You are a boring sober loser…

That’s our biggest fear when we quit drinking isn’t it … that other people are going to think we are boring sober losers who are to be avoided at all costs.

Or maybe the truth is we are the ones doing the accusing, considering ourselves to be boring sober losers.

It was certainly my biggest fear. Without booze on board how could I keep being fun Lotta the crazy party girl, or upbeat Lotta the awesome host (always with wine on hand to offer guests), or naughty Lotta with the twinkle in her eye going hard into the wee small hours. Without booze on board I thought I couldn’t possibly still be any of those things, and so the obvious alternative (fear) was that I would turn into boring sober Lotta, with nothing to offer.

I mean, what complete utter fucking bollocks! (Pardon my French). I mean seriously… this is the twisted alcoholic thinking that we fall prey to when we are so intrenched in a boozy state of mind.

Why would not drinking alcohol suddenly negate any positive qualities that we might naturally own? Why would having an un-inebriated brain remove our naturally interesting personalities, kind hearts, or curious brains?

Like so much of what we fear when we first get sober it is absolute bullshit to think that we turn into boring sober losers when we stop drinking.

Sure, we might be quieter in a group setting or leave events earlier than before, but that doesn’t mean we’re boring. On the contrary it quite possibly means that all the other people who are drinking  have become boring. Or maybe it just means we’re taking a back seat because we don’t feel the need to push ourselves forward, or we’re taking steps to look after ourselves and treat ourselves kindly – and both of those things are pretty bloody smart if you ask me.

I get why we have this fear though. Living a boozy life is living with dramatic moments, grand gestures, wild and crazy antics, or heightened interactions .. and living a sober life is not. Living a sober life is about having genuine moments, meaningful gestures, authentic fun and heartfelt interactions. Quite often subtle and low key, but always rewarding and fulfilling.

I know which life I’d choose. And frankly, if anyone thinks I’m a boring sober loser then that’s their problem, not mind.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. lisam 5 years ago

    this so hit home for me!!!!! “crazy party girl, or upbeat Lotta the awesome host (always with wine on hand to offer guests), or naughty Lotta with the twinkle in her eye going hard into the wee small hours.”. This is me.

    I am 50 years old (still young!) and am on day 2 of not drinking. I’ve been drinking since I was 13 (37 FUCKING YEARS WOW). I usually drink about a bottle of wine (or more) every night after work to “relax” and then am party girl all weekend, drinking Friday, Saturday nights and of course on Sunday when I watch the football game with all my friends at a bar. All my friends drink and my fear is I am not going to be fun anymore and i won’t have any more friends.. Terrified but feel ready to do this. thank you for listening

  2. Anonymous 5 years ago

    Try not to be influenced by other peoples opinions of you – you can never please everyone! sober or not the only one you can control is yourself and the only life you can live is your life

  3. Ang75 5 years ago

    I have tried to give up on and off over the last 12 months and had a few sober nights out. I’ve found that certain friends have a problem with me not drinking and others don’t, I’ve also found that it’s my friends who drink a lot who have more of a problem with me being sober!!! My friends who can take or leave alcohol have been very supportive.

    I am now on day 8 and I suppose only time will tell which friends will be by my side in my sobriety xx

  4. Mtedenmummy 5 years ago

    So true!

  5. Elyn 5 years ago

    WOW! I concur with Roseioutlook – nailed it! Thanks for always keeping the posts fresh, for sharing the uplifting and ever-encouraging Sober Stories and more. So, because of your meaningful gesture, I just had a genuine moment and now, a heartfelt interaction – THAT’s fun! : D

  6. Rosieoutlook 5 years ago

    Wow Lotta you always hit the nail on the head.
    Yesterday I wanted to vent about this exact topic. I have been AF for nearly 2 1/2 years and loving it. I have just come back from the Melbourne Cup and had a great time with my hubby and friends that all drink. I’m still very aware it is different for my friends who are used to me drinking wine and staying up late chatting, as we all live in different parts of NZ they are still getting used to me being sober and maybe I still am getting used to me being sober too. Like you, I have moved over the years with Hubby and our three boys and it takes me a while to get to the next level of a friendship. I was at our sons cricket the other night and one of the mums said “I have some beers, shall we have one?” So I told her I had given up and she was shocked when I said over 2 years ago. I told her I used to be a real wine girl and she then said……”I wish I knew you back then.” I came home and said to my hubby,” it’s the first time in over 2 years I felt I was doing something very different from the majority.” So now back into listening to the bubble hour, I haven’t stopped reading your blog, thank goodness, as I think if I wasn’t connected to your wonderful insights I would feel very alone. Thanks Lotta for always keeping it real. Xxx

    • Deb65 5 years ago

      I had a similar experience to @rosieoutlook when I had a “lapse” at Easter time in 2015. I threw an Easter party, and overheard one friend say to another, “It’s so nice to have our old Deb back, isn’t it?” !
      Nice for them perhaps, but not so nice for me! It took me months to get sober again, and I really don’t ever want to go back to that battleground again! Thanks MrsD for the reassurance. Not boring… better!

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