There’s so much talk in sobriety about us all learning to take care of ourselves (so often a foreign concept to us boozers), be kind to ourselves, nurture ourselves.
And I do that a lot, I look after myself and try to do things just right all the time but still fall into ‘lazy’ and ‘bad’ phases where I do everything ‘wrong’. And when I do I have this nasty inner critic who drops in constant little sly judgements. I get caught in this inner-thinking-loop where I try to justify myself to myself and yet beat myself up at the same time
I go to yoga once a week! Yes but you drive there and back and those other women who live close by walk. You might be yoga-ing but you’re still fundamentally lazy.
I walk the dog almost every day! Yeah but they’re bloody short walks.
But he’s still a puppy! You’re still lazy.
Look at my bedside table – it’s overflowing with stimulating reading material! Yeah but you never touch any of it. You spend too much time watching crap TV and checking your online sites.
I don’t drink alcohol or coffee or black tea! Granted you are on top of your liquids, but when it comes to food you’re a shocker.
A little bit of sugar is ok! Other people manage to remove it completely so you should be able to too.
I try to eat healthily! No you don’t. Yesterday you just had bread and butter all day, apple crumble with whipped cream for dinner and then a buttered chocolate chip muffin for puddding.
I make green juices! Hardly ever.
I work hard, I parent hard, I do lots of things right. Yeah but you’re failing yourself in so many areas. You still don’t nourish yourself (body and spirit) as well as you could.
I’m sick to fucking death of my inner critic. I wish I didn’t care so much that I am sometimes lazy with my personal habits and food choices.
But then I think – it’s that critical inner voice that got me sober. That critical inner voice wouldn’t shut up about my drinking being dysfunctional and eventually got me to stop boozing.
I just wish sometimes she’d rest and cut me some slack. Or maybe I don’t. Maybe I should be grateful to that wise part of me that keeps prodding when I’m settling into habits that aren’t actually going to make me happy. Maybe I should appreciate when she starts bleating loudly as it eventually gets me to start trying to be ‘good’ again.
But it’s bloody hard staying perfect all the time. Just ask brilliant columnist Deborah Hill Cone.
I don’t know what the answer for me is. I suspect I will keep lurching in and out of ‘bad’ phases where I get lazy and make naughty choices. Maybe over time I’ll stop falling into the hole and will go around it instead. Here’s hoping.
After all, I am only human.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Hi Mrs D,
Love your post as always. I like the idea of making friends with my inner critic. I guess it will be like being with my mother in law. You’re never quite at ease but you find a middle path (most of the time) 🙂 I’ve been listening to some TED talks. These are on topic, I think.
some call that inner critic wolfie….
this is definitely a journey. thank you for your post!
Loved your post. Yup we all have these conversations in our head and I guess we have to sift out with our sober brains about what is reasonable and what is not. Because you’re right, without that conscience of ours we’d end up doing all sorts of stupid things.
Oh so much to learn…. But at least we can coz nothing is blurred by booze!
I think you are right on the part on cutting yourself some slack. After all you wouldn’t of given away alcohol if she hadn’t of nagged and niggled away at you:).You would think after all the positive reading we all do on this journey, we would have that inner critic under control. It takes time and ALOT of effort. I have just watched a wonderful movie on Utube called The Shift (Wayne Dyer). It brings to the forefront why we are here and gives the viewer,if they are open to it, a great sense of peace and understanding. And to know we are all enough, just as we are right now. Xxx
It’s being mindful that will break that habit, I hope.My inner critic tells me I’m not good enough (state house neglected kid hangover) I feel I’m not liked, not wearing the right clothes,have no class,can’t see the big picture and have missed the boat because I am not good enough.We know this is wrong and our thoughts aren’t true reality and we just have to keep at it until we make new habits.We can’t drink this stuff away anymore.We have to grow up and develop spiritually.I think I am getting better.When I look back a year or so I think all my new methods are working.
I’m sick to death of my inner bitch critic. That was a good read Mrs D.
I think I might show this bitch of the thing ( inner critic ) some love and attention and see how she goes?! Xox
Thank you so much for this the inner critic sucks! Love your insight.
I get where you are coming from MrsD!
We are only human
I’m kind of glad of that because otherwise I would wear my undies on the outside of my pants!
And I wouldn’t have an inner critic to say NOOOOOO!! 😉 xxxx
This post is wonderful but it made me feel so sad. This inner critic of mine is sn sv
Argh posted before I was done, anyway …
My inner critic is an absolute tyrant. The noise in my head gets so loud sometimes and the only way to quiet it down was to drink. Amazingly since my sober days in a row have increased, the voice has gotten much more silent/ and actually the other day in a quiet moment I heard it say … Freebird, you are doing awesome.
To me this was almost a miracle and makes me think the inner critic and booze are linked somehow – take one away and ths other goes too.
There are do many positives in your list MrsD . Wouldn’t if be great if we could just feel good about them and tell the critic to piss off and leave us alone once and for all!
Ah balance, such a hard thing to achieve. Maybe we could treat our ICs, no let’s call them ics, like a fitness app we can change the voice on. Change it from drill sergeant to a soft encouraging ‘hey sweetie you are doing SO well, just maybe one less serve of crumble today?’
I hope your inner critic doesn’t mind that I was crying with laughter as I read those “conversations”… because they are exactly the same as mine. It’s so weird how we can be superstars on so many levels, and yet be so critical of ourselves. I’m trying to tone that voice down these days, and replace it with something a bit more supportive, because instead of motivating me, it drags me down.