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Licensed by NZ Drug Foundation under Creative Commons 4.0 2024. Built by Bamboo Creative and powered by Flywheel.
I have a huge tolerance for alcohol I can neck a bottle of white wine in about 40 minutes followed by about 5 beers female in my 40s this happens twice sometimes 3 times a week and I manage to make work. I see posts of people guilty after necking a bottle of wine. I’ve got a lot of work to do.?
I am 140 days in to this journey today, and let me tell you, it has been an awakening. There are many questions about myself that have been answered through sobriety. Things that have been an absolute mystery, shrouded in a haze of alcohol induced grandeur and facade. Alcohol had slowly infiltrated every part of my life, from the moment I woke up in the morning to the moment I passed out…alcohol was there. My addiction thrived sometime after drink number 2 and before drink number 8, when “I’m at the top of my game.” I’d tell myself “I’m handsome, have a great job, make lots of money, great cook, great musician, the world is in the palm of my hands.” I mean, I had confidence, real confidence, and it was glorious. Its this dangerous period of time that fed my addiction and compelled me to drink more. But here’s the catch. Remember earlier when I said “facade”? I meant it. All of the great feelings of pride and accomplishment are bullshit. They’re fake. They are…a veneer. What’s happening on the outside is that I’m becoming a bigger asshole with every drink. A deplorable son of a bitch that treats his beautiful wife with little respect, ignores his kids, fucks up dinner, spends his limited means on crap, sleeps dreadfully and wakes up hungover to another day at his shitty job. That is the reality of what drinking gave me. Shame, guilt, remorse, regret, fear, anxiety, pain, expense and an utter lack of self respect. A lie.
Now that I’ve gotten my rant out of the way, here is what I’ve learned in 140 days sober:
1. I’m truly have no self-confidence. However, sobriety has given me new pride in myself and the time and energy to make large steps in the right direction.
2. I am not nearly as macho and tough as I thought I was. Turns out I’m incredibly, if not overly, sensitive. Still figuring out how to tame this.
3. I REALLY love sleep, and I sleep soooooo much better.
4. I am smarter, faster and have quicker wit than I’ve had in years.
5. This is the most important one…
I am an infinitely better husband and father without the booze. If any of you are parents and need a reason to quit, do it for your kids. My home life is several orders of magnitude better.
I have more money, self-respect, recognition at work, and love from my family then ever before.
It isn’t easy to feel right after so many years of fooling your reward system, but I assure you, it is possible and it is worth the effort.
The juice is definitely worth the squeeze.
-Seabass
Well said!
That’s a very compelling story with some wisdom there gained from being free.I couldn’t agree more with regard to being a better parent.I am 24 days into AF and have children they are getting a better deal out of their dad and my anxiety levels are dropping day by day.Loving the change and it’s a challenge but rewarding nonetheless good luck to everyone who starts this journey.
Wonderful post so true!! Thank you
Thanks for that. Today’s my first day to come to grips with my addiction to wine. I’ll probably read your post everyday for the next month, truly inspiring
Ok just signed up tomorrow will be day one. By day 3 will be craving. I’m overweight, my face is red I waste heaps of money on this crap as well as time. Time to wake up push cravings away and get moving.
Every morning I plan my evening which is easy if im working but on the nights that im not i make a very conscious plan of somewhere i have to drive to, an outing with my kids, a bike ride or anything that doesnt involve being stood in my kitchen feeling strung out!
?Another night without a wine ? starting to feel quite good
3/4/18 will be night ONE. I’d like to try a 100 night challenge. Has anyone else challenged themselves for 100 nights without a drink? Every night without alcohol I will put a huge smiley face in my calendar book. My goal is to collect as many smiles as possible, hopefully for 100 nights. My situation I’m certain is not unique, my husband is a huge drinker. He comes home every night and drinks all night long. I don’t drink every night but it is hard to resist when I see him drink. I try very hard to block it out and ignore him drinking. I can’t have a decent conversation with him drunk and me sober so sometimes I just cave in and drink with him so we can talk. I will not blame him for my drinking, it’s not like he’s putting a gun to my head forcing me to drink. I just have had enough joining him. I need huge support not to drink 5:00 pm on. I will plan to get out the seltzer and lemon instead of the bottle of wine, stay strong and focused on one night at a time for 100 nights = 100 smiles. I see something about Kombucha. I’ll have to try that, thanks.
? here’s an extra one for today.
I’m on day 2 of a 100 day challenge myself. Feeling strong at this moment but 5:00 witching hour hits hard some days. I’ve read Tired of Thinking about drinking which was what got me to try for 100 days. Best to u and keep posting ur progress!
BTW I’m meant 3/4/19.
Kombucha is yummy and healthy
This is only day 2. I’m planning a menu for tomorrow and drinking ice water.
Hi I am day 2 today. I feel a lot calmer when I don’t drink. I need to find some interesting drinks to substitute my wine o clock
Seltzer, splash of Cranberry/mango juice, wedge of lime over ice helped. Now I just crack open a flavored seltzer or diet ginger ale. I’m one month in. Not perfect but getting to the point of loving my new normal.
Hi, I am day 1 today. Last night I drank a bottle of wine & let’s just say that I’m very hungover & regret the experience both physically & emotionally.
I have been exercising, long doggy walks or going to the gym. I switched up y schedule to go to the gym in the evening to avoid any thoughts on going to the store to get wine. Also been spending time with kids at night and doing household tasks. Amazing how much I can get done when I am not three sheets to the wind! jk ok not really. It is a good feeling and I get pride from the work I get down at home after a day on the job. Also helps to read and listen to podcasts – lots of them.
day 4 and getting ready to go out for a bday lunch lunch. Can already taste the margarita. Still on the fence weather I will have one ( or three) or not! UGHHHHHH
As i am starting my day1 today i will have a tonic, the kick in the taste will probably do the trick
that’s actually a really good idea!!
I pour Kombucha into a glass I would use for hard cider. Still get the fizz and the tartness. Tricks my brain.
Same…I love Kombucha
great idea…im going to get some this eve, and maybe drink it out of my fave wine glass
Keeping busy with positive thinking & treating with special alcohol free drinks
okay here we go. the weekend! Rock but don’t roll!
Hi everyone,
day 23 and finding wine o’clock hard! My go to is ginger beer and popcorn. Then having dinner early because I didn’t drink after dinner. I scoffed a bottle of wine between coming home from work and having dinner.
How are you all coping with a spouse who is still drinking? Some days I want to drive a stake into his heart while he’s sitting there drinking his wine ( just joking,sort of)
Hi beachbum3! I can appreciate exactly what you’re going through. I am 38 days AF, and at first I felt jealous that my hubby could sit in his easy chair relaxing and enjoying his cocktails all evening while I had to put in the effort of finding other ways to occupy myself that didn’t include wine. It was work but in very little time it started to pay off and I was enjoying long walks with our dog, calling the kids for a little “catch up”, looking up new recipes for the coming week, playing solitaire while singing along to some “Beatles” music in the background. Then, suddenly, it seemed I saw my hubby as the sorry one. I was enjoying LIFE and he was hanging on to his “blanky” and avoiding all the wonder and joy of engaging with the rest of the world! Hang in there. Its worth it.
I really love your post. I love that you turned your attitude about the situation around. You are a winner!
Day 3 and I slipped. Went to the store to get food for dinner. Bought a bottle of wine. Going to go to the food store in the mornings to lesson the temptation instead of going at wine o’clock.
That’s a great idea. I hate buying wine I’m the morning, bad look
Thank you for posting this… your honesty helps me face my own struggles. I have given in so many times. I cant even put into words how rubbish I feel about myself. I realise now that the harder the pull from wine means the I’m winning . The most dangerous place in a war is the front line, and to win a battle there means you’re destroying the enemy’s strength and taking ground back. It means the moment will come that they will be gone and you will have peace. I want peace
Just joined today
5pm is my witching hour
I hope I get through it with water and thoughts of my health
4pm was mine. Try ginger beer. I put mine in my favourite wine glass and have a small bowl of popcorn with it. I’m trying to replace my old ritual with a new one. So far so good.
I pour Kombucha into a glass I would use for hard cider. Still get the fizz and the tartness. Tricks my brain. Kombucha is not for everyone, but as beachbum3 said, ginger beer is a great suggestion.
I sometimes managed to get through with tea and milk. Friday night is coming. It is 9am in South Africa. I’ll have to wait and see how tonight goes but I am determined. Plan is to take kids to a kids restaurant and play area, and keep looking at them. I’m also doing this for them.
I just joined and for me its not a bottle of wine but a bottle of vodka. I hve built up such a high tolerance. The cost of a bottle of vodka a day is high. I hve begun to reach out for help to kick it n am waiting for my spot in rehab which scares the shit outta me but is necessary. I am hurting everyone around me but once i get home n pour that drink i don’t care… I need it. Im scared to gve my best friend up.
Mine was bottle of wine but affected me badly. Did a home detox under medical supervision for 5 days now on medication to help me stay sober. Still get cravings occasionally but the help you get from the drug and alcohol organisation I went to is amazing! I am going to a psych there as well.
Don’t be scared it will all be worth it! Although I’m not out of the woods I feel so much better.
Friday night dinner out. A trigger point because I usually start my weekend winding down with a glass of wine that more often than not turns into a bottle 🙁
Tea with milk and honey seems to do the trick!
Hi
I’ve just joined today! Only 26 days sober.
My hardest time is ‘teatime’ as we call 6ish here in England. It was my default get a glass of wine time. I love cooking but finding it hard without my glasses of wine to go with it. Never had so many microwaved meals!
I hope I can get back to cooking without the temptation ..
and I am eating so much sweet stuff, never had a sweet tooth before :/
I can relate to this so well. I’m in the US, so we have ginger ale (maybe it’s ginger beer in the UK?? Here it’s non alcoholic.) Anyhow, having that while I’m cooking has been good. Also listening to my favorite music or a podcast while in the kitchen is good. I’m also trying to focus on the meditative aspects of cooking–the chopping, the stirring, those things that can be relaxing if you can look at them for the beauty that they hold. (And yes, I am eating sweets like no tomorrow. One thing at a time, right? )
After 9 days – that is the hardest time
Of day. It is actually easier when I am
Out with other people. I try different things each day: take a walk, cook a great meal, go to a cafe and write, light a fire and read, yoga… whatever I can to reinforce I don’t need that glass ( bottle) of wine to enjoy the evening.
I have found video games to be helpful actually! It keeps my hands and mind busy.
I’m scrolling through masses of posts of advice and I’m liking the ‘eating early’ which I do anyway but hearing your comments about drinking the wine on an empty stomach resonates with me completely! That’s when I love it the most- I’ve realised if a friend ever wants to meet for a drink, I’ve never wanted to go unless it’s about 5pm- if they want to meet later im over it as I’ll be well into my bottle and can’t drive! Oh dear. So amazing to read all these posts over the years and hear how so many struggle like myself every night!! The feeling so powerful in the morn then come 4pm crumble.
I’m on day 3 and drinking Komucha which seems to be going ok- I’m also doing dishes, washing clothes, watering the garden and not doing much sitting down watching tv like I used to as that’s what I did while drinking my g and t’s and then red wine… wishing the night would go faster so I can sleep and tick off another day!!
I’m with you on Day3 ( yet again)….look forward to going to bed every night
i’m so glad you put that ‘yet again’ in you post…im back to day 1 today and just feel so overwhelmed with regret and guilt I can hardly see straight. Thanks for your honesty.
I am right there with you both, 72 hours. Had a restless night last night. Didn’t get much sleep…Hope I can sleep tonight
I have long wanted to stop drinking . I feel I have an unhealthy dependence on alcohol and I am tired of the feelings of regret and disappointment I feel after drinking. Not to mention the headaches and fatigue that always following the day after. I have experimented with an alcohol free December and have mostly stuck to it. I have had alcohol on 3-4 occasions. One evening I could not manage my stress and anxiety and turned to wine for relief. Then the other occasions were social and I just didn’t know how to be around people who were drinking without joining them. Each time I was rewarded (punished?) with feeling terrible – emotionally and physically and it actually made me feel more resolved to actually quit. I am committed to staying AF and am looking to this community for support. Thank you.
Ok. So all I have is 3 days. But I just read some great ideas to use to get me through the next two work days before Christmas. I will take a 5 pm shower. Love that idea. Also I liked these ideas; take a walk, watch a Netflix series one a day after work, eat lots of fruit, bake. And most of all I will check in here. I am scared and worried about failing again but also strangely hopeful. I do feel different because this time my 11 year old daughter commented on my drinking and how it affected her. I yellled at her in a blackout. I’m also having withdrawals and anger issues. But I want to live without drinking and thinking about wine. I am hopeful. I can do this. Why not now? Alcohol has never made anything better or more special for me ever. Ever. It only makes life worse. Here’s to day 4.
I totally hear you, especially about your 11 year old, I have 2 boys and they are noticing it now also….I need to set a better example/ Hope you are doing well still
Sending good vibes. Stay strong stay focused.
Keep going, you got this!
I would do what I usually did cook dinner but with an AF drink. In the first few weeks I drunk so many different fizzies that I now go to a nice cup of tea. Anything but wine and ate lots of chocolate.
Yes I need to get a supply of AF drinks…. will def take the edge off and change the habit!
I have just joined like just now. I am glad to see people’s stories about managing sobriety and jealous of their strength/commitment.
For many mornings recently, I have told myself that I do not want to drink that evening upcoming. I feel sick and guilty about my nasty addiction and am terrified of people finding out. Too many mornings I have walked into work feeling hungover and/or still under the influence. I have even prayed to God to help me and talked to my reflection in the mirror that “it is now time to heal”. Why I want to quit:
– Because I drink way too much (i did the recycling yesterday and there was a ridiculous amount of empty cans and bottles)
– Shame. My habit affects my self esteem. In the helping profession I feel like a total fraud. I deny and try to hide empty bottles.
– Trapped. Alcohol keeps me hostage. 5pm is dedicated to alcohol consumption not allowing any room for new relationships or experiences. I drink alone mostly.
– Cost. I spend a huge amount of money on booze and lie to myself that I work hard and deserve it (deserve to ruin myself?)
– relationships. There have been too many times when my drunken behaviour has impacted my partner negatively. When he brings it up I feel like a piece of sh*t but continue to deny his concerns.
– Love of my children. I do not want my children to grow up watching their parents drink like I did. I dont want them to think that alcohol is the only way to let their hair down or to relax.
– Social justice. Alcohol has a horrible affect on our society. Alcoholism runs in my family as with anxiety as with historical trauma. I want to be able to say “it stops with me!”
I have to start somewhere and I hope that ‘somewhere’ is tonight. I want to get through tonight and learn to love myself and my family more
I know exactly how you feel… I am only now reaching out for help as my family are all being impacted… Alcoholism runs in my family too… I black out n hve no idea what ive done the night before… I go to work smelling like a brewery n every day I tell myself tonight i wont drink but the minute i get in from work im pouring a drink.. Im scared to let it go alcohol seems to be my only friend.
My children have also been the main driver. They are frightened by how much I drink. I have been wanting to stop for ages. Knowing I could permanently damage them is too awful. One week dry!
I’ve made it through day one. I look forward to waking up with a clear head. I’m over it and now choose to commit to living alcohol free. I really relate to your story. Alcohol eats through my hard earned money and it keeps me trapped as it’s hostage. It holds me back from being my best. Im a support worker and have felt like a fraud too.
Ditto, ditto and ditto. I feel like I was reading my very own post. I am just now hitting 24 hours without alcohol. So glad to have found you all.
Your reasons really resonate with me. I relate with everything you mentioned.
You have described me in what you have said.
I’m so over it also and the time has come to live a life of Sobriety.
You r story totally resonates with me. I want to stop too, I feel the same as you. Good luck hon
Keep going 🙂 I’ve started my journey today, at long last!
Me too. I have just finished 3 days. Good luck. I know how you feel
Yesterday was first day without in a long time. I firmly believe in the witching hour, it is when I always failed.
The late afternoon is my witching hour, I usually go to the store for a few groceries and inevitably some craft beer or red wine. I have to stop, I get bored at home at night and tend to go out to meet friends and drink strong drinks.
Tomorrow will be day one for me! Wish me luck!
Good luck. You got this
Good luck. Don’t forget to breath
Get on here for inspiration is what I was doing the last time around. At the moment I’m finding that I will go buy wine, get home and pour a glass, totally forgetting that I was not going to drink that day. That’s the habit I need to interupt. Perhaps I should get a reminder tattooed on my hand!
Hmmmmm. I was more of a beer drinker than a wine drinker. I think I am getting through “wine o’clock” playing with my two retrievers in the back yard. I also have been reading voraciously and having comforting tea time. It’s really a matter of establishing a new routine for me. I need the continuity of a comfortable routine that I can count on.
I’m not there yet. It is by far the hardest time. Suggestions welcome.
Hi ~ I’m on day 12 from not drinking a bottle of white/rose every night for ..decades. I started in grade 10 as I was shy around groups – so the social thing. Then there was a sad trauma, my dad who I was really close to died from a heart attack at home in front of my mom and I – I had just graduated grade 12 – in 2 weeks was to go to university to be a grade 1 teacher. There wasn’t trauma/ptsd counselling in those days nor cpr training. I couldn’t concentrate on anything -even read properly (I was an honours student) and everything was just depressing – especially since I ended up being miserable together drinking with my mom – who held down a prof. medical job but drank every night. Doom – gloom – no moving forward – everything stopped. The wine through the years always played a part of feeling depressed. Then there were the 20 years I lived with an abusive substance/emotionally abusive spouse while having multiple serious health issues – after that ended (my terms) I fell into huge depression – needed prescription – helped alot but still drank. Last fall I had an undiagnosed ear cholesteatoma -that was very frightening – it’s not cancer but it is like flesh eating disease to your ears and facial muscles and balance organ. Ihad surgery inDecember – I have been taking this year off to get healthy – but still was drinking – until early Nov. I thought – I look and feel awful (and wasting a ton of precious money) and I’m supposed to be getting better – and I prayed to the universe that I needed to change – I’m not a specific religion – but it is working! and I want to live in the {sober} light that I haven’t had since high school. I started doing my photo get well greeting cards that I will be going to the hospital gift shop to sell and maybe nurseries. Bottom line – I am working on the cards at the witching hours which i agree are for me from 3pm – 830.. I chalked it up to the fact that I was sad that I wasn’t with my husband but I drank when I was with him too (even though rocky time) so it was just a bad habit that happened I think from coming home from a telecommunications job that was stressful (18 years) and felt like I needed a ‘treat’ I deserved it … etc. but maybe if I had been able to do the job i thought i would love – the grade 1 teacher … i wouldn’t have needed to treat myself to any rewards since the job would be the reward. so I am really happy doing these cards and I will make sure – I am job seeking -that I only take a job that I like so I don’t get into that mentality again – I hope this has been helpful. My whole family drinks so I have to be my own leader in my happiness – which i should be anyway. perhaps they can be inspired by me in the future – i don’t judge them or tell them what to do – i understand it all.
Wow Patti, you’ve had a lot going on and I can see how drinking wine would be your go to like most of us here, I’ve been drinking gin and wine most nights for decades too and on day 3 now – stupid thing is that I suddenly feel a saint for having 3 nights off and want to make excuses that I can return to it again! I’m trying to stop for a month to start with. Hope you’re doing ok.
how are you going Patti?
I just used to clean the house hard out
I’m at 10!
Hey I’m 25 days too…well done!
Me too. I dont enjoy it anymore and it now a habit. Have purchased The Naked Mind which I have started to read this evening when I normally open a bottle and its really good. Ive got to stay strong !
i want to give up my bottle of wine a night
Do it! You can!
I have three things that keep me on track:
1. I keep a list of 20 ways my life improved without booze on my phone, at the ready in case I need a quick reminder.
2. I take a 15 minute walk to get some endorphins moving.
3. This isn’t for everyone…I keep an assortment of my favorite non-alcoholic drinks on hand (usually high calorie
Hello Mygirls2!
I too have had intense anxiety! Once I get away from drinking, I feel SOOO much better! Much of the anxiety is caused by alcohol. Have you read This Naked MInd by Annie Grace? That really helped me. The anxiety being caused by alcohol is a physiological fact. Check it out.
I wanted to quit for many years, but could not. Now that I have, I can’t believe the difference. I’ve had to re-start many times, but each time I do, after a couple of days, my anxiety is almost all gone! It’s worth it!
I wish you the best!
Eleith
Absolutely! The ‘new’ ‘sober’ ‘you’ (me) is foreign! I’m nearly double your days, but I’ve been where you are sitting – and still struggle, but it’s all worth it!
I usually walk my dog which gets me out of the house. My LARGER problem is when I go to the store becaue that’s when I’m tempted to buy the wine, which I used to hide in my closet. (sigh)
I make a conscious decision to turn my head away from the alcohol aisles so I don’t have to look at them when I’m in the supermarket.
I’m very lucky, they don’t sell alcohol in supermarkets where I live. So I’m not tempted that way.
Gosh does anyone else struggle with kind of getting to know the new sober you? I’m 97 days in and loving every second of it, but there are times where I’m sitting on my own wondering about things like I can’t explain. Had to check myself tonight around some thoughts about me as a person and how others might see me as a person. Man I have a whole lot of water under the bridge. Always doubting myself anyway let alone being raw and sober. I think it’s a good thing to really look at myself, grow up a bit, still gotta have fun! But to just simply take it easy on myself. I love how much less anxiety I have now. It’s gone from often to extremely rarely. I love that so much!