The wine would call my name…..

A restauranteur friend just emailed Mr D and said “I can get my hands on a stunning Central Otago pinot noir from a liquidation sale. Would you like a case?”

I told Mr D he should go for it. I asked “will having that case in the house make you drink more than you normally would?” He replied “Nope” and it’s true. He’ll stick to his very casual wine-drinking habit.

My husband is what you call a normal drinker – a ‘normie’. I am most certainly not.

If I had a case of wine in the house it would go down my throat steadily and heavily until it was gone.

I went through a stage a few years ago when I decided it was silly stopping every night on the way home to get a bottle of wine … so I started buying cases at a time instead. It wasn’t a plan that lasted for long. Having a case of wine in the hall cupboard was just an invitation for me to drink more. It called to me. I could hear it call my name. I couldn’t take my mind off it. So I’d drink more than usual every evening until it was gone.

I was aware of this… and didn’t like it (back then the sober person hidden deep inside my boozy body must have been having a slight bit of influence.) I didn’t stop drinking at this point – no way! I just reverted back to buying on the day what I would consume that night.  It was a vague attempt at moderation I suppose. Except slowly I just started buying more each day to fulfill my need.

I continued like this for another 8 or so years (until things got so bad I pulled the pin and got sober). I’d buy on the day what I would drink that night. There was no building up a booze collection in our house. Any special gift bottles didn’t last long. They always bloody called to me. Bottle of duty-free gin from a friend? I’d go on a G&T kick until it was gone. Three-quarters of a random bottle of liqueur left over from a party? Gone quick-smart.

Even if there was a leftover bottle of Sauvignon in the fridge from the weekend, I’d probably drink it on a Monday night. I didn’t even like Sauvignon! But it was booze and it was in the house so it would probably go down my throat.

This is why I’m an alcoholic. This is why I’m sober today.

But as I say, Mr D isn’t like me, so why shouldn’t he take advantage of this good deal? He’ll pop his wine in the hall cupboard and it will lie there mute until he decides to drink it. It won’t call his name. His brain isn’t wired for the wine talking. And honestly, it’ll probably last him at least six months.

And how will I be with that wine in the house? Totally fine. I don’t touch that shit any more, and I’ve re-trained my brain to no longer hear it’s call. It has no power over me.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. formerwineenthusiast 9 years ago

    Sounds like how I was. I could never store wine for long periods of time in our house. It did call to me. I never bought cask but when I bought cases they did not last long. All it would take would be 3 huge (non standard) glasses of wine and I’d be woozy and then sleepy then guts churny then regretful then hung over. I do not miss that life.

  2. Jasminasper 9 years ago

    Just read this months after you posted it @MrsD and that was me . After I’d made the decision to live sober I can have wine in the house and it has no hold over me . My partner buys it by the case load ( 12 bottles last him 3 months for goodness sake :)) and he just sips away casually … I would’ve seen it as an all consuming challenge to drink it so it went away ! The only thing I ask of him is that he doesn’t discuss outloud ” hmmm shall I open a bottle tonight or not ” as that actually annoys me and that he takes the empty out to the bin . I imagine in time that will go also .

  3. thirstystill 9 years ago

    I’m very pleased to be clear of the voices, too, Mrs D! Such a relief. xo

  4. Anonymous 9 years ago

    MrsD – I say this a LOT. But you are rocking it mama! Your contribution to society (humanity) with your blog and your book, and coming “out” has no measure. You are much loved, admired and appreciated… MrsMoo

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      Wow, thank you so much for saying that, I really do appreciate it xxxx

  5. Anonymous 9 years ago

    My husband is a normie too. I have always envied normies…they could have a few, feel good and stop. I am angry that I’m not a normie because I can no longer do the things I enjoy….have a glass of wine with a great meal, have a drink and great conversation with a friend, enjoy a cold beer after a day of yard work, etc. I can’t do these things because I don’t have a switch that goes off until the bottle is done or its time to pass out. I have always been a highly functional alcoholic and most of my friends would probably never guess my problem…some are uncertain why I have quit drinking. We do have alcohol in our house…beer, wine and hard liquor. I have had a pretty easy time resisting it and I actually feel pretty powerful that its there and I can walk by it. It does call my name and I do still have those cravings but I also know that one mistake can take me back down a horrible road. Does there ever get to be a point that you really just don’t think about it anymore?? Can you ever be a normie after a period of time without drinking???

    • Anonymous 9 years ago

      I think it is a bit like how some people can’t tolerate gluten or dairy in their diet, or are allergic to things, and that must be annoying for them and they must think “why me.” If you look at it in that way – that alcohol just “doesn’t agree” with your body then maybe it is a little easier to accept. Alcohol trips a little switch in our heads that says DRINK! and don’t stop til the bottle’s empty! I hate that alcohol had so much power over me and consumed my every waking moment. I am so glad to have a chance at a “normal” life now and if that means giving it up forever, then that is what will have to be done. Just like the gluten intolerant who can’t eat doughnuts anymore. It sucks, but it is what it is.

    • wahinetoa 9 years ago

      I too envy the normies, I’d love to be able to have a couple of social drinks, actually I’d love to drink only until I got tipsy, maybe even drunk then stop, but I can never have a couple, I have to drink everything in sight & I don’t care about the social aspect when I drink. I can’t even stop when I’m drunk, I too have to pass out to stop. A sad reality for many of us.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      Hi anonymous… That anger you describe I felt as well when. First gave up… Like why why why did I have to be one of the ‘unlucky’ ones who can’t drink normally. Why me???!!! But honestly now at 1250 days sober I no longer feel like that, i don’t envy drinkers – they can have their booze I’m fine without it… Better than fine! Booze is dumb! But I’d be lying if I said it was easy getting to this place. It takes hard work at first retraining your brain away from all the hard wired beliefs we have about booze. Read the posts outlined at the top if this blog page (the bullshit and fast forward ones particularly). You’ll son see you can have all those same moments you describe without booze being in your glass.. We can! Booze doesn’t have the power. And to answer your questions, yes, it does get to the point where you don’t think about it much any more.. And no, I don’t think we can magically turn into normies.

  6. Peter 9 years ago

    Dear Mrs. D, I have been sober almost 2 months now. Someone recommended your book to me around the start of my process and it was a big help. So thank you for sharing your story. Like you I didn’t have a ‘rock bottom’ moment, I didn’t drink vodka for breakfast, I didn’t have blackouts etc etc. I was functioning well in my life and managing to hide my drinking from everyone. I would go out with friends and just have two beers… then rush home and drink a 6 pack afterwards (I live alone) thus preserving everyone’s rosy image of me as a moderate drinker. Your story helped me because it demonstrated that all kinds of people can have a problem with drinking, it doesn’t always have to be an obvious cliched situation. When I quit, friends were utterly mystified as none of them had a clue what was really going on, many of them I think still doubt whether it was a even big thing for me! But it was a huge thing, and a weight has been lifted. I was so scared because I felt like I was on a ship that was gradually, inexorably letting in water – with no control I was on course to sink at some point. I’m trying not to be complacent of course – it’s only 2 months. A lot can change, even in a day. But it feels good to have got some control back – thanks for your book and your blog.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      Great to hear from you Peter and big congrats on two months!! Wonderful you are here… Have you visited the Members Feed? Lots of people round your stage in there xxx

    • Anonymous 9 years ago

      Peter, I can relate to that totally. I was definitely a highly functional alcoholic. I think the only person that knew I had a real issue was my husband and my kids were starting to. I have been sober for 26 days now. I have good moments and moments that I crave a glass of wine. It is getting easier and it does help to read about people that have similar stories.

  7. ClearRainbow 9 years ago

    I was sober for eleven years. I did not have wine in the house. Liquor or beer was OK but I did not want the temptation of wine around. I became complacent after 11 years and drank – wine – at a dinner party.
    It would be nice if your husband did not keep the wine. Just saying….

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      I appreciate the concern @clearrainbow and I hear you loud and clear. It’s a good reminder for me to stay vigilant – 11 years, wow! – and I will promise to get it out of the house if I notice my brain starting to try & convince me it’d be ok to have a tipple again. And I PROMISE that I will go online and fess up to our community (or the readers of my other blog) if I am thinking of drinking again – hopefully I’ll get some good honest tough talk to convince me out of that idea. Big love xx

  8. lifewithoutvodkarocks 9 years ago

    This is day 171 for me…. I had the realization this morning that this is the longest I’ve gone without booze in 32 years! Never plan to drink again – I feel too fabulous to start poisoning myself ever ever again. Had an absolute shit day at work on Monday and just let myself really feel my feelings. Not for one moment did I want to drink my feelings away. As bad a day as it was, it was revelatory to realize that I could get through an awful day without wanting to drink. The wine doesn’t call to me any more and it’s a wonderful thing!

    • Anonymous 9 years ago

      I love that sentence too and I wrote it down to look at when I feel a bit weak.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      fabulous is such a fabulous word @lifewithoutvodkarocks xxx

    • SueK 9 years ago

      ” I feel too fabulous to start poisoning myself ever ever again. ”

      I love this sentence @lifewithoutvodkarocks. SO TRUE.

  9. gabbygirl14 9 years ago

    @Mrs. D I happy to report that I no longer hear Wolfie telling me to drink. I have been Sober 108 days now. We decided to move the extra refrigerator to the shed and that is where we keep all the beer (my choice of poison). I am careful to only buy beer that I will not ever be tempted to drink. Heinekin, Yuengling, Blue Moon. I prefer Lite beer (Miller, Bud). Now the other night I did find out there was some Bud LIte in the outside frig but I was never tempted to drink it. When my friends came over I offerred that beer first to get rid of it. I am feeling too good to mess with my sobriety. I also LOVE my treats. I have lots and lots and lots of treats!!!!!

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      Go the sober treats @gabbygirl14! Excellent that your Wolfie has been silenced. Amazing how that happens eh.. the longer you go without booze the less you hear it calling to you. Amazeballs xx

  10. Deanne 9 years ago

    Magnificent! My husband is not drinking with me, at least until I can get to where you are Mrs. D. He offered to stop drinking to help me, but doesn’t have the daily struggle I do. It’s really hard right now in these early days for me to be around alcohol or other people drinking, even restaurants serving alcohol. So we eat out at dinners that don’t serve and our house is clear of all wine, hard liquor doesn’t attract me. I remember dumping the remainder of the last bottle of wine down the sink the morning after the last drink I had and said, “No matter what, this is over!” I’ve been struggling through those evening hours with a bag of candy to sooth the agitation. For the time being the plan is working.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      sounds like you’ve got a keeper there @deanne . Stick with candy until you no longer hear the wine calling, then try dealing with the sugar! (I’m still working on that one, it’s hard!) xx

  11. tourmaline 9 years ago

    I’m on Day 4. Longest sober period in years. I saw a can of Codys today (in someone’s car cup holder even, not mine) and I felt such a twang, a calling, a kind of lust. I gave up Coke altogether at New Years so switched to cider. But I’m not drinking anything at all tonight, go me.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      go you @tourmaline.. sounds great! How many days are you now? Are you interacting in our Members Feed? There are a bunch of members at the same early stage as you in there helping each other along xxx

    • soberandsmiling 9 years ago

      Well done @tourmaline – Day 4. Go you indeed. That twang is a pain in the arse but it passes so quickly – it passes, always does, always will if you let it go. Hang in there. Sobriety rocks.

  12. chookylove 9 years ago

    Its so incredible that you can stop drinking and the need for it too! I find that miraculous! I also had a mind like yours Mrs. D. I couldnt imagine leaving a bottle of unopened wine alone and would have to drink it sooner rather than later – i would savour the moment I could get stuck in – usually 3pm was the time I would start this contemplation game and I would last an hour maybe 2 before I would just get cracking and most of the time I would have to finish the whole bottle. But since that first recovery group meeting when I identified I have been able to stay strong and keep going without the booze. My boozing days are behind me and sometimes I just shake my head and wonder how on earth did that happen? but thank god it has! My husband loves beer, he brews his own has a constant supply in the house – he even grows his own hops, but it doesnt bother me – the fact that I am not trying to stop him drinking too has actually helped I think, because I am focussing on myself and my own issues rather than making drinking our issue. That route would be bound for failure because we would inevitably test each others rubbery arm out and off we’d go on another bender. Now I have my husbands support. He doesnt feel threatened by my choice to not drink and his drinking has significantly moderated, i think because he doesnt feel he has to keep up with the frantic drinking wife. I think my husband is a normie because he never has angst about his drinking and he can stop when he wants.

    • Author
      Mrs D 9 years ago

      I agree with you @chookylove that not putting any energy into what Mr D is doing with his booze frees me up to just focus on my brain and my sobriety. Great comment xxx

  13. freebreezi 9 years ago

    Yep, had those same wino voices in my head and that’s why I don’t drink now.

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