• TimetobeSober posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    I started day 22 off with a run to make myself feel better after yesterday’s emotional rollercoaster, only to come home and be shouted at by my partner, which reduced me to tears-all before 7am, nice. This has been brewing for a few days, I have been saying things that he has found upsetting and I get it: I could have chosen my words more carefully and been more sensitive to his needs (he is a sensitive person and his self-confidence needs frequent boosting). I am exhausted after a couple of full on months working a lot and probably missing the filter that should be there between the brain and the mouth. Again: feeling of failure and spinning out of control. Not enough hours in the day to do anything properly, I am neglecting both my family and my work commitments. This takes me straight back to feeling like a failure and a fraud as i am not doing anything properly. Which sends my anxiety through the roof (is the real, sober me really such a rubbish person?) and my view of the world becomes extremely narrow and the cycle continues.
    Jeez, how do I get out of this? I can’t talk to my partner about this as he has just complained about “everything revolving around me”.
    Maybe this has also something to do with my sister visiting tomorrow (my partner gets a bit funny whenever someone who is not “one of his friends” comes to visit)… who knows?
    Posting here has helped me to get some sort of handle on it but I can’t go on moaning to you all. How do you guys take a step back and give yourself a chance to look at the situation more objectively? What do you do to carve out some me time without being made to feel that you are selfish?

    • Moan away that’s what we are hear for, be selfish and do protect your sobriety and look after yourself it’s nots selfish it’s self care. Stepping back I used to ask is this my problem their problem or our problem? If it’s their problem I let it go, mine I fix it, both of us we work to fix it. I got this from a NLP book and they called it problem ownership model. Have you read anything on co-dependency? . Hope your feeling better

    • Don’t feel like a failure. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, the biggest of which is your recovery journey. What helps you relax and feel sane? Is it running? Taking a bubble bath while listening to Tara Brach? Driving to the beach and just sitting and watching the water? Find something just for you.

    • 22 days is amazing!!!
      And you have my compassion for the feeling spread thin with all those things you juggle. Having family (your sister) visit can also be a trigger of any unprocessed childhood wounds, if there are any. I told my brother he can’t visit me until I feel like I want him to. He is a good guy but very critical and nothing is ever good enough, like it was for our mother, but he is a bit more human than her and I can take him in small portions and on safe turf, so to speak.

      Maybe that doesn’t apply to your sister situation at all though.

      Is there any chance to reduce work stress a bit or delegate more tasks at home to other family members? I know, easier said than done. That’s like offering someone who is being attacked by a lion a wee band-aid, eh. oxoxoxox

      For what it’s worth, I remember being EXTREMELY moody and up and down and emotional in early sobriety. It balanced out in phases, and I remember a wave of clarity hitting me around day 70, then maybe again day 140/150….it keeps on getting easier. Not always every day easier, but the trend is positive.

      Hang in there.
      Today, is all we have to do.
      Just today.


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