Connection is what sobriety is all about

Many hands put together

I didn't feel disconnected from myself when I was drinking. I thought I was in touch with how I felt and who I was. It wasn't until I took the alcohol away and grew to really understand myself, that I realised how cut off I had been.

Crazy isn't it? I had lived inside my head for 39 years and thought I was knew myself, but now I know I didn't at all. How could I? For all of my adult life I'd never given myself the time and space to connect inwardly. I'd never sat fully in my emotions for long enough to truly figure myself out.

Instead, I was always reaching for the bottle to ease my moods. Drinking steadily through the days, weeks & months - and always more heavily in the tough times.

As a result, I realise now, I never really, truly understood myself. I hadn't been with wide open brain for long enough to properly process my thoughts and feelings. I blurred things, complicated things, numbed things, avoided things. Constantly.

For all the years I was a steady, regular drinker (20+ years), I didn't realise what a massive impact this was having on my overall experience of life. On my connection with myself. I had no idea. Until, that is, I took the alcohol away.

Now that I live with a wide open brain 100% of the time, never altering my brain chemistry, never 'taking the edge off', never numbing or avoiding, I've had no option but to connect in more deeply with myself. It's been incredible, amazing, eye-opening, grounding, calming.

I can type these words out to try to explain to you how differently I feel now, how much better I know and understand myself and what a positive impact this has had on my life. And you can read them and try to understand. But only if you really experience it yourself will you know exactly what I mean. Some of you reading this already will, because you'll have experienced it yourselves. The rest of you who aren't quite there yet - I truly hope you try.

Connecting with myself has been without a doubt the Number One joy of my sobriety. And watching how this ripples out to all the connections I have with the people around me is Number Two. My connections with my family, my connections with my friends, and my connections with other people in recovery - like you lot here at Living Sober! - they're all rich, meaningful and rewarding.

Connection is what sobriety and recovery is all about. And it's a glorious, glorious thing.

Mrs D xxx

  1. annkarels 6 months ago

    Very thought provoking. I am on day 41, and I see the need to connect with myself. What I am struggling with is how to do that – in the midst of the busyness of work and family. Especially since I don’t have a lot of support from my family, and they aren’t willing to give me time and space to live my life. They expect me to be on demand for them no matter what I am trying to do. They have their own rooms (my husband has his office) but I don’t have a corner where I can shut the door and be alone to ponder, pray, whatever. Not sure how to move forward with this part of the journey.

  2. angiex 2 years ago

    I get it ! I enjoy the connections I have with my loved ones now, I remember things they tell me and spend more time with them. I can actually feel the love I knew I had but numbed by drinking. Thank you Mrs-D for this space ! x

    • angiex 2 years ago

      sorry for the repeated comment, can’t delete it…

  3. angiex 2 years ago

    I get it! I’m so grateful for the connections I enjoy with my loved ones now. I remember things they have shared with me, I spend more time with them, I can actually feel the love I always knew I had but had numbed away with the drinking. Thank you @Mrs-D for this space ! x

  4. soberbutterfly 2 years ago

    So beautiful @Mrs-D! Just wonderful to read. Thank u!❤

  5. Mary 2 years ago

    So powerful. I like what poppy88 said about connecting w/ people clean & sober w/ no guilt and shame. That so resonated w/ me. I’m only 2 days sober today. It’s the first time in my life (41 yrs of drinking) that I have admitted to my family, friends & coworkers that I AM an alcoholic. I could go on and on but I won’t. I’m just happy to have found living sober

  6. Lovelife 2 years ago

    As always such an inspirational post! Today I celebrate 6mths sobriety. It hasn’t been an easy ride – especially over the festive season but with help from my AA meetings (I only attend 1 a week – to remind me of why I am living sober), I am 100% in the present for my gorgeous girls and devoted husband who has stood by me every step of the way. Being 100% in the present 100% of the time is the most amazing feeling. To have “quality” time with my girls and to have “real” conversations with my closest friends – is a gift that keeps giving. Here’s to a wonderful 2020 .. wishing you and ours a wonderful one too ?

  7. wiser4it 2 years ago

    Love it. Always inspiring to read your thoughts.

  8. MalibuStacey 2 years ago

    One of my favourite blogs from you, @Mrs D. So so rich!

  9. Poppy88 2 years ago

    This is so true. Connecting with people daily, clean and sober from shame and guilt. I love this. So proud to be a LS member everyday ??

  10. hikermom 2 years ago

    This. Entirely. Im learning now who that person is who i numbed for so long. I’m so thankful to have made to this place. Its hard work, the unblending and uncovering. But its so so worth it.

  11. 20012015 2 years ago

    Simply beautiful xx

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