This piece was first written as an update in the Members Feed by @māorigirlsober on her 80th sober day. I thought it so powerful it was worth sharing here. She begins with a well-known quote about choice...
"Choice is the most powerful tool we have. Everything boils down to choice. We exist in a field of infinite possibilities. Every choice we make shuts an infinite amount of doors and opens an infinite amount of doors. At any point we can change the direction of our lives. It is all in our hands, our hearts and our minds.”
This morning I hear the birds singing through the breaks of torrential rain. I am grateful to be here and grateful for all that I have.
Through my time of sobriety, I have noticed that I am choosing which battles I need to fight and which ones don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Because of these choices, I have far less anxiety and my happiness is far more sustainable.
Today, I am better at creating boundaries and saying "No" is easier as I grow stronger. I no longer have the disease to 'people please'.
I have nothing to prove.
The issues in my life that used to upset me, no longer do. I’ve let many of them go to live in the past where they belong.
My choices to rise early and eat well and stay fit serve my mental strength better than any other habits I’ve ever had.
When I look in the mirror, it’s hard to recognise the newer me, the one who is well and carefree. The sparkle has returned to my eyes and there are no longer black circles beneath them.
I no longer suffer from paranoia or think about how to solve all of the worlds problems. I only take on what has my name on it. Nothing more and nothing less.
Drama doesn’t live in my house any more and I’m noticing the change in my friendship circles. The ones who’ve remained and the ones who no longer invite me out because perhaps I’m not that fun girl anymore?
I don’t mind. My choice is to protect my inner peace. The one thing I’ve been swimming towards for what has felt like fucking forever somedays!
My island. My peace. My choices that have led me here.
As I take a breath to finish this entry, I think about how I would lock myself in my own prison and think I could never step out. Once I felt that moment of bravery to step forward, each day puts me further away from the person that I used to know.
My choice is sobriety. Until my last breath.