Socialising Sober

Heading into social situations without drinking can be very uncomfortable when we first quit alcohol. This Sober Toolbox is a space for sharing tips on how to navigate social events, including what to say to people who question why we’re not drinking. If you're looking for more discussion, interactions and feedback, head inside our Members Feed. That's where the real-time conversations take place.

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  1. Ginger1960 1 month ago

    Oops, sorry about my last feed here. It was meant to go under the members feed.

  2. Ginger1960 1 month ago

    Well, I made it through the 50th birthday party at the pub the night before last and NYE last night without having or wanting any drink. The pub night was very comfortable as I just sat all evening and visited with friends. The band was too loud to have any real conversations though. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin – social awkwardness perhaps??
    Last night we went over to a friends house. They have a huge party room that can hold upwards to ~40 ppl. They have a great dance floor and I danced the night away. I have no voice left because of talking and chatting so much. I was asked if I was off the drink by the host,not which I replied “yes, I have had a lot of inflammation in my body and I’m detoxing”.
    I have no voice today, tired but very content that I didn’t pick up that first drink.
    Wishing you all a very happy, prosperous and healthy New Year from Canada.❤️

  3. Anonymous 4 months ago

    Take only what you intend to drink if you intend to in the first place – and keep to the minimum limits
    between each drink – have a soft drink or water, and drink more slowly than normal
    when finished your quota, leave, soon after rather than being tempted to drink alternative alcoholic drinks
    unless you can remain on nonalcoholic beverages
    if drinking don’t take the car
    make sure you make plans for alternative transport
    If you can advise family and friends when they are sober – that for whatever reason – you are no longer consuming alcohol – and again only drink your own drinks – to be safest

  4. Katiepie 9 months ago

    I just joined today, I am 1 day sober lol… and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired with hangovers and regret. I am a 36 year old single mum… I in the last 7 days I have gotten black out drunk twice… so bad. Really gonna make a good go of this.. so today iv planned my next social event around being sober. Usually it’s the opposite. So I just rang my brother and assured him and my mum that I will sober drive them home from my sisters big 40th birthday party in a couple weeks. Also particularly picked those family members because they are the only ones that don’t drink to excess… basically all the rest of my family are alcoholics.. so I hope doing some planning now will be a good strategy 😊🙏
    I’m happy to be here guys and thanks for the support.

  5. Katiepie 9 months ago

    I just joined today, I am 1 day sober lol… and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired with hangovers and regret. I am a 36 year old single mum… I in the last 7 days I have gotten black out drunk twice… so bad. Really gonna make a good go of this.. so today iv planned my next social event around being sober. Usually it’s the opposite. So I just rang my brother and assured him and my mum that I will sober drive them home from my sisters big 40th birthday party in a couple weeks. Also particularly picked those family members because they are the only ones that don’t drink to excess… basically all the rest of my family are alcoholics.. so I hope doing some planning now will be a good strategy 😊🙏
    I’m happy to be here guys and thanks for the support

  6. River13 10 months ago

    I think I posted in the wrong’s place. Sorry. Not used to this yet 😊

  7. River13 10 months ago

    Feeling a bit alone.
    I still feel embarrassed about telling my Dr how much I drank. I know it’s silly to keep thinking about it…
    I’m grateful to have gone on a great walk last week and have been sober for 3 weeks.
    Today was a bit of a right off with a blinding migraine, feeling better. I would usually rely on strong painkillers. But this time just Panadol and rest.

  8. freedom1025 11 months ago

    “I’m on a wellness kick” is my go-to response.

    • Kelz81 2 months ago

      Nice one

  9. rivan 12 months ago

    I went to the pub today, only day 2 ( early days I know ),but we had a street residents meeting, so had to go. I bought 4 Heineken 0.0 while I was there, I was so proud of myself, and shocked that I still had fun and was my same old dry with person. Was also shocked that 7 people asked within the first 25 mins why I was not drinking. I said that it was just that I didn’t eat before I came, and didn’t want to upset my stomach. Worked a charm. But if that many people realised so quickly, how trashed did I used to be ?

  10. djwspexs 12 months ago

    Is there a supplement available to ease the urge to drink or cut back?

  11. danny 1 year ago

    New here trying to finally quit after years of drinking pretty heavily at times more than I wish to remember or can . I am 27 days sober today this year I have been 118 days sober between jan 2021 and now but in-between I’ve made up for the off days for sure. I’m doing this for the last time at 58 years old time to grow up Danny!..Socializing sober is not hard for me but I hate being around people who are drinking cause they are obnoxious AF! (MOST). I am a happy kinda drunk love to laugh and tell crazy stories but if I was that way when I drank my apologies to all the bar tenders and people around me!…I know it’s early but I also know I’m the kinda person who can quit things very quickly as I did cocaine /meth in my earlier years (never addicted). any way love reading these stories they are inspiring and let me know I’m not the only one who fights this thing called alcohol.. thanks

  12. kelly mcclean 1 year ago

    In the beginning, when people questioned my not drinking I’d say, “You’re Welcome!” and then laugh to insinuate that I was a mess when I drank and they were lucky to not to have to witness that. Now, after 8 years of being sober, I no longer need to say much about WHY because being sober is much more socially acceptable than before. I often have people come up to me to ask HOW I became sober because they’d like to get sober too. I still go out to parties and bars and order NA drinks but I do leave much earlier than I used to. It can feel a bit lonely at times, this is true, but I leave with my dignity and with grace. I do think having a memorized script when going out is helpful. Migraine, work the next day, allergies, taking a break, whatever the script is, it helps with that initial awkward phase to get through the situation. As you become more grounded on your sober journey, you’ll become stronger in those social situations and recognize that people are actually curious about the sober life. You’ll be able to share your stories, if you wish, and even be an inspiration.

    • Kiwi 1 year ago

      Thanks for the advise Kelly. My responce has been to use (Doctors orders) implying a medical issue. It’s still early days for me, 57 AF and I’m feeling a bit fake saying this but on the other hand don’t feel sure enough to say I don’t drink in case I relapse and would hide my drinking again which was a very dark place.

  13. Andymuso 2 years ago

    I think you need to remove yourself from uncomfortable situations i have done that lots but still doesn’t stop the crave

  14. tinker27 2 years ago

    Just realised that it’s three years since I posted, on my last attempt to stop drinking so a bit embarrassed! Am now on day 17 of my next attempt so that’s a record!! It was all going very well until I had my first social occasion last night, friends over for BBQ. I got myself a non-alcholic spirit as a treat for doing so well (I know – bad psychology), and it was very disappointing! I felt that I was boring everyone the entire evening… found it hard to enjoy myself. I was wondering if this is common and welcome any comments!! ON a positive note, night before last I had my first full night’s sleep without waking for the first time in about two years? Actually it’s been so long it might be more that that….!

  15. Hitman 2 years ago

    I have socialised sober a few times in my 75 days sober so far. Most times if someone asks why im not drinking I tell them the truth, that i have a drinking problem and have chosen to stay sober for my health. That shuts them up!

    • 68notout 2 years ago

      I agree. I think being honest is the best answer.. just saying I’m an alcoholic often catches them by surprise & they don’t know what to say.
      We have a health problem so get it out there.people usually very empathetic. I do laugh when you say I drink too much & need to follow the all or nothing rule.
      By proud of your self for making the good choice of not drinking

  16. Auryn 2 years ago

    Temptations and invitations are everywhere. I`m determined not to hide under a rock just because I don`t drink alcohol anymore. But I think it`s super important to stay in the right mindset and be prepared, in case old drinking buddies try to talk you out of your decision or just flat out pour you a glass of something.

    I just got an invitation from a friend who said it`s his last day of holiday and he wants to “celebrate” that with a bottle of white wine. Well who in their right mind plans on getting drunk on a Tuesday night before having to work again the next morning? People like me and him – we did it all the time and normally I would have gladly joined him “to unwind a little”, knowing that next next day I`ll feel like shit at work …
    so what are the sober choices now?

    1) prepare and be prepared, I told him on the phone that I don`t drink right now and that I might join him after work bringing my own alcohol free stuff. He seemed ok with that
    2) politely decline and spend a nice quiet evening, self-caring. I still might do that later on, if I feel a conversation with someone getting drunk alone before my eyes is NOT what I need to “unwind” tonight. I might need a run or a stop at the gym or a nice homecooked meal (all things I neglected while drinking daily) MORE than this.

    I`m just going to listen to my needs. I really like this friend, we`ve had great conversations, but in a way I feel that today he`s just using me as an excuse to open a bottle on a weekday. So maybe I won`t go. Normally the need for alcohol would have driven me there no matter what. Now I`m free of choice!!! And even if I do go I know that without alcohol I will be in control of the time I spend there – no danger of falling into a wild drinking session until 2am.

    What a relief, what a previously unknow freedom of choice… enjoying it 🙂

    • Hitman 2 years ago

      Hi Auryn, To be honest if I have a friend try to force drinks on me they wont be my friend for much longer. I have put in too much effort to throw it away because they just want a drinking buddy. But then to begin with if i think a party is going to be like that I just wont go. Im on the early days (day 75) so parties arent my cup of tea yet…

  17. Kaliisa 3 years ago

    I have managed this so well that I feel proud now I used to wakeup from a previous crazy drinking session and I will be like “that’s it!! I quit! then on the next occasion I’m tempted to drink a little by little sometimes shift my choice to wines thinking I’m making it better.
    This went on for quite sometime which was quiting then sipping a little then binge, at some moment after many stupid nights I’m not gonna tell how many stuffs I did yet I was the humble normal, I just knew I’m rotting inside.

    Solution 1
    I admitted that I’m doing something which is gonna cost my life, so I suggested to cut my portions and make curfew alarms so slowly I shifted from drinking whiskey and gin to drinking beers, from drinking 13 beers a night to drinking 7 from drinking 7 beers to drinking 1 bottle of wine a week from that to 3 beers a week from that to 4beers in a month and slowly by slowly I starved my urge till when I could say ” I Dont need any alcohol in my blood streams and so here iam its now coming to 1full month without alcohol.
    Trust me its not easy but I’m making it smoothly.

    • Auryn 2 years ago

      Good it worked for you!! For me it has always been all or nothing .. I found stopping altogether less tiring and painful than trying to get it under control …

    • charlotteritter 3 years ago

      Hi Kalissa – I found your post interesting. I just joined yesterday and have been trying the same approach (slowly reducing bit by bit). I’m now down to 10-15 drinks per week, but finding it harder to reduce any more. Any tips? Especially for the zero drink days.

      • Hellsbells 3 years ago

        Try eating more- I find I drink more when im hungry and being hungry sets off cravings for alcohol. I justify putting off eating because I dont want to gain weight and then drink a whole bottle of wine and then eat… Even without the weight issue its really unhealthy behaviour. Just a thought..Im only on day 3 but have found this to work in other sober times

  18. HTT1993 3 years ago

    Right, here goes. 90% of the time, I go out and can control the amount I drink. 10% of the time, I cannot, and find once I’ve had one, I go into a binge and get carried away. This has got me into various situations that have never been positive, whether this is getting into arguments or getting so incapacitated its dangerous for my welfare. I have told myself again and again to limit my drinks, or dont drink at all, but it always slips back into my life one way or another.

    So, what do I do? Do I completely cut drinking out of my life, or do I try and limit how much I drink? I have tried limiting it in the past and this usually goes well for the first 2 months, and then there will be some kind of occassion and I go overboard again, the binging always creeps back in.

    I feel as though I cant risk my relationship or my job by trying to limit it and failing again, as this time round when I have binge drank at the weekend, it has caused me significant relationship problems, I’ve been told to have the week off work as its significantly affected my mental health, I am very depressed and need to get myself back together. I am not confident that my relationship will even survive this time.

    I am of an age where I should be settling down but also motivated for life, not going out and getting obliterated when it’s not necessary. There wasnt even a reason for it, my life is good. I just lost my limits, again.

    My other concern is that I have a skiing holiday booked over the next few weeks, as well as 2 x festivals I am meant to be going to this year, and potentially 2 family holidays. I associate going on holiday with having a drink. I’m worried I’m going to make myself more depressed by winding up not enjoying any of these events.

    Anyone have any advice around any of the above issues? I just want to be a better girlfriend, better family member and a better person. I spent the first 18 years if my life managing without drinking alcohol, so what changed? I was always very sensible as a child, but since I turned 18, I think I got more silly! Now 8 years down the line, I’m starting to realise the massive effect binge drinking has had on me, my decisions and my life.


    • shayz 2 years ago

      I feel you HTT I really do! I too thought cutting down would be ok, then I would say that only drinking on special occasions! When a special occasion came around I would get blackout drunk and usually make a dick of myself! So today I joined this community and today is also my Day 1 of being sober! After pretty much hitting rock bottom of late I have taken it on to kick this addiction. Good luck to you on your journey!

    • johatnn 3 years ago

      Hi HTT, I think you’ve answered your own question. Alcohol adds nothing to your life. You’ll most likely find it easier to be alcohol free than try to moderate. Give it a go. One day at a time.

    • Lammy 3 years ago

      Hi HTT my a few years older but pretty much in the same boat. I try to control it and think that I have and then bang I wake up thinking uh oh where has the last 6 hours gone. Have you been able to come to any conclusions or changes since the post?

      I’m only a couple of days into sobriety and feel like I’m starting down the same path

      • thegoodpsych 2 years ago

        @HTT1993 I just put up my first post which sounds a lot like yours! I am the same, I am 30 years old and 90% of the time I drink I am fine (ish, I smoke when I drink which leaves me feeling disgusting) but the other 10% I have memory loss, do and say things I’d never do sober and have terrible hangxiety for days following the binge. I have struggled with an anxiety disorder in the past so the hangxiety following a binge is particularly bad for me. I have tried several times this year to moderate my intake, putting limits on myself like “I won’t have any more than 4 drinks” and this works for a while, normally a month or so, and then I’ll have a blow out and I feel like I’m back to square one. No matter how much self-knowledge I accumulate (i.e. knowing my triggers, identifying the chain of events leading up to the binge) it doesn’t stop the binges. I don’t really have any advice for you, just want you to know that I am in the same boat and I know how hard it is and I wish you all the best on your journey.

  19. RitaMae 3 years ago

    I often just say that as I’ve gotten a little older, alcohol messes too much with my sleep. For whatever reason that seems to be a common enough issue that people don’t even question it.

  20. funtimes 3 years ago

    One of the suggestions I really love in here is saying it gives me migraines. People can’t argue with that.

  21. angiew 3 years ago

    When I go out I have af beer or tonic . Sometimes tea if they sell it . If it cones up I’m not drinking I proudly say I’ve given up . It’s amazing how many people are intrigued and go into a in-depth conversation about how I’ve done it how I feel and I always get a well done I wish I had the willpower ! Trust me it wasn’t easy when the green slime gremlin was telling me one was ok or it’s a special occasion . He’s pretty much gone now but occasionally he try’s a softer approach to entice me back into his crutches but I learnt from last time how this works .

  22. ginoiseau 3 years ago

    Fizzy water in a tall glass with ice & a slice of lime looks like a gin & tonic (or vodka & tonic). I’m amazed that no-one has actually called me out on my not drinking. Dry-July was a great excuse, then I’ve been a sober driver. Apparently No-Sip-September is also a thing.

  23. Anonymous 4 years ago

    How can I go to a social event and not drink alcohol? How can I ensure I enjoy it? At the moment I feel that I would rather not go out than go out and not drink.
    I might be able to stop drinking at home, but I want to see my friends and go out with them. Some of them don’t drink, it won’t ever be a problem for them if I dont drink. I just feel like it will be too hard for me.

    • BillieK17 3 years ago

      Me too

  24. Lorna79 4 years ago

    At the moment it is fairly easy – DRY JULY 🙂 come August and going forward, at my age my excuse is valid and will be ‘we are trying for a baby’ which is true.

    My other go to line is ‘I have heart problems so I’m not allowed to drink anymore’ – again this is true.

    For others though, the ol ‘I’m the sober driver’ is a respectful and usually truthful way to deal with those ‘why aren’t you drinking’ queries, especially if others are used to you being the drunken life of the party!

  25. connilynn 4 years ago

    I’m on day 17 with a goal of 6 months for now. I just found out my sister and brother in law are going to be visiting for my birthday and they are very big drinkers. I think I’m just going to say, if pressed, that alcohol hasn’t been agreeing with me lately- it gives me migraines and saps my energy and I just feel better without it. All of this is true. Another option is to say nothing. I’ve noticed most people don’t even notice I’m not drinking if I have a lime in my water. I may start out that way, and move to the other if she notices and asks. Any thoughts ?

    • Teazy 4 years ago

      hey, this is the same as me, it zaps my energy and gives me migraine, i tell people im taking a break to see if it improves, my sister has always said, ok well just have one, or just have beer, and i reply..that just makes me tired! saying nothing will not work if they are big drinkers, good luck.

  26. kellyl8613 4 years ago

    Just wondering has alcohal free wine/beer been introduced in new zealand yet…

    • TheNephalist 3 years ago

      Mirage wines do really nice alcohol free (AF) wines and there is Seedlip or Ecology which are AF gin. There are a lots of AF beers for sale in the supermarket, it would be great if they didn’t put them right next to the alcohol though.

    • red78 3 years ago

      yep it’s at new world but the alcohol free wine led me back into drinking as I was creating the same habit as when drinking but having a glass of it when i got home from work and eventually I started drinking again.

    • DavidFS 4 years ago

      Yes @kellyl8613 alcohol free beer and wine are available although you usually have to look for it.

  27. Tawdrey 4 years ago

    I haven’t had a drink in 16 years, so I’ve used many reasons. To friends who knew the way I used to drink I’d say, “you know me, I’ve drunk more than my share.” To others I usually wouldn’t need a reason, and now I just say ” I don’t drink”. People don’t usually push. However, recently my new boss at a work event asked me why I didn’t have a drink… I replied that I’d get one later (it was going to be a juice, but I didn’t elaborate)… And he said that was good, because he didn’t trust people who didn’t drink. Oops! People who say that usually have a problem with alcohol themselves.

  28. TwoMagpies 4 years ago

    One leads to too many and then to a hangover. I loathe hangovers.

  29. Feijoa 4 years ago

    I say quite simply “Drinking makes me a t**t”, smile and move the conversation along ? Works a treat every time.

  30. joesdad 4 years ago

    When a bemused and (let’s face it) crestfallen friend asked me at a dinner party recently why I’d stopped drinking, I said “I’ve had enough.” When he continued to look baffled I said “Yeah I know, it’s a huge adjustment, it feels scary and it’s not going to be easy, BUT YOU’LL GET OVER IT!”

    • Dontblamethemusic 4 years ago

      Ha Ha, great response, I like it

  31. Livinglife 4 years ago

    I found that most people won’t worry too much if you choose not to drink. As long as THEY are drinking they are okay with it!!

  32. cdh1 4 years ago

    I love all these! Today is day 8! Woohoo I’ve made it a week. This is not my first time at day 8. I made it 30 days last summer. I want to make it. So, I’m trying different things this time. And that includes preparing myself for social situations that are usually boozy. Later this week…I have my company annual holiday party and it’s just about the booziest most gluttonous event you can imagine. I mean, we sell alcohol for a living. So it’s a company full of overindulgers. I mean, I’ve told my close work friends I’m not drinking this month, that I’m doing a cleanse. And they were surprisingly cool with that. None of them even tried to talk me out of not drinking at the party. And I found out another co-worker is not drinking “this month”. I asked her if she’d like to join me in a “100 day challenge” and she said, “yes!” so I do have someone at work I can check in with, someone else who won’t be drinking this Friday. Someone I can hang out with if things feel weird. I feel strong otherwise. I’ve been doing a lot of self-care over the past week and being kind to myself. But this party coming up is the one thing that has me feeling uneasy and I want to be prepared.

    • robzombie1964 4 years ago

      Being around alcohol that much can make anyone tempted, lol!! The only thing I can throw out for you is to have a plan laid out in case you get a strong urge to drink at the party!! It can be as easy is making sure your car is parked for easy access!! Also dont plan on staying that long!! The later the party goes the more you will likely be tempted to “just have one” Coming early and leaving early will pay dividends not having to worry about waking up hungover wondering where you went wrong!! Maybe even working something out with your cooworker to come and go together!! There is defintely strength in numbers!! Take care and good luck!!

  33. psykez 4 years ago

    “Alcohol messes with my immune system so I decided to stop, last time I almost lost my eye” it’s not entirely untrue, it’s just not the whole truth either.

  34. Seabass 4 years ago

    I like to take the brutally honest approach. You know? Shut’em down immediately. Leave no room for questions ; )

    “I’m not drinking tonight because I have consumed enough alcohol over the last 15 years for 10 lifetimes….yours and mine. Literally, enough to float the titanic on.”

    • Ryantaiji 4 years ago

      Well said

    • Tylee 4 years ago

      Love this response 🙂

    • Schubaby 4 years ago

      I absolutely love that response! I think I just might have to take this one.

      • Sister#6 4 years ago

        I’ve used that exact reply. “I’ve drank my lifetime limit already, I can’t have anymore”. They smile and move on.

  35. sober4real 4 years ago

    I’ve used everything from I’m on a diet, to I’m on antibiotics, to I don’t feel like it, I have to get up early in the morning or the truth…..I don’t drink (when I’m sober). I like what everyone is saying about not caring what other people think. If anyone gives you a bad time they do not have what is best for you on their mind so they probably aren’t someone to hang out with anyway.

  36. Brandon Metallic 4 years ago

    If anyone asks why I’m not drinking I tell them that I’m sober now, that I’m living a positive lifestyle, explain what being sober has brought me and my difficulties of when I wasn’t sober. As for social events I’m really avoiding most occasions right now because I’m fresh in sobriety, but soon I will be watching an MMA event where there’s alcohol served. I explained to my friend that I wont be able to party and that I was going to sleep after the fights and he respects my choice.

  37. Anonymous 4 years ago

    I drank almost every day for 20 years, often just a glass of wine with dinner. Did a 30 day alcohol fast with a few friends. Found the first week very boring, but gradually got into it….Now I drink no more than 4 units a week and often none. I hate the label “alcoholic” – and there is no scientific basis for it. People have various degrees ( or none) of alcohol dependency. For me, the exclusivity and superiority of Group Meetings I attended was terrible. I prefer to be with tolerant people , a good mixture, who simply accept me as I am whether I am drinking or not. I think there is nothing wrong, and a lot right with moderate/occasional drinking. The best reasons I have found to explain either having only 1-2 drinks is “it gives me migraine”! And finally, I have found an alternative AF drink I like – Ginger Ale in a brandy glass with loads of ice. It tastes like my old choice, brandy and ginger ale. Also, if in a place where tea/coffee is available, one trick that works every time for me ( took a while to cop this) is – when ordering my second drink, I order a cup of tea/coffee to follow in a short while. This breaks the alcohol flow and serves me well. But the thing that works best for me is I never drink at home, unless I have a dinner party. Its a cup of tea for everyone now…After a dinner party, I pour any leftover alcohol down the sink. I would have thought that wasteful before and drank it, but it is better to clean my drains than upset my liver!

  38. Chii 4 years ago

    If someone asks me why I’m not drinking, I tell them the truth. “I can’t stop at one, so i’d rather not drink”
    I find it stops people pushing drinks on me.

    • TwoMagpies 4 years ago

      I like this. The truth is a lovely thing.

  39. Bunny 4 years ago

    I’m giving my liver a break before Christmas

  40. Anonymous 4 years ago

    Inherited a bundle of genes that rebel at the very thought of being a real person.

    • BS 3 years ago

      This is great!

  41. Rikitootoe 4 years ago

    Donn make me derunck, you wo’nt like me when i’m drungk.

  42. TAL 4 years ago

    Just used the days sober / calculate how much I’ve not spent on drinking. and it comes to UK £21,445!!

    holy shit, on so many levels 🙂

    • thecandidme 4 years ago

      This is what I’m thinking too! How much money I can save to do other things!

  43. TAL 4 years ago

    Navigating this situation was one of what felt like many huge, but very real to me, situations to navigate.
    Everyone I know drinks, a lot. Every family occasion is soaked in booze. I have always ‘loved a glass of wine’ (couple of bottles) and every expected to see me with a drink in my hand. I thought, ‘If they see me not drinking they will know that I had a problem, that I’ve ‘had to stop’, that I was…. an ALCOHOLIC!!’ – and I thought, I can’t let that be known. The shame (my parents were also alcoholics. which I know means that there was an increased likelihood of me arriving in the same sorry place, but I also thought, people would think…. “You’d think she should have known better. should’ve seen that coming. la la la”.
    I couldn’t handle the idea of all these things happening. I didn’t want to have to handle it. So I kept drinking.
    WIth hindsight (nearly 2 1/2 years sober) I wish I hadn’t been so concerned with wtf everybody else thinks. I used to care so much. I didn’t think I did, but I did. As I became more sure of myself (this comes naturally with recovery) I began to gain a new perspective on everything. I put things into proper perspective. And with that – I shouldn’t have cared what everyone else might think. This is my life. Theirs is theirs. And we all only get one go at this.
    Today, I feel proud of myself. I love going to family weddings, funerals and every other piss up and being about the only person not getting smashed. I love peoples’ reaction (mostly amazement) that I can spend so much time in a drinking environment, sober, and I shit you not…. Enjoy myself!! It’s true. I do.
    Didn’t think for a minute that would be possible either.
    Getting sober showed me a new me…. well, allowed the one who had been buried to re-surface.

    N.B. You’ll be surprised to find that half the time most people don’t actually notice what you’re drinking or not drinking. They don’t care. Most people are too busy worrying about themselves.

    • petaswan 4 years ago

      Your post has just helped me immensely!

  44. Anonymous 4 years ago

    If anyone ask me… I will say… because its ruining my life in everyway… i hate waking up hungover… with all the drunk trimmings… looking forward to refinding myself

  45. Anonymous 4 years ago

    Hello, i also fall into this category. My main social life are my work colleges who have become friends but its still the usual cocktails after work or someones birthday… and going out for dinner and drinks. I alway attend the meals and can not drink quite easily through it but after the meal is when I struggle. I want to socialise and be around people but not drinking when they are is difficult, humans seek out human interaction its natural but difficult in a society where our social life is based around alcohol. We’ll done the 63 days, that a great achievement. – AG

  46. Lous18 4 years ago

    I have not been out but have been toying with the idea of saying I am on sabitical and moving on lol – actually I should probably just move along instead of getting in a conversation – too new for me.

  47. nurtureandgrow 4 years ago

    I’ve never been asked why i’m not drinking ,I just get that look and you can see the cogs turning and you just sit there with all the thoughts running through your head as to why they think you are not drinking, then someone asks you a question about your aunties dog and you stare at them blankly like you are stoned cause you still trying to interpret Mildred and Mavis’s LOOK…….and who the hang is Aunt Fanny and is something wrong with her dog??????????

  48. nurtureandgrow 4 years ago

    wouldnt it be rude to ask someone why they are not drinking?

    • Anonymous 4 years ago

      Nurtureandgrow, it might be rude but I have several family members I “used to” party with who have no problem calling you out! Especially when they are drinking. Unfortunately most of them will not be my support system. Thankfully I have found this site.

  49. Paula 4 years ago

    That doesn’t mean you are back to square one, so don’t beat yourself up. This happens with most people. It might be helpful to go to some meetings in your area to connect with others who understand this issue. I found it very isolating and lonely when I first quit. Even if you don’t work the steps or speak up in the meetings, the people at them tend to be friendly and supportive.

  50. Anonymous 4 years ago

    When it comes to socializing sober, I used to make excuses, which didn’t make me feel good about myself. I decided to just say rather grandly ‘I never touch a drop of alcohol anymore.’ and let people draw their own conclusions. Some people will keep at it, and I don’t mind having an honest conversation about it. It depends on the person – some people want to have a real interaction, and some people would rather just have a more basic conversation that consists of small talk. I find now that I don’t drink I don’t have an interest in small talk anymore, though of course I will do it at a party to be polite.

    I find it interesting to see people’s reactions to what is in my glass. In my profession I am trained to read body language so no one needs to straight up tell me ‘I am unsettled and uncomfortable by the fact that you are not drinking’ – I can see it. Some people are disturbed by it, but most don’t care. I admit I used to be that person who didn’t want some teetotaler around, so this doesn’t offend me, I understand completely.

    It has been a real shift for me to just say I don’t drink as opposed to ‘I have to get up early’ or ‘I am on antibiotics’ (seriously, I have actually said this several times). It marked the beginning of feeling better about my choice not to drink. It seems almost rebellious to be sober now. If there are a few people who just write me off as ‘someone who can’t drink’ I really don’t mind anymore. Those tend to be those boring small-talk people anyway.

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