Remember (Guest Post)

This guest post comes from Mark Goodson, author of the blog ‘The Miracle of the Mundane” (great title, great blog). He has been sober since October 13, 2007. This is a beautiful piece of truthful writing.

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I will never forget the withdrawal. That trembling of nerves under skin, sweat from shaking pores. Wave after wave of tremens. The delirium. I thought the world ended. That I was already in the afterlife and had to make my way through purgatory. I stripped naked in a Mexican church and ran to the fields on the edge of town.

I will never forget those psych-ward slippers. Blue felt, paper bottom. The nurses taking my blood pressure. The concern on their faces. My teeth grinding.

I cannot remember many a drunken night. But I will never forget waking up with my jaw broken. A two-inch fracture of the mandible bone. My jaw clinched shut with wires for weeks. Sipping the pain medicine. Then drinking it, soon after downing it.

I will never forget the rehab. I first admitted I was alcoholic because I couldn’t read the prayer they gave me and I had nothing left to say.

I will never forget that relief. One small step forward in a life reeling in delusion, grandiosity, anxiety, and doubt.

I will never forget the people who helped me stand when I couldn’t stand myself, those who loved me when I loathed myself.

I will never forget feeling accepted—finally accepted into a group. The longer I stayed sober, the more clear things became. I was alcoholic, and there was a way out. I took suggestions. I shared honestly what was going through my head and I learned to let what was going through my head go…and go…and go.

I will never forget meeting my wife with two years sober, or marrying her with three years sober, or buying our house in my fourth year sober, or seeing our son born in my fifth year. In my sixth year I completed my masters in teaching English. In my seventh, our baby girl was born, and in my eighth I started a blog because I couldn’t keep in the joy any more.

If I ever forget the bliss of my sobriety, I fear I may drink again. I stay grateful to stay sober. I stay sober to stay grateful.

May I always remember.

Mark Goodson.

22 Comments
  1. Gilbert 4 years ago

    That was very powerful and moving to read.Thank you for taking the time to give back.Sharing your story reminds us and we can’t afford to forget.

  2. MarkG. 4 years ago

    Thank you for all the generous comments, and the visits to my blog, and those that subscribed there and left comments. What an incredible community of people this is. I am grateful and happy to be a part of this. Mrs. D, you’re the best!

  3. Laura Silverman 4 years ago

    You have a way with words, Mark. You say exactly what I feel.

    ” I stay grateful to stay sober. I stay sober to stay grateful.”

    xoxo,
    Laura

  4. Jane Ritchie 4 years ago

    Wow a really powerful post,thank you so much. Your raw truth about your alcoholism, just strengthens my, already strong resolve and determination, NOT to pick up again. Thanks.

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      Thanks too for visiting the blog Jane! I’m glad you found this helpful.

  5. Jessi 4 years ago

    “The longer I stayed sober, the clearer things became” – that line says so much…. beautiful letter.

  6. Prudence 4 years ago

    What a fabulous writer you are Mark. You tell it straight from the shoulder with a profound simplicity. I love it. Be very proud of yourself for the comeback you’ve made and all you’ve achieved.
    Lucky you, lucky wife, lucky kids, lucky life xo

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      Thanks Prudence. Thanks for your continuing work on this site, talking with newly sober folks. It was helpful for me, and I know it is helpful for so many others.

  7. Kerris 4 years ago

    Wow, thanks for sharing that is so powerfully written

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      Thank you Kerris!

  8. Hazel 4 years ago

    Wow, powerful. “I stay sober to stay grateful.” Yes.

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      And I stay grateful to stay sober! It’s a beautiful two way street. Like the Pacific Coast Highway (I’m a Yankee)

  9. Daniel D. Maurer 4 years ago

    Thanks back, again! Wonderful stuff. Great how the program works: people helping people.

  10. Daniel D. Maurer 4 years ago

    Here’s my website, where Mark has also published: http://transformation-is-real.com

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      Thanks Dan. For those looking for transformative stories (recovery and beyond!) Dan’s site is phenomenal. He’s also written a graphic novel I read called Sobriety that is just a beautiful and lucid handbook and getting sober.

  11. Daniel D. Maurer 4 years ago

    I’ve only recently come to know the power that Mark Goodson’s writing means . . . because I only recently discovered him as a writer and poet. What I love about this work is that he finds the visceral in each moment and says it like it is. I’m honored to *be honored* by remembering what it was like for him . . . because it was like that for me too! Great contribution and great to discover your fine blog as well! Thank you!!
    — Daniel D. Maurer

  12. 20012015 4 years ago

    I just love this …..and going to print it off and stick on my fridge to remind me daily why AF life is worth it…

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      And you have made my week! To think this can help someone has made my week.

  13. soberlynn 4 years ago

    Such raw honesty and gut wrenching truth! Thank you for sharing some of your journey to sobriety.

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      You are welcome! I feel responsible to help others because so many have helped me!

  14. justjane 4 years ago

    Mark, this is such a lovely post to read on a sober Sunday morning. Very moving, very motivating. “The bliss of my sobriety” – I just love this phrase! Thank you!

    • MarkG. 4 years ago

      I’m glad you were able to find this motivating. Mrs. D and this community was one of my first stops when I went to the online world for recovery. And the inspiration is mutual!

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