My sober pandemic: Sarah

"I truly hope that this song will uplift and inspire others to find forgiveness, love and acceptance for themselves."

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This pandemic sobriety story comes from Sarah, a.k.a Boudicia, who lives in Marlborough. 

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Mrs D: How are you feeling about what's going on with Covid-19?

Sarah: I think like most, I’m feeling disappointed and somewhat frustrated by COVID. I feel for my fellow musicians, especially those who had live shows/touring planned for around this time. And venue owners/promoters. A lot goes into organising these events and to have to start again would be very disheartening.

Mrs D: How have your emotions shifted and changed since the pandemic began?

Sarah: I’m going through a lot of different emotions at the moment cause I’m planning the release of my new song. It has been 8 years since I did anything with my original music so there’s a bit of anticipation there.

Mrs D: How long have you been sober for?

Sarah: Today, I am 120 days sober!

Mrs D: How is being sober helping you at this crazy time?

Sarah: It has allowed me to get so much done! If I was not sober, I would be day drinking and spiralling out of control without a doubt. This would sabotage absolutely everything I have going on right now. Being sober has given me a clear head and has given me a chance to have a proper go at what I’m up to in my life, in every area. It’s given me an opportunity to cultivate real joy, instead of trying to force it with alcohol. Being sober has been so incredibly crucial for me and my growth in so many ways.

Mrs D: Have you had any pangs to drink since the latest lockdown began?

Sarah: Every now and then, I will think about having a drink. And that thought instantly leads to the next thought “what will happen if I have a drink?” And I remember, alcohol has nothing good to offer me. Everything I used to seek in alcohol, I have found elsewhere in a real and meaningful way. The root of my alcohol abuse was anxiety. I suffered extreme anxiety which included panic attacks at times. Alcohol would give me a break from that. Well, I thought it did. The truth was, alcohol intensified my anxiety, fuelled my self-loathing, reinforced my low self-worth and created problems within my relationships with others.

Mrs D: Any particular self-care actions that are helping you get through?

Sarah: Self-care is a big one for me! Sounds really simple but I’m just trying to be kind to myself. My inner monologue used to be so damn judgemental. Brutal in fact. I’m allowing my emotions to come and go. If I’m having a dark moment, I try to sit with that and acknowledge what I’m feeling and release it if I can. I’m really into Pilates so I’m practicing that most days and taking the kids and dog for a walk is good for all of us. I do guided meditations a few times a week which I find really helpful for my headspace. Spending time in nature is a massive one for me, too. And when I need to, I pull the curtains, put on a movie and eat junk food!

Mrs D: What are you doing to fill in the days?

Sarah: I’m schooling my two kids (9 & 7), I’ve been planning the release of my song, making demos of my new songs, building my website, playing music with my kids (my daughter plays 3 instruments, sings and writes songs) watching movies & docos. Exercising. Playing cards with the family. (My 7 year old son is the champ haha.) I teach music to kids and play gigs for a living so I haven’t been able to do any of that during lockdown but I’m keeping myself busy.

Mrs D: What would you say to people who are struggling with alcohol at the moment?

Sarah: I think for me, once I passed that 2 week mark, it started to get easier. That first 2 weeks was HARD. Cause it seems kinda easy to just back out and push the reset button within that time frame. So I would say, dig deep to hit your milestone mark cause it is SO WORTH IT. And it does get easier beyond that. Giving up alcohol has been the most amazing thing for my self-esteem. I have built so much trust within myself, when before I had none. This trust has blossomed and created clarity and meaning. And in my world, has given me my creativity back. Do this for you. And everyone around you will benefit too.

Mrs D: What's in this video you've shared with us (below)?

Sarah: This is my music video for my brand new original song ‘She Is Me’. I wrote this song when I realised the thing I have been searching my WHOLE LIFE to find was a love and acceptance of MYSELF. I had a powerful experience where I met my inner child to find this. I went deep into my subconscious and saw the little me, standing right in front of me. I could feel how she felt and I understood what she needed. And I could see the adult me through her eyes. All the pain I had inflicted on myself flowed out of me like a river breaking its banks. I held her in my arms and poured love on her, and she did the same for me. Through her eyes I was a radiant, loving, non judgemental ‘beacon’ who was just here to love and create and she was someone I could trust and have a beautiful relationship with. This experience what pretty ground-breaking for my life. I hope this song will uplift and inspire others to find that forgiveness, love and acceptance for themselves.

Mrs D: Anything else you'd like to add?

Sarah: I have been battling with alcohol since I was 15 years old, I’m now 38. I have gone back and forth so many times, and often felt like giving in to it and just letting alcohol win. It was so destructive to me and those around me. I am now in the best headspace I’ve ever been in. Life feels magical and exciting instead of dead and terrifying. Thanks for reading, I’m so grateful for this space to share and hear other peoples experiences. Sending so much love and strength to you!