Sober Story: Gen

This week’s Sober Story comes from Gen, a 44-year-old living in Waikato.

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Mrs D: How long have you been in recovery?

Gen: I finished with drinking on the 17th July, 2014

Mrs D: What can you tell us about the last months/years of your drinking before you gave up?

Gen: I was in a constant cycle of either drinking, planning my drinking or being very hungover. To this day I can’t believe what I functioned on with awful hangovers. Alcoholics sure have huge determination!

Mrs D: I feel the same way! Can’t believe what I managed to achieve while also necking a lot of wine.

Gen: I believed that alcohol enabled me to get through each day, it gave me the energy I needed to cook dinner each day after work etc. I felt like no one around me understood exactly how hard my situation was, so I constantly justified my drinking. I drove straight to the bottle store after work, making my way around the different stores in town so the same store didn’t see me each day. Years earlier I would’ve had beer or wine, but for the last few years it had to be spirits. I was hiding empties all over the place so my recycling bin didn’t look so bad, and it was an attempt to hide how much I was consuming. Some days I’d have 2 drinks of spirits before I started work at 8:00am.  My kids only ever knew a stinky booze goodnight kiss. Apart from one close friend and my then husband, nobody knew how bad things were. I was hiding so much. My life felt completely out of control, but when I drank it felt like time slowed down, and I got some luxury escape ‘me’ time. I was desperate to escape all the time and had started driving after drinking, which I deeply regret to this day. I got to the point I wished I’d get caught so I’d have my licence taken off me and someone would help me. I never did.

Mrs D: Did you talk to anyone?

Gen: I told my doctor alcohol was a problem. I told my chiropractor, therapist, sister in law – it was like I looked too normal to have a problem. I thought someone might point me in the right direction for help, but no one did. I even phoned an alcohol addiction place and made an appointment. Full of fear I gave them all my details in the hope of getting help. The day came, their receptionist phoned and said the councillor was sick and had to cancel. Another appointment was never offered. Although that sunk me a bit, in a way I’m glad that happened because I realised I could not rely on anyone else to do this for me.

Mrs D: What was the final straw that led you to get sober?

Gen: My 18 year old son had a presentation thing on one evening that was an important thing for me to get to. I lied and said I’d gotten held up at work and couldn’t make it. But really I’d had a drink, thinking I’d just have a couple on my way home after work but of course I couldn’t stop. I drank and drank then snuck into bed before he got home. The next morning I had never felt so disgusted in myself and how I had let someone so precious down. I sat down and sobbed and wrote a statement that this was it. I didn’t know how I was going to stop, but I knew I could do one day booze free here and there, so I just would have to do lots of one days. I still have that in my diary, dried tear sploshes and all.

Mrs D:  I did the exact same thing on the morning I decided to quit. How was it for you in the early days? What was most difficult?

Gen: I knew that every strong well made garment is made of thousands of wee stitches. Not big stitches. So in my head, to re-stitch my fallen apart self, I would have to just do lots of little ‘stitches’ for me. I viewed every positive thing I did as a stitch. I had to learn to live all over again. When I ate something healthy, a stitch, talked with my kids fully present, a stitch, moisturise my feet, stitch, pick a flower, stitch …and so on. I made sure I had a cooler bag in my car wherever I went which had crackers, cheese, canned chicken, chocolate, fruit and ginger beer in it. For so many years I’d started drinking straight after work, so now I pulled over not far from work and made snacks I could eat while I drove. I did this for quite some time in the early days. I knew I couldn’t let my tummy get too empty, otherwise the want to drink would increase. I didn’t go down the alcohol aisle and I actually didn’t even let myself look at booze. Cooking was a huge chore, and dinners for the family took a dive. Also for the first 6 weeks my sleep was awful. I just trusted those on here that said to hang in there, that it would get better. I also made an agreement with myself that if I was going to have a drink that first I would jump onto Living Sober and say what I wanted to do.

Mrs D: And did that happen?

Gen: A few times I came close, but without fail each time I got instant invaluable love and support from folk in the community here at Living Sober. They saved my life. I am eternally grateful for this. I honestly believe that without being part of this tribe, I would have caved. Everyone understood, I’d share things I wouldn’t tell my friends, and 24/7 there is support.

Mrs D: What reaction did you get from family & friends when you started getting sober?

Gen: No one knew about my private hell so only my husband and one close friend knew and they supported me.

Mrs D: So no relapses for you?

Gen: Before my last drink I actually believe there was 1000’s of relapses. I was constantly promising myself that the night before was the last. I felt like one giant blob of relapse and failure.

Mrs D: How long did it take for things to start to calm down for you emotionally & physically?

Gen: I think physically about 6 weeks. I put on weight for the first 3 months, which went over time as life settled. Emotionally maybe 2 years before I felt like I could slow my mind down a bit and trust myself.

Mrs D: How hard was it getting used to socialising sober?

Gen: I had never been a big social drinker, because I was scared of how messy I’d get.

Mrs D: Was there anything surprising that you learned about yourself when you stopped drinking?

Gen: I learned I could achieve the things that had sat deep inside me that I dreamed of, but because of failing to quit drinking so many times, I had lost faith and confidence in myself. I still think of my life in terms of stitches, and everything I accomplish is still a valuable stitch that holds me together.

Mrs D: I love that stitch analogy. How else did your life change?

Gen: My drinking buddy walked out and our marriage of 22 years ended very early into sobriety. The issues that drinking had put a blanket over all came out with a hiss and a roar. But I knew as long as I didn’t mess up my body and mind with alcohol, that things would be ok. And they are, because I can trust myself now. And I notice nature now. I see and appreciate shiny grass swaying in the breeze, dew on a spiders web, colours in a single petal. My brain was in a constant rush when I was drinking, and thinking about drinking, but now I take moments to soak in beauty around me. It feels untainted and childishly exciting. I’ve planned and taken proper holidays and used up every minute of them wisely. I made an heirloom baby quilt, very detailed, I felt proud of being able to do all these new things without losing time to drinking or being hungover.

Mrs D: Awesome. Can you pinpoint any main benefits that have emerged for you from getting sober?

Gen: Confidence in myself, belief in my ability to do the things I set out to do. I bought my house, am doing renovations, can work into the evenings after work and then sleep well. I have a grand daughter that I will never have a wasted moment with, never a moment stolen by booze. Also it became clear what were actual issues I needed to work on within myself, and what were simply alcohol induced anxieties etc. I still suffer depression and have anxiety, but nowhere near as bad as when I was drinking. It’s manageable now. Also, and very importantly, just recently, the son I mentioned earlier, now 21, popped home one Sunday afternoon and I was sitting at the kitchen table. He sat down beside me and I sobbed as I recalled that last night of drinking. I told him the truth and he said to me, “I remember that night”. I told him how sorry I was that I had let him down, how much I loved him and appreciated how loyal and kind he had always been to me. I said to him I promise I will never let you down again. He wrapped his arms around me and we cried together and he told me he loved me, that he didn’t want me to beat myself up over the past, etc. It was a very healing moment for us, and I am in no doubt that had I still been drinking, an apology would have carried very little, if any, weight.

Mrs D: Wow what a powerful moment. I love that. Would you do anything differently given the chance to go through the process again?

Gen: I wish so much that my children had more of their childhood without me drinking. I just know I wasn’t truly present for them for so many evenings of their young lives. Those years are gone and all I can do now is my very best from here.

Mrs D: What advice or tips would you have for those who are just starting on this journey?

Gen: Don’t lose another day. Especially if you are a parent. Sure you’re getting by, making do. But your parenting will be 100 times better if you stop drinking. I see so clearly the benefits to my youngest son from just having a fully present mother around every evening, every weekend etc. And get support from those on here that want to help you. Don’t worry about forever, worry about today and do whatever you need to do to stay sober today. Then repeat it tomorrow.

Mrs D: Anything else you’d like to share?

Gen: Fully trust that those who have gone before us with long term sobriety are proof that it can be done. Don’t think, “oh it’s different for me, I’ve got this type of personality and this very difficult situation” – others have proven it can be done. We are all worth much more than personality numbing liquid in a bottle. And the biggest thank you to everyone on here that cheered me on and have been with me along this road. I love you all.

Gen

76 Comments
  1. Sam27 2 months ago

    Day one for me…. I was looking for strength… thank you

  2. Lizzie76 1 year ago

    Thank you for your story. I am new to this forum and new to sobriety. Like so many stories I’ve read, I’ve tried to moderate and it just doesn’t work. The part about your kids only knowing your boozy good night kisses…that really hit home. I myself grew up with an alcoholic mother who still struggles, but I’ve managed to convince myself for years that because I “function” and have the respect of my parenting peers and coworkers that somehow I was different. I’m not different. The only way I can be different is to stop.

    So grateful for these stories and this community.

  3. Lalaleah 2 years ago

    You are so strong and courageous and I loved reading your story. I’ve known for quite some time I need to stop drinking and have been on the site thus afternoon trying to make it through the day. When you have the advice to not wait another day, especially parents, it gave me the encouragement I needed. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

  4. Anonymous 2 years ago

    How inspirational I’m only on day two, so scared of failing I had a terrible day on Tuesday sinking a bottle of wine due to anxiety which then led on to swallowing some pills.I’m so ashamed. I had to tell my partner who iv let down so much as I have my parents. Iv broken 3 hearts will I ever get there respect back? Its the lying and secrets he can’t bear. Gonna get some outside help next week. I keep reading these stories to try and not be on my own. You are amazing, lucky I don’t have kids although would that have stopped me?much love and thanks for sharing.xx

  5. Janel 2 years ago

    Incredible I can’t tell you how much I can relate to your story

  6. sideshowsas 2 years ago

    I welled up so many times in your story-so many things hit home, it’s amazing the emotions that can flood over you when something reminds you of your own drinking-always look for the similarities in fellow people in recovery, not the differences. I have been sober for just over a year and for so many of the same reasons as you. I too know that I am a much better mother to my boys and that fills my heart with so much love. I am starting to have faith in myself which is something I truly believed I would never feel again as I had felt so utterly useless for so long. Sitting down and talking to your son must have been such a nerve wracking time for you but how wonderful sobriety is-the honesty that comes from it, honesty like we have never known before. I am so so pleased for you the strength and happiness that your recovery has given you. Thank you so much for sharing your story Gen.
    Sarah x

  7. ElizabethNZ 2 years ago

    Thank you for sharing.
    I am on day 1…
    Working from home today and hungover. The part about the kids made me cry. I have 2 teenagers that hate the drinking that their Mum and Dad do.
    Enough already

  8. Eschia 2 years ago

    @sobermommy1013 ~ Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage & guts to do that.
    I am early into my sobriety and have ended my 19 year marriage also. Like you, the issues that alcohol put a blanket over have come out loud & clear. It’s sad but it’s something that I need to do to save myself. He has to save himself, only he can do that.
    I am so proud of you for getting sober and having that special moment with your son. Sobriety brings us so many gifts. Alcohol brings so much damage.
    Thanks again and happy 24.

  9. Trisha 2 years ago

    What a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest.
    The part about trusting yourself again really resonated with me. I will read your story many times for a source of inspiration.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @trisha keep hanging in there. It’s an awesome feeling to be able to trust yourself. It makes you more confident to plan ahead. It’s so worth it xo

  10. Hikergirl 2 years ago

    Hi I joined this community a couple of years ago and Like you had 1000 relapses , breaking promise after promise . Tried moderation which worked for a bit but the once weekly drinking slowly worked it s way back to twice a week to three times a week and I was back to square one. Now I’m on 28 and I’m determined this is it .
    I can not loose my family and would do anything to stay sober! So thank you for sharing your story . I’ve been logging in sometimes twice a day reading and reading and I decided today I needed some outside support .
    And mrs d thank you so much ! I be kept your book by bedside table and have re read several passages so my times I can recite them. One of my favorites pg 100 from Mr sponsorpants
    If you are new to sobriety
    Hold on
    One day at a time.
    There are no words
    For the transformation you can experience.

    Have a wonderful day all

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @hikergirl day 28 is an excellent start, your body and brain are really relearning how to live.
      Stay determined and never become complacent, for there is so many benefits for sticking it out. Glad you are using the support on here. You can do this! Xo

  11. bessiesgurl 2 years ago

    I loved reading this. Thanks for sharing!

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @bessiesgurl I really appreciate that. Big hugs xo

  12. finewithoutwine 2 years ago

    Thankyou for sharing your story, so powerful and ultimately so uplifting it really resonated with me!I love the stitch analogy.I too feel very guilty about the times I wasn’t fully present for my children ):
    Congratulations on 3 years, you look so happy and healthy in your photo. It’s coming up 2 years for me after many false starts but I have no intention on going back.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @finewithoutwine I really appreciate that. Well done on coming up 2 years that’s awesome. Don’t ever give up xo

  13. janus2 2 years ago

    Oh now I know what I missed! Yay for you @seizetheday that was a very in depth post…. in actual fact it was nice to read that I’m not the only one who drank before work. Love your analogies. You have come so far and your life can only get better xo♡

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Haha @janus2 thanks for reading it and thanks for all your encouragement along the way and sharing your tricky track too. You are an inspiration to loads of us here to keep fighting and not give up. Xo

  14. sophia2 2 years ago

    Thanks so much for sharing your story and your beautiful picture. You are totally inspiring xx

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @sophia2 for reading it. All the best to you xo

  15. Prudence 2 years ago

    Hello Gen. Well I’m a bit slow aren’t I? Only just discovered this, you fabulous woman. What a beautiful honest heartfelt story you have shared with us. Thank you. I think I remember you having a really tough outing to visit some family, a bit of a drive away and you were hiding in the toilet with your phone checking in with us….desperate for a fricking drink! hehehe. I remember the struggle, mixed with relief, when your husband left. How brave you’ve been and what a comeback you have made. I am proud to know you. I hope to meet you again some day xo

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Haha @prudence I remember that too. Jumping onto LS on my phone in the toilet while the family drank and chatted. But actually they never drank much that night – it was big in my head and a nothing for them!
      Thank you so much for always being so kind and encouraging to me. It’s nice to be part of this amazing place, tackling this goat track with precious souls like you. Xo

  16. freedom1025 2 years ago

    This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt story. You’re an inspiration!

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @freedom1025 I hope it can be encouraging to at least one person! Xo

  17. 20012015 2 years ago

    Gen, you look so happy! Your story is so timely for me. I have just faulted AGAIN at Day 12 but bloody determined to get sober. Day 12 seems to be when I weaken & start trying to convince myself that I can moderate…i clearly can’t…im an all or nothing g girl. Your “cooler bag” idea is perfect as it’s that time of the day – 5pm _ 7pm – that’s the hardest.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Dear @20012015 please don’t give up. 12 days is actually a good achievement, but yes you’re right we have to put plans in place for those trying times. I really ate a lot in the first 3 months. And moderating well I failed at that completely. It’s far easier to quit completely for lots of us. Don’t give up! You can do this xo

  18. RazzleDazzle 2 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of sober success! You look so happy and healthy! A lovely picture of you! Very nice to travel on this journey with you.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Aw shux thank you @razzledazzle we all have to stick together on this goat track! Xo

  19. WobblyBird 2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing this Gen. A very powerful story and your stitching yourself together analogy has really inspired me at a time of despair for me. xx

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Hang in there @wobblybird keep hanging in there. Hope you do something kind for yourself today xo

  20. QuietlyDone 2 years ago

    Gorgeous girl, I am so very proud to know you. I love your story, thank you so much for sharing with us.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      @quietlydone you are just a hero to me. Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement every step of the way. You’re just a gem! Xo

  21. Wvlheel 2 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your story and your photo! You look happy. Thanks for being honest about your feelings of the “lost years” of parenting. That bothers me a lot, that I missed out and don’t even remember so much. It is part of my story but it will not define me.

    Thank you.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thanks @wvlheel yup all we can do is our very best from here. And let our kids see that people can change, and also how much we love them. Xo

  22. marmite 2 years ago

    Wow, your story really resonated with me. I too wrote a statement for myself, I listed all the reasons I must stop drinking. My daughters are a huge part of this, I don’t think I’d have bothered otherwise. I’ve been amazed at how my self loathing has disappeared and my depression has improved. D144. Thank you for sharing your story Gen

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Yup @marmite I wonder how much further I would’ve gone had I not had my kids to think about. But in saying that I still let them down in many ways. I never knew life was possible without so much self loathing. Haha I’m just listening to something saying a little marmite each day can boost our mood – there we go you’re even more precious hehe xo

  23. StevieBee 2 years ago

    Hi Gen…. I’m on Day 6 so far…. Thank you for sharing your story XX I recently got to the stage where my teenage girls started noticing how much wine I was drinking in the evenings and they were worried….The guilt was terrible. Both of my parents had alcohol problems and I HATED it…..so here I am an absolute LUSH every night and hating myself for it! Knowing exactly what was happening and doing it anyway! They both died young (not alcohol related) so my girls don’t have grandparents around. One thing I have always really wanted is to one day – a long time away…LOL! is to be an awesome Nana to future grandchildren, and a sober one!!!!…..I LOVE that you made amends with your son. It brought tears to my eyes. You may not be able to take back the past, but you can create beautiful future memories…Well done on your journey and best wishes. XXX

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Hi @steviebee day 6 is awesome. Nearly one whole week. Put plans in place for the times you know will be tricky and lean in on here for all the support you need. It’s so worth it for you, your kids and one day grand children. Now is the time to do this. Big hugs to you xo

  24. Gilbert 2 years ago

    I am so proud to share these years with you gorgeous, strong and honest lady. We have done it. Us who thought we could never manage a week, let alone a life without booze. xox

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      I know right?! Thank you so much @gilbert for being my friend along the way. Where would I be without people like you? Xo

  25. Janet 2 years ago

    Wow I was so moved by your story Gen thank you for sharing. I love the little stitches analogy. Beautiful. All power to you xx

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thanks @janet we need all the power we can get! Xo

  26. Juliwan 2 years ago

    Gen, your story really touched me – especially the part about missing your son’s presentation. This happened to me as well, but it was my daughter. She was in a play and I didn’t want to go. I stayed home and drank. I feel horrible about that and I probably always will. I’m so glad to give all of my kids sweet (and not boozy) kisses at bedtime now.

    I’m so grateful to have found this wonderful site. Everyone is incredibly encouraging and supportive.

    Congratulations to you on three years, and thank you for sharing your story.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Hi @juliwan I hoped that someone would read it who can relate. And yes I will always feel bad for what I missed, but all we can do is reach forward as best we can from here.
      There is so much love and encouragement to be found on this site. Hugs to you xo

  27. Tom4500 2 years ago

    Wow that was an amazing read, and great testimony for the importance of what we’re trying to accomplish here. I was blown away. Thanks Gen, and I’m really happy for how its turned out for you, with so many good years ahead of you with your children and grandchildren.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @tom4500 for your encouragement. I’m really excited about the years ahead, especially with my grand daughter. Xo

  28. SoberHeart 2 years ago

    This story rings so true to me. I have also missed things in my kids’ life because of booze. Your words are very profound about not losing another day with them. Thank you for sharing your story, what a great push to keep going.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Hi @soberheart yup keep pushing forward it is so so worth it, and it’s great to feel parental pride instead of parental guilt! xo

  29. morgan 2 years ago

    How wonderful to read this, and to see your beautiful self, after being here with you for most of your journey. I have always loved reading your wise words, and that makes it so much more special to read the fuller version, your life stitched together so beautifully.
    Thank you so much for telling us about your three years gaining freedom.
    Xxxx

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @morgan you have always been so kind along the way and I’ve loved doing this alongside you xo

  30. enzedgirl 2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing Gen and congrats on over three years 🙂

  31. NoMore 2 years ago

    Beautiful. I found your story very encouraging. you’ve bolstered my determination. If you can do it I can. I love that you have mended things with your son. Hugs

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @Nomore Stay determined coz it’s worth it xo

  32. Liberty 2 years ago

    Beautiful story and picture Gen, thank you for your honesty and courage. Love your analogy of the stitches.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @liberty yes I had to be very brave – but I figured if we’ve been brave enough to quit drinking then I could tell my little story!

  33. Nina 2 years ago

    Thank you Gen. So good to hear and I love the stitching together of your life which sounds so much better without alcohol in every way.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thanks @nina yup I’ll keep stitching away for as long as I can ha xo

  34. JanB 2 years ago

    Thanks for sharing, you speak wise and hopeful words to all of the LS Tribe. Gen, you are an amazing & beautiful person!

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you so much @janb we all need each other! Xo

  35. janabel 2 years ago

    I was teary reading this Gen. I want to thank you so much for helping me along in the early days. I remember i would log on and you would be on the side of the road eating your snacks from your chilly bin 🙂 You certainly have come a long way havent you? Love your happy smiley photo xxx

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Well huge thanks to you @janabel for being one of the many kind encouraging souls that were there for me, spurring me on. It’s ones like you that are so precious to me xo

  36. sobermommy1013 2 years ago

    This was so beautiful. Thank you. I’ve got tears running down my face as my 7 year old sits next to me not even realizing how blessed I feel to be here with him, sober.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @sobermommy1013 I really appreciate that. I’m glad your 7 year old has you there trying so hard to be what he deserves. Big hugs xo

  37. Emjaycee 2 years ago

    Awesome! Love this. Good on you ! You should be so, so proud of yourself. Love the happy photo at the end . You look so relaxed. So many old photos of me, I see the effects or remember being under the influence of alcohol. I love the sober photos now because I see the weight that has been lifted. You’re an inspiration to so many people here at LS, and I’m sure you friends, family, children and mokopuna Xo

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you so much @emjaycee for your kind words. I too look back at so many pics and just know what was really going on – booze. No more! Xo

  38. Journeyer 2 years ago

    Yep, tears here too. What a wonderful and inspiring story. You have so much to be proud of.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thanks so much @journeyer I really appreciate that. It’s so nice to feel some pride these days instead of that old boozey shame xo

  39. elhall 2 years ago

    This is one of the most beautiful stories I have read and I’m so happy for you! Congratulations on all of your stitches!

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thanks @elhall and thank you for always being kind and encouraging along the way xo

  40. Andie 2 years ago

    Wow – thank you for sharing your powerful words. I sit here at the beginning of my journey (day 10) next to my four year old son with tears of hope rolling down my face. Big congrats

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Hi @andie hopefully you’re on day 11 or 12 now. Please trust that it’s worth it – I desperately wish my kids were 4 when I stopped. Be the parent that little boy deserves and wants. Big hugs to you. You can do this. Xo

  41. reena 2 years ago

    Tears here, about lost mothering, seeing your lovely photo and the strength of conviction you have shared with us. Thank you so much and thank you also for always supporting me this past year. Your honesty is so helpful to break the stigma and shame we carry. Hugs and Congrats on your wonderful life.

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Thank you @reena there definitely is stigma and shame that booze pours over us. I never would’ve believed that I could be so open about that old boozy hell. But it’s very real for us isn’t it. Xo

  42. Freyfreya 2 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your powerful story Gen. how wonderful to have such a neat supportive son.
    You give me hope that I can do what you have done. I’ve had many many starts.
    I can’t use grief as a reason forever. It’s an excuse.
    I am so happy for that you you have arrived at a place where life is so good. And such a beautiful pic lovely lady . Denise

    • Seizetheday 2 years ago

      Dear @freyfreya please cling on to hope my dear. If you can take away the booze your grief won’t be even more messed up because of what it does. You give so much to others Denise, and I know your daughter would be so proud of how hard you’re fighting. Big hugs to you xo

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