• whynot posted a new activity comment 12 hours, 19 minutes ago

    Sorry you aren’t getting the support you want. I know that my husband is supportive, but he doesn’t really want to talk about drinking. Also, his blindness/independence enabled him to be ok while I was drinking so much. It’ll take a while for him to fully trust me to support him. I was not always sunshine and roses while I was drinking.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 22 hours, 12 minutes ago

    Thanks, I had fun. Now tired, but I hope to get a good night’s sleep.

  • whynot posted an update 1 day, 5 hours ago

    WooHoo 90 Days today. Going to celebrate by going to a MLB baseball game. I’ll have all the Crackjacks I want.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Good for you for staying on track, even if you are feeling low. Your instinct to protect yourself seems right to me. If you can, seek out people who will be supportive.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 4 days, 6 hours ago

    Rant away if it can help you not drink. But also, I found that not drinking *reduced* my stress. I once thought it helped to “take the edge off” but the stress of worrying about my health and my drinking made all the other sources of stress worse. Drinking does temporarily numb which, honestly, can be kind of nice. But it’s temporary and once it wears off things are no better than they were.

    So, I just had to trust that I’d be OK if I didn’t numb and I was. Actually, better than OK most times. I’ve still got my stresses, annoyances, and resentments, but I don’t have the guilt and other issues piled on top. I had no idea how big that self-inflicted pile was and crawling out from under it has been a great relief.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 4 days, 8 hours ago

    This is so helpful to me, a nice reminder. After asking myself so many times why I should _quit_ drinking, I asked myself @whynot quit drinking?, “a reverse fuck-it”. I didn’t have a lot of good answers to why not. Turning the argument in my head on its head helped me see how up side down my thinking was. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Yeah me too. After battling for years with trying to mod, God so exhausting, it became impossible for me to write a list about why I should drink. What was so great about drink it had to be my no 1 priority? It was then I realised like a smack in the face what a mug I’ve been for almost 3 decades. Upside down thinking is definately the way to go😊

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 4 days, 11 hours ago

    Love your babble, Mari!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 4 days, 12 hours ago

    welcome @brighterlife.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 5 days, 23 hours ago

    Welcome! I’m grateful to have this wonderful website to support me on my journey. I’m stunned to see how many others struggle with the same things I do.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 6 days, 1 hour ago

    Good for you! Yes, I was amazed that the cravings often passed before the evening was over. Strange, because when they would come, they promised that they’d never leave until I had a drink. Lol, alcohol lies so much.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 6 days, 11 hours ago

    Amazing story! Great to meet other introverts who like socializing in small doses. Me too!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Hehe, all that for me, plus anxious. I’m better off after 12 weeks sober. It’s a longer journey than I initially thought it would be, but I’m taking it one day at a time and am grateful for every one.

    • @whynot your “longer journey than I initially thought” comment caught my eye and made me smile, because I’ve often thought there was a lot more to this then I ever would have expected. Quite a ride, isn’t it? Good far outweighs the bad. I, too am grateful, as unfortunately, not everybody makes it….and those results are sad.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    83 Days and I’ve had this conversation with myself so many times. Sigh. Tonight I was out with a group about half sober and half drinking. One was quite drunk. Part of me feels sorry for the one who will be hungover tomorrow and still part of me is a tiny bit jealous. Sigh. Silly me.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Welcome!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I like those moments when I can see the delightful textures to life that were obscured by my focus on alcohol. Happy weekend!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Hey! I live in Austin! Many good places to eat here…hopefully it won’t be too hot. If it is, definitely go to Barton Springs.

    • cool, I’ll see if we have time. can’t be hotter than Vegas, surely (42degrees today). my partners eying up good BBQ and music bars.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Oh, yes. Restless legs. errrrrg! Happily, that too passed.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Around a month into sobriety I also would have trouble sleeping and sometimes wake up with a headache. I don’t have drinking dreams every night, but I do have them occasionally. Mostly I drink to make some social interaction go more smoothly. My interpretation for myself is that I’m processing, learning how to deal with sobriety. On my 12th week now and kind of frustrated that I still feel edgy and rarely feel relaxed when I wake up. But slowly, everything is getting better as I address things too long neglected.

    • “But slowly, everything is getting better as I address things too long neglected.” @whynot, that’s a perfect summation of what’s happening. I am so grateful to have this group, a great therapist, and my running to encounter each issue head on. They’re all familiar, but they’ve been pushed aside and literally drowned in 🍷 numbness. Now it’s here, asking to be dealt with. Time to deal.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    thank you! This seems to be related to the concepts secure/insecure attachment, something in the child development field of research. It also touches me deeply personally.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Sorry that you don’t feel great today @Lars. Treat yourself kindly. Keep up the good fight. In meditation we learn that it is normal to have our attention wander. It’s that moment that we notice the wandering that is the opportunity to make a difference. Gently direct attention back to the focus. Gently, patiently.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    oh my gosh. That sounds terrible. I hope you didn’t injure yourself too badly. Wine won’t make it better. Good for you for staying strong.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Wow! Good for you! Sleep well.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Well done!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Congratulations!!

  • whynot posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    One benefit of not drinking for me is that I sometimes have a smidge more patience for myself. I still get angry, but there’s more opportunity for me to take a deep breath and realize that the situation isn’t that bad. Sometimes I can even chuckle. Not today though. Today I’m a terrible grump. I didn’t sleep well last night and am annoyed. The end of a long holiday weekend has me a little anxious, I guess.

    • It’s okay to be grumpy, totally okay and Ben normal. Do you know why 5he end of a long weekend has made you anxious, are you living in the future thinking about work?

    • Give yourself grace – it’s okay to have a grumpy day. Happens to me all the time. Less so when not drinking, and I agree – it’s easier for me to take a breath and be more patient with myself. Be patient with your grumpiness too – it will pass. 🙂

    • Sleep is so important – we are all grumps when we are tired. Be kind to yourself @whynot.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Welcome! I can’t answer why, but I’ve got lots of reasons @whynot to drink.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Yes, yes, yes. It’s a different conversation now that I’ve decided that I’m not going to drink again. It’s more, “do I really need not to ever drink again” and “how am I going to handle that beer event that I said yes to” .

    I’m on Day 77. It’s easier than first week, but it’s still work. And still a great deal better than drinking.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Day 14! Good going!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Glad to hear it, @Lucy.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    You are already on the right track. You are doing this yourself. Focus on yourself and what you need. You are already there. Good for you!!

    It is harder to go sober with drinkers around you, but it’s definitely possible. Many of us here have done it and you can too. The first week is pretty difficult. For me it was about setting a plan. I had tried to moderate long enough that I knew my pattern of failure. So, I planned ahead what exactly I would do in those situations to not drink. Maybe I would have an ice cream or an iced tea. For the first week I used sugar to help address the cravings.

    You’ll probably find that you have some extra time on your hands. I read quit lit (e.g., The Naked Mind, Mrs. D’s Going Without), this feed, and sobriety blogs (e.g., Unpickled). Others go for walks with sobriety podcasts.

    For me the cravings early on were intense but temporary and often brief. To ride them out I would watch what is going on in my mind while I was feeling the craving. Putting myself in that executive mindset helps me stay in control.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Welcome! You’ve come to the right place. There’s lots of support and information here. Any specific questions?

    • I am looking to figure out ways to set healthy habits for myself to stop me from joining my husband when he is drinking (daily). I find the temptation a lot, but I am unwilling to begrudge him his own choice to keep drinking. He doesn’t seem to be willing to stop anytime soon (we have talked about it). I need this change for myself, and what I want for my life. I just have crappy willpower.

      • You are already on the right track. You are doing this yourself. Focus on yourself and what you need. You are already there. Good for you!!

        It is harder to go sober with drinkers around you, but it’s definitely possible. Many of us here have done it and you can too. The first week is pretty difficult. For me it was about setting a plan. I had tried to moderate long enough that I knew my pattern of failure. So, I planned ahead what exactly I would do in those situations to not drink. Maybe I would have an ice cream or an iced tea. For the first week I used sugar to help address the cravings.

        You’ll probably find that you have some extra time on your hands. I read quit lit (e.g., The Naked Mind, Mrs. D’s Going Without), this feed, and sobriety blogs (e.g., Unpickled). Others go for walks with sobriety podcasts.

        For me the cravings early on were intense but temporary and often brief. To ride them out I would watch what is going on in my mind while I was feeling the craving. [Oh, look there, I thought “I can probably have just one drink and be fine” but I’ve thought that before and ended up drinking more than I wanted to.] Putting myself in that executive mindset helps me stay in control.

    • Thanks for the tips. I know it’s going to be an uphill battle and I know it’s not going to be easy. At this point though I’m willing to try anything. Because what I’ve been doing hasn’t worked. I like the idea of replacing cravings with another enjoyable habit. It’s been a while since I sat and read a good book so maybe I’ll stop by the bookstore and grab one on sobriety. Probably will help me to not want to drink thinking about the reasons I want to give it up in the first place. Appreciate the warm welcome! Glad to have started this journey and I’m feeling a lot more optimistic already.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    I hear your frustration. Find some way to be good to yourself. What do you need? Alcohol is not what you need and drinking is not being good to yourself, no matter what your addict brain says.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Day 12, good going!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I used to think that I danced because I was enjoying alcohol. It turns out I spontaneously dance even without alcohol. It might be that fireworks are just as fun sober…maybe?

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Way to go @Sam27! What @Lucy said.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    wow! This is some good stuff, @jmtn. I think I’m sort of in a similar spot right now, except before the growth part. So I’m grumpy. Thanks for sharing.

    • I totally get being grumpy, @whynot. I’m glad you thought it was some good stuff. I just felt that I needed to share here, where we all can understand what’s going on to some degree or another. Growing pains are painful though! Ugh. I just have to remember that it’ll pass. I guess it’s nice to not just be drinking away my frustration.
      I just saw that your knee is having issues. No fun at all. Hang in there. I hope the doc can find a solution for you soon! xox

  • whynot posted an update 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Day 74. Having some thoughts this morning about maybe, someday, I can drink again. 😂 whatever! Not drinking today. And, maybe, I’ll spend sometime exploring my feelings to see what’s going on. Some of it is my continuing struggle to get my leg functioning again. Monday I had xrays followed by an MRI. There appears to be some tiny thing (bone fragment) floating in my knee making it intermittently unable to extend fully. Yesterday, I was walking along fine and all of a sudden *zap* my knee seizes painfully and I have to stop and catch my breath. Sometimes when this happens I want to collapse in tears. Anyway, I’ll see the surgeon Monday to see what might be done about it. In the meantime I’ll try to soothe myself a bit with something other than alcohol. Aging sucks sometimes.

    • I have those thoughts all the time, usually within 2 days of the hangover. “I can drink again. It’s rediculous to be on this sober bandwagon. I’m not truly problematic in my drinking…” Anyway. It’s still a struggle. My advice? Don’t because you’ll have more trouble getting back to Day 74 if you do. But, you already know this.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Not everyone’s experience is the same, but the first week is definitely the most difficult. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/alcohol-withdrawal-symptoms-treatments#1

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Congrats on Day 31!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    I tell them I can’t drink alcohol because it exacerbates my asthma. That’s true (it’s just not the whole truth). I get it about the hobbies. The addict wants you all to itself and nothing but drinking seems fun. You might read “the Naked Mind” to get more insights into how alcohol is affecting your thinking. My hobby lately is this website, sober blogs, and quit lit.

    I’ve noticed that, after two months sober, there are many many fun things to do. And alcohol wasn’t really the source of the fun that I thought it was responsible for. There are good times ahead, good sober times.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    It might be helpful to think of specific things that you are going to *do* differently this time to help yourself quit. I never found wanting to quit to be enough. Firm resolutions not to drink on a particular day or at a particular time weren’t enough either. I had to start to do things differently, to make specific plans about how I was going to avoid certain situations and how I was going to handle other situations without drinking.

    As for what I tell people, I tell them that I was having problems with asthma. I could just as easily have told them that I’m on a diet, or whatever. That will stop the questions. People don’t want to hear about your diet 😉

    • Wow that makes me feel better already Thankyou. I do actually have asthma so could use this but what have you said that you can’t drink because of asthma? And yes I agree it’s not enough to justness say I’m stopping I need to change it up. I also have no hobbies at all because all the money and time I do have is spent on booze. Just awful 😀

      • I tell them I can’t drink alcohol because it exacerbates my asthma. That’s true (it’s just not the whole truth). I get it about the hobbies. The addict wants you all to itself and nothing but drinking seems fun. You might read “the Naked Mind” to get more insights into how alcohol is affecting your thinking. My hobby lately is this website, sober blogs, and quit lit.

        I’ve noticed that, after two months sober, there are many many fun things to do. And alcohol wasn’t really the source of the fun that I thought it was responsible for. There are good times ahead, good sober times.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Welcome, Leslie! There’s lots of support here.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    It may be helpful to read some recovery stories/books. I liked Blackout by Sarah Hepola, Mrs Ds Going Without, and others have recommended Dry by Boroughs. These stories show what recovery could be like. I read a lot before I quit.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Lol 😂 But the Beatles are older than you.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Welcome!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    @tgrim In the beginning I told myself that I’ll not drink for a year, rather than say never again. Others just focus on today. Eventually the inner addict, some call “Wolfe”, will shrink and never won’t seem like an awful thing (most likely). In the meantime, focus on today.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Congratulations on day 30. Good for you! I sometimes resent that my DH has a beer with dinner, but I just keep focused on what I need for myself, which is not to drink. I journal frequently to hear myself more loudly, to remind myself what I need. What you describe would be difficult for me because I’d hate to be around someone I love being self destructive. *If* his self destruction got in the way of my health, I’d have to make a difficult decision. It would be all about what *I* need. It sounds selfish, but if I don’t look out for myself who will? Figuring out what I need has been the biggest challenge of my journey so far and I’m only just now starting to be able to see it on day 71.

    • What you say makes sense. I’m currently stuck in the idea that if he would try sobriety with me and tried weekends sober with me, then it would be a chance to strengthen our relationship (which isn’t bad). I feel pretty alone in this. I hope it passes. Thank you for responding to me. Maybe I’m not so alone.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Awesomeness!

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Welcome.

  • whynot posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Oh gosh, I know that feeling. It’s ok to be irritated. That feeling passes. Later, sometimes moments later, I’ll be feeling something else. Hopefully better.

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