• WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 58 minutes ago

    Good morning and welcome @FireFly13 lots of good honest conversation and support to be found here!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 11 hours, 43 minutes ago

    The wasted evenings, the mornings where you didn’t get up until the alarm screamed…not missing any of that at all.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 13 hours, 3 minutes ago

    I’m glad to hear you’re holding on there, from your post I take it you too are in a long term not good relationship. I’m 57 and walking into all new territory and it’s frightening but it’s clear things have come to an end here and I have no choice but to deal with things as well as I can.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 13 hours, 51 minutes ago

    @mandles I think I need to take a look at my friends place, who knows it may be great, may be awful, to save that kind of money at this point and with no lease I would be willing to settle for mediocre for a while. If need be I can stay here until things are settled, the area is full of nice house shares at fairly reasonable rates but I seriously need to start saving towards the future to make up for all I haven’t been able to save during decades of living with someone with no eye to the future and long periods of unemployment. As a freelancer most of his life my husband has no real social security coming and we have literally no mutual retirement savings.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 14 hours, 6 minutes ago

    @morgan, we still owe on our mortgage, the house would have to be sold, the bank given their due, creditors paid off and we divide anything remaining. The only way I could buy out my husband’s share would be to do a refinance and then the mortgage would be far bigger, and, even with a housemate that and the kind of upkeep it’s starting to require at 120 years old would be more than my salary would cover. The money my husband borrowed was supposedly going to go for much needed repairs that have not occurred so it will end up selling for less than the current town tax assessment once an actual real assessment happens. I will not make out well there.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 20 hours, 21 minutes ago

    @Adamodea, welcome, glad you joined us. You’ll find lots of support and resources to help you here.

  • @heidi19, how are you doing out there?

    • Thank you mrs owl, for thinking of me, I’m doing okay, heading for day 7 so all good there but am very depressed. Have been following you on the home front and very much admire what you are doing,it’s what I should have done but didn’t!! Too late now for me, so I try to make the most of it but every now and then it flares up in my face! So just have to try deal with it the best way I can. Life can be very testing, also very cruel at times! Thanks @wakingowl, take care my dear,xx.

      • good to have you back on day 7 @heidi19. If that feeling of depression is not lifting maybe think about getting some help. Stay close and get back to posting 🙂 xx

    • I’m glad to hear you’re holding on there, from your post I take it you too are in a long term not good relationship. I’m 57 and walking into all new territory and it’s frightening but it’s clear things have come to an end here and I have no choice but to deal with things as well as I can.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 20 hours, 38 minutes ago

    And days nine and ten will feel even better, keep up the good work!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 20 hours, 39 minutes ago

    Things are going to feel foggy for a while. A good honest conversation about what you’re doing, the whys and hows and what you will both gain could only help I think. My 36 year marriage is about to come to an end because along the way we didn’t have enough of those
    conversations. She may not “get” everything you have to say in the same way people here do
    but may open a way for more support on the home front.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 20 hours, 45 minutes ago

    I binge watched like six seasons of Vikings in my first few months, got me through many a white knuckle craving kind of evening.

  • Day 212
    Actually went into a bar tonight for the first time since I quit. I haven’t been avoiding them, just never frequented them, maybe a two or three times a year thing. Had a bit of a goodbye and good luck get together for a young coworker headed back to college. Almost my entire department from work was there plus a few others. I had a tonic with lime, a flavor I’ve always loved, something about the crisp of it with a hint of bitter. It was a very mixed group age wise and the older of us and those that have to work early, the kitchen starts at 6:00AM, left after about an hour and a half leaving the youngsters to get to it. A most pleasant little get together.
    All calm on the home front. Calmly told my husband this evening I would like my name removed from all mutual credit cards as I use mine maybe twice a year and don’t want anything I didn’t purchase later becoming my responsibility. He simply said okay. I think the fact that I’m serious about things is sinking in. We had some light conversation about other things before I went out and I came home to find him already in bed.
    I had a serious conversation about my situation with a work friend of seven years today. She told me she has a small three room apartment attached to the back of her house with a kitchenette and bath that has a connecting door to her kitchen and that their tenant has always had the run of the house and yard. It’s incredibly cheap and would allow me to bank at least a third of my salary after expenses. it will be available soon and I think I’d be crazy not to look at it but at the same time the thought of doing that seems so damned definitive and would mean everything happening far faster than I expected. I know I’m going to have to leave my house which I love and where I have been for seventeen years now, my well established gardens a great location and two thirds of my possessions no matter where I go. We have made a home together here but not really a life together and th…[Read more]

    • If you leave, what happens to the house? is it yours? could it deteriorate? Here it can be so hard to get a settlement.

      • @morgan, we still owe on our mortgage, the house would have to be sold, the bank given their due, creditors paid off and we divide anything remaining. The only way I could buy out my husband’s share would be to do a refinance and then the mortgage would be far bigger, and, even with a housemate that and the kind of upkeep it’s starting to require at 120 years old would be more than my salary would cover. The money my husband borrowed was supposedly going to go for much needed repairs that have not occurred so it will end up selling for less than the current town tax assessment once an actual real assessment happens. I will not make out well there.

    • Somethings like our drinking have to come to an end. It’s so much easier to think things through with a clear head and sound mind, sounds like your friend is going to offer you the spac you need to start a fresh. It is hard, I left my home and husband after 13 years and moved back in with my dad and kid, then almost 20 years later left my childhood home, town and friends and moved 210 miles away😂 it was the best thing I ever did and helps me stay off the booze. Good luck with what ever you decide to do @wakingowl I know you will make the right decision xxx

      • @mandles I think I need to take a look at my friends place, who knows it may be great, may be awful, to save that kind of money at this point and with no lease I would be willing to settle for mediocre for a while. If need be I can stay here until things are settled, the area is full of nice house shares at fairly reasonable rates but I seriously need to start saving towards the future to make up for all I haven’t been able to save during decades of living with someone with no eye to the future and long periods of unemployment. As a freelancer most of his life my husband has no real social security coming and we have literally no mutual retirement savings.

    • We may not always welcome change, but invariably we must change to grow. Sometimes we have to shed some of the comfortability of who we are today, to embrace the adventure of who we will become tomorrow.
      You’ve got this. Keep strong.🌟🌞

    • @WakingOwl this is a difficult decision for you. My heart goes out to you in a big way. The clarity of sobriety doesn’t always look like sunshine and Roses, but I think it does allow us to see what is best for our future. I also spent the last 17 and a half years married with a less than happy result to put it mildly. And being in a relationship where one or both are under the influence most of the time is no way to build a marriage. May you find the peace and happiness you deserve. ✌💛😊

    • @wakingowl, once you make the decision, do not say you need off the credit cards, close the credit cards and have you and your husband get new ones. make sure there is NO way for him to put debt in your name. get a credit report after you close everything. just hearing how you want to save, no need to have debt added to your account because your husband gets a bit of fuck its. good luck, @wakingowl, how exciting for you.

    • Oh that first step is always the hardest!! But honestly that apartment sounds perfectly timed….Like you said, you can’t keep up the one you have so it would be sold no matter what.

      This stood out to me: “We have made a home together here but not really a life together and that realization is deeply saddening”

      EXACTLY the conclusion I came to with my own marriage a couple years ago. And then he made it easy for me to move on when I found out in Dec. 2017 he was cheating again… (17 days into my newfound sobriety!). I kicked him out and we divorced 6 months later. I do still have our house though and I have made it my own BUT it has not been easy to do all the general maintenance upkeep by myself..). I guess I’ve let go of the “life” we didn’t have together but have not let go of the home we did make together yet…..

      Anyway, I’m glad you are working to get your name off of all the credit cards. Smart move. I don’t think it would hurt to just go look at the apt. You can make a more informed decision about that after you do. Let us know what you find out!

    • oxoxoxo Give yourself permission to not have all the answers just yet, and to let the question mark sit there calmly next to you for as long as it needs to be. It’s ok to not have all the answers, to feel sad, to feel scared, unsure, conflicted, and ambivalent. It means you’re a normal human being with feelings. You got this and you will be ok. You have my compassion for your marriage-feelings. I have been in a similar boat for a while and tried couples counseling, with little success. Right now I just take every day as it comes. No pressure, no “should-ing” myself. Just know you’re not alone, and others feel it too. They have in the past, they do right now, and in the future there will always be others who end up asking themselves the same questions you do right now, and who go through similar feelings and experiences. oxoxox It’s not your fault. You’re not going to feel like this forever.

    • I can’t imagine how hard it must be to make the decision to leave a home you love (I know I had to leave my gardens for only a year and it has been PAINFUL. I can’t garden here, and I know mine must be out of control at home. I have an invasive vine in one garden that I work hard to keep in check every summer because I can’t seem to rid myself of it. Thinking about it now just puts me on edge. I have crazy images in my mind of my whole house being swallowed by the vine because I’m not there, lol…) I really believe, though, that nothing worthwhile comes easily. At least it hasn’t in my life so far. You should check the place out. It seems like you know what would improve your life. Imagine the freedom to do it your own way, to have your own space… it may open a million doors for your life. But as @Mari135 said, I don’t think you need to have all the answers. Nobody ever does. Sending you tons of peace of mind from the other side of the planet. xoxox

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 21 hours, 45 minutes ago

    We could have a book club!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 1 hour ago

    @morgan, the premise of Fahrenheit 451 ( the temperature at which paper ignites) is that books have been banned and there is an underground that keeps them alive by memorizing and “ becoming” a book to save it from being lost.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 1 hour ago

    @suzkep, what a wonderful choice! I still have a copy of that from when I was a little kid. I think I would choose East of Eden.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 1 hour ago

    yes I did @morgan I love Barbara Kingsolver, especially her earliest writings like The Bean Trees.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 11 hours ago

    Ahh @Lucy you sound so happy, it makes me glad. I’m glad also that you were able to find a good place for your Mum. I work with dementia patients and a good caring environment is essential. they may not remember what you said but they remember how you make them feel.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 11 hours ago

    Lol not a hard question really but one I love to ask anyone that’s read it….if we came to that ..what book would you choose to memorize?

    • Now We Are Six by AA Milne – a wee ditty for every occasion 😀

    • I must look up her earlier books. Yes, loved and was appalled and afraid of Fahrenheight 451 – perhaps I should re read. I saw an incredible documentary about those saving a famous library amidst the horror of the Yugoslav craziness – heartbreaking, but amazing that they were willing to die by sniper as they carted the books through the town in banana boxes, to safety.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 12 hours ago

    @frog, thank you, I will take the thought of being clear headed and resilient with me today!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 12 hours ago

    Beautiful! Be proud of yourself, you are giving the gift of true presence.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    Good for you for resisting temptation like that, any strategy that works is fair game. I white knuckled a goodly number of nights until I knew the liquor stores were closed

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 21 hours ago

    Welcome here @pattipug, lots of good honest talk and resources here.

  • @suzkep, have you finished Fahrenheit 451 yet? There’s a question I’m dying to ask you….

    • Yep I’ve finished – nervous though lol in case I can’t answer your question lol

      • Lol not a hard question really but one I love to ask anyone that’s read it….if we came to that ..what book would you choose to memorize?

        • Now We Are Six by AA Milne – a wee ditty for every occasion 😀

        • I must look up her earlier books. Yes, loved and was appalled and afraid of Fahrenheight 451 – perhaps I should re read. I saw an incredible documentary about those saving a famous library amidst the horror of the Yugoslav craziness – heartbreaking, but amazing that they were willing to die by sniper as they carted the books through the town in banana boxes, to safety.

      • ‘Now we are 6 I am clever as clever/ I think I’ll be six now forever and ever’

        Memorise @Wakingowl – whole book? gosh, that’s a strange one. I did love The Poisonwood Bible – have you read that?

        • yes I did @morgan I love Barbara Kingsolver, especially her earliest writings like The Bean Trees.

        • @morgan, the premise of Fahrenheit 451 ( the temperature at which paper ignites) is that books have been banned and there is an underground that keeps them alive by memorizing and “ becoming” a book to save it from being lost.

    • @suzkep, what a wonderful choice! I still have a copy of that from when I was a little kid. I think I would choose East of Eden.

  • Day 211
    A superlative Summer day here with very dramatic clouds and a stunning sunset. Getting on towards the end of the season and the night insects are insanely loud. I know a lot of people find the sound of Katydids soothing but I find it rather creepy, the entire neighborhood chirring in unison.
    A calm morning considering last nights blowout, I went out and tended to banking business as planned. I even played nice and managed to get my husband a vending spot at tomorrow’s usually well attended local farmers market via a friend. She offered me a spot to sell jewelry but I’m working. After declining I sent her another message with a link to my husbands art site and asked her if she thought his work would be a fit. Get him out of the house so he can maybe lift his terrible funk a bit and earn a little money.
    We had another argument that definitely shows divorce on the horizon. I spent time doing some calculations and figuring different ways things could go. I want the least bit of animosity. There will be virtually nothing to divide except what we can get for the house minus what we owe the bank and creditors, I will remove myself from all credit card accounts so as not to be liable for any further charges. I have made it clear that I believe my rationale is sound and that I will not back down on the money front. I reiterated he needs to deal with his depression and addiction no matter where we end up when we go our separate ways. I made it clear there are things that take priority, Mum’s place being emptied out, me getting Mum’s car on the road, maintaining access to transportation when I need it in the meanwhile because I need to get to work to keep a roof over our heads. I simply said first things first.
    I am surprisingly okay at the moment, I imagine it will take a few days to really sink in. My sister and daughter have been wonderful and I will see good friends tomorrow evening while my husband is out at a party.
    I now go deal with the fact that ev…[Read more]

    • I hear ya @wakingowl and what a lot you have going on and what a powerhouse you are being getting through major change in your life. The reason you are surprisingly ok is because you see the path ahead clearly and know it is right for you. Well done on your strength and courage xx

    • Gosh, I got to the part that said, “I now go deal with…” and I thought, damn what more does this clear-headed, resilient woman have to shoulder through?

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 1 day, 23 hours ago

    @kitten, that was my first game plan but when I got to the bank I found out a huge chunk of it is gone even though the items it was earmarked for have not been accomplished. I moved half of what was left and will as of Tuesday divert my entire payroll from both jobs. I told my husband what was left will pay two months of basics, after that I will write checks for legitimate expenses only.

    • Understood, I was just thinking that you need to pay that loan back. Good luck, @wakingowl. sounds like you have great moments ahead of you, friend.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Congratulations. So much for one year to encompass and you did it all sober!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 4 hours ago

    It makes a lot of sense, I was sexually abused as a child and know that’s where my addictions stem from. it’s all right to be angry with the people that were supposed to care for and protect us ..and didn’t, that is textbook abandonment. Releasing that anger is a powerful, positive thing. Sobriety has allowed me to see that those that abandoned me did so because they too suffered early traumas and I’ve been able to find a freeing level of forgiveness.

    • I feel I no longer care enough about them to afford them any emotion anger, resentment or forgiveness.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 10 hours ago

    Yup, this too shall pass and when we hold our resolve we can see that and act accordingly. Sobriety allows us to see that steps can be taken. our shit didn’t all arrive in one big package and it’s not going out the door that way either no matter how much we would like it all to be gone at once.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 10 hours ago

    That’s a bit sad and frightening at the same time, like announcing it’s the number one national past time.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 11 hours ago

    @robyn oh I wanted to smack him – only to stun him long enough to make him actually shut up and listen.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 11 hours ago

    I too will not drink today @DennyD!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 12 hours ago

    As to the AF substitutes, none of that appeals to me and I’m a bit afraid it would make me want the real thing, I think the mocktail idea is good, they look fun and fancy and can be tasty without being reminiscent of booze. As to the stockings, I could never keep the damn things up, still wear a garter belt on occasion, the stockings are cheap and if you run one you just toss it and pull out another.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 12 hours ago

    @morgan there is barely money for food let alone a lawyer and he’s smoked every penny we could have banked for years now and I let it happen out of guilt and shame for my past behavior and the passivity my childhood built into me. @Lee you’re right, fuck booze the last thing I need to do is make myself more vulnerable, he’s convinced I can’t take care of myself but sobriety has shown me I have options.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    oh my, being in limbo like that must be so hard! Keep reminding yourself how much more stressful it would all be hungover.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Congratulations! Do something special for yourself tomorrow!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Welcome here @kiwinewt!

  • Day 210, seven whole months.
    Had a lovely day at work and a swim in the river. Saw a killdeer, made me think of my first ever remembered birding experience with my Mum, very sweet moment.
    Came home and tried to initiate a calm discussion with my husband about some financial shenanigans he pulled. I just wanted a few questions answered as tomorrow I am opening my own bank account. I simply asked if I could be held accountable for a line of credit he took out without consulting me and without my signature also what he intended to do with it.
    I admit I let him bait me and I raised my voice but did not totally lose my cool and kept on topic. When he couldn’t bluster it away anymore, somehow my drinking behavior thirty years ago came out as ammunition (how he got there I still can’t figure out). I pointed out that this was in no way the subject at hand and repeated my request to know what the money was earmarked for and if indeed without my signature I could be held responsible. By the way yes I can…
    It escalated to him throwing every mistake I ever made at me, a tirade about the cost of putting the car I will soon have on the road, all my ugliest childhood shit was used. He bitched about my mother’s twice yearly three day visits. Really, he insulted my mother a week after her death. He shouted that all the women in his life are conspiring against him, horrid shit. I did manage to tell him I’m very worried about his state of mind and he needs to talk to someone, that the depression and all day dope smoking is making him paranoid and unreasonable.
    I do not want to walk away while he obviously needs help but I do not think I can live with this anymore. If his only defense is victim shaming me and blaming me for his bad choices I can’t help him. The word divorce never came up but that looks like what’s going to happen.
    Tomorrow I am taking half the bank account and I will divert my entire payroll to my new account. I will pay the mortgage, taxes and utilities.…[Read more]

    • Well, that sure sounds like some performance today, @WakingOwl. Thank Gawd you’re dealing with this clear-headed. And, still in this time of tenderness w/ your mother ~ lots’a love.

    • Oh lady, huge hugs! If I was there I might have punched him in the snotbox. Ok, not really but I sure would have wanted to!

    • Great work. I just hope you can stop any debt occurring that you will be liable for. Have you got a good lawyer? Here once you declare separation, you can have some sort of order that stops liability for the partner. Get onto it fast as who knows what he will do when in such an unpleasant state.
      IT is very sad he is descending into insults, however it does make it clearer what you need to do. Life will get a lot better, hopefully sooner rather than later XXX big hugs

      • Hi @wakingowl. Sorry that your having to deal with this now, while your still grieving. What Morgan said makes perfect sense. It appears that he’s already manipulated funds without your consent and is incredibly irresponsible and has been for some time. Verbal abuse is abuse and he’s cutting at your scars. Protect yourself. Fuck drinking. That’s just us abusing ourselves because that negative voice is actually listening. It’s a scam. I was a month behind you for a while until I gave into it. Doesn’t sound like you will or intend to, it’s just not worth it. Do take care of yourself. We can’t make people get the help that they need. I’m sure you already know this, They have to want to change, we do.

      • @morgan there is barely money for food let alone a lawyer and he’s smoked every penny we could have banked for years now and I let it happen out of guilt and shame for my past behavior and the passivity my childhood built into me. @Lee you’re right, fuck booze the last thing I need to do is make myself more vulnerable, he’s convinced I can’t take care of myself but sobriety has shown me I have options.

    • Oh @wakingowl this is not what you need right now but you have so got this. So proud of the way you are dealing with this shit. Stay strong the tribe are right behind you xx

    • @wakingowl so good to see you taking control. Sounds like he is grasping at straws throwing old stuff in your face because he knows he is wrong. Stay strong😀

    • You are amazing! Clearly his lashing out is about him, not you. And try as he might to push your buttons, they just don’t work anymore. But the practical problems remain, and they are tough to sort. Seems like you are doing what you can. I’ll second the suggestion to officially file for separation, assuming he doesn’t wake up and apologize.

    • Lovely, @Wakingowl! I think you HAVE learned how to do sober. My hubby would pull out all that old shit to throw at me, too. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and confusing. You’re right, he’s paranoid and probably afraid he’ll lose his meal ticket. I finally insisted my hubs get treated for psych issues. He did, as his part of my sobriety. Now he’s on meds and I’m still sober as some kind of unspoken agreement created in his head. Whatever makes my life easier at this point. It’s time for your husband to step up. You can’t be rational around irrationality. Unfortunately it sounds like you’re the one whose going to have to present an ultimatum. Sending hugs and encouragement to you!

    • Whoosh you are dealing with a lot! My heart just goes out to you with the loss of your mom. With respect to your hubby I’m going to point you to the wise words of Maya Angelou … “when people show you who they are, believe them.” Oprah has a brilliant podcast on the topic as part of her “Super Soul” series. It’s the episode entitled The Best Relationship Advice. All my best @wakingowl. You are a gem.

    • Take all the money and pay back the loan first thing Monday morning, is my opinion, @wakingowl, the rest will work itself out.

      • @kitten, that was my first game plan but when I got to the bank I found out a huge chunk of it is gone even though the items it was earmarked for have not been accomplished. I moved half of what was left and will as of Tuesday divert my entire payroll from both jobs. I told my husband what was left will pay two months of basics, after that I will write checks for legitimate expenses only.

        • Understood, I was just thinking that you need to pay that loan back. Good luck, @wakingowl. sounds like you have great moments ahead of you, friend.

    • I am really proud of you for how well you handle all of this. oxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo You got this. Nothing short of a legend!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Welcome here @stillsober72! Lots of good honest conversation and resources here.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 20 hours ago

    My final drinking days were like that, not often but sporadic and sneaky. like I had to hold onto some little thing that was all my own even though It made me feel shitty afterwards and I knew it was unhealthy. Annie Grace has a youtube on this behavior and the psychology behind it. I don’t remember the title exactly.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 22 hours ago

    Wish I had seen that post, I embroider too and have always loved French knots.

    • Lol! @WakingOwl it was about how I find French knots difficult and tedious but I like the outcome. And if I’m patient and careful, I can do it.

      Much like sobriety!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 11 hours ago

    Drinking overloads your system with stress hormones and it takes a long while for all that to get back in balance. I have always had anxiety issues and now take Ashwaghanda every morning, a natural cortisol blocker and I honestly feel it makes a difference.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    I had a lot of one hour at a time days in the beginning. Make sure you have something alcohol free and yummy to drink and some of your favorite treats on hand. Do whatever you need to to not pick up that first drink, read, take a walk, pet the cat, take a shower, go to bed early…you can do this and we are here to help.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    @shell43 the kindness and support You will find here is amazing. Every day is a new day and every day without alcohol is a better day even if it’s a bit tough. Stick with us!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    awhh at @leslielily what a sweet heart felt post. The love you have for your children shines through. I have memories of being half in the bag and reading my daughter the same book over and over because I was too cocked to cross the room and choose another…painful memories those are. I have asked her forgiveness for the negatives that my drinking brought into her early life and we had a wonderful tear filled conversation that brought us even closer together. Focus on the future and be proud of the amazing progress you have made.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    Good for you on that 50 days and congratulations on a new granddaughter!

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    @foofers just coming here and posting every day can do wonders. You can get it out of your system and no one will be judgmental. we are all here for the same reason. we want booze out of our lives and need support. Keep how good that sober week felt in mind and don’t take that first drink. It is a one day at a time thing at first, for me I had days where it was one hour at a time, I drank oceans of tea, took an excessive number of showers and if need be went to bed early.
    The tiny window can be annoying…I write my actual posts on my tablets note pad and copy and paste. I just use the annoying tiny window when I reply to other peoples posts and comments.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 20 hours ago

    @leslielily, I had a good day at work, after the essentials were done I spent half an hour in the cutting garden cutting and arranging flowers, I made nectar and filled hummingbird feeders and helped some residents with a silly art project related to our entering a float in the upcoming county fair parade. I am thankful my job allows me creative outlets.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 20 hours ago

    Good for you @andiet! I had a few of those experiences this past month. my husband was away for days and I could have gotten away with drinking…had I wanted to, long stretches of alone time are still very triggering for me. One night I needed something and it was late, the nearest place with what I wanted was a liquor store I used to frequent. I had to steel myself a bit but I went in and made the choice not to buy anything other than what I needed. It was empowering in a way.

  • day 209
    And the tension builds…. today my husband and brother were supposed to go empty my mother’s apartment completely and bring her car from Upstate. my brother called things off because of a combination of a work glitch on his end and torrential rains. I so need this over so I can get down to the nitty gritty with my husband.
    When I heard that news this morning, I sighed… a totally normal reaction and I got a lecture about being a drama queen and how thankful I should be that he’s willing to help me with this because “ it’s not my mother’s shit” I so just wanted to scream “ I have kept a roof over your head for a year and a half while you smoke dope all day and I work six days a week, it’s the least you could do!” since that can’t happen I have to continue to carry all this.
    Seven months of sobriety has taught me a lot but fuck this is stressful, I just have to keep reminding myself of the most basic thing I have learned on this journey…I am in control of my reactions and can’t control other people’s shitty behavior. I am losing the guilt ridden, shamed abused child bit by bit and will not allow this to push me back to the bottle. Had all this occurred four or five months ago I’m pretty sure I would have relapsed and things would be worse. I would not be recognizing that I have options and that a failing marriage does not make ME a failure.
    I am going to go to work where I am treated respectfully as part of a tight, hard working team with a common goal and my competence is recognized and do my best to bring a bit more of that home with me.
    For all you folks just joining, realize that you are a warrior. On those days it feels like a total uphill battle remind yourself that every step you take closer to the top…the better the view gets.
    Upwards my friends because back down that hill is no direction to go.

    • Great post, WakingOwl. So much to sort out, and you’ve got such a positive attitude towards the process. Despite all the hurdles. You give good advice.

    • Hi @WakingOwl! I can imagine there’s so much to do in the wake of your mother’s death. And that’s impressive you were non-reactive, you must be grieving a lot.
      I like that – the climb to the summit keeps getting better and better.

    • Great job walking through those emotions @wakingowl, well done xoxo

    • @WakingOwl I cannot imagine doing what you’re doing with no emotional support. Huge kudos to you for not drinking. Hugs from the eastern end of the Commonwealth.

    • It infuriates me when people can’t think beyond their own “stuff”, like realizing what others have done for them and in turn paying it forward. But you are doing the right thing and focusing on the good stuff. Hoping your day improves from here! Xo

      • @leslielily, I had a good day at work, after the essentials were done I spent half an hour in the cutting garden cutting and arranging flowers, I made nectar and filled hummingbird feeders and helped some residents with a silly art project related to our entering a float in the upcoming county fair parade. I am thankful my job allows me creative outlets.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 4 days, 12 hours ago

    Setting yourself a sleep schedule can help and make sure you’re getting enough magnesium your body needs it to maintain your circadian rhythms and adjust your stress hormones down and release your natural melatonin as night time comes on.

  • WakingOwl posted a new activity comment 4 days, 22 hours ago

    Welcome here @1981feb, glad you chose to join us.

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