or scared.

  43. Sunshinydays 2 years ago

    Be Like A Tree
    Think of a mighty tree: its long roots stretching deep into the ground below, its sturdy trunk rising upwards, and its branches stretching into the sky above. Use this image to inspire you as you follow the steps below.
    Whether you are standing or sitting, plant your feet firmly onto the floor. Get a sense of the ground beneath you and gently press your feet downward. Notice the pressure of the ground against your soles and the gentle tension in your legs. Straighten your spine and let your shoulders slide down your back. Get a sense of gravity ‘flowing’ down your spine, into your legs and feet, and into the ground below. It’s as if you are taking root in the earth and ‘planting’ yourself firmly.
    Slowly draw your attention upwards from the roots to the trunk (it is no coincidence that your abdomen and chest are called the ‘trunk’ of your body). Maintain some awareness of your feet against the floor, but focus mainly on your trunk. Sit up in your chair, or stand up straight, and notice the change in your posture. Breathe slowly and deeply, and notice the rise and fall of your rib cage. Note the gentle heaving of your shoulders and the rhythm and movement of your abdomen. Empty your lungs completely, then allow them to refill by themselves. Now expand your awareness: notice your whole trunk at the same time—your lungs, chest, shoulders and abdomen. Do this for at least ten breaths; if you have more time, do fifteen or twenty.
    Just as the branches of a tree reach into the sky, you now reach out into the world around you. Activate all five senses and extend them in all directions: notice, with curiosity, what you can see, hear, smell, taste and touch. Maintain some awareness of your roots and trunk, and the background rhythm of your breathing, but focus your attention mainly on the environment. Get a sense of where you are and what you are doing. Smell and taste the air as you breathe it in. Notice five things you can feel against your skin, like the air on your face, the shirt on your back or the watch on your wrist. Notice five things that you can see and pay attention to their size, shape, colour, luminosity and texture. Notice five things that you can hear: the various sounds of nature or civilisation. Now engage fully in whatever task you are doing, giving it all your attention.

  44. Sunshinydays 2 years ago

    Make the time
    It seems really hard to fit mindfulness into our day. By mindfulness I mean living in the moment, not day dreaming, being very conscious of how you are towards people, which thoughts you focus on and the decisions you make. If you are anything like the old me, then you will blindly stumble through your day, mostly in your head, not really thinking about the choices you make (sometimes if you don’t make a choice you inadvertently make a choice) and how you treat the people you encounter and your loved ones.
    I have decided to set a quest for myself. To ask my partner, myself and my friends what I don’t give to them that maybe they need, or something I do that I could change for the better. Also, to send them each a message about what I find is their shining star. The thing I most admire about them.
    Give it a go. Why not tell the people you love why they are so special. Why don’t we do this? This is the stuff that matters.
    If we have faults, why not ask what they are. Be enlightened. The ones we love and that love us will not come from a place of meanness. They are the best people to ask. It may hurt our self esteem a bit, but that kind of knowledge is gold. If we could know our faults, we can become a better person. Why not ask the people who care about you because they only have your best interests at heart. Also, it will make for better relationships. It is not a weakness, but a strength to ask what your weaknesses are. Know they come from a loving place and don’t judge or hold it against them. If you ask, expect nothing but honesty. We aren’t perfect and all have flaws. Some of which we are unaware. I have a friend who doesn’t know how truly wonderful she is or believes in herself. I have another who does judge too much and hurts people by doing this. Another who is too hard on herself. One who distrust people to much from no fault of their own, but by being hurt in the past. One who is changing past norms, but needs to focus less on the past and more on the here and now. These are just my observation, thoughts and perspectives on things, but come from a place of love. So when you ask, know the same applies.
    Make a point of living in the now. All day. Truly notice the people you encounter and give the people you love some of your time. Really notice them. What was their day like. How are they. Do they know how you feel about them. Nature… notice it, enjoy it. Humour… find it. Say today I’m going to have a “light” day. Today I will have a break. Not worry, just live for today. Today I will give and accept joy. Today I won’t feel anger. Today is my happy day. Today is now. I am conscious of being in the day. No day dreaming today. No getting caught up in my thoughts. Today I show and tell people how I feel. Just for today. Who knows, you might have felt so real you’ll do it tomorrow. But don’t worry about tomorrow. Just do it for today.

    • Maggie73 1 year ago

      Thanks for this message. I’m out with my young son and his friend today. The sun is shining and I’m going to take your advice and live in the moment!

    • Sansa 2 years ago

      Thank you this is amazing.

    • craftygirl 2 years ago

      Very powerful, thanks.

    • jagga21 2 years ago

      powerful comforting words, thank you sunshinydays, thank you

  45. Sunshinydays 2 years ago

    pausing the happiness
    I learnt today how to let your body feel joy. It’s all about creating a library of feeling good you can draw on. Our mind is set on the dial to keep you safe. So you will be bombarded with warnings in the way of thoughts. To balance these mostly negative thoughts you can make a conscious effort to pause and savour wonderful and feel good moments. I patted the cat today. I paused and thoroughly took in the softness off her coat. The warmth of her little body, the look of pure bliss on her face and the joy it gave me. By remembering it again I have stored it in my happy file and will consciously make an effort to remember it again so it is well lodged in my happiness file. Your brain doesn’t distinguish between past, present and future, so you can think of any of these happy thoughts to give you a boost. Before you go to sleep at night, think of 5 things that happened in your day that made you happy. A kiss and hug goodbye from my son, a compliment on my top, a joke shared in the office, my dinner meal turning out delish, my partner telling me he loves me before I close my eyes. When you wake up, think of things you would like to achieve in your day. Giving someone a genuine compliment, taking time to spend talking to your partner, getting a work task completed, doing a must do task.

    Fill your memory bank up and be gentle on yourself when you mess up or don’t achieve something you set out to do. We are not perfect. The secret is to try right your wrongs if you can and to let them go if you can’t. Push yourself into the world. Try new things, live in the moment and take your fears with you. It’s just your ol’ brain keeping you safe. The world is special and the simple everyday joys lovely if you notice and savour them. Live for today. Live the day. Live the hour, the minute and the second.

  46. zeppelin1973 2 years ago

    What a fascinating read ! Thanks for posting it.
    Interesting how in life we can all learn things about ourselves yet fail to action the very things that we’ve learnt.
    Perhaps I’ve read Mark Masons book before as I found myself almost nodding as I read each of the 7 questions…and having a good laugh as well !
    Maybe it was just that it all made a lot of sense and resonated with me. The things I need to do and want to do,particularly now I’m sober,are opening up ahead of me on an almost daily basis.
    I’ve achieved sobriety in the past.
    I don’t know why and I don’t need to know,yet,this time it feels different.
    Best wishes to fellow soberees ! and hope you’re all staying safe out there in this changed land of ours.

  47. Sunshinydays 3 years ago

    take anxiety with you

    I learnt today that you cannot control your thoughts or emotions. The brain is wired to keep us safe. It will constantly send us warning messages. This will then have an emotion attached. These thoughts and emotions are about our surroundings, contact with people (we need to be connected) and when we are out of our comfort zone. Being that the brain sends warning signals, this will create anxiety.
    We can however make our own choices.

    Let’s say we have a fear of flying but love to travel. Our brain will send out warning signals that flying is dangerous. We can either make the choice to fly anyway and take our anxiety with us because we want to travel, or, we can entertain the warning thoughts to a point where we choose not to fly and therefore travel because we are too afraid. If you give these warning thoughts to much attention you will find it hard to go out of your comfort zone. The brain does not like change because there are dangers. It likes to keep us safe, so trying anything new or anything out of the familiar is a risk. This is why we will always feel anxious when we make a choice to do things. Making that choice lets us grow and have new experiences, relationships and achievements. So when we say don’t let fear stop you, we are saying don’t entertain your brains warning messages to the point where they stop you from doing what you would like or achieving what you want.

    As far as emotions go, we cannot stop feeling these either. The secret is to feel them, acknowledge them and let them pass. Avoiding them only makes them grow in size.
    So make time to just sit with your emotions. Just feel them. They will pass.

    One more thing is that it is very normal to feel anxious when meeting new people or being with people we do not know well. It is just your brain keeping you safe from rejection and other negative responses we may get from unfamiliar people. We have a need to belong.

    • 20012015 3 years ago

      I find this really useful and definitely putting in my toolbox. Thanks?

  48. Sunshinydays 3 years ago

    the three “Ps”
    Present, Purpose and Privileged

    I’ve been reading a book called Th Reality Slap by Dr Russ Harris. It takes about the 3 Ps.

    Being present in your surroundings and what you are doing and not just listening to all the chatter in your head.

    The second was what your purpose in life is. I couldn’t really figure this one out but I found this which helps clarify:

    By Mark Mason
    I have put together a series of questions to help you figure out for yourself what is important to you and what can add more meaning to your life.

    These questions are by no means exhaustive or definitive. In fact, they’re a little bit ridiculous. But I made them that way because discovering purpose in our lives should be something that’s fun and interesting, not a chore.

    Ah, yes. The all-important question. What flavor of shit sandwich would you like to eat? Because here’s the sticky little truth about life that they don’t tell you:

    Everything sucks, some of the time.

    Everything involves sacrifice. Everything includes some sort of cost. Nothing is pleasurable or uplifting all of the time. So, the question becomes: what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate? Ultimately, what determines our ability to stick with something we care about is our ability to handle the rough patches and ride out the inevitable rotten days.

    Finding your life purpose involves eating a shit sandwich or two
    What unpleasant experiences are you able to handle?

    And your favorite shit sandwich is your competitive advantage. By definition, anything that you’re willing to do (that you enjoy doing) that most people are not willing to do gives you a huge leg-up.

    So, find your favorite shit sandwich. And you might as well pick one with an olive.

    When I was a child, I used to write stories. I used to sit in my room for hours by myself, writing away, about aliens, about superheroes, about great warriors, about my friends and family. Not because I wanted anyone to read it. Not because I wanted to impress my parents or teachers. But for the sheer joy of it.

    And then, for some reason, I stopped. And I don’t remember why.

    We all have a tendency to lose touch with what we loved as a child. Something about the social pressures of adolescence and professional pressures of young adulthood squeezes the passion out of us. We’re taught that the only reason to do something is if we’re somehow rewarded for it. And the transactional nature of the world inevitably stifles us and makes us feel lost or stuck.

    It wasn’t until I was in my mid-20s that I rediscovered how much I loved writing. And it wasn’t until I started my business that I remembered how much I enjoyed building websites — something I did in my early teens, just for fun.

    The funny thing though, is that if my 8-year-old self asked my 20-year-old self, “Why don’t you write anymore?” and I replied, “Because I’m not good at it,” or “Because nobody would read what I write,” or “Because you can’t make money doing that,” not only would I have been completely wrong, but that eight-year-old-boy version of me would have probably started crying. That eight-year-old boy didn’t care about Google traffic or social media virality or book advances. He just wanted to play. And that’s where passion always begins: with a sense of play.

    We’ve all had that experience where we get so wrapped up in something that minutes turn into hours and hours turn into “Holy crap, I forgot to have dinner.”

    Supposedly, in his prime, Isaac Newton’s mother had to regularly come in and remind him to eat because he would spend entire days so absorbed in his work that he would forget.

    I used to be like that with video games. This probably wasn’t a good thing. In fact, for many years it was kind of a problem. I would sit and play video games instead of doing more important things like studying for an exam, or showering regularly, or speaking to other humans face-to-face.

    It wasn’t until I gave up the games that I realized my passion wasn’t for the games themselves (although I do love them). My passion is for improvement, being good at something and then trying to get better. The games themselves — the graphics, the stories — they were cool, but I can easily live without them. It’s the competition with others and with myself that I thrive on.

    And when I applied that obsessiveness for self-improvement and competition to an internet business and to my writing, well, things took off in a big way.

    Maybe for you, it’s something else. Maybe it’s organizing things efficiently, or getting lost in a fantasy world, or teaching somebody something, or solving technical problems. Whatever it is, don’t just look at the activities that keep you up all night, but look at the cognitive principles behind those activities that enthrall you. Because they can easily be applied elsewhere.

    Before you are able to be good at something and do something important, you must first suck at something and have no clue what you’re doing. That’s pretty obvious. And in order to suck at something and have no clue what you’re doing, you must embarrass yourself in some shape or form, often repeatedly. And most people try to avoid embarrassing themselves, namely because it sucks.

    Ergo, due to the transitive property of awesomeness, if you avoid anything that could potentially embarrass you, then you will never end up doing something that feels important.

    Yes, it seems that once again, it all comes back to vulnerability.

    Right now, there’s something you want to do, something you think about doing, something you fantasize about doing, yet you don’t do it. You have your reasons, no doubt. And you repeat these reasons to yourself ad infinitum.

    But what are those reasons? Because I can tell you right now that if those reasons are based on what others would think, then you’re screwing yourself over big time.

    If your reasons are something like, “I can’t start a business because spending time with my kids is more important to me,” or “Playing Starcraft all day would probably interfere with my music, and music is more important to me,” then OK. Sounds good.

    But if your reasons are, “My parents would hate it,” or “My friends would make fun of me,” or “If I failed, I’d look like an idiot,” then chances are, you’re actually avoiding something you truly care about because caring about that thing is what scares the shit out of you, not what mom thinks or what Timmy next door says.

    Living a life avoiding embarrassment is akin to living a life with your head in the sand. You won’t find your life purpose here.
    Living a life avoiding embarrassment is akin to living a life with your head in the sand.
    Great things are, by their very nature, unique and unconventional. Therefore, to achieve them, we must go against the herd mentality. And to do that is scary.

    Embrace embarrassment. Feeling foolish is part of the path to achieving something important, something meaningful. The more a major life decision scares you, chances are the more you need to be doing it.

    In case you haven’t seen the news lately, the world has a few problems. And by “a few problems,” what I really mean is, “everything is fucked and we’re all going to die.”

    I’ve harped on this before, and the research also bears it out, but to live a happy and healthy life, we must hold on to values that are greater than our own pleasure or satisfaction.1

    So pick a problem and start saving the world. There are plenty to choose from. Our screwed up education systems, economic development, domestic violence, mental health care, governmental corruption. Hell, I just saw an article this morning on sex trafficking in the US and it got me all riled up and wishing I could do something. It also ruined my breakfast.

    Find a problem you care about and start solving it. Obviously, you’re not going to fix the world’s problems by yourself. But you can contribute and make a difference. And that feeling of making a difference is ultimately what’s most important for your own happiness and fulfillment. And importance equals purpose.

    Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Gee Mark, I read all of this horrible stuff and I get all pissed off too, but that doesn’t translate to action, much less a new career path.”

    Glad you asked…

    For many of us, the enemy is just old-fashioned complacency. We get into our routines. We distract ourselves. The couch is comfortable. The Doritos are cheesy. And nothing new happens.

    This is a problem.

    What most people don’t understand is that passion is the result of action, not the cause of it.2,3

    Discovering what you’re passionate about in life and what matters to you is a full-contact sport, a trial-and-error process. None of us know exactly how we feel about an activity until we actually do the activity.

    So ask yourself, if someone put a gun to your head and forced you to leave your house every day for everything except for sleep, how would you choose to occupy yourself? And no, you can’t just go sit in a coffee shop and browse Facebook. You probably already do that. Let’s pretend there are no useless websites, no video games, no TV. You have to be outside of the house all day every day until it’s time to go to bed — where would you go and what would you do?

    Sign up for a dance class? Join a book club? Go get another degree? Invent a new form of irrigation system that can save the thousands of children’s lives in rural Africa? Learn to hang glide?

    What would you do with all of that time?

    If it strikes your fancy, write down a few answers and then, you know, go out and actually do them. Bonus points if it involves embarrassing yourself.

    Most of us don’t like thinking about death. It freaks us out. But thinking about our own death surprisingly has a lot of practical advantages. One of those advantages is that it forces us to zero in on what’s actually important in our lives and what’s just frivolous and distracting.

    When I was in college, I used to walk around and ask people, “If you had a year to live, what would you do?” As you can imagine, I was a huge hit at parties. A lot of people gave vague and boring answers. A few drinks were nearly spat on me. But it did cause people to really think about their lives in a different way and re-evaluate what their priorities were.

    If you don’t know what to do with your life, you won’t figure it out on the couch
    This man’s headstone will read: “Here lies Greg. He watched every episode of ’24’… twice.”
    Ultimately, death is the only thing that gives us perspective on the value of our life. Because it’s only by imagining your non-existence that you can get a sense of what is most important about your existence. What is your legacy going to be? What are the stories people are going to tell when you’re gone? What is your obituary going to say? Is there anything to say at all? If not, what would you like it to say? How can you start working towards that today?

    And again, if you fantasize about your obituary saying a bunch of badass shit that impresses a bunch of random other people, then again, you’re failing here.

    When people feel like they have no sense of direction, no purpose in their life, it’s because they don’t know what’s important to them, they don’t know what their values are.

    THe last one is privileged. Be grateful you are alive and get to experience life and all the good stuff that goes with it.

    • Time2BReal 2 years ago

      This was a fantastic read.

    • greenfinger 2 years ago


  49. Sunshinydays 3 years ago

    seeing things differently
    Seeing things differently
    Your beliefs, values and the way you perceive yourself will determine how you look at things in life.if you were a right wing supporter who believe in guns you would have probably perceive the Christ Church mosque terror attacks differently to someone who was a left wing supporter and thought guns should be banned. The right winger might say that we should all have guns so we could protect ourselves against incidents like that and the left wingers might say if guns were banned then nutters couldn’t just go shoot up mosques.

    If you didn’t think much of yourself and someone paid you a compliment you might wonder what they want from you.

    I learnt today that we cannot control our children’s thoughts and how they perceive things either. A mother of 2 girls worked tirelessly and long hours to support and promote young woman and raise them up to an awareness of possibilities for them. The same lady was asked if she was concerned her 2 girls would be effected by all the hours she spent working. She said absolutely not. One of her girls might turn out to say how proud she was of her mother and all she stood for. The other might say she felt neglected and distant from her mother. All you can do is live your own values and follow your own purpose.

    I also learnt today that a leopard can change his spots, but only if they want to by working on it. The brain and grow and shrink. We can keep learning and changing things all through our lives.

    They did a scan so cab drivers in the UK. They have to learn hundred of routes. After they had passed, another scan was done and the part of the brain that deals with those things grew massively. Likewise when you suffer trauma the part of your brain that deals with that stuff grows. We can shrink it when we learn ways of coping with trauma.

    Going through trauma can make you stop and really look at who you are. You could just get stuck in the sadness and misery of it all or you could learn so much about yourself and human nature and people.

  50. Sunshinydays 3 years ago

    life is pretty boring ❤️?
    Why is it that we think life should constantly be exciting or at the very least interesting. If we have a normal day, well, it is seen as a mah day. Get up, dropped off the kids, go to work, picked up the kids, nagged about doing homework, cook dinner, quick clean up, TV, shower, teeth, bed. With a few variants, 5 days a week. Weekends are often filled wth things we can’t get done during the week, catching up with friends and an outing or 2.

    We also feel that life should be reasonably easy. No painful life events and trauma.

    I think the best way to get the most out of life is to be present in your day. Live in the moment. Put yourself out there and find things you enjoy. Find a passion. Look after your mental and physical health. These both take work. Interact face to face with people. Do everything you do the best you can and just focus on what you are doing. Make plans for your day so it is balanced and all your needs are met. Relationship time, exercise time, contemplation time, day to day chore time. Time for hobbies and passions. Time to do something you enjoy. You will be surprised how much you can fit in your day. This way, life is not ho-hum, but well worth living. Set goals. Give them a realistic timeframe. Have something to look forward to. Most of all, share love, give love and accepted love. Add joy to people’s day. Enjoy nature. Love your animals. Let people know how much they mean to you, all the time. Especially your kids. Be kind always.

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