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I have just started “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. Am really identifying with it and find it very raw, real and honest. Validating as well and so good to hear those thoughts are not just heard by me, nor is the dishonesty to self and others.
Reading Mrs D on ebook and The 30 Day Sobriety Solution by Canfield and Andrew’s – the perfect inspiration to keep going. Feeling strong and motivated and tremble at the thought that I may just get to know the person inside that I’ve kept locked away w the numbing effect of alcohol. Hello me, I want to know you!
I am on day 9. I have managed without support so far but heard of this book/website. My husband knows but keeps saying “just have one wine” and I told one friend at a BBQ on Saturday who tried to justify mine, and her own, drinking as “I know I drink too much but I’m not doing any harm and I like my life” but I didn’t like mine when I was drinking, I didn’t like the way Valentine’s Day ended either. On Valentine’s Day I realised that I CAN’T have just one drink, I drink the bottle. I’m worried that my friends won’t support me in this, I’ve always been the party girl, the one who organises everything, tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, I would usually celebrate with an entire bottle of bubbles. I’m about to download some of the recommended reading and focus on that and making my son proud, I regret so much about my behaviour when raising him, I want him to see that I can be a better Grandmother, a sober one!
Thank you. My wife does not get it either. She still offers me alcohol. I repeatedly say ‘Not for me thanks’. It is becoming tiresome, but I cannot change her. I can only change myself.
A quote I read on this site is ‘I like myself better when I am sober’.
I am staying sober for myself, not for anyone else.
Hi Ive only read1 book so far The Sober Diaries but its so real and also very funny even though the authors dealing with all this stuff which is hard! We hae to have a chance to laugh as well as cry!
Hi StValentine, when I read your post I thought you were talking about me. I hope you got through your anniversary. We all know too well of the shame and guilt we feel after a session. Great motivation for being sober, is our children. Kind wishes
Hey @StValentine how you going? Day 8 for me. Hope you got through Valentines day okay and have stayed strong for yourself. Your post was incredibly validating for me, as I too feel similarly and drink similarly. So awesome to hear it isnt just me. Thanks for your words and let me know how you are going 🙂
Hi @stvalentine, how is going for you? It’s okay to look after yourself and if that means no alcohol, it’s no one else’s business. I have found that when friends and family offer me a drink, and I say no thanks, they feel like they have to justify their own drinking. It’s none of my business what others think of me and my decision to get healthy in mind, body, and spirit. Congrats on your decision!
Hi @StValentine, this is actually the sort of situation that would cost me my friendships. I feel so strongly about my not drinking that if someone was badgering me to drink (because misery loves company) it wouldnt take long and I wouldnt associate with them anymore. My health is more important than someone that doesnt care about my health. My wife understands what I am trying to achieve and after a couple of comments from her initially she now gets it 100% that I am not going to drink. My marriage would be over if she was trying to get me to drink all of the time.
Well done on day 9 and keep it up.
I found The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis a good read. Having read an assortment of quit lit in the early days this one resonated at the right time.
There is so much good literature out there and I choose the books that are written from a place of inquiry and that question our social norms. I also enjoy reading other peoples stories especially the ones that tell of the struggles before they changed their relationship with alcohol. These keep me close to the place I was in not so long ago!
Here’s a really interesting talk by the same guy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOSD9rTVuWc
i’ve been thinking about “WILD” by Cheryl Strayed a lot lately. read the book and saw the movie with Reese Witherspoon. enjoyed them both. it’s not a self help or educational book, just a bio story about a woman who beat her addiction by hiking the pacific crest trail. i liked it and you might too. you might get some value or strength from it.
Great recommendation!
Thank you for all these wonderful reading suggestions! Reading, journaling and drinking medicinal teas (especially things like dandelion root detox) are going to be my chosen coping mechanisms and go-tos during weak moments on this journey. I love reading the success stories and practical “How To” tips best.
I just read Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington and I really connected with parts of it. Highly recommend, free on the Auckland Library app Libby.
I’m on day 35 (quit after Xmas day) and feeling good. First time posting here.
Currently, I’m reading a few. Ofcourse, “Mrs D. Goes Without” and “The Wine O’Clock Myth”. I also read “I can stop you from drinking” by Craig Beck and “We are the luckiest” by Laura McKowen (This one was AMAZING). Another good one is “From Alcohol to God” by Catherine Findlay. God speed everyone.
This is my first day here. I read Mrs. D’s Going Without by Lotta Dann and Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley before making today – Day 1. I love the idea of a Sober Toolbox to chase away the Wine Witch that comes with 5pm. Will think of different things to try – definitely subscribed to many of the Podcasts recommended here and will listen while cooking dinner for the kids and closing out the day.
Hi all, New to this group with many failed attempts to kick the booze habit. Would appreciate book recommendations that may help. Thanks
Hey, I totally understand the many attempts don’t look at them as failures but more as practice. With every attempt comes more understanding and determination.
I’m only sitting on day 6 this time round but I’m I’m still trying and so are you so well done!!!!
Something I’m finding is working/ helping this time round is podcasts and audiobooks.
I have always struggled with taking time for my self and when I do I can’t focus on a book because the washing or another task is staring at me.
Now I just put in my headphones and listen while getting those meaningless day to day jobs done.
I am currently listening to Lotta Dann not only can I realate to pretty much everything she talks about she’s so easy to follow and quite the laugh.
Best of luck in your journey and remember to take care x
The podcast Recovery Happy Hour is good. The host focuses on what life is like AFTER quitting.
I loved the Easy Way for Woman to Control Alcohol on audible. I listened and took notes like I was in a class. It’s updated from the original book. The key concept is our culture has been brainwashed into believing the lie that drinking is normal and that anyone who can’t control this addictive substance is damaged (alcoholic). If AA isn’t your cup of tea, try this one.
I really enjoy podcasts and listening as I walk. Alex and Lisa from “The Sober Experiment” are great- funny, real and very relatable. They often have interesting and fun guests. Also love “Love Sober” with Mandy and Kate. I also found Meredith Atwood’s book ” A Year of No Nonsense” and ” The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray both great reads and really useful. Also of course Mrs D’s two books. There are so many gems around. Great that there are loads at the library or available as audiobooks too now. I find reading, listening and writing all really helpful tools for me. Thanks for your recommendations for others to look for, folks.
I am currently reading The Wine o’clock myth and am so grateful for material like this book and thus website. It’s coming up to a year of my being sober and the positive change in my life is enormous. Thank you
I have started listening to the bubble hour podcast- and I love it!
I bought The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober, today in the Works a bargain book store, for £3.00 brilliant price iam going to read it later. I highly recommend this book folks.
This is day one of being sober. I’ve had lots of “day ones”. One of them turned into just under a year a few years ago. I feel pretty lost right now but as I approach my half century I know my life can’t carry on as it is.
Hi There
You might find Jason Vale’s book Kick the drink … easily helpful. It changed my whole belief about Wine. Six years on I still can’t recommend it highly enough. Take Care🌻
I write a sober blog with podcasts. My motivation is to try and help others experience the easiness in sobriety I experienced. It is not a popular belief, but it is one I feel very passionate about. On my website, I also have video discussions and conversations about sobriety. Come take a look.
I recently reread Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Control Alcohol” . I read this book for the first three plus years ago after a recommendation from this site. Over these years my drinking has gone from destructive, to manageable, to periods of being AF. I also have read many other books with a similar perspective. I have never been successful in AA and Carr is a counter to the idea that the drinker is damaged. Only spiritual path is a solution.
Carr’s argues that alcohol is a poison. The drinker is no different than any other person, it’s the addictive quality of alcohol that is the problem. There is no upside to drinking. He ends the book with a roadmap to get you out of the maze of alcohol addiction. Don’t read just the end! Read the entire book and follow the instructions. It took time for me to fully embrace the concept but once I did, it has been great.
Carr’s book has been transformative as well as Naked Mind. The damaged construct of AA has always been problematic for me as that is the construct I have lived in my entire life. It is the boat I have drifted in forever and reading Carr’s book and Naked Mind feels like landing on shore in a land where it is possible to believe one does not have to swim against the tide a shame forever. As a woman who has defined herself against everyone and anyone’s opinioin of her and been controlled by those opinions- mostly male since birth- I think the idea of having to “admit I was powerless” over one more thing- kept me in the cycle of binge drinking. I know it works for many and I may eventually put it in my tool box, but for now- I am going to use this space, continue reading and therapy. Feeling grateful.
Just rereading this book now, never read it til the end, this time I am fully embracing it!
Hi there, I’m new to the group, I’m Lucy from the uk and I’ve been sober for over 7 months. I love my latest Mrs D book, the Wine O’clock Myth from Lotta. My all time favourite is the sober diaries by Clare Pooley who writes like I talk. I still need to read lots of blogs, books and articles to keep me in this sober life. Happy Wednesday from the Uk x
Kia ora, Has anyone read ‘On the Wagon’, by Lennox Nicholson? Keen to receive thoughts before placing a reserve
I have just finished reading The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. I found it to be amazingly helpful and am grateful she took the time to tell her story.
I would recommend it to all and I am sure there are parts in the book that will resonate with everyone.
Yes! I love this book too 😀
I have read and reread that book, it is the first one I have totally related to. I will be re reading it again to get myself on the right path
I read all the sober stuff I can. I’ve just finished ‘We Are The Luckiest’ by Laura McKowen. It won’t be everyone’s cup of tea,
but I really enjoyed it.
LOVED this one too!
I loved that book!!
That is a FANTASTIC book!
I loved this book! It was beautiful and crushingly honest.
I’m going to check that out! Thank you!!
This blog post really resonated with me, as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), who struggles with loud noises, loud music and bright lights etc.
I’m Sensitive, and I Drank to Turn It Off
https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/i-drank-to-stop-being-sensitive/
I decided I needed to look at my relationship with alcohol and figured taking a break from it would be a good start. I started by reading The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace. By the time I finished the book in two days I realised I needed to completely cut alcohol out of my life, for good. That was 37 days ago. I have no desire to drink again. Since then I am reading every sobriety book possible.
I read Control alcohol by Annie Grace enjoyed the read at an early stage of my abstinence.I have now joined a Rational recovery group which has been very interesting .Provides you with some great resources .
I read a day everyday, and once this 30 days is over. I will begin reading it again for another 30. I am so much more attuned to my emotions and how my cravings are triggered.
Fantastic book. Totally changed the way I feel about alcohol. Thought it is still a struggle to kill off that crummy wine witch
My story, too!
That is so brilliant
One of several recovery video’s, hope it helps. I found early recovery a nightmare despite having much help.
https://youtu.be/8ScRM5on_kY
William Porter’s “Alcohol explained 2” and Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind” are an amazing combo in terms of facts, being easy to read and practical. The sobering facts about alcohol laid out really clearly. I’ll be re-reading both books for sure!
Loved William Porter’s Alcohol Explained! It was so eye-opening for me. Knowing the science and physiology behind what happens when we drink made it so much easier to quit!
I started with Annie Grace’s 30 Day Alcohol Experiment (online) and that *saved* me! And she is who introduced me to William Porter’s book! I love that Annie’s 30 Day Alcohol Experiment is free – so gracious of her! I learned a ton and it… just… made… sense! I think knowing the “why’s” of what we are feeling physically and emotionally help prepare us for success when becoming alcohol-free!
The book that convinced me to quit drinking even before I had decided it was time, was Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker. I started it while trying to “cut down” and had quit completely by the time I was half-way through it, and I never drank again.
I found this book highly recommended from a recovered blogger. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie (Author) Recorded Books (Publisher) 4.6 out of 5 stars 3,695 ratings #1 Best Seller in Alcoholism Recovery
I have sent 6 bottles of disinfectant to Donald Trump. If it can cure Covid-19 according to him, it can cure him.
Best laugh I’ve had in days. Thank you!
‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace started me off seeking sobriety, some of the info was frightening- what alcohol/ethanol does to our bodies. This book turned me around and gave me confidence to easily turn away from heavy drinking.
“Lying Minds” can be read online here. https://lyingminds.sixboats.co.nz/2020/03/11/lying-minds/ “This book describes alcoholism and the processes in our brain that support the onset and growth of addiction. These are described to enable the reader to understand the whole span of the problem, anticipate its actions, and recognise what will and will not be effective in combating it. It is written to help those needing to stop drinking and anyone helping someone in that position.”
Thank you for this. I am approaching my 3 rd 4 o’clock …..tomorrow morning I will start my day with another win. Your book is simple truth and helpful to me. Thanks for sharing and yes this is not my 1st attemp. Totally understand I need to be emotionally well to achieve sobriety and look forward to my emotional well being improving and actually expect to see myself in a new and better way. Going to take the score test and compare in 30 days since it is necessary, possible and worthwhile
Hi DaveH, thanks so much for making this available. Have just discovered, as well as your blog and both resonate with me. New morning ritual is to read a chapter and let the info percolate.
Very interesting book, I’m really getting a lot from it!
Thans David- Your book has really helped- ive been able to convince myself for years that I only have a small problem with wine as its never escalated, in fact become better over the years. I can control my social drinking and have never escalated past the one bottle of wine stage of drinking alone, which is where I started 30 odd years ago. Im semi- open about this, so decided Im pretty normal, and have had a successful career and good relationship with my child. Reading your book has shown me how much I isolate myself socially, and choose wine over resolving issues that bother me, and thats a problem I dont want to take into my retirement in 5 or so years. So thank you- also really like the chapter on relapses- so true that counting days isnt really recovery.
Thanks for this – extremely helpful!
This particular reading is really helping me. I’ve read a few of the mainstream popular books out there right now but something about the science of how this is affecting my body is really hitting home with me. Thank you for sharing.
Ahhhh, day 70 and The Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley is exactly what I needed. Real, written with humour and reassuring.
Love this book!
The unexpected joy of being sober by Catherine Gray is a good read.
That book is fantastic, I am reading it for the second time. Written with so much honesty.
Having trouble sleeping (pandemic anxiety):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5akULIUnZwI
Managing uncertainty
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/28/things-you-can-control-coping-with-radical-uncertainty-oliver-burkeman
https://www.npr.org/2019/12/11/787160734/creatures-of-habit-how-habits-shape-who-we-are-and-who-we-become
Hidden Brain…about habits and how to undo them or do them.
A 3-part free video series on self-compassion with Kristin Neff and Chris Germer:
https://product.soundstrue.com/power-of-self-compassion/free-video-series/?_ke=eyJrbF9lbWFpbCI6ICJsdW1pbm9AaG90bWFpbC5jby5ueiIsICJrbF9jb21wYW55X2lkIjogIkpNRGdhcSJ9
Tara Brach: Pandemic Care Resources:
https://www.tarabrach.com/pandemic/
Includes talks and guided meditations
love Tara
Love tara ❤️?
Free sites for while in lockdown I know of two gl.com have free yoga, Oprah and Deepak have released a free 21day meditation and Soundstrue.com have a series on resilience
Tired of Thinking About Drinking by Belle Robertson
Totally agree. I love Belle!!
Belle is great!
just breath
I have learnt some interesting and helpful tips on how to relieve anxiety and lower stress. Here are a few of them.
Breathing and anxiety: our bodies need an optimal level of between 35 and 45 CO2 (out air) in our systems. If we don’t have these levels we will feel anxious, agitated and unfocused.When your breathing rate increases and you breath in more O2 (in air) because of anxiety, fight or flight panic, this causes your CO2 levels to drop. If this is continuous then your body will adopt a new normal level of 24 to 28. Causing you to be in a constant agitated, anxious state and finding it hard to focus. When it drops even further to between 20 and 22 you have a panic attack and hyperventilate.So if you can raise your CO2 levels to normal, you will not have to live with the side effects. To do this you adopt the paper bag tool. You don’t actually need a paper bag. You just cup your hands over your face and breath in and out causing you to breath in more CO2 from you breathes out. Do this a few times a day for a longish period of time and your CO2 levels will rise to optimal.
Water on your face: The reflex of immersion in mammals is a reflex that is triggered when the face comes into contact with cold water in order to optimise breathing, thus creating physiological reactions that allow our bodies to feel better. Some of the physiological effects that cold water creates are bradycardia (decreased heart rate) and peripheral vasoconstriction which allows more oxygen to reach the heart and brain by contracting the blood vessels.
All this gives us a relaxation effect and makes us feel better. So whenever you feel tired or stressed, throw few splashes of cold water on your face to get some energy!
Weight on your lap: Many people like the feeling of pressure against their body and find this pressure relaxing and calming. Deep pressure is thought to help reduce the physiological arousal associated with anxiety by acting on the autonomic nervous system (ANS).
The ANS has two components: the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic division is responsible for the body’s fight-or-flight response. When activated by stressful situations, it increases functions like your heart and breathing rate, causing physical symptoms like a pounding heartbeat and shortness of breath. The parasympathetic division is the sympathetic’s chill twin: It helps you conserve and restore energy by slowing down functions like your heart and breathing rate. Basically, the theory is that weighted things on your lap can provide deep pressure that may dampen your fight-or-flight response and encourage relaxation.
So helpful, thank you, am actually concentrating on breathing now, have a purring cat on my knee, that would count as a weight. Bliss.Alcohol causes my anxiety to get so much worse, the day after drinking with friends is just anxiety overload, Just horrible, I’ve just realised the pattern. Covid has intensified this. Breathing and give up alcohol is my plan now, oh and patting the gorgeous cat on my knee. I feel I can give up the alcohol now I’ve found this site and support, I was lost to know how to even start before, thank you
This is brilliant info, thank you. Sometimes my heart rate is up, and I can’t sleep when it’s higher. I’ll try the cupped hands suggestion tonight.
From all the research I have done on my panic disorder that actually works you are bang on. Great helpful resources.
me, I use positivity reading life quotes and helpful tips and hints.
it helps me stay positive no matter what is going on.
I also use some bible literature. keeps me sane.
good reading whatever the time of day the positivity literature.
Oh opps posted too soon. Do have a look at Clare Pooleys Sober Diaries and her blog. Middle aged women of the world unite – she is pretty much my age and my story and I go back to her blog often.
I have just finished reading ‘We Are The Luckiest’ (Laura McKowen) and am mid way through How To Quit Like a Women’ (Holly Whitaker). I came across these two women and there podcast Home (they aren’t doing this anymore). They are really different women and have quite different opinions. Laura is the more feeling and spiritual of the two, only my opinion of course! She really spoke to the deep shame I felt about drinking – as if she was in my body and head. She spoke to my heart. Holly sees feisty and really taking on the idea we get alcohol shoved down our throat. Her book is full of strategies and particularly focussed on the things you need to think about doing to strengthen yourself. Its not just about the booze.
These books are quite new and I would recommend them if you are doing a read-a-thon.
For me Alan Carr was the man – never doubt the decision.
Go well all.
Books: this naked mind, sober curious, drink, alcohol explained
Podcasts: addiction unlimited, this naked mind and sober curious, Tara brach
Apps: insight timer
Alcohol and the addicted brain: New hope for alcoholics from biogenetic research- Kenneth Blum
This is an in-depth look at the effect of alcohol on the brain and the brain changes that can occur with regular consumption. Scared me sober.
Allan Carr”easy way to control alcohol”(Don’t let the title fool you).
This book really worked for me but it’s still just down to you to never drink another drop.
I’ve read and am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous .
The literature is old but effective .
The part which has been the most effective has been the fellowship of having and being surrounded by like minded people .
It’s not for everyone but if you reach a point where you have no other option I would personally reccomend it .
I would suggest trying all other options first because once you come it’s hard to walk away
Annie Grace’s The Naked Mind
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober – Catherine Gray
Alcoholics Anonymous – Bil Wilson
Alcohol Explained – William Porter
Recovery: Freedom From Addiction – Russell Brand
One Breath at a Time – Kevin Griffin
Between Breaths – Elizabeth Vargas
Drinking: A Love Story – Caroline Knapp
Blackout – Sarah Hepola
Alcohol Lied to Me – Craig Beck