I deserve this…

Once again here I am going on about brain re-training. It is VITAL! It is CRUCIAL! It is HUGELY INSTRUMENTAL in helping us get to a happy sober place! That is – not miserable being a non-drinker.. delighted as fuck that we’re not hooked on that shit any more and foolishly believing a whole lot of bullshit about it’s supposed benefits.

So here’s another exercise .. the ‘I deserve it’ exercise. Once again with all brain re-training it involves challenging hard-wired beliefs, forcing ourselves to see the truth behind certain actions, and re-framing our thinking to reflect the truth and the reality which we so desire.


Thought: I deserve this icy cold class of Chardonnay because I’ve been bloody busy all day working my arse off.

Challenge: Why do you ‘deserve’ to drink a liquid that will potentially cause you guilt, misery and physical ills?

New reality: I deserve this tall glass of fizzy water, ice cubes, slices of cucumber, and a squeeze of lemon because I’ve worked hard all day and I want to acknowledge that fact by creating a refreshing drink that will actually refresh me.


Thought: I deserve this Gin & Tonic because I’m sick of dealing with someone else’s emotional shit.

Challenge: Why do you ‘deserve’ to drink a liquid that will blur your brain and disconnect you from your feelings?

New reality: I deserve this orange-ginger mocktail because I’ve had a guts full of everyone else’s emotional shit and I’m being brave and amazing in dealing with my own shit by getting sober.


Thought: I deserve to open this second bottle of wine late in the evening because I feel lousy – I have all day – and this wine is the only thing that’s going to make me feel better.

Challenge: How is drinking crap-loads of wine possibly going to make your lousy feeling go away? It’ll still be there when you sober up but probably with a new layer of guilt and misery added on top.

New Reality: I deserve this mug of chamomile tea because I feel lousy and I want to soothe myself before bed and try to ensure I’ll get a good nights sleep because now I’m sober I know that when I’m tired everything is harder to manage.


Thought: I deserve this pint of beer because my life sucks, I’ve already ruined it by drinking too much too often, and to change things now is impossible so I might as well just keep on going.

Challenge: WHO SAYS IT’S NOT POSSIBLE TO CHANGE?????????!!!!!!!!!

New reality: I deserve this pint of lemon, lime & bitters because despite my regrets at having drunk too much too often I believe that things can change, I have faith that my future will be different than my past and I’ve heard that all the cool people are sober nowadays.

Ain’t that the truth…

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. petro 6 days ago

    Thank you Mrs D. Have read your books and joined this online community a few days ago. Makes a world of difference!

  2. petro 6 days ago

    Thank you all for such encouraging thoughts based on experience. It’s hugely helpful to be a small part of this community!

  3. Christopher 8 years ago

    It’s getting close to 3 years now and things have been changing incrementally, often without noticing until I’ve done something and looked back thinking to myself, “Wow! you weren’t doing that before.”
    At this stage I have started a vegetable garden, cleared away vegetation from the edges of the section, planted shrubs and am generally taking more interest in my physical surroundings. I have also started “e bicycling” to work, weather permitting and have slowly raised fitness levels despite putting on excess weight.
    This is mostly due to a craving for sweet food such as chocolate, biscuits, dates, sultanas, fruit, and ice cream etc. All stuff I’ve never worried about all my adult life. Now, somehow I need to quit these delicious treats or else I’ll nullify my abstemious lifestyle.
    Another thing I do ponder over at times, is if I’ll recover some mental acuity which I feel is missing nowadays. Maybe this will take longer. It just might be age related. If so that’ll have to be accepted.

  4. Sheepish 8 years ago

    I’m putting this into action RIGHT NOW! I’m shattered and ill. I’m going to chill the fuck out and go to bed ridiculously early because I deserve it!

    • wanttoliveanewway 8 years ago


  5. rebecca 8 years ago

    “I’m being brave and amazing in dealing with my own shit by getting sober.”
    Thanks for the reminder! (I’m 1 year and 1.5 months sober)

  6. Flourishing 8 years ago

    This is the BIG ONE @Mrs-D and I am only really truly understanding it now after almost 5 months. I choose to nourish my body, my mind and my spirit by eating and drinking and reading/doing stuff that nourishes me, not stuff that poisons me. What I DESERVE is stuff that supports my system to be happy and healthy not stuff that shuts down my system, isolates me, drives my loved ones away and makes me grumpy and full of self loathing. Its the end of a crazy, busy day I DESERVE an Epsom Salts bath, a nice swim, an energising walk, chatting with my family or friends, a restorative yoga pose, even just to take five big tummy breaths and really breathe – whatever floats your boat to sit in the present moment and nurture. This really is the key – wanting to nourish not dull. xxx

  7. Yemaya 8 years ago

    And its nearly impossible to do this sort of work while youre still in a drinking fog…I have found it so much easier to control my thinking when Im sober…and every single one of those thoughts of making excuses for why we “deserve” a drink have led me to relapse,,,not anymore…I never want to go back to that crazy self-imposed hell ever again…thankyou Mrs D…

  8. Anonymous 8 years ago

    was sober almost 9months and had a slip..today after rebooting I am 78 days clean and sober. This has been a hard day..thinking of drinking..super bowl sunday in the States..everyone is partying and your blog is just what I needed! A reminder that no matter how shitty I feel no amount of alcohol makes anything better..ever. Thank you!

    • Christopher 8 years ago

      Festivals or going out is always hard to hack; not being drunk with friends and family. When I do now I always provide my own non-alcoholic drink which is extremely salubrious.
      I’m not saying it’ll work for you, but it does for me.
      Good Luck.

  9. Ms.Zad 8 years ago

    Love this! Day 33 and just sprinted through my 48th birthday alone, by design; stayed very busy learning new things – feeding my brain, spirit and my very abused body in healthy ways was the celebration I DESERVE!

    • Wildflower 8 years ago

      Well done Ms Zad. I am day 39 and recently had my 48th birthday and went out to a posh restaurant for dinner as I didn’t want things to be so different just cos I wasn’t drinking. It was interesting to look around and note that not everyone was even drinking alcohol, and they certainly weren’t knocking it back by the bottle…
      48 is quite old to give up I get the impression – my doctor said to me last year I was too old to be binge drinking – ouch – that hit home! I am enjoying the calmness and the respect I am paying my body parts – I have a nine year old boy to grow old with now…

  10. morgan 8 years ago

    Fantastic – exactly, precisely, perfect. Our thoughts are so important. I thought I was being truthful and acknowledging how things were recently when quite a few times I admitted I really wanted a drink, wished I did drink, imagined giving in. Suddenly I was aware these thoughts were moving me away from strength and contentment. Danger, not good. Now I am back to ‘thank goodness I don’t do that any more’ type thoughts and relishing my clear mind and all the wonderful things gained by staying well clear of the addictive crap.
    Thanks so much for sharing your clarity.XX

  11. Wendy 8 years ago

    Retraining the brain, it’s a hard one but very do-able.
    I’m 2 weeks into my giving up alcohol, and tonight I felt like a wine, but I knew it would make me feel yuk in the long run AND I want to be in control of my life and not the other way round. So I made a nice cuppa of tea because I deserved to be able to enjoy a drink and feel good about it..
    Thanks for the encouragement Mrs D

  12. Annielou 8 years ago

    Love it! I DESERVE to be well and happy and present in this life.

  13. Phillip 8 years ago

    Thank you. Needed this reminder. Was doing so well until I choose to go back to old patterns of thinking this week. It about choice and right thinking. Again thank you.

  14. Kerris 8 years ago

    Thanks Mrs D. This Is just what I need to read at this point. Love it!

  15. Anonymous 8 years ago

    so well analysed and written. Thanks! the idea that i deserved a wine (or 3, 4 or 5) because i had been working hard all day was the primary thought process which contributed to my drinking. I still need to remind myself that this makes NO SENSE!

  16. Jennifer 8 years ago

    I’m printing this and putting it on my wall…as usual you are a breath of fresh air that gives me strength!

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