I remember just before I hit 90 days sober being asked if I’d ever drink again. I remember saying very clearly at that time, “No. I will never drink alcohol ever again.” Seems crazy looking back that I was so clear on that fact at such an early stage in my sobriety, but I was.
Right from the early days of my sobriety I felt like being sober was the turnaround my life was meant to take. That's not to say that it's been easy or comfortable all of the time (far from it!), but I've always been clear. I'd tried every trick in the book to moderate and control my alcohol intake - for years - I’m so happy I made the decision to quit.
Early on I had cravings and sad pangs about not drinking, but those days are long gone, and I no longer have even the slightest inkling to drink. I’m not saying every day is amazing, but even the shitty days are infinitely better without crap loads of booze poured on top.
It took a bit of time to unpick all the hard-wired beliefs I had about alcohol – that it was the best way to relax and host, and was necessary for a full, fun life. Now I know that all the lovely life moments that I thought were made lovely by alcohol, are actually just inherently lovely – no matter what liquid is in your glass!
A cafe table beside the water with the sun shining, a platter of nibbles and a shiny drink and laughter is just as fun if the drink is a lime and soda.
A great party is a great party because it's a great party, not because I'm getting hammered. (A boring party will always be a boring party no matter how much you drink.)
A celebratory toast is loving and cheerful because that's what a celebratory toast with other humans is! That moment isn’t valuable because you’re sipping a drink that triggers a switch in your brain and turns you into a lush.
Stress isn't going to go away with 6 glasses of wine, it's just going to hide behind the door until you've sobered up then jump out at you exclaiming - "I’m still here! Now deal with me along with your hangover and the guilts."
Same goes for Sadness, Anger, Hurt and Grief.
In fact, in my house when I was drinking those uncomfortable emotions had a secret room behind the door and they used to have a private party in there while they waited for me to sober up. They'd plot their next move, “lets get her at 4am when she gets up to go to the loo and keep her up for the rest of the night, yeah!”
They live with me constantly now, those emotions. They don’t lurk in the shadows and hit me when I’m vulnerable. They just exist inside of me along with all the other factors that make me human. I'm used to having them around and it’s ok. They’re usually there for a reason, and I now have much more gentle and nourishing things I can do to help me deal with them.
This is the gift that sobriety brings – the ability to deal with whatever comes along with a clear head and brave intention. It might take a while to adjust, but it’s worth it.
It's so worth it.
I love your blog! It resonates with me so much. Alcohol definitely masks stress, anxiety, and trauma, but you’re right about it popping back up with a vengeance as soon as the alcohol wears off. Would you be interested in a link exchange? I’d love to write about your website on my blog in exchange for allowing me to do a guest post here. I’m almost 3 years sober and my old trauma has been bubbling to the surface the entire time I’ve been sober. It’s crazy. I’ve learned so much about myself and would love to share.
Wow! Thank you – I am just starting this journey – and your words give me encouragement….
Thank you for writing this, beautiful! It’s all about changing mindset and appreciating the little things in sobriety. Gratitude is so important, realizing why those moments are so special, it’s not because of the drink!
I’ve been a binge drinker for years, since my teens but COVID turned my drinking into something more serious – more determined, more about the alcohol than the social situation. I’ve been trying to moderate for years, with no success (alcohol always won), but giving up entirely seemed to extreme. However, as I entered into my mid 40s (and peri menopause) the hangxiety got more and more extreme, until one day, 54 days ago, that was it. The knowledge and size/ impact of the guilt and remorse waiting for me the next day was too much and I stopped. So far I’m loving being sober and your blog and book are helping me unpick things – sometimes I feel like you’re writing about me! Thank you!
Absolutely true we are who we are our history our futures no longer hidden but right there in front of us. It doesn’t matter if tears come easier when you are grieving at least you are grieving honestly.
I just keep doing the same thing over and over, getting hammered, upsetting the people I love the most…
When you accept and surrender to the face that you cannot, and will never be able to have just one, then you can stay sober.
When you accept and surrender to the face that you cannot, and will never be able to have just one, then you can stay sober.
Echoes everything I have discovered over the last eighteen months. Sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving.
Really needed this tonight. Thank you for being so honest and sharing.
‘Now deal with me along with your hangover and the guilts’. Yep, that’s how it was. Thanks. Great post.
I love this. Spot on. X
Great post @Mrs-D! That insight of yours has been eye-opening for me, even years into sobriety – a good party is good, a boring party is boring, regardless of what is in one’s glass. I remember being at a party that was so dull, my boyfriend at the time’s friend’s, and I thought okay I’m going to have to go hard on the white wine. Well, that didn’t go so well – have no recall of leaving, and he was plenty mad at me. Sigh. Onwards!! Thanks for all that you do. x
You sure have those back room ghouls down to a ‘T’ @mrsd, the demons they are. Thanks for keepin’ up with this side of LS w your blogs & I/v’s. You’re a treasure. Xo