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Licensed by NZ Drug Foundation under Creative Commons 4.0 2024. Built by Bamboo Creative and powered by Flywheel.
Strategy for coasting through wine time today: A gentle yoga class that runs 6:05-7:15. Sending strength and hope to everyone else out there.
Day one. Yay.
This is day one of many days to come. I need to keep busy after 4pm today and every day from now on.
I have decided today is the day. I am 46 years old and have been drinking since I was 14. In the last 3 or 4yrs my drinking habits have changed, as in I dont drink 1-2 bottles of wine most nights any more. I only drink once a week and get drunk or 2 or 3 times a week but not to get drunk. I love the taste but when I do get drunk I always wake the next morning with anxiety so bad that I swear I’m not drinking anymore, but how quickly I forget on a nice hot sunny day. My younger sister has been sober for 4yrs now and when she first got sober eveyone said good on her, and I thought well she needed to because she had major problems caused by the drinking, and to prove I could control it i would stop drinking for months at a time, and start again on nice sunny day because I don’t have a problem. Yea right. The anxiety is horrible, as I lay here thinking about things I can’t change or control, knowing full well it’s in my mind, which by the way will find anything to cause this feeling of dread. It’s worse if I dont remember anything from the night before and then I’m paralysed for a whole day with anxiety about things I may have said or done. In my normal every day life, I am assertive and a very confident and capable leader at worker and I dont like the feeling of anxiety when I’ve been drinking. This has been my drinking for the past 3-4yrs and I am determined to change it today. I know it’s going to be difficult.
Day one for me… Going to be difficult Im sure..
I have found audio books on sobriety to be very helpful. Day 12 and already listened to two. I listen on my way home from work, a little motivation before walking in the door, and listen while I’m cooking dinner with earplugs, since my husband doesn’t want to hear it and for all he knows, I could be rocking out while I’m cooking. :0
Hey Danale I do this too and it helps a lot! Which ones do you like the best?
What books do you recommend?
@donnamarie this Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Day 1 for me and my husbands been away all week he changed jobs and now he’s already staying away I’m already lonely with no friends in this town and now he stays away as he’s a truck driver so its had not to have a drink as it was my friend as the craving is there but I’m going to try and be strong
I’m just starting tday I can see it’s gona be tough where can I get the book just need a kick start
@freddie try this blog post. It’s very insightful
https://medium.com/p/ab6c02560496/responses/show
Me too, day 1. I know how good I feel after a few days alcohol free, but this time I think (yep, only think rather than know) it needs to go for good.
Third day of no wine o’clock. I’m tired of being tired. I lived in a community that values socialization with happy hours,
Mom’s Night Out, Bunco, sport parent’s gatherings..etc. It became normal to drink wine all the time. I moved away from
the community, but continued to drink to cope with stressors. It’s time for a change.
Cooking dinner for my horde of 3 kids & 1 International student, I am always armed with a bottle of wine. Chopping onions and leaning over a hot oven becomes much less of an ordeal. Recently, on my quest for an alcohol-free lifestyle, I have started cooking dinner at 7am. What a difference this has made!
Now, I return from my after work walk, hot tired & hungry, and dinner is ready to be served ?
I love this! Great problem solving.
Changing the routine. Taking the dogs or myself for a walk.
Trying to not drink when my ’tradie’ husband comes home for a cold beer is the most difficult thing. I’ve had a long day at work, I’m organising dinner and things for the kids and all I want is a wine or five to relax and make everything feel easier. Although I know that is only a temporary feeling, always feel worse the next day which then leads to wanting to drink more because i feel bad. Such a cycle!!
Day 1 again for me. I am so tired of being fat, drunk and tired! I’ve gone 30 days before without wine, so I think I can do this. Tonight I had seltzer to drink and found this website!
I can completely relate. Felt like crap again today. Worried about Xmas just around the corner.
Saying hello to each morning (metaphor for being sober) is LIFE. Doing the “urg surfing” and delay and distract action helps me. Continuing to do the things you do and riding the urge is difficult, as we all know, but also necessary.
Eat well and learn to cook. Buy a good knife and wooden chopping board and figure out how to park your meal at the top of the hill. Use a timer so when to add to the cooking and when to eat.
So, decided i want to change this unhealthy relationship i have with wine and alcohol. wine mostly. its just become too easy to reach for the wine when a work day has been bad, or life feels too much or overwhelming. Im nearly 48 now and i think its gotten worse over the last 4 years since my sister died. I want to take back some control and navigate my own life. Day 2 today and wine o clock feels easy so far – I can easily do a few days — its usually the 3rd day that is harder, but i am wanting 2020 to be my year. My job is stressful, my home life is crazy and my blood pressure is up! So Im going back to my excercise, back to trying to live healthier and find some inner strength. I usually try to distract myself at wine o cllock so hoping this works this week.
Hi chelly thanks for sharing- its very familiar to me too. Hows your week been?
Wow! I really resonated with your story. How’s it all going? I’ve just signed up today. Hoping this will help me too
Hi I start today, for a couple of years I say today I start.. I hope I can do this..
8:30am where I live and already thinking about how to get through wine hour.. Terrible.
Hi Berenice, how has your week been? I always feel like today is the day. It’s always day one… but I really really feel like today has to be the day!
46 year old, 33 days sober after an initial hospital detox. Have had severe anorexia for the past 20 years and drinking was a ‘great way’ to get instant energy and relax and well…. just be happy. Anorexia has left me with no family of my own or career etc. etc. – yet. My last 6 months of drinking, I just sort of ‘gave in’ to the alcohol. A few glasses turned into 2 bottles of 15.5% (had to be) red wine from the wine company every day. Started to gain weight and the more I drank, the more I gained and the more I gained the more I drank to cope with the disgust and humiliation I felt. Now I’m sober and my biggest enemy in the afternoon at wine-o-clock is hunger – it would be ‘just so easy and quick and NICE’ to have ‘just one glass’ to take the edge off. But I know that the just one would very very soon turn into ‘just one bottle’ and then two plus and an overpowering obsession every day to get my ‘anaesthetic’. It would start at 5 o’clock, then move to lunch time start, then my ’10-o’clock tickle’ as I so fondly thought of it as and then 9am starts and throughout the day just to ‘cope’. Towards the end I’d be gagging on a fast half bottle just to get the day going – so humiliating going into the wine shop everyday. 3am and I’d have the most terrible ‘drys’. Now that it’s been over a month, it’s really good to finally reach out and talk about how it was when I was drinking – helps to get through the wine-o’clock hours in the early evening to hear others struggling but winning. I’m in this for the long haul – sober life has GOT to get better.
Wow well done Sarah, inspiring to hear how far you’ve come. I’ve just finally admitted to myself and my loved ones that yes I do have a bad binge drinking problem.. sober days far to far apart between all the heavy drink days in the past month, sick of hurting the most important people in my life and abusing myself with the drink. Things need to change and only o have the power so here’s to day one…. Thinking this is a great tool to seek support/relate and help each other to make good decisions!
Well done. The most sobering story I have heard. I have just started on my journey after a terrible bustup with my husband. Fortunately he has forgiven me.
Thank you – that little well done has made my morning! The first 8 days for me were the most intense and I was tired for over a month but 36 days sober now and things are beginning to get better so keep going, you are so lucky to have a forgiving husband. Whenever I feel like a wine’o’clock, I just remember what it was like in the late days of drinking and the early days of sobriety and that reminds me of how far I’ve come and I don’t want to throw it all in and go back to day 1. I count the days and the things I can do now I am not drinking – little things like getting up before 8am, studying physics and being present in class, being present in the evenings with my amazing mother, even watching seven sharp sober!, looking at my beautiful golden cocker-spaniel in the sun-light as he wags his tail and prances around the house like he’s a little prince!
Day 45, and wine o’clock is getting much easier. I often get to 6:30 without having thought if it at all, and the cravings are not as powerful. I’ve always loved cooking, but it has been a chore for the last 6 weeks whilst going without. But with 3 kids, there was really no choice. A few things that really helped me early on:
– Easier meals (not committing to a really involved meal like lasagne)
– Finding a replacement drink I really enjoyed (lime cordial, or lemon lime & bitters soft drink)
– Having a little pre-dinner snack, like some nice cheese (sliced up into little pieces on the chopping board in the kitchen). This made me feel like I was indulging in some way, which I think sort of tricked my brain into feeling like I wasn’t ‘going without’ something.
– Also , staying hydrated earlier in the day. I find that if I’m dehydrated when 5pm hits, I’m much more likely to crave alcohol. I’f I’m thirsty at 5pm, the automatic go to was always alcohol (which of course does anything but hydrate you). So whilst exercise definitely helps the process of quitting, I found it was REALLY important to make sure I drank a lot of water after a long workout.
TOTALLY WORTH IT – Feeling great at 6 weeks 🙂
Day 3 for me.
It is a beautiful afternoon. Enjoying a fruit juice, and shortly I will go jogging.
The weekend will be a big test for me. I intend to keep physically active.
I so dearly want to change my habits and mindset towards something a lot more positive and healthful
Day #2. Feeling the 5:00 urge. Staying at work a bit later and going to take a class to break up my pattern. If I really DECIDED to drink, it would be ok, but the drink decides for me. I HATE being a prisoner, besides feeling completely ashamed of myself.
Day 1 not sure how I’m going to go but I’m sick of not knowing how I got to bed and waking up with such a headache and the all the lies and excuses and hiding the bottles etc etc etc. But here’s to courage and a very very strong will
Day 1 and already a stress head lol. First dry evening ahead in 20 years arghhhhhh. Armed with books and this web site to help.
It’s hard to get through the afternoon sometimes. It’s almost like a switch goes off. But I know when I want to drink that it’s not really about the drink itself. In that moment, I want connection. It is so hard to fight that urge, though.
I crave alcohol more in the afternoon if I have had an exceptionally busy day at my part-time post-retirement Job. I always thought I needed a glass of wine to relax but it always turned into a full bottle. Most times recently it turned into a full magnum. That is three regular bottles. Talk about not feeling well the next morning!! OMG!!
Now, when I have been busy and am tired, I come home, say HI to the pups and go to my room and take a nap. Sometimes I nap for more than an hour. Afterwards, I find the need to have some wine to relax is gone or more easily tollerated with.
It seems to work for me. That first glass of wine always relaxes me, but then I need more and more to make myself numb. I hate that but it’s part of the addiction.
My first day of joining this group. I can’t even tell my Love as he’d say “Yeah right”. Do I have a drinking problem, or just a habit that I’d like to get rid of? I would normally drink 1/2 btl of wine or 3x drinks (doubles) almost every night at home. We live in the country so we don’t go out…and I’m not that social anyway. I don’t drink to get drunk…just to get a slight buzz…still…I’d like to take a break for awhile. The habit starts at Wine O’clock…what else would I do whilst cooking dinner? This will be an interesting journey.
I have a cold glass of of 0% beer
Then walk my dogs and get into the garden and nature.
I am on Day 5 of being Sober. Travelling alone in Italy (Florence, Naples, now in Rome), I drank a whole bottle of wine one evening (darn, the Italian wine tasted good) and texted All of my siblings in a group chatting and embarrassed myself (and I can’t forgive myself). My family is very important to me so I am going to choose my family over wine. There are 20-30 cozy/beautiful restaurants/bars between my lodging and a museum or Capitoline or Coliseum, etc., very tempting as everyone is holding wine/beer glasses but I am drinking Coffee in the evening.
I make a Big pot of coffee, but drink just a little with Sugar, it seems this is helpful for me.
I know I will struggle more when I return home with my hubby, 2 kids, and MIL w Alzheimer.
I find it that I feel more stress with my own family but reading a book called Emotional Agility has been very helpful .
Good luck everyone!
I went drinking yesterday, I went down to my local and borrowed money for alcohol. I wish I hadn’t, I totally regret drinking. I won’t drink today I will keep out of pubs, especially my local. I’ve sent away for a book, from amazon This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace, I’ve heard great feed back about, this book.
Let me know how the book helps thanks
I’m drinking now I’m sorry to say. I didn’t make it through beer o’clock. I’ll come back and go again. Why didn’t I make it? The Voice isn’t a voice, for me it holds my arm in a lock behind back and marches me to the shop. It’s that bad.
Wow…
I am certainly not alone. I swear off drinking in the middle of the night with a headache and desert mouth, wake up determined and by 4:00 am sure just one drink ( and not just wine) would be great. Of course, two is better het. All self control leaves after one. And that goes for food too so my target weight is a joke. Did read this naked mind last year and it was a miracle! No craving. Happy. So happy that while out to dinner with friends I decided ( in my happy wisdom) to have one glass of wine. Moral to this story for me? Been drinking ever since. I cannot stop after one. Crap. So now I join the blog realizing I have to abstain. Loved the 4:00 dog walking schedule change. After two happy dogs and mother nature, a drink may be a lot less appealing. Starting today. Wish me luck.
Hang in there
yay friday night and got through the supermarket without buying wine and my 3.30 first glass watching peoples court… patterns… i bit bored and looking for things to do… listening to podcasts and making a nice dinner and netflix… tomorrow after the vege market trip will be tough… i have a plan to keep busy… fingers crossed… i am glad today to join this group… fingers crossed 7 days sober
take care
I am on day 7 too – feeling nervous about tonight though but hopeful too every part of my being is telling me to keep going and that it is the right thing and that some point not too far off in the future I will look back and feel proud of myself for the first time in a long time – let’s get through this …
First night down!! Yay ? feel so much better today, but it’s sat night and I live alone too. Reading all your posts is so helpful, so over feeling sh*t everyday and not remembering the night or how I got into bed. I have to go to different liquor stores now, so ashamed of how much booze I drink in a week, I rotate around 3 or 4 of them. In between buying the cheapest cask wine I can find and then tell the cashier ‘it’s just for cooking’. The shame. Here’s to night number 2, please please please let me do it ?? X
Well done for getting into it! I hate that not remembering and feeling guilty and shameful too. Sucks. I’m on day three. If I can, you can!
Day 4 going home tomorrow scared frighted determined anxious I feel great please please please give me the strength to make a life long change in my life….. I know its up to me… I live alone so many triggers there but I can and will do this I hope and pray (to whom I dont know yet) but I need to do this xxxxxx
Hang in there! It DOES get better.
I just had friends over. first weekend booze free. I didnt want me not drinking to be a thing. So I got alchohol removed edenvale rose and chardonnay wine. no booze but the wine taste. I actually enjoyed it.
Any help in this time would awesome. That wine o’clock feeling is a tough one!
I had a tough time with the cocktail hour, hungry, waiting for dinner and watching my husband enjoy a glass (or two) of wine. Finally I told him we were skipping the cocktail hour and eating early. Why should I endure a cocktail hour, dammit?
Got through my first working week without alcohol, which is amazing for me because normally I’ll drink almost every night starting around the afternoon.
Now it’s the weekend. And I’m really starting to struggle. Have enjoyed being sober but I’m really quite nervous for this weekend. Any one else? Tips?
Plan, plan, plan every minute of your weekend. Stay home if you don’t trust yourself to drive past a liquor store. Sleep, A LOT, eat sweets, bingwatch tv, keep your hands busy. Now is not the time to embark on a big project. The big project is you. Immerse yourself in sober reading and listening.
Great advice
You’re all inspiring. It’s close to 2am on a Monday night/Tuesday morning. I’m on the 12th 440ml Carlsberg with four more in the fridge. I’ll feel like shit when I wake up and then having made it through the day I’ll feel like I’m a champion for having made it so need a reward….. I’m a coherent, functioning, non-violent, functioning drunk.
I’m not going to work tomorrow, I have a small day surgery. I’m going to tell my Dr I need valium to stop any seizures and I’m joining soberland. See you there.
After the last four Carlsbergs, because that’s how this shit addiction works.
Hey @devoyage. How did you get on?
So far so good thanks MissyC. Tell you what, 5 valiums makes it tough to get out of bed in the morning but I’m on the way. About to dose up again and hit the hay for another 12 hour sleep, lord knows my body needs it after all the abuse I’ve given it the last 15 years. Thanks for asking, I appreciate it.
Hi All, I am 22 days sober, after a cycle of sobriety and relapse. I have backed myself up with antabuse and naltroxene, which I find assists a lot. I’m still in the cycle of drinking loads of diet coke and some energy drinks, not the best but a substitute at this time, until I am brae enough to try the many alternatives that others have spoken about on this site. My partner is an active alcoholic which I know many have said to reassess this, however in one way when I see what his third bottle of wine does to him, it reaffirms my commitment to my sobriety. It is a daily challenge, I have isolated myself at this challenging time to stay away from friends who drink. As of course all of my friends were are drinkers. oh and lollies have been a go to substitute and I started smoking cigarettes again. One vice at a time. I find making plans for my week helpful, so I dont have spare time as boredom is a killer for addicts. Im fortunate I have stopped working until next year when i’m healthier and stronger.
After a year off alcohol due to having my baby girl, ive now fallen back into bad habits, struggling with being a stay at home mum to a small baby, emotional challenging and live for wine o’clock when bubs in bed. need to stop this now and find support and other ways to wind down
Hi I have always drank throughout my life and yes I stopped when i had my children, but it accelerated when the children were babies, 5 o’clock was beer o’clock. I felt exhausted from being a mum, bored and felt i deserved it, it gave a silver lining to my day. As toddlers the kids didn’t notice, but by this time I’d developed a habit and they were noticing, and I started planning my drinks, bath kids make dinner early feed them, and then start drinking read a story and bed time, however by this stage , I was quite drunk. One night I feel asleep the kids couldn’t wake me up, and were playing on the trampoline at 9pm at night. My son phoned his Dad at work and he came home to me, and asked me to leave the next day.
That is what my experience was, the deserved harmless drink in the evening had evolved into a demon
I pour a nice cold Coke Zero in a big Gin glass with plenty of Lemon!
I did this after reading your comment and it worked well for me, thanks 🙂
Only 7 days sober and I am trying to divert myself ie reading, walking the dog, jigsaw puzzles. Thinking of joining a gym.
Any tips would be great.
I am still new to being sober 3 weeks. I’m doing a lot of reading about self care, self compassion and also the word shame. I’m realizing what a big role shame has played in my life as well as perfectionism. The shame I realize has been with me since childhood. Anyone have any suggestions to help overcome it. It’s really been debilitating. Thanks.
Hi pullingl, I’ve been in the shame cycle and its not nice, what helped me was counselling to confront the emotion (which was hard) and understand the effects, also a book “the gifts of imperfection” as I am also a perfectionist. I refer to sections on a regular basis to remind myself that nobody is perfect and also embracing mindfulness and acknowledge (not accepting) the shame and letting it go. All the best. XX
I know what you mean about shame. I feel some days like I’m drowning in shame; other days I feel like I’m wading chest-deep through shame. It’s part of why I wanted to find a community of others who are going through the same kind of things; I thought maybe that would help me let go of some of the shame. Hang in there.
Day 14. I’ve been here before so I am familiar with the ups and downs. There are days when I have no cravings and I think I’ve got this thing licked then an hour later the cravings kick in. A devious disease. What I think of when the cravings hit is sleep. Sleep is so, so much better when going to bed sober. It’s a pleasure and the thought of it gets me through. Good luck to everyone today.
I keep busy. I am lucky to have an AA meeting that I enjoy and meets at 5:00 every weekday. My work schedule is such that I can make that meeting.
Sundays are the hardest day for me since I would drink from morning to night. If I do errands alone, I am not out past 1:00. If there is something past 1:00 like my grandson’s soccer game, my husband always drives and makes sure I have seltzer, iced coffee – something in hand to get through it.
Can’t tell you how good it is to find others with the same issue. I thought that late afternoon/early evening craving was a unique, personal torture. I’m very curious to understand the real reasons behind it, whether it’s a physical-hunger thing or more psychological-reward/destress thing. Anyhoo, either way, understanding that it will pass is helping a little.
I’m 4 weeks into trying to maintain a 2-3 day break a week. I don’t tend to drink a lot on the days I am drinking; averages out to around 6 units a night which for 4 nights a week can come in around the 20 mark which I’m not too uncomfortable with. My problem was that I was doing that every night previously which meant I was consuming over 40 units a week which is clearly very dangerous territory. One of the things that is helping is that I have 2 teenagers and I don’t want them to continue to think that it’s ok to drink every day. Becoming more aware of them seeing me drink is helping but it’s still really, really hard…..a little bit of alcohol really does take the edge of the world. Just got to keep focused on the fact that in a few hours the craving will pass and that I can indulge in a few days.
Also agree about eating alcohol unfriendly things-ice lollies are awesome! 🙂
So it turns out, I have the same problem as many many many others…that late afternoon/early evening window. Like many of you: 1) I’m glad I found this forum 2)if I can only get past the witching hour 3) once I have dinner, I’m not bothered about alcohol. My terrible habit is preparing dinner and glugging as much wine as I can. I actually signed up on this forum last week and felt so positive and compelled after reading many posts…and guess what I did when I got home? Yup, “celebrated” reaching that damn 6pm by pouring-downing-pouring-downing a lot of wine. So pathetic 🙁
But this weekend, my son turned 15 and we had dinner out early on both Friday and Saturday and I didnt drink anything, and neither did I look for it when we got home (hubby did though and he is a bit of an enabler!). I did have a couple of (big) glasses last night as I prepared dinner. But still – throughout the whole weekend and today all I can think is how i DO NOT want to drink which I want to take as a positive. I just need to get past a “real” day/night 1 and take each day as it comes I guess.
I don’t do “normal” social media so this post is a relative first. I kinda think that by typing it down, it makes me both vulnerable and hopefully accountable. Good luck to me…and to all of you!
I make sure I have plenty of other options. I still use a wine glass because I like the feel, but a tasty at drink in it is just as good. And perhaps a walk when the weather is good, with my husband, instead of blobbing on the couch with chips and dip etc…
I start to feel twitchy and agitated from about 5pm.. I find I’ll eat my evening meal early with my daughter as this seems to quell the craving… Sometimes I’ll have a zero beer or a ginger ale. After I’ve eaten I usually feel a lot more relaxed and sleepy.
Our stories are all the same now how do we find a solution to this. Hours between 5pm to 8pm? Most of us are cooking tea usually with a glass of wine .
After work is the danger zone for me. I feel it before i’ve even left work, around an hour before. Sometimes it comes with a feeling of excitement, sometimes anxiety, but whatever form it takes i recognise the feeling as a craving. It builds and builds and preoccupies my mind until i give in. Then i’ll down a bottle of wine, sometimes more, and wake in the early hours of the morning an anxious wreck.
It’s bad throughout the week but more so on a Friday. I’m dreading this Friday.
I’m currently 7 days booze free. Feeling a lot of ups and downs, mainly downs for the past couple of days if i’m honest. It seems to help if i go for a run so i think i’m going to give that a try.
I’ve also quit smoking, probably a little naive to do them both at the same time but i thought what the hell. They tend to go hand in hand for me anyway so i may as well tackle them together. I do feel quite lost though.
Hopefully this gets better.
I ONLY smoke when I’n drinking, which increases the financial loss! I remember an ad on TV for quitting smoking and one woman said the same thing; that when she drinks she wants a cigarette, so she’s gonna have to stop drinking as well. Doing them together is just natural for me.
I do the same, wake up in the middle of the night really anxious and not able to sleep. But do notice that after a workout I feel less like a glass of wine