On my lowest days I sometimes have glum thoughts about my sobriety. It happens rarely nowadays (at 3+ years sober) but it does happen, and always when I’m tired or stressed or miserable. In other words when I’m vulnerable. When I’m vulnerable my stupid brain will start manufacturing thoughts designed to make me feel worse. They go like this….
“You don’t get invited anywhere because people think you’re boring.”
“People talk about you behind your back, they say you’re a dirty alcoholic and dodgy person.”
“You’re no fun now you don’t drink. You used to be fun but now you’re not.”
“People are wary of you, they think you’re judging them so they stay away from you.”
It’s all such bloody crappy bollocks. Honestly – why would I create such bullshit?
Because as I said before, it happens when I’m feeling low emotionally and vulnerable. It doesn’t happen when I’m on an even keel. When I’m feeling good about myself I think differently. I think like this.
“People will like me if they like me, not because of anything to do with my relationship with alcohol.”
“Who cares if other people don’t think I’m fun, my fun is my business and when I’m having fun it’s fun for me!”
“Maybe some people do talk about me behind my back but that’s their business and I can’t be bothered wondering or worrying about it.”
The fact of the matter is I am sober and I don’t touch alcohol ever and never will for the rest of my days. Giving up alcohol has had a profound impact on my life and 99.9999999999% of it is positive. If there are any negatives resulting from my sobriety in regards to what other people think about me I’ll accept them because they are far outweighed by the positives.
And my stupid brain can piss off with it’s negative self-talk when I’m feeling low or vulnerable. I have no time for that crap!
Love, Mrs D xxx