I am enough…

For some reason these three simple words often make me teary. If you can say this to yourself – ‘I am enough’ – and mean it, what a monumental thing that is. If you can say this to yourself – ‘I am enough’ – and believe it, then surely you must have this crazy thing called life nailed. Don’t you think?

I am enough.

Because what else is there to achieve in life but the calm contentment that these three words denote? A calm contentment that comes from a quiet  place within. If we can achieve ‘enoughness’ then we win!

Brene Brown the awesome vulnerability guru (watch this talk it’ll blow your mind) writes in her book Daring Greatly  “With that sense of “enough” comes an embrace of worthiness, boundaries, and engagement.” Wow. Not much then. Read the whole book if you want to see how she fleshes out this monumental statement.

‘Enoughness’ isn’t hitched to fancy jobs or perfect bodies or marvelous wardrobes or numbers of Facebook friends or the size of your car or dick or boobs (is that too risqué?!).. it comes from a deep, lovely little secret space in your heart and soul. It’s a humble, understated, beautiful, deep-down belief.

I am enough.

And it’s fucking hard to achieve.. and honestly I think it’s a biggie for us boozers. We all know that taking away the alcohol is just the first step and often there may be much more we need to do to achieve this place of ‘enoughness’… but it can be done.

This topic was bubbling around the Members Feed this morning. One member wrote “When I was drinking I used to have drunken ramblings where I would say “am I enough?” “But am I enough though?” “I just don’t feel like I’m enough”. I could never explain what that meant but I just knew that I felt that “I wasn’t enough”. I noticed someone saying it on a post on here and it got me wondering if it is a common feeling amongst drinkers and maybe one of the reasons why we drink/drank. How many of you can relate to that?”

They got this instant response from another member: “Yup….. I never felt smart, pretty, good, rich, thin, clever, fit, tough or kind enough. I’m not sure when I put these expectations upon myself, yet there they were and on occassion still are. Realising who I am is ok as I am. Any improvement onwards is ok too.”

I love that “Any improvement onwards is ok too.” Taking away the booze is an improvement onwards. No doubt about it. Taking away the booze will move you in an ‘I am enough’ direction. If you don’t believe me.. then read this update member @aprilaries posted this morning. It blew my socks off…… 

@aprilaries: “I just re-read ‘my story’ that I wrote when I joined this site. I was, I think roughly 4 – 6 weeks into my sober life.

The person I describe sounds sad, depressed and very lonely, hiding all this behind a faked confidence and a bravado brought about from plenty of booze.

I really want to give her a hug. Tell her she’s loved. Tell her she IS enough. Tell her that stopping drining is the easy part… The work comes when coping with the real world with real feelings and that is all ok. She will do this, she will be successful.

I am astonished that in such a short time I have come so far emotionally, mentally and (an added bonus) physically. It’s all self motivated and my inspiration comes hugely from you all.

Stay beautiful my lovelies xxx”

Enough said.

25 Comments
  1. hummingbird 6 years ago

    Its so hard to say because buried deep inside me is a small helpless child that never thought she was enough. That child grew into a woman but the feelings stayed.
    I know it sounds woo-woo but I have been doing a ton of reading and this deep acceptance of myself is so hard because I never felt at home in myself.

  2. Anonymous 6 years ago

    When I was in therapy 15 years ago, one day my therapist, right at the end of a session just stopped talking and looked at me, finally she asked me “did you know that your enough, just the way you are”. She had to repeat it a few times. I cried too. I cried because that type of positivity was so foreighn to me. Id never experienced such a thing. truly beautiful. It took many many years for me to understand that and to accept thats true for us all!
    The type of therapy I did was called Gestalt. In the film Good Will Hunting when Robyn Williams tells Matt Damon its “not his fault” over and over, about the abuse he (Matt) experienced, was based on Gestalt Therapy. Gestalt is about “recovering lost potential”. Be a great world when we all spend more time on that, than drinking.

  3. Finallyfreetobeme 6 years ago

    I have been meaning to share on this subject for a few days now. I have been giving it quite a lot of thought. One of the things I love most about being a member of this great community is the opportunity to think about things in a different way. This “I am enough” piece has given me a lot to consider @Mrs-D, and I thank you for writing it! I have been working on my issues for some time now (over 2 years in fact) and gradually, with lots of soul searching and challenging my previously held notions, I have grown a lot and begun the process of healing. I felt very damaged from a difficult childhood which ironically, was caused by growing up with two alcoholic parents. Anyway, it was when I began to truly believe that “I am enough – I am ok” that I had the courage to look at my own drinking and make changes. I began to think that I can do more, be more – that I can be the person that I am meant to be and achieve my full potential. When my self confidence began to grow and I could see that I am a good person with lots to offer and that I deserve to feel whole and happy, taking alcohol away seemed like the next logical thing to do. It isn’t always easy, but I am in no doubt that this is the right path and that I will continue to thrive. The fog is lifting rapidly. I can see more clearly than ever. I am enough.

  4. Penny 6 years ago

    Does anyone know of any help , resources in the fielding area , I’m new here my husband is working long hours and my only child is away at university so I spend most days alone which isn’t helping , I can’t afford professional help or rehab and I don’t think I can do this alone , I’m scard and ashamed and I want to be better , happier but I just keep making dates to stop and letting myself down, any ideas ?

    • Author
      Mrs D 6 years ago

      Hi Penny can you phone the alcohol drug helpline the number is at the base of this site… Also go into the Members Feed and put the call out to other members.. Lots of people in there supporting each other, being lovely and kind and supportive. You do not have to do this alone xxx

    • Nugget 6 years ago

      Hiya @Penny. I would suggest you go and see your local GP, who can refer you to the local DHB and teh services should be free, In wgtn I see a counsoller through the drug & addictions services of teh local dhb so presume you should have teh same available to you up there. I did a detox programme too which didn’t cost me anything. It has helped me a lot together with MrsD and the people here.

  5. Kristen 6 years ago

    Love this: “Any improvement onwards is ok too.” It has absolutely been true for me too. Just taking away booze led to so many earth-shatteringly positive changes in all other areas of my life. It still amazes. Loving this site and your posts. xoxo

  6. freebreezi 6 years ago

    wow, powerful statement and it’s hit home big time. When I am struggling with my SELF I say affirmations –
    I approve of me.
    I believe in me.
    I love me.
    I am worthwhile.
    And now I will add I AM Enough.
    What a powerful affirmation. Like many those are things I’ve not usually associated with me. But moving up here, being on my own 3/4 days a week and having stopped drinking I cannot get away from myself and so I am having to and choosing to face up to myself and see me. For the first time in my life I am seeing me and acknowledging me.
    I struggle to believe I am a success but I am enough and today is my 100th day sober so I must be doing something right, I am a success.
    I am enough.

    • Anonymous 6 years ago

      Congratulations on 100 days 🙂

  7. jo14 6 years ago

    Definitely a work in progress for me…when will I totally embrace this…I AM ENOUGH. Working on it and experiencing more days where I do kind of believe it. Giving up the booze and focusing on my self-talk has helped a lot. Why I need to have approval from others…and it can be anyone…I wish I knew. I focus way too much on what others think of me and I know in my heart that they are not thinking of me. “It doesn’t matter what other people think of you, what matters is what you think about you.” Yep, need to embrace this…

  8. DaisyH 6 years ago

    Thanks for this post. Last week, I was home chopping logs with my son, just chatting about nothing. And, for the first time in my life I thought ‘This is what I’ve always wanted’ – a family, a chat, just sharing time. For so long I’ve felt such an inadequate child myself (not a great experience growing up, left home and cut everyone out at 16), I parent in such a control freak kinda way to try and compensate for my own experiences.

    As we chopped logs and chatted I thought, this is it. He’s 20, he’s home for a visit, he’s talking, he’s a friend, he’s my son. This is enough.

    I still drank that evening and did so for a few days after but that conversation made me think, why am I still drinking. This is enough to be proud of, to feel alive, to feel loved and part of a family.

    Time for me to change too. I’m not enough yet, but I hope to be one day.

    Thanks for the post and the welcomes and the amazing support.

    • Penny 6 years ago

      I feel like this too, I know that this drinking is killing me and there is a lot of shame attached to that weakness , but I’ve realised recently that I’ve never felt good enough even when I was young and I don’t know why that is , I have 4 sisters and they r all amazing confident women,I wonder how I ended up this way I wonder why I’m still here living this half life sick , tired worthless I’m self destructing and I can’t seem to stop

  9. aprilaries 6 years ago

    Wow! Brene Brown is mesmerising to watch and listen to.
    I feel this will be a video I shall watch again and again.
    Thanks for sharing Lotta x

  10. Paula 6 years ago

    A really apt post for me Mrs D. I have never seen myself as being enough. Eating disorders, self harming, boozing all hiding that sense of total inadequacy.

    However…. I’ve been realizing lately that I am complete! I feel more expansive but at the same time more self-contained and that makes me feel so free! I don’t have to belong to every clique and group and have everyone really like me to be ok. I am able to ‘go inside’ now when I get the old thoughts of “they don’t like/want/include me because I’m not XXX enough” and can just reflect on how awesome my life really is and how I’m making the choices to be with people I want to be with and to be at home a lot more and feel fine with that. Indeed, that lovely little secret space in my heart and soul. I am enough! And I am enough completely on my own!

    NB sometimes I am MORE than enough! And I feel like bursting with joy!

  11. behind-the-sofa 6 years ago

    Regarding not being enough, I drank because it gave me confidence, it made me feel like I belonged wherever I was, and it helped me to connect with other people. I thought it made me suaver and more sophisticated but I was never under any illusion about my beauty 😉

    • behind-the-sofa 6 years ago

      Or the size of any appendage, I should add 😉

  12. behind-the-sofa 6 years ago

    I heard a comment the other night on The Nutter’s Club regarding life after drinking and the things we’ve supressed or faculties we’ve not fully developed because of the booze: “When the fog lifts, the ghosts come out.” I know it’s not very inspirational but I thought it was fairly apt.

  13. CharlieGilbert 6 years ago

    Wow,this resonated for me .Enoughness in a big thing for me for me.I am still figuring it out.It has to be MY enough and I’m still working on it.Thanks for bringing it up.

  14. Petunia 6 years ago

    I watched Brene Brown’s vulnerability Ted talk, and yes it’s blown my mind. Thank you for sharing this wisdom & joy. xx

  15. Petunia 6 years ago

    That is lovely Mrs D. That I AM ENOUGH is from “a deep, lovely little secret space in your heart and soul. It’s a humble, understated, beautiful, deep-down belief”.

    Simple, understated, cant be bought, pretended or forced. You know, in my occasional (=joke) philosophical musings, I have thought that this alcoholism is all part of the process of becoming. Its the fire I (we) have to live through to develop the humility, compassion, beauty and vulnerability to believe I am enough. I’ll check out Brene Brown. Good night lovely ones 🙂

    • freebreezi 6 years ago

      Yes.
      So true.

  16. MorganfollowsMrsD 6 years ago

    Very deep, & very challenging. I think I need Brene Brown, & a whole new look at ‘things’. I have kept joking that I must start to get a life as the children are almost flown, but it is not actually a joke. And how can we ‘get a life’ when feeling inadequate, useless, failed? “I don’t care what they/he/she have or has done to me” says the voice of the alcohol bravado, “I’m over it”. Yeah right

  17. ylang-ylang 6 years ago

    Wow. I’m working on it. I’m not there yet. But there is light and any light is good. It doesn’t have to be bright, or big or on any way related to a tunnel. There just needs to be light and the rest will grow.

    • madandsad 6 years ago

      A great blog. OUCH – you’ve hit a nerve!!! For many, I am guessing. I have always felt INADEQUATE , no matter what I do, I have always felt not good enough. I am in my fifties and still, I seek approval for what I do. Really not sure how to change this but I am up for it. “Comparison is the thief of Joy” – I love this and it is so true and I am guilty of it. Time to change, me thinks. Thank you Mrs D and thanks to all the lovely people on Living Sober – what a fantastic site, so honest and supportive xxx

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