This post comes from lovely long-time member @hammer123. He wrote it as an update in the Members Feed and it was so well written and well received I thought it worth featuring here.
Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “Nothing changes if nothing changes”. I have been thinking about how many times I wanted to stop drinking before I actually stopped 793 days ago. So many mornings I would wake up disoriented and disappointed in myself. So many mornings filled with toxic shame. So many mornings that I would have my coffee and think this is the end, I won’t do this anymore. I would hop into the shower and by the time I got out I would already have a new plan on how to moderate my drinking.
My mind would quickly move from 'no drinking' to 'just one after golf', or 'just two on poker night', or 'just three with my dad on Wednesday pool night' and that quickly I had imagined myself drinking 3 or 4 nights a week. If I managed to make it out of the shower with my new “I’m not drinking anymore mindset” intact I still had to battle that ride home at 5:00pm.
By 5pm the misery of the morning had faded and I would think it wasn’t that bad, that I just need to be more careful. If I’ve had a tough day at work I'd tell myself I deserved a drink to unwind or if I had a great day I deserved a drink as a reward. I would usually pick up a 6 pack and a bottle of wine on the way home, especially if my wife was working evenings or was out of town visiting her mom. Then it turned into a complete shit show!
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
So how did I find myself here at 793 days sober?
I have read it here many times “this time it just felt different“. That is a very true statement and that, my friends, is why you should never give up trying. You never know if the next time is the time “it just felt different“.
Give yourself every opportunity to get to that day.
You might stop for 22 or 33 consecutive days and then drink again but don’t give up, because the next day “it might just feel different“!
Nothing changes if nothing changes and that change could be as simple as getting through today not drinking.
That change could be in my PJs at 6:00 pm, asleep by 7:00pm, so that you don’t drink today.
That change could be going for a long walk so you are exhausted.
That change could be just having the strength to say no to a drinking buddy for after work drinks that might turn into a weekend session.
That change could be ordering out for supper so you don’t pour yourself a big glass of wine while you cook.
Oh how I wish you could find that one change, that one bit of courage to fight through the craving, get to that day where it just feels different. I wish I had the words to explain how much better your life would be.
I wish I could explain to you that your life won’t be boring, that was a big stumbling block for me.
You are worth it, your family is worth it!
Love and peace to all.