• Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 12 hours ago

    Thanks, lady. I’ve been thinking about you lately, looked you up a few times. It seems our presence here has evolved some. Wasn’t this the year of your family milestone birthdays, including yours? Don’t recall how that turned out. I expect your shoulder’s healed, you and your husband are growing accustomed to your retirement, and I still say forever while you still say just for today. Fond memories of you and our “early U.S. group”. Mostly still here, just not as much, it seems.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 13 hours ago

    And vice-versa.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 13 hours ago

    I know what you mean, Robyn. And true that we do it primarily for ourselves, but it feels good knowing that it benefits those close to us.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 13 hours ago

    Must confess I have my eye on that 1,000….pretty cool number. But hey, it can wait, don’t want to wish my life away. It’ll get here all too soon.

  • Tom4500 posted an update 3 days, 3 hours ago

    So I used to stay up way too late drinking, and then when I went AF the bedtime got closer to “normal”. Now at day 924, it seems to be creeping back to later….not as late as before, and without music blaring and such, of course. As a result, the thought creeps in that maybe I’m just a night owl that needed something to do while staying up too late, so I drank…and I’m not a functional alcoholic, I’m a night owl. We have tricky brains. The notion that I didn’t have a drinking problem is just not supported by the many hard facts. So many that I won’t list them all, but I get back to it being important to remember how bad off we were, only for the reason of staving off the crazy ideas of our addictive brains. You see, I shouldn’t start drinking again. I should start going to bed earlier. Have a great AF day everybody, happy Father’s Day to the U.S. dads…..is it Fathers Day elsewhere?…..Sandy’s still camping with her friend Darcy, and I think she feels a tiny bit bad about the trip having been scheduled to have her away today. I’ll call her. Two granddaughters in my care today, I’m supposed to help them cook me a father’s day breakfast, I think. They’re sleeping in. DIL was overnight with them, and left for her shift at the hospital at about 6:30 AM. Okay, I hear footsteps and voices upstairs, better go. Here they come.

    • @tom4500… Happy Father’s day to you from me.. my dad passed away many years ago when I was 4 years old.. I know that tricky brain only to well.. it needs shutting up once and for all.. you’ve got your head around this … amazing man.. enjoy your breakfast. xx

    • Happy Father’s Day! My son stays up late and I drank late to counteract the necessity of staying up with him. Thats when I got really worried-drinking at 1 a.m. and wanting to continue. Enjoy your breakfast!

    • Happy Fathers Day @tom4500, funny how the brain can trick you into thinking crazy stuff. Congratulations on the 924 days, a 1000 is just at the end of summer!

      • Must confess I have my eye on that 1,000….pretty cool number. But hey, it can wait, don’t want to wish my life away. It’ll get here all too soon.

    • Happy Fathers Day @tom4500! Such a.nice thing to think about sober you and those wonderful grand kids. No harm in us taking some.minutes to think how our sobriety is changing our world:). A small thing with great ripple effects. Well,no small thing for us, but you know what I mean.

      • I know what you mean, Robyn. And true that we do it primarily for ourselves, but it feels good knowing that it benefits those close to us.

    • Happy Father’s Day @tom4500 ! enjoy those grandkids, they are so lucky to have you!

    • Happy Father’s Day Tome4500, your family is lucky to have you! Enjoy your day!

      • Thanks, lady. I’ve been thinking about you lately, looked you up a few times. It seems our presence here has evolved some. Wasn’t this the year of your family milestone birthdays, including yours? Don’t recall how that turned out. I expect your shoulder’s healed, you and your husband are growing accustomed to your retirement, and I still say forever while you still say just for today. Fond memories of you and our “early U.S. group”. Mostly still here, just not as much, it seems.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    I’m doing pretty good, getting fatter & older, but there’s a lot of that going around. I’m mostly happy! My golf game still stinks, but since I don’t play much, I can’t complain. Working a little less now, trying to get retired, but it’s complicated….can’t just hand in my resignation, or so it seems. Watching the grandchildren grow. Some vacations on the horizon, we bought a travel trailer. I’m still in this forum several times a week.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 5 days ago

    Wow Lucy’s back! That just brightened up my lunchtime. Lots of us still around, some just check in every now and then. You know, you are mentioned around here from time to time. You’ve been missed. Sorry you’re in a low spot, and I won’t trivialize it because this is serious business. But it is so good to see you back!

    • Hi Tom… I was thinking about you today and how you were doing… it’s good to be back.. here we go again I’m trying to stay positive xx

      • I’m doing pretty good, getting fatter & older, but there’s a lot of that going around. I’m mostly happy! My golf game still stinks, but since I don’t play much, I can’t complain. Working a little less now, trying to get retired, but it’s complicated….can’t just hand in my resignation, or so it seems. Watching the grandchildren grow. Some vacations on the horizon, we bought a travel trailer. I’m still in this forum several times a week.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 5 days ago

    The “day 55” caught my eye, as I joined on here at about the two month mark. Nobody should have to do this alone when it helps so much to have the support of others who are on the same road. I can also relate to the medical “chain of circumstances”, as I am trying to exercise to lose weight, but my hips become uncomfortable, and of course more weight leads to to uncomfortable hips. But, this is about you joining, and that’s a good thing for us all, so welcome, and well done on the 55 days! May you thrive.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Those freakin marshmallow Easter eggs, always a devastating sugar binge trigger!! 1952 days is pretty awesome; in 110 days I’ll be at half your number. It’s nice having another 100 be a given, when that first couple of hundred seemed like such a dream. Day 921.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Reading “getting sober books” was a big help to me early on. I’m not normally a frequent book reader, but it kept me busy in the evenings and kept my head turned in the right direction. Two of my favorites were “Blackout” by Sarah Hepola, and “Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety” by Sacha Scoblic. They share their dark stories, and then their escape from alcoholism.

    • I loved “Blackout,” and will try “Unwasted” soon, thank you! I agree, reading helps SO much. Also recommend “Drinking: A Love Story” by Caroline Knapp. I read it years ago, but might try it again, now that I am actually doing this…

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    See you then JJR.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    I like your reply, @jm

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Welcome, Janny.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    That’s right, it isn’t always easy. I guess that’s why they call it “recovery” instead of “vacation”. 250 days for you already, wow. Nice milestone, and congrats! And hey, it might not always be easy, but it sure beats being stupid drunk and hung over all the time.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Sounds exciting. I go on dates too, with that lady on my left. But pretty much, after 40 years, we know what to expect. Hope you have a good time, and whoever it is, I hope they aren’t a drinker. That might not be the best match. But what the heck, it’s just a first date. Happy for you!

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Well said, Lightness. Congrats on the 3/4 year.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Wow, decided to get on here for a few minutes before bed, and I’m glad I did, because I sure wouldn’t want to miss congratulating you on this milestone. I hope you celebrated. Every sober day is a great day, true enough, but looking back on it all at day 1,000…your presence here has helped many people, freedom, myself included. Hope the family is well. Is the household a little more crowded for the summer?

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    @eschia, yes, let’s keep those days way in the past.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Hi, @iowadawn. I read a post about you being in TN for at least part of the summer; really happy for you. Nice to see your name pop up here, my friend.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Oh geez, there she is! Okay, cancel my shout-out.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Nice shout out to @buckeyeone, Winner. I’ll add my name to that. I think they should be out of school for the summer………..

    • @Tom4500, you are so right! I have plenty of me time to work on not drinking and self-improvement. It is quite a project I have been engaging in to stay on the right path and discover who I really am without the poisons. Upwards and onward!

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I was a little surprised that you were already at 324 days! So congrats on that, seems to me like you just got here. Isn’t that crazy? I’ve thought about that, the legacy issue….I would say, don’t think about it! Live for those around you now. What would most people like to have you leave behind? Money! Lol sorry, had to say that. Might be some truth in it, though.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Well done on getting to ten days. The body goes through a lot in those first ten days, so in some ways, they are the toughest. These next ten days should be much better for you.

  • Tom4500 posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    Sandy’s off on her annual week-long camping trip with her friend Darcy, while I try to get some loose ends tied up to prepare for our own vacations. Home alone is an old trigger that like others, I’ll give no traction to. We have a weekend reunion at Wisconsin Dells, and I suspect the place I rented will be party headquarters. Hope they aren’t put off by my not drinking, but if they are, tough. Then the next weekend we take the travel trailer east, and plan to get as far as Bar Harbor, Maine before turning back. That will be the first extended trip in the travel trailer, about 16 days. The lease ran out on my 1500 Silverado, and I bought a 2015 Ram 3/4 ton diesel pickup, so I can now pull that trailer through the Rockies, if I so desire. All partially finances by not drinking, you could say…as my dollar counter now exceeds $7,000. I’m not into being AF for the money, but it is a nice little side benefit. And that’s about all I know. Hope you all have a great AF day!!

    • Sounds like you will be busy planning and preparing for your trip so you won’t be triggered. Your trip sounds great fun and best of all remembered. So much money saved @tom4500
      Congratulations.

    • Ah yes, home alone was an old trigger for me as well. Now, it’s a bit of a treat. Wow, $7K by not drinking!! For whatever reason, on my way to work this am, I was thinking about how much money I would spend on booze, omg, so shameful and embarrassing. I’m so glad to have those days behind me.

    • Loving your updates!! Have so much fun on all those trips!
      oxoox

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    So you had a beloved cousin, sorry for that loss. The fact that you had a person you love gives your life great meaning, for doubtless they felt that love from you. Who are we? Good question. Sometimes, I think others could say who I am better than I could. I would advise, focus on others instead of yourself, because helping others makes us happy. And if we can say, “I am a happy person that has loved others”, then maybe that’s enough to get us through.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Just saw this, nice to see you again, JJR. So I read your post about hating drinking on Monday, but wondering why by Thursday…for me that was 8 AM and 5 PM. Apparently we have short term memory problems. They have a pill for that, it has some kind of jellyfish ingredient or something, but I can’t remember the name of it. How old are the children now?

    • Hi @tom4500, great to virtually see you again. And you as well @mari135. Kids are now 4 & 5 and are the best. Life is really fun and hectic but happy. I also didn’t realize you had checked in about me last year. I appreciate that very much. We moved out of state and through it all, just stopped coming to this site and I’ve missed it. I just got the kids down to bed since Momma had a church commitment tonight. No booze tonight so I guess I’ll be seeing yet another day 3.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Nice, Jocord. I like that vacation saying, somehow I hadn’t heard it before.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    My days 3 to 5 were the worst days, because I had a little detox going on. Your cells are used to having alcohol, and they are complaining. It’s the sort of thing that you only want to go through once, and in a day or so, that will very largely be behind you. In the meantime, tell yourself that no matter what else, you won’t drink.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    I have to smile reading your post, it is exciting and scary all in one. And, it’s very good for you. Push on, great things await.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Very nice, Judy, that first week is tough. That’s some very valuable sober time.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Very nice evening. That sort of evening feels much better sober.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    We have to be a little thick-skinned from time to time, when we walk AF among drinkers. I ordered a ginger ale at the club bar a few weeks ago, and that drew some “ginger ale?” comments from Pat and her friend, who aren’t out there often enough to know that I went AF. I was out there for a burger after club golf league. They meant no harm. They will tease a little though, people do. Ultimately, I’ll drink what I want, and if they don’t like it, then they can put it someplace really dark.

  • Tom4500 posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    Shout out to @kit…how are you doing?

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Well, those are urges caused by our addictive brains. The urges subside over time, but I suspect they never completely go away, so the defense is to build up resistance to them. I’m not sure it helps to….as so many people do…..call those urges the “wine witch”, because it puts them in a third person, and thus lessens our personal responsibility.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    And I know you’re not many days behind, Ro, and our friend @treehugger is a couple of days ahead of me. I just can’t seem to catch up to her.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Sandy and I liked it. Like you, we couldn’t understand all the words, but we followed it. The part before intermission we agreed was best. Glad I did it, once. Theater is okay, we have community theater here in Owosso. This was a bit pricey. Trying really hard not to be an accountant, here. No regrets. It was a lovely evening.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Well everybody’s different, @teenybronco, and yet we find many of us with striking similarities. You mentioned many attempts, so surely you’re convinced of the need. My day 1 began with a big hangover, and a realization that this had to stop, for good. It followed years of suspicion, that morphed into personal alcohol use study. All while the drinking escalated. That morning, I knew I had to stop for good, forever. And that is a form of scary; not the “guy is chasing me with a knife” scary, but more of a fear of losing my social way of life. My panacea. My pain killer. My evening silliness. Etc. But on the other hand, it was such a relief , an enormous relief, that it was over. So I decided that no matter what, I would never drink again. And I haven’t, and I’m at about day 912. It might seem like that’s very rare, but it isn’t. Many have that moment, our own Mrs. D did. And your previous attempts, I think you can equate them with my period of personal discovery. Your moment is coming. Early on, I kept busy in the evenings, I read getting sober books, and I went to bed early. There are hard and wonderful moments in early sobriety, so it helps to develop the glass half full mentality. (It’s really 2/3 full or more.) But once you decide to stop forever, it takes away a lot of the “should I or shouldn’t I, can I or can’t I”, type of stress. And you can get on with your sober life. So, there’s a tiny part of it. Hope that helps a little, you’re at the beginning of a wonderful journey, if you grasp it. You can, you know. Tens of thousands have.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Well done, kaydee, looks to me like you have a handle on this.

    • Thanks @tom4500. Sometimes I think so too but then I forget to keep alert for the wine witch when she comes calling and she catches me unaware. Crept up today actually.

      • Well, those are urges caused by our addictive brains. The urges subside over time, but I suspect they never completely go away, so the defense is to build up resistance to them. I’m not sure it helps to….as so many people do…..call those urges the “wine witch”, because it puts them in a third person, and thus lessens our personal responsibility.

      • I hear you @tom4500 but for me at the moment I think I’d like to blame a third party until I get a few more days under my belt. Got plenty of guilt and regret going on without adding extra. But I’m sure she’ll fade away and I can move on to being in control of my own urges. Thanks for sharing tho. I really appreciate your advice.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Very well done, Judy. Perhaps this is that time when you have that little talk with him and let him know that on the weekend, having one or two isn’t okay. Sounds like he senses it anyway. He sounds like a good guy.

  • Tom4500 posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    Busy week at work after taking a week off, and then 12 year old grandson’s baseball game, and before you know it, I had missed my 2 1/2 year milestone on June 4th. Maybe that’s a milestone in itself, the first time I miss a 1/2 year milestone. Sounds like like little kids ages, doesn’t it? Where you use the 1/2? Funny. Funny, but important. Anyway, we’ve treated ourselves enough lately anyway, so I’ll just brag a little here and call it good. Hope you all have a great AF day, and I’ll never drink again.

    • That’s amazing, Tom, well done! Sounds like your life has become so fulfilling, you don’t need to think about not drinking quite as much as before. I want to be where you are. Baby steps…committing to not drinking today, Day 3, after many attempts. But this time I’m doing it differently, reaching out for support, checking in, have a whole list of tools that I check off every day. Any insights from your position would be helpful!

      • Well everybody’s different, @teenybronco, and yet we find many of us with striking similarities. You mentioned many attempts, so surely you’re convinced of the need. My day 1 began with a big hangover, and a realization that this had to stop, for good. It followed years of suspicion, that morphed into personal alcohol use study. All while the drinking escalated. That morning, I knew I had to stop for good, forever. And that is a form of scary; not the “guy is chasing me with a knife” scary, but more of a fear of losing my social way of life. My panacea. My pain killer. My evening silliness. Etc. But on the other hand, it was such a relief , an enormous relief, that it was over. So I decided that no matter what, I would never drink again. And I haven’t, and I’m at about day 912. It might seem like that’s very rare, but it isn’t. Many have that moment, our own Mrs. D did. And your previous attempts, I think you can equate them with my period of personal discovery. Your moment is coming. Early on, I kept busy in the evenings, I read getting sober books, and I went to bed early. There are hard and wonderful moments in early sobriety, so it helps to develop the glass half full mentality. (It’s really 2/3 full or more.) But once you decide to stop forever, it takes away a lot of the “should I or shouldn’t I, can I or can’t I”, type of stress. And you can get on with your sober life. So, there’s a tiny part of it. Hope that helps a little, you’re at the beginning of a wonderful journey, if you grasp it. You can, you know. Tens of thousands have.

    • Hi @tom4500! How did you like Hamilton? It was different than what I thought it would be because I didn’t know the storyline. The music was too loud to hear the words but I enjoyed it for the most part. Congrats on 2 1/2 years!

      • Sandy and I liked it. Like you, we couldn’t understand all the words, but we followed it. The part before intermission we agreed was best. Glad I did it, once. Theater is okay, we have community theater here in Owosso. This was a bit pricey. Trying really hard not to be an accountant, here. No regrets. It was a lovely evening.

    • Hey @Tom4500, it’s great to be able to miss the milestones, it’s not the most important thing anymore 🙂 I’m amazed by that wonderful little sentence I’LL NEVER DRINK AGAIN, tears in my eyes!

    • Congrats on that milestone @tom4500 fantastic 💪

    • 2 1/2!!!!!!!!! oxoxoxox

    • Congratulations on 2 1/2 years! A big accomplishment!

    • congrats, @tom4500 – 2.5 years, congrats x 2.5. glad you have been enjoying yourself.

    • So happy for you friend!!

    • I think we are.pretty close.too, @tom4500 so congrats us!

    • Whoop diddly whoop whopp @tom4500 xo

    • Congrats @tom4500 on 2 1/2 years!! Sounds like you are having a great start to summer 🙂 xo

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    “Also I am a sucker for harmony and give in very quickly to emotional manipulation for the sake of overall peace.” –We all do this. Sometimes it is wise to do this. But if the stakes are high, if it is something really important, then we have to stand our ground. But there have been times, when the issue was inconsequential, that I allowed myself to lose a disagreement with my wife when I was right, for the sake of peace. And also, by the way, to help her feel better. Actually, I shouldn’t say right/wrong, as oftentimes it’s merely a difference in taste/opinion. Negotiation and compromise. But when it comes to a drinker needing to stop drinking, that’s a “stand your ground” issue.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Good thought, Stacey. Let me add my name to the those wishing you well, @lee.

    • Thanks @Tom! I just realized that I posted I had 30 days instead of 90 haha. Did say that the day count is not so important but in a sense it is, as it proves to ourselves and others that this can be done.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Well, you rock too, you’re doing this…..It might sound crazy, because I remember all the year one milestones, but time-wise, you really aren’t all that far behind us. Stay alcohol free, and time passes, you know how time is. It flies. I like to say that the “day counter” speeds up at about six months.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Early on there is a desire to tell others, perhaps because “quitting” is constantly on our minds when we first stop drinking. But telling others is an invitation to them to ask many personal questions, and and possibly voice their opinions on why you don’t need to stop….opinions given without having all the facts. You might be putting yourself in a situation where you are trying to convince them that you are an alcoholic, and you likely don’t want that conversation. Would they join you in not drinking? Very unlikely. Would they support you? I think they would. But there is no need to tell them. Time will take care of that. I would just go have fun with them, and if it comes up, tell them that you aren’t drinking today. And if that’s true, that’s a wonderful thing. I also need to congratulate you on the two weeks!

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Sounds beautiful.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Oh good, I didn’t miss @malibustacey‘s one-year. Congratulations, Stacey, that’s huge! Hope you’re giving yourself a treat of some sort, and it’s been great having you here this past year.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Well done, NickiC. You handled that perfectly. There are wonderful moments on the road to sobriety; seems to me you just lived one of them. What a great friend. And well done on the four weeks; on to the one month! Yours is a really great post, there are some important lessons in it. Happy for you.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I like it, too. Every day is important.

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Sounds like a pleasant way to spend the day. Fifteen years married, congratulations! Your day counter is becoming impressive; I wonder, how prevalent is drinking in Germany? Do most adults drink?

    • I heard that Germans drink twice as much as the average European. In fact I don’t know anybody who doesn’t drink. I don’t know anybody who talks critically about alcohol (except of my mother, she was married to an alcoholic). I only know people (and there are lots of moderate drinkers and responsible persons like teachers and parents who know about the evil consequences of alcohol abuse) who blame other people if they drink to much or get into addiction – they would never blame the alcohol, the alcohol industry or the alcohol lobby. Alcohol in Germany is a sacred cow, inviolable (like cars, you may never criticize cars in Germany, although they kill and poison the air…)! When smoking advertisement and smoking in bars and restaurants was forbidden, people were disgusted. But they got used to it and most people wouldn’t go back to the old smokey times again. I hope, that there will be a change in the alcohol issue one day…

  • Tom4500 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I think you could do it too, but perhaps let your sister know in advance that you’ve stopped drinking. Consider letting that issue be resolved before you even go….unless of course, your sister doesn’t drink. Then it isn’t even an issue. It’s a wonderful invitation. Just because you screwed up last year, doesn’t mean you have to this year. Now, if you decide to go, don’t mess it up again or I’m going to feel bad about typing this. Also, congrats on the two weeks! Well done.

    • I would say, listen to your heart 🙂 I think it knows if you are ready to do this or if you still need some time.

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