Sobriety is…

Special things

Boozing is living a wild, crazy, blurry, detached and numbed-out life that is sometimes fun and sometimes sad and sometimes downright miserable (when you get to where I was with my boozing).

Sobriety is not. Sobriety is not grand gestures and exciting developments. Sobriety is all the little things.

It’s the lovely conversations at the end of a party, the quiet cosy conversations that are real and memorable.

It’s getting up at 11pm to rub a sick child’s back and feeing so grateful to be fully alert.

It’s the delight in an empty recycling bin.

It’s driving home at midnight. I love driving home in the dark so much.

It’s hearing people talk about their own struggles and not inwardly running a mile, but listening, really listening.

It’s that beautiful moment after you’ve stared down a pang and resisted the urge to drink, it’s gone away and you realise it was lying to you and you didn’t want/need/deserve the drink after all. That is a truly beautiful sober moment.

It’s waiting, waiting for bad moods to pass, waiting for glum phases to end, waiting for the light to return. Knowing that it always does.

It’s really appreciating a hot cup of tea, really appreciating each and every sip. Or really appreciating a small sweet square of chocolate as it melts in your mouth.

It’s looking in the mirror and knowing that whatever is looking back at you is real, not some blurry distant mirage.

It’s just the underlying beauty in the knowledge that you are sober. You are not drunk any more, you are sober.

That’s what sobriety truly is. It’s that little gold nugget of truth that you tuck away inside and nurture.

I am not drunk any more. I am sober.

Love, Mrs D xxx

  1. TaoTeCm 7 months ago

    Just really poetic and beautifully put simple things that we overlooked because we were numb and blurry

  2. Anonymous 2 years ago

    On my 4 or 5th day 1. I am disappointed in myself but I also know that I am not a normal drinker. If I only have 3 glasses, I basically call myself sober. I am sick and tired and fat, and I am looking forward to being present. Thanks

  3. PW 2 years ago

    This is just beautiful Mrs. D. I’m coming back here often to remind myself what sobriety really looks like. 5, going on 6 days sober today and very hopeful….:)

  4. Ladyhawke 2 years ago

    Nailed it @mrs-d. I was taking out the rubbish this morning and couldn’t believe that I didn’t have to take out the recycling bin πŸ™‚ Also love listening to the birds in my garden first thing in the morning. I’m now hearing how beautiful they are instead of being hungover and grumpily shouting at them to shut up. I am not drunk anymore, I am sober – and so much happier πŸ™‚

    • sheaney5 2 years ago

      So true – last week when I was putting out the recycling, It was so light. 32 days today and feeling fab πŸ™‚

  5. Anonymous 2 years ago

    Hello Mrs D

    I’ve read both your books….and check your website every day to see if you ‘ve put any more on your blog. I relate to you so much….im 78 days sober today and thank you for helping me. Thank you for your honest books and thank you for helping break down the stigma.

  6. Anonymous 2 years ago

    Hi Mrs D, I have just finished your book “…Going Without” and it was remarkable! Well done! I am a new member of Al Anon, but my challenge will be to get my spouse reading your book and/or blog. However, now that I now both resources are there, I will try to make them accessible my partner. All your hard work, both in getting/keeping sober and in inspiring others, is appreciated. I am hopeful you will inspire one more!!

  7. We couldn’t agree more. It makes our job so much more rewarding when we see the fantastic transition that leads to a sober lifestyle. One of the comments we usually get from our clients is that their new appretiation of the beauties that exist throughout the world. Birds chirping in the morning, the grass dew upon sun rise and the sound of children laughing. I feel those are the true wonders of sober living.

  8. Clare 2 years ago

    Lovely,gentle post….Beautiful words.
    I’m.currently highly strung,stress levels through the roof,will get myself sorted over the next week,I’m such high maintenance!!
    But still alcohol free,so that’s a plus.

  9. Poppy 2 years ago


  10. Eschia 2 years ago

    I can finally relate to those ppl that described the feeling of having chocolate melt in their mouth or enjoying each sip of lovely tea. Before I got sober, I read those words without any feeling whatsoever. I can now relate and that feels wonderful. Being sober opens up the world to me!

  11. Ravenscraig 2 years ago

    Oh YES Mrs D….I had a chuckle when you mentioned the recycling bin….there was a time when ours was so full of bottles that it must have woken up the whole street. The neighbours can now have a bit of a sleep in…:)

  12. Saoirse 2 years ago

    A beautiful and true post, so very happy I found this site. The companionship has helped me so much. I particularly like what you said about sobriety not being the grand gestures just the quiet, simple golden nuggets of life. I love that.❀️

  13. Cinderella 2 years ago

    Yep!!! it’s over 200 days of all of those precious moments of being ‘there’ for what ever I need to be ‘there’ for πŸ™‚

  14. Jaxisdry 2 years ago

    Thanks Mrs. D. great words just what I needed to remind me to keep up the fight. I came to this sight after reading “Mrs D is going without” and like so many other people felt like it was my story. Day 32 for me and I am so grateful to be sober I was so over it. I will not drink, I am not a drunk, I am sober.

  15. MalibuStacey 2 years ago

    You breath of fresh air, you.

  16. mistchance 2 years ago

    that so true, a very lovely blog.

  17. bikramrunner45 2 years ago

    I love this! So, so true. I am happier sober than I ever thought possible. Six months today, a work in progress… Thank you for your website, books and every update to the blog. You have no idea the difference you have made in my life!!!

  18. freedom1025 2 years ago

    Love this Mrs. D. It’s so true … every single word. I was always so busy drinking or thinking about drinking that I lost sight of the quiet magic in the little moments. Thanks for articulating it so perfectly.

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