• Trace posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    thanks @hammer123 – and back at ya πŸ™‚ xx

  • Trace posted an update 4 days, 8 hours ago

    Good morning LS world – it has been so long since I have been here, too long, too to long, and I realise how much I have missed it! I can not tell you how different this year has been to years previously, I am so thankful for this place and the people in it. Things I have learnt along this road: bloody well be compassionate to yourself and to everybody that has hurt you (yes, will take time, but worth it). Don’t ever doubt you are worthy. Don’t look for life in the big stuff, the joy is in the little stuff that we have been taught isn’t important. There is so much joy in just being, so let people overtake you on the treadmill of life and don’t worry about it. And I reckon one of the reasons we get hurt in this world is that it is filled with people who are asleep, or hurting, or both. And that makes for a disconnected world with jagged edges. But not here! Have a wonderful day my lovelies and I will see you back here later on. xxx

  • Trace posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    Crikey, evening all but its nearly morning here, better get to bed! Put in a bit of a long stint working this evening, didn’t mean to just sat down to do something and then suddenly I’ve been at it for a couple of hours…but its a great feeling and it means I have less to do tomorrow. Thinks are a bit bonkers with work at the moment, along with other commitments and life being life, but slow and steady, I’ll get there. Tomorrow is another day, and rain or shine, waking up with a clear head after a great sleep doesn’t get old! Anyhow, haven’t been dropping in that often so thought I would leave a wee note for y’all! Keep on keeping on troops xxx

    • Did the same. I have to count hours so that is great πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ makes all the difference when not on a salary expected to work day, night, weekends. Trouble is, we do have to use the hours, not accumulate too many, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to use them up – just work later if go in later…

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    oh so hard @kjpeche – all you can do is be there, but it is the most important thing of all. Many hugs for you both xxx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    wow I am super excited for you! Photos, photos and more photos……!! xx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    @truthangel I just want to honour you for your post. Yes, the need for belonging is hardwired into our DNA and the repercussions of not having that throughout our childhood are massive. You see this so clearly, but I know it what it is like to understand something intellectually, but still have it fuck over your emotions. Its a process, and something I’ve been taking on head on for a few years now and I just wanted to tell you that YES there is light at the end of the tunnel! for me, the journey to loving myself enough to treat myself well regardless of the past, or of how people treated me in the now, was also the journey to stopping addictive patterns. Joy is entirely possible, believe in yourself babe!! xx

    • Thank you @Trace for your inspiration. I want to get to that place of loving myself. I carry a lot of kilos to protect myself from getting intimately involved with anyone because love scares me. It only means pain for me. I know intellectually the importance of self love but emotionally I can’t get there even though I want to. I know I have been very violent to myself emotionally and once in the blue moon physically. I will have to up my therapy to weekly instead of fortnight and be in it for the long haul instead of 10 to 20 weeks.

  • Trace posted an update 3 months ago

    I thought being AF would also fix a lot of my aimless scrolling of social media habit – endlessly researching stuff that is interesting and not important – but I don’t think I am getting any more disciplined around this! I lose a lot of time, and a lot of things don’t get done, because I’ll sit down with my computer and before you know it its time for bed. Had a very unproductive day today which has put pressure on tomorrow, and means working the weekend. Talk about my own worst enemy! Finished reading a Russell Brand book recently and am recognising I’m letting social media fill the same roll that drinking did – i.e. the good old ‘switch off and don’t get to the hard tasks’ routine. On that note, I better turn this computer off and get some stuff done. Night all. Remember, nobody EVER woke up thinking “yippee, what a beautiful day for a hangover! Can’t wait to spend the day full of remorse feeling bloated and revolting!”.

    • Too true ❤️

    • It’s pretty easy getting hooked into the internet/social media, isn’t it. I have a heap of jobs to do, so I’m allowing myself to surf with my coffee, and then back to mucking out the house!

    • I am always jolted by the instagram yoga message – or maybe FB, stop scrolling and roll out your mat. Such a great idea …
      I just ordered The Shallows from Fishpond, I think a good inspiring writer on the subject may be good – and good for my new job if parents are concerned, or hooked themselves. Apparently the number 1 thing kids say they dislike about parents, is that they are on their phones too much.
      Happy Friday XXXXX

    • Oh this is sooo me! Amazing how much time scrolling can waste!

    • @trace I read this when you posted, but was on my phone and couldn’t be bothered trying to write one of my many long winded messages on the phone – so finally, here I am with my two pennies. I too, am very conscious that I spend too much time online (whether it is social media, ‘researching’ or just flicking around whatever, but remember we are allowed some pleasures in life. Just because we are AF doesn’t mean we are perfect. Are you worried about your personal use time or working too much – I think it is hard when you work from home as well as in the workplace not to get sidetracked thinking about all of those interesting things we can find, once we start scrolling!! Anyway, one thing I remember reading about was that sometimes we make ourselves feel guilty for wasting time, e.g. if I sit/lie down in the middle of the day and read as an adult, I can hear a voice in my head telling me I am lazy and should be doing other stuff. But why is that? What is so bad about reading? When our kids are young, we are proud that they read, and think of it as a good thing, so why is it that when we do it we tell ourselves off. Anyway, I know my biggest time wasting is relooking at instagram or facebook or living sober repeatedly in a day – now that is just plain stupidity, as I really don’t need to know what someone else is doing every minute of the day. I think you are just a naturally curious person, so I can imagine you are reading all sorts of wonderful things – as well as the Daily Mail. I am about to start reading Educated by Tara Westover – have you heard of it? I’ll let you know what I think, but I would guess you might find it interesting.

  • Trace posted an update 3 months ago

    Great article in the latest Listener about addiction!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Ah how I miss that view, and I can picture Akaroa in all its Autumn glory. Beyond beautiful! I say get your travel agent to do all the running around for you, then you’ve got someone else to blame lol πŸ™‚ Sounds like you are doing some really great planning, I think if your gut is saying take the easier road, then its time to take the easier road Have an awesome day!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    so bloody awesome @morgan! I’m definitely needing to get over my ‘foggy’ brain. I guess my poor brain has been like a sponge, marinating in sauvignon blanc, for far too long. Going to take a while to ‘wring it out’ I guess! I think the sugar thing helps too, you’ve inspired me, must go back to my healthy eating habits! xoxo

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Geez this is a tough one @NoJudge. I wasn’t allowed to drink, strict parents, but started drinking (always to excess) behind their backs at 14 and I was probably hooked pretty early on, setting off a lifetime of struggle. My husband was allowed one or two from a young age, then to drink sensibly etc, went to parties but wasn’t hugely social so more in uni – he doesn’t have a drinking problem (well, he drinks, but can take it or leave it). I have two teens, the older one drinks. He left it later than a lot of kids, was about 17. The younger, now 16, doesn’t. But the reality is at a certain age we only have power of persuasion. My boys know my preference is that they don’t. A lot of my (and their) peers think drinking is normal and that attitude is pervasive. So what do we do? I really don’t know. The drinking culture here (NZ) is a real challenge. Fries my brain thinking about it. I did take the stance (and lost some friends over it) that I didn’t have to accept the normalisation of teenage drinking / drinking in general, and that I would talk openly with my kids about the effects on me and why I thought it was bad…

    • The drinking culture here in Canada is a challenge too @trace . I went out last weekend with friends we usually get pretty wasted with, and my friend gave me such a hard time. Teasing me non-stop and I was FINE having my little “mocktail” — I was more annoyed with her lack of acceptance of me not drinking.

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    well we get you @janus2 – sleep well, sleep v important as you well know! Hokitaki sounds really lovely, just go with it, and go with the bag too lol. You’re no dumbarse, you’re a beaut xx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Ooh max weber @riseup2015 sounds like I have a lot of books she’d like!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Not everybody is going to ‘get it’ and understand @safeandsound – and not everybody is capable of forgiveness – that bit is about them and their journey and you have no control over it. Totally sucks, but the situation isn’t set in concrete. From my experience, the best that can be done is to just put some space around it – drop all expectations of what you would like from them and DEFINITELY what you think you ‘need’ from them. Park it, in other words, and get on with the business of building your best life and controlling the things that you can. Massive congrats to hubby, awesome!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    @Prudence I’m going to stick my neck on the line and say you will LOVE it -and I can totally see you losing yourself in travel over the coming decade – hope to join you in one or two excursions, that is going on my (growing) bucket list! I think travelling solo will be surprisingly empowering and not having to juggle somebody elses agenda will be refreshing. Guarantee you will come home with a notebook full of contact details of new friends. I was surprised in France at the number of people who didn’t speak french, even young people in Paris, although there are loads that do so you will be fine! I found there was some resistance from french people to speaking english to me (they would pretend they couldn’t) until I let them know I was from Nouvelle Zelande (they love the All Blacks btw) and not England! In contrast, I found the Italians fell over themselves to be friendly even if they didn’t speak english. Gestures worked well in both countries. Only time in Europe I was at a loss was booking an air bnb over the telephone to somebody who spoke only spanish, and with my zero spanish skills. Somehow we got there. No idea how. Divine intervention?

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    that now right there is some power packed thinking @Mari135! I too have an inner teenager – she’s distrusting, shy but brash at the same time, thinks everybody else has been given ‘the code’ on life and she’s trying to muddle through without people noticing she doesn’t know what she is doing…have a great day and you too @timidwarrior, so awesome you are working this through with your therapist, maybe pass on anything that you think is awesome wisdom for the rest of us πŸ˜‰ xoxo

    • Hey @trace that’s a great description of me. Seems people are never too old to be influenced by their inner teenager! I hadn’t thought of it that way before @mari135 plus I identify with imposter syndrome lots! Yes thank you for your wisdom!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    I can understand your feeling of lost trust in people @tipsytoegal – but please don’t let this one f*&(&d up man ‘win’. It might be that isolation is what your heart truly desires but I’m uncertain if that is ever the answer for anything. I’m hoping his abuse of you finishes now – and that you don’t let him put his sticky claws into your future by letting the past (that he was in) dictate your future (which he most definitely isn’t). Much love to you xx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    have a great day @enzedgirl and thanks for your organisation skills – looking forward to chats about your new work!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    @morgan that’s true, I’m not often bored by people,in fact I’m mostly curious and in case you didn’t notice I have an unfortunate tendency to want to get behind people’s masks and see the ‘real’ – I think I do get bored – or is it frustrated? – with peoples masks. And I get terribly bored with myself at times! Oh, and I was one of those scoffed at weird uncool kids at school, I just didn’t understand the ‘code’! Bullied for being different and a nerd so I tried fucked up party girl instead lol!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    you too @Oceania!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    hell no @morgan! Not a single boring as batshit type there!

    • Hahaha – well that says a great deal about you actually. I own it, and don’t mind, though sometimes the scoffing from the ‘cool’ people can bring back the school day rejections or criticisms. Interesting what arises in groups. However, as a listener, I doubt you are bored with people often? or does it bring it on, the stories and self obsessions I mean?:) πŸ™‚ πŸ™

  • Trace posted an update 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hard to express what the weekend away with LS peeps has given me. I don’t mean to give anybody a case of FOMO, but instead to encourage you to muck in and find your tribe. I was nervous as all f*(& and even said to somebody, in a fit of honesty, that if I hadn’t booked air tickets i.e. if it was local, I’m not 100% sure I would have turned up. NOT because I’m flakey (ok, maybe a bit flakey) but because this felt damn scary. What if I discover that I don’t get on with anybody? What if they don’t like me in the flesh? What if they are all as boring as batshit and I end up thinking that sobriety is for nerds? What if I know one of them from a past life, will I feel shame at being there? What if….what if….what if they judge me? What if they don’t because they can’t be arsed even doing that? What if I’m too different? What if I’m not good enough? (OK, yes, I overthink things!).
    It was ….amazing. It was easy, and fluid…it was like coming home. Acceptance, laughter, deep-dive talking, sharing, understanding, laughter, music, more laughter, buckets of cheese, shared breakfasts, loads of love.
    Thanks @prudence for sharing your beautiful home and your even more beautiful heart. Bit of a trailblazer you are, who would have thought??

    • Sharing my home is so easy @Trace, I built it for friends and family, not just for me. So so So glad you came, I felt like I’d always known you as soon as I saw you, you are real comfy like a loved soft toy. I too got so much from the weekend, meeting you and @Rise2015 was such fun and seeing everyone else again, and not needing anything at all from each other except to just be ourselves, it’s a beautiful thing xoxo

    • Amazing post @trace , so well put , so stoked to meet you xx

    • Aw, beautiful to read this @trace, so pleased for you. It’s just so damn special. Prudence is truly an incomparable hostess, yes? Even though I’m an exaggertarius I don’t think that’s anything but the plain truth.

    • Loved meeting you! and though I am one of the boring as batshit types, you were so gracious ❤️💖😚

      • hell no @morgan! Not a single boring as batshit type there!

        • Hahaha – well that says a great deal about you actually. I own it, and don’t mind, though sometimes the scoffing from the ‘cool’ people can bring back the school day rejections or criticisms. Interesting what arises in groups. However, as a listener, I doubt you are bored with people often? or does it bring it on, the stories and self obsessions I mean?:) πŸ™‚ πŸ™

    • Beautiful post! I am really hoping to make the next one whenever and wherever it is!!!

    • oxxoxox Ohhhh I am just so glad you all got to get together!!!

    • @morgan that’s true, I’m not often bored by people,in fact I’m mostly curious and in case you didn’t notice I have an unfortunate tendency to want to get behind people’s masks and see the ‘real’ – I think I do get bored – or is it frustrated? – with peoples masks. And I get terribly bored with myself at times! Oh, and I was one of those scoffed at weird uncool kids at school, I just didn’t understand the ‘code’! Bullied for being different and a nerd so I tried fucked up party girl instead lol!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    I’ll say it again @rise2015 I just LOVED talking and hanging with you – within a very short time I felt like I had known you all my life. You’re awesome, with a capital O but I’m definitely not going to say anything about you being ‘strong’ etc etc coz I know if I do next time you are going to thump me and thump me hard! You are very gracious too btw, coz I know you have different politics in some areas and you didn’t get at all grumpy with us rattling on…I love the top you helped me buy, and I especially loved our quiet enjoyment at the ATM of the anti-Aucklander sentiment expressed by the top-of-the-North-Island tourists standing behind us…maybe there is such a thing as an Auckland aura? Who knows. How are you going with the c*&^ homework following our impromptu workshops? πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • Thank you @Trace, and ditto to you. Great how a westie and a southsider can have so much to talk about! Had to laugh when I got home I found my girl reading a book on sociology by Max Weber and thought of you. Got her to do the fingers thing and she did it no sweat – also, mentioned something to her about Gate when I said about the fingers thing, and she says – oh yeah I was in that at Alfriston (this parent didn’t even know…) – oh boy.

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    @scared SO great to meet you!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    @janus2 I just loved meeting you, but next time I’m gonna make sure we talk a bit more! I’m so glad somebody else walks into glass doors its kinda one of my specialties, nearly did it this time around too. I have to admit you weren’t completely how I’d imagined you…you are even better in the flesh….

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    wow @dreamer88 that is quite a dream – and I’m going to tuck that image away in my mind because it is very freaking powerful!!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    love it!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    I’m about to go into a cheese coma…… πŸ˜‰

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    when I say ‘poem’ I mean the totally non-rhyming version πŸ™‚

  • Trace posted an update 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    So here’s a little poem I wrote a while ago. I’m hoping it kind of captures the cycle of both of sadness/failure and strength – and of the need for self-love to be able to triumph – that are really just part of the human condition…

    I will be stubborn
    and love myself anyway.
    When I fall
    – and I will –
    I will not stay clutching the dank dark mud beneath my hands
    but will stand again
    – no matter how slowly –
    and wash my hands with my own grace.

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    Bang on, in my case, @Flourishing. “that people will love me”…that they will stay around, that there is such a thing as unconditional love … my early life was littered with people who left. It leaves wounds for sure. And yeah, I can look back and see the tracks I’ve made in life…all trying to avoid rejection (or avoid feeling the pain of what I felt would be inevitable rejection) or trying to find love in all the wrong places….what a shambles!!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    from @prudence I think? “give the piss a miss and find your bliss”…

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    hi @Begoodtomyself what a long road this has been for you, thinking back through it I would just like you to hold as a truth that you did all you could on your side of the street – and in my opinion, much much more than you had responsibility for. While this decision would not have come easy for you , I have to say I am so happy to see you taking a stand for you. You came through for yourself, regardless of what happens going forward, you drew a line that states your worth and that is gold. Big hugs xoxoxo

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    oh @Ellislou what a difficult road to be on for the both of you. xoxo

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    ah good morning my friend! Doesn’t matter about the falling down, just the getting back up! Great to hear from ya, have a great day @reginald and keep posting, no matter where you are at!

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    hi @Agirl – it was over a lengthy period of time, so I’ll just try to pick out the key things that stick in my mind! And these are in no particular order either. Although first, I had to decide what were the deal breakers for me and what weren’t…by this time I was upset / angry at everything and I had to sift to discover what the real issues were. Lack of real connection of course was the guts of it – which led to: no fun in the relationship, no sharing, not feeling like my partner ‘had my back’, etc. I felt like he didn’t actually care at all, which wasn’t right as it turns out. Dealbreakers included him bringing up certain things or saying certain things to hurt me, weapons he had used in the past, that I could no longer tolerate. A favourite game was to drive me into an emotional mess and then pull out the ‘hysterical’ card. Belittling my emotions, or ignoring them, the list goes on now that I think of it! Also using the kids in any way to get back at me for how he felt. Also, I decided I couldn’t continue running on 10% of what I thought a relationship could be and that I would be willing to leave if things couldn’t change, but I must be stubborn because even though everything in our history told me we were stuffed, I held hope anyway (not all the time, just enough of the time). The big turning point with him, was when I managed to put what was missing into language he understood (actually I think I used a youtube clip at one point) – at the same time as disrupting the story he was telling himself about our relationship. And that story, that he had always held, was that I was always going to leave him anyway. He’d managed to hold that for nearly 25 years! So things would get bad between us, and deep down he would be going “oh yeah, well you’re just going to leave” and so he’d become a right a-hole in ‘defense’ and become emotionally unavailable and I’d feel unheard and then angry and around and around we would go…I can still remember the…[Read more]

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    haha angsty teen garbage I can fully relate to…but also the sweetness of them wanting to crawl back into the safety of the circle of mama love after they’ve been turfed out of it! (more to the point, after they’ve stormed out of it!) My boy is very loving deep down – sometimes VERY deep down and the utter shite that comes out of his arguing little mouth all wrapped up in snippy tone aagghhh..don’t be upset about calling yours an a*hole I have said a LOT worse and I am largely unrepentant about it! Seriously, if we were in a plane crash we would probably bicker all the way down about who’s fault it was…….gotta laugh! Hugs to you, well done xoxo

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    hey @reginald I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, and sounds like with other hard stuff going on too. Really feel for you, big big hugs – yeah hangovers suck, no two ways about it! xoxo

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    hey @mysticmama if you’d asked me two years ago I would have said there was no way my OH and I would be together now – decades of brushing stuff under the carpet, of disconnection, of feeling alone and then resentful and then – on my part – to criticism and bitterness. Some nights I would find myself lying in bed so resentful he could sleep while I was filled with a weird mix of grief / rage – lets call it grage! – that I found myself physically wanting to punch him. Dark days, really. I know not everybody can turn things around, but we did – it was ugly at times and it took such hard work to even get OH to recognise what I could see (he would have trundled on as we were if he could) – and then for both of us to own our side, but we got there and we are both grateful we did because the relationship we had before was unsustainable, and now, well, I wish we had done this decades ago. I am still amazed where could go from ‘that place’ to where we are now. So I guess I’m saying that yes – change, BIG change is possible, a long road and a worthwhile one. @enzedgirl I’m sorry to hear you are going through pain with this – for what its worth I’m happy to share what I think moved things for us? xoxo

    • That is so lovely to hear Trace – and also that the moment at work kinda passed, though obviously yesterday wasn’t an on-top-of-the-world one (and hell, of course we want some to pass – midfully want it of course! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ )
      Does a lot in a marriage depend on the age of the children? How old are yours @mysticmama? This may be the young-children-take-most-of-energy-and-focus-time @enzedgirl. Quite remarkable upswings in relationships happen after they get a bit more independent, and certainly when they leave – make or break time is then – often.
      And it may be completely unhelpful, but do remember all those alone, struggling, no one to ever do a pile of washing or dishes let alone transport the children or put out the rubbish. That is terribly lonely and very, very hard.

    • Yes @Trace, lovely to hear and full of hope! My kids are older now, which is probably why I’m finally ready to look at this stuff. Before that it was just survival and then denial and then avoidance. I like that term “grage”!

    • That’s really inspiring @trace. (See my post above). What did you do to change this??? Grage is IT exactly! Often fuelled by alcohol…

      • hi @Agirl – it was over a lengthy period of time, so I’ll just try to pick out the key things that stick in my mind! And these are in no particular order either. Although first, I had to decide what were the deal breakers for me and what weren’t…by this time I was upset / angry at everything and I had to sift to discover what the real issues were. Lack of real connection of course was the guts of it – which led to: no fun in the relationship, no sharing, not feeling like my partner ‘had my back’, etc. I felt like he didn’t actually care at all, which wasn’t right as it turns out. Dealbreakers included him bringing up certain things or saying certain things to hurt me, weapons he had used in the past, that I could no longer tolerate. A favourite game was to drive me into an emotional mess and then pull out the ‘hysterical’ card. Belittling my emotions, or ignoring them, the list goes on now that I think of it! Also using the kids in any way to get back at me for how he felt. Also, I decided I couldn’t continue running on 10% of what I thought a relationship could be and that I would be willing to leave if things couldn’t change, but I must be stubborn because even though everything in our history told me we were stuffed, I held hope anyway (not all the time, just enough of the time). The big turning point with him, was when I managed to put what was missing into language he understood (actually I think I used a youtube clip at one point) – at the same time as disrupting the story he was telling himself about our relationship. And that story, that he had always held, was that I was always going to leave him anyway. He’d managed to hold that for nearly 25 years! So things would get bad between us, and deep down he would be going “oh yeah, well you’re just going to leave” and so he’d become a right a-hole in ‘defense’ and become emotionally unavailable and I’d feel unheard and then angry and around and around we would go…I can still remember the…[Read more]

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    hi lovely ladies @Liberty and @morgan – I had a little moment at work where I thought I couldn’t actually do the day, but it passed and then I was busy and here we are. My son was having an awfully hard day last week and I said to him “well, sometimes the best thing that can be said for a day is that you know for sure it is going to come to an end – you’ll get it through it, even if it sucks”. Hahaha. Not sure if he took that as sympathetic or callous. Although it is such a shame to wish away any day, really. I do know that. Just felt knocked off my feet and sad. I feel like I’ve needed a really really good hug and a wee cry / laugh for quite a while now and haven’t managed it. Shouldn’t be surprised just a lot of emotional things in a short space of time – and an unexpected text message from the friend I lost? left? fell out with last year which was banal but which stirred up a bunch of feelings. I really wish she hadn’t done that, its weeks like last week where you feel the loss of close relationships very keenly. BUT as far as lows go, it wasn’t as low as some of the doozies I struggled with last year. Not by a long shot. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t have this place to connect and these incredible cyber relationships and access to chick-wisdom – good lord doesn’t bear thinking about! Thank you so much for the shout out, means a lot. Hope your Monday was a good one? Love and hugs to you both xoxo

    • Sometimes I feel my emotional self like a jar with a whole layer of sediment and when things stir up the sediment all this stuff just swirls around me. Eventually it settles again. Don’t know how far I can extend that metaphor…your text from friend reminded me of how I’d feel in that situation. Stirred up. Damn annoying how hard it is to have a laugh/cry at times @trace. I’m watching Man Like Mobeen on Netflix which is gentle humour and quite fit for now.
      Well maybe it’s a shame to wish a day away but hey we’re not saints and I don’t have the energy for that! I’m off work today to help a friend with something and even though that will be grim it’s still better than going to work….speaks volumes. Love and hugs back xxx

  • Trace posted an update 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    hey @reginald how you going buddy?

    • Hey, how are you Trace? How was your day? XXXXXXX

    • I just came on to ask the same Q- how are you doing lovely @trace?

      • hi lovely ladies @Liberty and @morgan – I had a little moment at work where I thought I couldn’t actually do the day, but it passed and then I was busy and here we are. My son was having an awfully hard day last week and I said to him “well, sometimes the best thing that can be said for a day is that you know for sure it is going to come to an end – you’ll get it through it, even if it sucks”. Hahaha. Not sure if he took that as sympathetic or callous. Although it is such a shame to wish away any day, really. I do know that. Just felt knocked off my feet and sad. I feel like I’ve needed a really really good hug and a wee cry / laugh for quite a while now and haven’t managed it. Shouldn’t be surprised just a lot of emotional things in a short space of time – and an unexpected text message from the friend I lost? left? fell out with last year which was banal but which stirred up a bunch of feelings. I really wish she hadn’t done that, its weeks like last week where you feel the loss of close relationships very keenly. BUT as far as lows go, it wasn’t as low as some of the doozies I struggled with last year. Not by a long shot. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t have this place to connect and these incredible cyber relationships and access to chick-wisdom – good lord doesn’t bear thinking about! Thank you so much for the shout out, means a lot. Hope your Monday was a good one? Love and hugs to you both xoxo

        • Sometimes I feel my emotional self like a jar with a whole layer of sediment and when things stir up the sediment all this stuff just swirls around me. Eventually it settles again. Don’t know how far I can extend that metaphor…your text from friend reminded me of how I’d feel in that situation. Stirred up. Damn annoying how hard it is to have a laugh/cry at times @trace. I’m watching Man Like Mobeen on Netflix which is gentle humour and quite fit for now.
          Well maybe it’s a shame to wish a day away but hey we’re not saints and I don’t have the energy for that! I’m off work today to help a friend with something and even though that will be grim it’s still better than going to work….speaks volumes. Love and hugs back xxx

  • Trace posted an update 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    OK, I’m writing and deleting posts and this is stupid. I’m reaching out, struggling at the moment and its kind of come to a head as I start a new week and I’m out of happy juice or coping juice or whatever it is I need. I need a really big hug right now. Feel on the verge of tears with a sense of anxiety hanging around too. I guess just at end of tether without realising it. Dear Universe, please send us all what we need today. Hugs, conversations, whatever it is we need to refuel our tanks and fall back in love with life! xxx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    @Kerryjean47 sometimes being lost is the feeling you get when you’ve had the past prised from your hands, but you can’t see the future yet. Not that it isn’t there, just that its not visible. All you have is the present, and you can handle that one small moment at a time. I can’t imagine the strength you are having to pull on right now, I am in awe of what it is taking for you to get through each small moment. Don’t underestimate yourself. You’re doing this. Keep checking in – much love xx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    @Liberty, most of this week I’ve felt raw, skinless. Like there is a deep well of grief, and while I’m not dipping my toes into it all day, the times when I do (unbidden, anywhere, anytime) are so….hard to explain….deep. Deep and dragging. I wonder too about the super moon, following somebodies comment about it. Although it doesn’t make sense, along with the hypersensitivity at moments, came a feeling I haven’t had for ages. Yesterday I hit a kind of weird flatness – like somebody snuffed out my personality or pulled the rug away from under my feet. And I could feel it happen, I could articulate it to myself. I spent the day at work trying to put a mask over it but I could tell my work mates were perplexed – I’d normally be known as the smiley chirrupy one but yesterday I had very little to give. I found it hard to care. And then, of course, along with that, came the creeping old thoughts – the negativity about who I am and all that, ALL of that yuck heavy weight. I’m reading Russell Brand at the moment and that is pulling me out. I’m also aware I’ve done zip self care this week and when I look in the mirror I look like someone not doing self care! It is really hard navigating this week, I hear you, and I wish I could have a long deep cry and empty some of this well, instead of it just leaking unplanned and having to be hidden away because it feels inappropriate. I’m not really a girly girl so I find tears difficult (apart from angry tears, do those much better)…anyway, what a ramble this is….much love to you, none of us are alone in this, and everything and anything we are feeling is appropriate xx

    • It’s such a relief to know others are feeling this way too @trace (not that I’d wish this on anyone); you’ve articulated it so well esp that flat feeling. When we most need self-care is when it’s hardest to do or really feel I find…. which is tricky. Much love to you too. xxx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    hi @reena thank you for your hugs and love – not much to say really, devastating

  • Trace posted an update 4 months ago

    Morning all – haven’t been on here a bit too busy and while this has been good on the one hand, on the other I can feel a couple of the wheels beginning to wobble. And so while I should have been up and out of the house quite a while ago I’m not. I’m working on my laptop instead and I’ll go into office late. Such a rebel. @Liberty the weirdest thing happened the other day when I logged in briefly – somehow this site took me to that conversation we had about friendships months and months ago – and what a gorgeous illuminating and healing conversation it was. Seriously, I don’t even know how I landed there as I’d just logged in and wasn’t surfing the site or anything. THEN today I came across the Talk Talk song you posted a wee bit back – took me right back to my young 20s I adored Talk Talk, introduced to me by my now husband. I had forgotten how much he loved music, and how much he influenced my music tastes. I think I will hang onto that song for a bit, because yes, Life is totally what you make it – lemons / lemonade etc etc. Anyhoo I hope you are well my friend. Your loving wisdom has been a big influence on my mental health over the last few years, along with a fair few lovelies on here! xxx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    I adore my boys @delgirl68 – but there is no doubt it is sometimes easier to adore them when they aren’t around! Honestly, years of trying to get them to tidy up, or even notice something like…um…eight damp festering towels on their floor….does my head in. I turn into a psycho (their words hahaha). The only thing I take comfort in is the fact that every other parent of boys I talk to feels the same …. xx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    ug, the waiting game, hate it! Hang in there @enzedgirl! xx

  • Trace posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    hey @seedynomore – woke up with morning and decided to stalk you lol. Any chance you could come to Taka? I’m gonna try to get flights….

  • Trace posted an update 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Ug…woke up feeling exhausted and found self wondering what I’d had to drink last night, with that ‘oh why did I do that’ feeling…and ‘oh shit, it must have been bad coz I can’t even remember what I was drinking’…..and then – oh, yeah, nothing hahahahaha. Just a groggy morning. Cannot believe how quickly the weather has cooled here. Its a bit sad, Summer was fabulous and long and hot and then BOOM can feel the end is nigh. That autumnal tinge in the air. Have a great day all. xx

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