Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes (Guest Post)

sign 'old way new way'

This post comes from lovely long-time member @hammer123. He wrote it as an update in the Members Feed and it was so well written and well received I thought it worth featuring here.

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@hammer123:

Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “Nothing changes if nothing changes”. I have been thinking about how many times I wanted to stop drinking before I actually stopped 793 days ago. So many mornings I would wake up disoriented and disappointed in myself. So many mornings filled with toxic shame. So many mornings that I would have my coffee and think this is the end, I won’t do this anymore. I would hop into the shower and by the time I got out I would already have a new plan on how to moderate my drinking.

My mind would quickly move from 'no drinking' to 'just one after golf', or 'just two on poker night', or 'just three with my dad on Wednesday pool night' and that quickly I had imagined myself drinking 3 or 4 nights a week. If I managed to make it out of the shower with my new “I’m not drinking anymore mindset” intact I still had to battle that ride home at 5:00pm.

By 5pm the misery of the morning had faded and I would think it wasn’t that bad, that I just need to be more careful. If I’ve had a tough day at work I'd tell myself I deserved a drink to unwind or if I had a great day I deserved a drink as a reward. I would usually pick up a 6 pack and a bottle of wine on the way home, especially if my wife was working evenings or was out of town visiting her mom. Then it turned into a complete shit show!

Nothing changes if nothing changes!

So how did I find myself here at 793 days sober?

Something changed.

I have read it here many times “this time it just felt different“. That is a very true statement and that, my friends, is why you should never give up trying. You never know if the next time is the time “it just felt different“.

Give yourself every opportunity to get to that day.

You might stop for 22 or 33 consecutive days and then drink again but don’t give up, because the next day “it might just feel different“!

Nothing changes if nothing changes and that change could be as simple as getting through today not drinking.

That change could be in my PJs at 6:00 pm, asleep by 7:00pm, so that you don’t drink today.

That change could be going for a long walk so you are exhausted.

That change could be just having the strength to say no to a drinking buddy for after work drinks that might turn into a weekend session.

That change could be ordering out for supper so you don’t pour yourself a big glass of wine while you cook.

Oh how I wish you could find that one change, that one bit of courage to fight through the craving, get to that day where it just feels different. I wish I had the words to explain how much better your life would be.

I wish I could explain to you that your life won’t be boring, that was a big stumbling block for me.

You are worth it, your family is worth it!

Love and peace to all.

@hammer123

23 Comments
  1. RunnerJ 3 months ago

    I can identify with this, the morning after the more and more frequent binges were full of shame and disappointment in myself. Then as the day wore on and the hangover started to fade, I would find ways to tell myself I’m not that bad. I can moderate my intake to 1/2 bottle of wine each night, well that worked for exactly two nights. It has been 13 days since I drank my last bottle of wine. This time feels different, thank you for your post. I am doing this for me, I am responsible for my own happiness. I love this quote “nothing changes if nothing changes” !!

  2. Wens280420 3 months ago

    WOW this post is just what I needed thank you @hammer123. your words are so true and real

  3. venus 3 months ago

    I’m going to save this post for future reading when I need it. I’m 196 days sober today and am starting to feel complacent. It would be so easy to have “just one” drink today. This is where the change happens. I need to think it through to the future and hold strong. Thank you!

  4. danielle 3 months ago

    Thanks for sharing, I’m 4 weeks sober and I’m feeling bored but this has given me hope that I won’t be feeling like this forever.

  5. Paqal 3 months ago

    Thanks for that. I will be waiting for that moment, that day, when something changes. Up to now, I always find an excuse to put off day one, or reward myself the next day! So day 2 never happens, so far. But something will change, I hope.

  6. Mim123 3 months ago

    I had 2 alcohol free days this week…that’s the best I have achieved in recent months. I know I’m getting closer to overcoming this demon! Should have visited this sight when I first had the urge to have a drink. If I don’t change the way I respond to urges nothing will change. There is a better me !

  7. dazzal126 4 months ago

    What a great post @hammer123! I’m new to the forum and absorbing all of the
    support like a sponge. Thank you!

  8. fridaymay92014 4 months ago

    Thank you @hammer123. Yes at 70+ days, something is different this time. Cannot really explain it. My readiness, my intention. I am not sure. Maybe I needed all of those Day One’s. It is a shame I couldn’t get here sooner but I am happy I am now.

  9. MissFreedom 4 months ago

    @hammer123 , i just sensed this post was from you .
    Just amazing and inspiring my canadian friend .
    xxx

  10. PippaB 4 months ago

    Gosh this resonates with me. Well done and thanks for sharing your story. I am now 185 days sober and so glad I made the change…thanks to this group for the support

  11. unsocialbutterfly1 4 months ago

    What an amazing post. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed reading that.
    You have such a gift with words!

  12. Prudence 4 months ago

    Yes. It did feel different. Once I knew, I really knew I could do it. I decided. I have not faltered. Took me long enough I must say!! But yeah, something changed. Thanks to Lotta Dann for that. Great post Hammer xxx

  13. HappyNess 4 months ago

    I do love your thoughts from the big comfy chair @hammer123 🙂

  14. Miriam Moloney 4 months ago

    Thank you for this ! And well done, you must be very proud! I’m only on day 5 sober but already notice my mood is better and feel more motivated and enjoying my family

  15. Mari135 4 months ago

    @hammer123 I love reading this again! xoxo We’re lucky to have you walking alongside us here.

  16. Pollyrue 4 months ago

    Love it — this reminds me of myself. Why now? What happened? There is no logical reason to stop drinking and no opportune moment. But something changed in me and I didn’t want to do it anymore. I don’t know if I will ever understand the how and why but I am very grateful for this change. Really well put, Hammer123!!

  17. JoMO 4 months ago

    This is great, I was just thinking I’m not doing enough to make this stick (many day 1s), but turns out I’m doing quite a few things differently like going to bed early, passing on complex cooking, on the down low socially and walking. 😃

  18. Margot30 4 months ago

    @hammer123 you are so right, I love this ‘Nothing changes if nothing changes!’

  19. MushMac 4 months ago

    @hammer123 thank you. That was so inspirational. Bring on the change!

  20. DavidFS 4 months ago

    This is great, Thank You @hammer123. I doing the long walks to exhaust myself and loving it, why the F would I want to be holed up inside drinking shit when there is an amazing bright vibrant world right outside the door. 793 days, wow what an inspiration you are.

  21. zittaa 4 months ago

    Thanks hammer123 I could read that over and over.

  22. Debbie 4 months ago

    Such a well written and honest piece of information. Definitely pleased I have read this, thank you.

  23. Feisty52 4 months ago

    Thank you @hammer123. Great words. Yes – something does change – and we need to keep searching and striving and maintaining that change.

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