The last few months have been a real struggle. I felt so victorious and elated at 500 days sober, and I had convinced myself that by 1000 I’d have this sober shit totally sorted. Ha, so naive of me. The last few weeks I’ve been surrounded by people, raving about how awesome it is to be drinking again after doing dry July. “That was so fucken boring” they say, “Omg, never doing that again” they say. There’s photos of post dry July piss ups, hilarious after night out debriefs. Fun, fun, fun. It gets me questioning why wasn’t it that fun for me? Why was I one of ‘those drunks’, the one who’d over shared, drunk cried at nothing, got angry and unpleasant to be around, talked absolute shite to people that made me want to crawl under a rock the next day, danced and behaved suggestively in front of everyone and anyone. It wasn’t fun, fun, fun for me at all. As 1000 days approaches, I need to remain vigilant against my internal shit head addictive voice. Yep, definitely finding it hard, but vigilant none the less. Arohanui ki a koutou xo
I had a previous near 25 year sober stretch and still felt envy at times when I was around folks able to just have one or two that enhanced their experience. That will never be me or you or likely 99% of the people that are here. We just have to believe we’ve made our best right choice.
It’s something I know I’ll always have to work on …..good to acknowledge as that takes the power out of it. I regret relapsing after 5 years but have to remember the lessons I’ve learned. Not likely I’ll ever go back to that ugly hamster wheel of drinking. Thanks for the reminder!
Hi @Treehugger! Fantastic that you’re on it – knowing that you have to stay vigilant. I feel like people put on this show about how great boozing it up is, like everyone buys in to the lie and doesn’t talk about debilitating hangovers + stupidass regrettable behaviour. I find people put on a big act when it comes to alcohol. Even in my 20s, when I was having fun, I knew I needed to stop. By my 40s, I knew it would kill me if I kept going. That ‘oh it’s so much fun’ seems like it’s very performative. Congrats on being close to 1000 days, amazing!!!
I think its a bit like a gambler only telling you about how much they won – never about their losses. We know it’s not all fun, been there and done that, plus one month of DRY JULY is not enough time for anyone to feel the benefits of sobriety. While it is a positive thing to do and for a good cause, you are the winner by not drinking. Go you on your long term aim.
Well done to observe and think this through beautiful one. The question does remain, is it fun fun fun? Is it fun for their children to know life is boring if their parents cannot drink? Are we finding a deeper level? Appreciating real life to the full (at least more often than if eagerly anticipating getting out of it yet again.) And in the end, it is perhaps fun fun fun until you get cancer, liver disease, early onset dementia, or find you have few resources to get you through the hard times. XXXXX
I’m so sorry things are tough for you right now @treehugger xoxo I think maybe digging into the reasons you quit drinking to begin with and then focusing on all of the positives we get by not drinking might help to get you on the path again. I find that people like to talk a lot about how much fun drinking is, until the next day when they feel horrible. Often times they don’t even know how horrible they feel because they are just so used to always feeling hungover. Focus on those beautiful mornings, focus on the things you do now that you wouldn’t be able to do if you were drinking. Pick up some new hobbies (for me I have been really getting into essential oils and learning all about natural cleaning, bath salts, scent mixes I can spray around the house, etc.) that keep your interest. Keep posting here lovely, we have your back xoxo
Kia ora e hoa. As we approach the 1,000 day marker I went looking for you, and found this post. I too have had my difficult moments, not difficult staying sober, but moments where it hurts a little to be the one not drinking. I have nothing against others drinking, but if I imagine the world without other people drinking, then in that world, sobriety seems easier. So alcohol isn’t the only problem. People are. I’m smiling as I type that, because it’s an awful thing to say, really. Seems as though we’ve swapped problems, the old alcohol problem, which was very real, for the new no alcohol problem, which I have trouble describing. It really is as you say, our internal shit head addictive voice. Let’s toast with an AF glass to the next 1,000 days. I’ll check back with you in 12 or 13 days, can never figure out if you’re one or two days ahead of me. And then there is the time zone thing. Peace.
Morena @Tom4500 – my counter reads 988 days, so 12 days away from the big 1000. For me this falls on August 30th, my sober anniversary is December 3rd. It’s funny, because purely by chance, at day 500 I was overseas on a family holiday, and doing something awesome, and then again, by chance on my day 1000 I will again be on a family holiday, doing something awesome, and celebrating. Funny how the universe provides reminders to me about what’s truely important, family and living sober life to the full. I actually have a card which by my bed which reads, “Happiness is letting go of what you think life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is.” So very true. Arohanui e hoa, not long now!