Sober Story: Peter

This week's Sober Story comes from Peter, a 59-year-old living in Auckland.

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Mrs D: How long have you been in recovery?

Peter: 3 years

Mrs D: What can you tell us about the last months/years of your drinking before you gave up?

Peter: A bottle of wine (minimum) plus a couple of whiskies every night after work (plus more in the weekends) was my daily routine. Not obviously ‘drunk’. No hangovers. If I chose to go a day or a week without a drink I could do so without any physical withdrawal or anxiety. Just a very normal booze soaked existence. Didn’t really understand why my wife kept asking me to cut down my drinking …

Mrs D: What was the final straw that led you to get sober?

Peter: I had gone down to Queenstown for a three day break with my wife to visit my daughter on her South Island working holiday. Each day was filled with craft beers from local breweries, cocktails and wines over dinner and yes because it was a winter treat getaway I had bought a lovely bottle of whisky for our trip. On the third evening our daughter was in our hotel room and as I was pouring the last dram of whisky she looked at me alarmed and said “dad you are drinking whisky out of a wine glass”. Indeed I was because our room didn’t have any tumblers - but what she meant was that I was drinking whisky like other people drink wine – large glasses one after the other. At that point it dawned on me that I was drinking way too much for what was good for me (and my last blood tests had come back with a cholesterol reading that was in the danger zone!). I also didn’t like the look in my daughter’s eyes - a mixture of concern and sadness.

Mrs D: How was it for you in the early days? What was most difficult?

Peter: The first days and weeks were challenging. My routine was so hard wired that I found it very difficult not to have a glass in my hand in the evenings. I was also going through some really tough personal times and booze had been my crutch to help dull the pain, anger and sadness that I was feeling.

Mrs D: What tool or tools did you use to help you? 

Peter: My sobriety coincided with the four month Covid lockdown – initially it was kind of like a Covid project. So each afternoon at 4:30 instead of opening a bottle of wine I would head off for a two hour walk around the neighbourhood with my headphones on listening to audio books about peoples experiences giving up alcohol. Reading or listening to books about alcohol misuse and the personal journeys of sober warriors became a daily ritual along with plenty of exercise AND this wonderful online community 😊.

Mrs D: What reaction did you get from family & friends when you started getting sober?

Peter: People were surprised because they had never seen that I had a problem. “But you are not an alcoholic” was the common refrain. “When do you think you will start drinking again?” was the other. When I decided to share more widely – including with work colleagues - the response has been overwhelmingly positive and supportive. Making a decision to give up drinking is not something to be ashamed of.
 
Mrs D: Have you ever experienced a relapse?

Peter: No 

Mrs D: How long did it take for things to start to calm down for you emotionally & physically?

Peter: It took about three months before I really embedded my new routines so that it was not all about ‘will power’ to get me through the day. Emotionally the journey was only just beginning. Over the next two years I learned so much about myself. It was like a veil had been lifted off my life and I could see my past actions in a new and honest light. It was really into the third year of my sobriety that I feel that my new life without alcohol has become my new normal.

Mrs D: How hard was it getting used to socialising sober?

Peter: I have friends and family who are moderate drinkers and I never had difficulty socialising in that environment. But I have found it very hard and triggering to be around people who are drunk. I will remove myself from those situations pretty quickly.

Mrs D: Was there anything surprising that you learned about yourself when you stopped drinking?

Peter: Looking back on my life through a sober lens was profoundly life changing for me. It surprised me how much my journey matched the journeys of all of the other sober warriors I had read about. From the age of 14 I had NEVER been able to drink moderately. At 57 I had a complete reset of who I thought I was.

Mrs D: How did your life change?

Peter: I feel stronger and more in control of my life. I have greater courage. Greater empathy. More self awareness. I am healthier. More active. More hopeful.

Mrs D: What are the main benefits that emerged for you from getting sober?

Peter: My relationship with my wife and children is immeasurably better.

Mrs D: Would you do anything differently given the chance to go through the process again?

Peter: How I wish I had done this years sooner.

Mrs D: What advice or tips would you have for those who are just starting on this journey?

Peter: Be kind to yourself. Fill your life with the things that give you joy and pleasure. Create new habits and stick with them long enough so they become automatic. Give the process time. Don’t consider moderate drinking as a goal. It is just a distraction and something that could eventually set you back to the beginning.

Mrs D: Anything else you'd like to share?  

Peter: The day I stopped drinking was the first day of the rest of my life.

Photo caption: Exploring nature  - whether on foot , mountain bike or kayak - is a cornerstone of my wellbeing