• Hello lovely people, today is day 59 for me. Wow, this is amazing. At the beginning of his year I did not think it was possible for me to go for longer than a month without having a drink. Actually-make that a week, I only managed a month once. A short week. I have tried to moderate or give up drinking altogether for many years, having stopped and started more times than I can remember. And then I decided to never drink again.
    I love my new life of freedom and clarity and enjoy every day that i live without this crap in my system, rotting my body and poisoning my thoughts. Not that my life is all rainbows and pink clouds, but at least I can now see how narrow my life had become, and that it does not have to revolve around booze or other substances – there is so much more…
    It definitely takes time to adjust to this new, sober thing (and i am not altogether there yet-a lot of crap piled up over the years and needs to be processed), but my true inner voice is emerging again, the instinct that I can trust, which makes up part of who I am. I forgot I had it! If anyone is still unsure if they can live completely without alcohol-yes you can! Please give it a try. All you have to do is keep an open mind and say: no thank you, I don’t drink. It is well worth it xx

  • Wishing you all a wonderful sober morning, day or evening, wherever you are ❤️

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    So happy to read this, you have had a lot to deal with. Sending love xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Ooh, I know this way I of using alcohol to cope with stress, numb emotions and drown out problems all to well, it nearly ruined my life completely! I am with @annec here: be kind to yourself, take the time to rest or do things for yourself if you can. Take yourself out of routines which would habitually include having a drink. If your commitments do not allow you to free up time easily then go easy on yourself with regards to expectations-nobody is going to die if some things are left undone for a day, after all it happens often enough when you drink (at least it did for me)…
    And hooray to day 1!!!!!!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    @libbyb, I spent over 4 years going through exactly what you describe above, only that I never managed to stay more than a month AF. Like you said this is not going to work unless you commit yourself not to drinking again. Nothing to be apprehensive about. Do not listen to the wine whispers in your head, it is the addiction talking and nothing else. You are a strong person and you already know that will not be missing out on anything. You can do this!!! Xx

  • Just took 5 extra minutes to read more posts and I am so happy to see people writing about being on day 300+, 400+ and more! So privileged to be part of this community of people who have the courage to make massive positive changes to their lives, and who help others to do the same. You guys rock!!! Xxxx

    • Sober warriors rocking it 😁

    • Well, you rock too, you’re doing this…..It might sound crazy, because I remember all the year one milestones, but time-wise, you really aren’t all that far behind us. Stay alcohol free, and time passes, you know how time is. It flies. I like to say that the “day counter” speeds up at about six months.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Sounds so familiar @wakingowl! Mine eventually got a job after two years of no work (result of the last bust up) so I guess I should not complain. He does not have heaps of confidence so it was a big step for him…there, making excuses for him again, grrrr, he is a grown man and a dad for ****s sake so he should be able to take some responsibility! Does your partner drink? I am trying to establish right now how much of my partner’s behaviour is caused by his addiction…

    • Mine doesn’t drink but he’s an all day pot smoker and has no compunction about spending large amounts of non disposable income on pot. I was nearly 25 years sober before, he has never been substance free.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    What an amazing day @wakingowl! The tattoo sounds fab too, so well thought out. Looking forward to hearing more about this adventure with your sister!

  • Good morning all! I haven’t been here for a while because this mystery virus (I guess that’s what it is as antibiotics won’t kill it) has floored me: no energy, feeling really down and overwhelmed by everything, feeling out of breath and faint, forgetting important things…bloody hell, this is not me!
    Maybe I am just plain exhausted. Life has been quite hectic since March: I have taken on more work to get more monthly income and long term stability, and trying to juggle that, household, admin and family time is a bit of a struggle. I managed ok until recently but crashed just before a trip away. My partner has not been very sympathetic about it. He complains that my negativity is dragging him down. He does not want to talk about anything to do with long-term planning or finances, which is important to me, and shuts me out (while being overly nice to our daughter and to the cats), which devastates me. This seems to be a recurring cycle in our relationship, which usually peaks in a big bust-up, then some small changes improve the situation before it all slides back and the cycle continues, making me feel that I am not being taken seriously. In the past this would have meant several bottles of wine for me but no more.
    I have started to read a book about addiction and co-dependency and slowly some things are starting to slot into place. I need to set some boundaries and create space for myself before assessing how to move on with this. However I still have this small voice in my head that agrees with everything my partner says. Also I am a sucker for harmony and give in very quickly to emotional manipulation for the sake of overall peace.
    Has anyone here experienced a similar scenario and what did you do to stop this cycle?

    • I’m very much in the same place in my 36 year relationship. My husband has been unemployed for over a year while I’m working two jobs plus making jewelry for festivals I’m committed to as a vendor. Any attempt at serious conversation about long term finances and how this bodes for our future is met with hardcore resistence. I have always caved for the sake of keeping the peace and am trying to hold my ground pretty unsuccessfully.

      • Sounds so familiar @wakingowl! Mine eventually got a job after two years of no work (result of the last bust up) so I guess I should not complain. He does not have heaps of confidence so it was a big step for him…there, making excuses for him again, grrrr, he is a grown man and a dad for ****s sake so he should be able to take some responsibility! Does your partner drink? I am trying to establish right now how much of my partner’s behaviour is caused by his addiction…

        • Mine doesn’t drink but he’s an all day pot smoker and has no compunction about spending large amounts of non disposable income on pot. I was nearly 25 years sober before, he has never been substance free.

    • I was in this sort of situation towards the end of my marriage and well, I tried everything even for 3 years afterwards and it just wouldn’t change or work for us unfortunately.

    • “Also I am a sucker for harmony and give in very quickly to emotional manipulation for the sake of overall peace.” –We all do this. Sometimes it is wise to do this. But if the stakes are high, if it is something really important, then we have to stand our ground. But there have been times, when the issue was inconsequential, that I allowed myself to lose a disagreement with my wife when I was right, for the sake of peace. And also, by the way, to help her feel better. Actually, I shouldn’t say right/wrong, as oftentimes it’s merely a difference in taste/opinion. Negotiation and compromise. But when it comes to a drinker needing to stop drinking, that’s a “stand your ground” issue.

    • My hubs also does not want to talk about long term financial planning. I made an appointment with a financial adviser who forced us to get our stuff in order. Will, estate planning, insurances, retirement contributions, investments, medical directives, power of attorneys, etc. It was a total pain and hubs complained we were trying to hide all our money from him. I made him go to several meetings so he knew what was happening. Now everything is in a nice binder. Hubs still hasn’t a clue but at least he knows to look in the binder if I die. He just didn’t want to do the work and is bored by the details. He’s happy it’s done now. By me.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Hello and welcome to this fantastic community!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 4 days ago

    Happy birthday @tipsytoegal xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Amazing @shez!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Yay to an AF day!!!! I hope your cold will clear up fast, I am also full of it, so annoying. Be gentle and kind to yourself xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Just goes to show how addictive the stuff is… and how little credit we give this due to the fact that it is a socially acceptable drug. Love your fiancé’s response!!! We don’t need this shit, that’s the only thing we have to say to ourselves. Oh, and “no thank you, I don’t drink” 😉

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Woohoo 🙌 have a great evening and a fantastic day 4 tomorrow!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hooray to 13 days and welcome to this amazing place @noon x

  • Made it through another alcohol-fuelled social gathering today and even had fun while there. No desire to drink alcohol at all, and apart from one question nobody kept going on about me not drinking either-result! Also I can remember the rest of the evening and managed to organise my day tomorrow. I can definitely get used to this…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Nope, not worth it at all. I like the way you described the behaviours of guests and birthday girl at the party, devoid of any illusions as to how wonderful drinking alcohol is. I went to a meal with friends today dreading it slightly because I was worried about exactly those outcomes. Turned out to be ok though, I had fun against all expectations and was even happier to have energy left over by the time
    I got home. Both my supposedly non-drinking sister (who is visiting us at the moment and who seems to have lost her sobriety after having moved back to Germany half a year ago) and my partner had a skinful and both fell asleep in front of the TV on the sofa as soon as we got back home. I think neither of them will feel great tomorrow morning. Definitely not worth it!

    • Right! I’m still a bit surprised bout how clearly I can see all these unfortunate consequences of drinking and that I don’t regret a second to be a non-drinker. Hope this will remain cause it feels absolutely right. Good that you had fun at the meal AND energy left over in the end – and a nice “next morning!” Take care 🙂

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    A good list @daveh!

  • Yesterday was my first sober birthday. I had a fantastic time and not a single craving when we went out for a meal in the evening, or after, when our friend can back to ours for more wine (him and my partner had a few bottles), music and dance. Not bad for 26 Days, and my first proper social outing since giving up where booze. This is also the first time I have no doubts creeping in about my decision to stop drinking for good (the longest time I managed sober was two and a half months). It all feels different, I seem to have got it clearly in my head this time and it makes such a difference. It is possible to have a fantastic time without drinking until I am an embarrassment for everyone involved while feeling like the wittiest and sparkliest person in the room. Without having such bad booze jealousy halfway through an event that I steal other people’s drinks. Without a night of fitful sleep, sweating and trying to ignore the voices in my head. Without having such a debilitating hangover the next day that I cannot move. Without shouting at my partner or my kid.

    Free at last from this horrible poison and the cycle of addiction which took over so much of my life.

    Thank you fellow sober warriors for helping me to get here, I would not have made it without you xxxx

    • HBD for yesterday. Not bad at all for 26 days! I didn’t go anywhere for months and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be around anyone drinking, so I think that was amazing of you 🙂 Keep up the good work

    • Happy Birthday for yesterday. Congratulations on your success!!!😊

    • That’s amazing! Well done! You should be feeling so proud of yourself xxx
      Happy belated birthday 🎂🎉🎈

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I know what you mean. I also teach teenagers and at the moment I find it difficult to cope with situations I ought to be able to deal with effortlessly. It has sapped my confidence and I hope that things will level out for me soon. I neither have a dog nor a lake at hand but love everything you wrote down. Mangoes are on tomorrow’s shopping list! Have a good weekend x

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    So true. Nothing beats waking up in the morning without a hangover and getting on with the day (regardless of what it might throw at us)! Poisoning the body and then having to deal with the the fallout from that is not something I miss at all ☀️

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Love the mantra! I feel the same way and also need to work on the anxiety related to work and being a mum (it was the overriding theme of my last week or so). It is good to know that we are not alone with these issues.

  • Thank you @ro, @k1w1, @saoirse, @mari135 and @freedom1025 for replying to my post. You helped me a lot.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    @saoirse I would like to hear more about what you describe as “my first waking thing” and reframing your thoughts as I am badly in need of some reframing myself…

    • Oh @timetobesober you are having a rough time and it is hard to break that cycle once it takes hold. My first waking thought when I was really angry would be anger and thoughts of revenge and how I could hurt ex to the point it was all I could think about and it wasn’t helping me or making me feel good, it just made me feel hopeless. It was hard but I would have to call time on it almost and think of how I could make myself feel better and also not taking on board actions of someone else who is big enough and ugly enough to be responsible for themselves. So I would pick up my little Buddha thoughts for the day book and randomly pick a page and focus on that instead. I found that calming plus it brought me back to doing and thinking things that are actually good for me. It was particularly useful in the morning when I was trying to get myself into work mode and getting through the day without resorting to physical violence!!!!! At other times drawing did it for me.
      It is just that the anger thoughts were energy sapping in a not good way and acting on them would send me off to a room behind bars so it was pretty pointless. I am living by myself so I can imagine it may be more difficult when you are coping with someone else’s emotions too but at the end of the day someone has to do it.
      I’m not sure if that helps, I hope so. The feelings themselves are not wrong or unjustified I might add just not particularly helpful.
      Wishing you well.😊

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    You too, you are doing brilliantly!

  • I started day 22 off with a run to make myself feel better after yesterday’s emotional rollercoaster, only to come home and be shouted at by my partner, which reduced me to tears-all before 7am, nice. This has been brewing for a few days, I have been saying things that he has found upsetting and I get it: I could have chosen my words more carefully and been more sensitive to his needs (he is a sensitive person and his self-confidence needs frequent boosting). I am exhausted after a couple of full on months working a lot and probably missing the filter that should be there between the brain and the mouth. Again: feeling of failure and spinning out of control. Not enough hours in the day to do anything properly, I am neglecting both my family and my work commitments. This takes me straight back to feeling like a failure and a fraud as i am not doing anything properly. Which sends my anxiety through the roof (is the real, sober me really such a rubbish person?) and my view of the world becomes extremely narrow and the cycle continues.
    Jeez, how do I get out of this? I can’t talk to my partner about this as he has just complained about “everything revolving around me”.
    Maybe this has also something to do with my sister visiting tomorrow (my partner gets a bit funny whenever someone who is not “one of his friends” comes to visit)… who knows?
    Posting here has helped me to get some sort of handle on it but I can’t go on moaning to you all. How do you guys take a step back and give yourself a chance to look at the situation more objectively? What do you do to carve out some me time without being made to feel that you are selfish?

    • Moan away that’s what we are hear for, be selfish and do protect your sobriety and look after yourself it’s nots selfish it’s self care. Stepping back I used to ask is this my problem their problem or our problem? If it’s their problem I let it go, mine I fix it, both of us we work to fix it. I got this from a NLP book and they called it problem ownership model. Have you read anything on co-dependency? . Hope your feeling better

    • Don’t feel like a failure. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, the biggest of which is your recovery journey. What helps you relax and feel sane? Is it running? Taking a bubble bath while listening to Tara Brach? Driving to the beach and just sitting and watching the water? Find something just for you.

    • 22 days is amazing!!!
      xooxox
      And you have my compassion for the feeling spread thin with all those things you juggle. Having family (your sister) visit can also be a trigger of any unprocessed childhood wounds, if there are any. I told my brother he can’t visit me until I feel like I want him to. He is a good guy but very critical and nothing is ever good enough, like it was for our mother, but he is a bit more human than her and I can take him in small portions and on safe turf, so to speak.

      Maybe that doesn’t apply to your sister situation at all though.

      Is there any chance to reduce work stress a bit or delegate more tasks at home to other family members? I know, easier said than done. That’s like offering someone who is being attacked by a lion a wee band-aid, eh. oxoxoxox

      For what it’s worth, I remember being EXTREMELY moody and up and down and emotional in early sobriety. It balanced out in phases, and I remember a wave of clarity hitting me around day 70, then maybe again day 140/150….it keeps on getting easier. Not always every day easier, but the trend is positive.

      Hang in there.
      Today, is all we have to do.
      Just today.

      oxxoxox

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I think I need to take some time out and get a grip on things. The last two months have been hectic and I have not had proper time for myself. I know-life is unlikely to change. So I need to figure out how to carve out some time where I can step away and have a word with myself. Or breathe, haha!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thanks @ro, I need to get this anxiety under control…

    • Have you tried breathing exercises?? Sorry I’ve never suffered with anxiety. My daughter does though and her quack told me people that are anxious need to do the things that make them that way otherwise they’ll never improve. Baby steps though

    • I think I need to take some time out and get a grip on things. The last two months have been hectic and I have not had proper time for myself. I know-life is unlikely to change. So I need to figure out how to carve out some time where I can step away and have a word with myself. Or breathe, haha!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Happy birthday lovely lady xxx it’s a shame you don’t live nearer; my birthday is coming up in a couple of days and it would have been nice to celebrate with another May child. Also this will be my first sober birthday since I was 14 or so. Slightly mixed feelings about that one, but I am sure all will be good.
    Anyway, what’s in a few miles? You feel close here and I love reading your posts (even when they tackle difficult stuff) and comments, they make my day. I can only second the above-you mean a lot to us. Sending birthday love and hugs xx

    • oxoxoxoxo So much love your way and thanks for your kind reply!
      If I lived closer I’d totally suggest a tea/coffee date.

      Your birthday will be sweet. Let us know when it is, if you feel comfortable sharing that!
      May kids are the best kids 🙂

      oxoxoxo

  • It is quite amazing how many of my emotions I have drowned and buried in the past…and quite scary to experience them at full volume now. While last week’s imposter syndrome has started to fade a little I am still anxious about all sorts of things that I normally wouldn’t be that bothered about-a sign that I am normally a calm person or that I have knocked my anxiety out with alcohol in the past…? Hmmmm…
    Anyway, I need to vent, sorry everyone…
    Today’s panic started to build when I could not get hold of my partner at a break at my work today. He was supposed to pick up our not quite 5 year old daughter after school and I had heard from a friend that I then rang that our daughter was still waiting to be picked up when she collected her kids. Tried to ring partner again, as well as the school, no answer from either.
    By now my anxiety was through the roof and I asked my friend if she could have a quick look, as she lives near the school. She said that she was resting and then lectured me on how to organise myself-not sure how that would help in an emergency situation, but who knows? After that I continued to ring and eventually managed to get through to my partner after an age; fortunately everything was alright. Massive relief, mixed with a big amount of anger.
    Although I understand that my friend works demanding hours and rests in the afternoon I am furious at her response and it is now giving me a sleepless night as well as a massive headache. I have to work with her tomorrow as well and I can’t say that I am looking forward to it. I could really do with something to calm down those thoughts and emotions in order to be rested and able to react calmly to whatever tomorrow brings. It takes a lot to make me really angry and once I am there I am not very good at saying the right things… but whatever it will be that calms me it won’t be a drink!

    • Oh that sounds a bit full on for you, ya poor bugger. Well you know you can’t count on that friend for fuck all, so take that as a lesson from the experience. It’s easy to get in a panic about your kids so don’t give your self such a hard time. I would’ve felt the same. Probably more so when I was drinking to be honest. I certainly don’t worry about things as much now my brain is alcohol free that’s for sure.
      My advice for working with the ‘friend’ is keep it calm and don’t make an issue out of it. If they bring it up just explain you were worried and thought they could help but in the future you’ll know not to ask them. And then with your teeth touching say ‘cunt’ real quietly. And try not to laugh. I hope you get some sleep 😴

      • Thanks @ro, I need to get this anxiety under control…

        • Have you tried breathing exercises?? Sorry I’ve never suffered with anxiety. My daughter does though and her quack told me people that are anxious need to do the things that make them that way otherwise they’ll never improve. Baby steps though

        • I think I need to take some time out and get a grip on things. The last two months have been hectic and I have not had proper time for myself. I know-life is unlikely to change. So I need to figure out how to carve out some time where I can step away and have a word with myself. Or breathe, haha!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hello and welcome!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hooray to day 1!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I can relate to that, I also have dreams about alcohol and being horrified by either accidentally or not so accidentally drinking it. Drinking has occupied a lot of space in my life up until now so I guess both the conscious and the subconscious will have their work cut out for a while…
    Glad you are looking forward to the party!

    • Yes, that dream made me feel like I had no control, was so glad to wake up and notice that it’s me who decides! 🙂

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    That is so true! Scary how alcohol narrows the outlook and distorts reality-and we are not even aware of it (well, my rare glimpses led to robust denial and even more martyrdom)…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    What an achievement. You are doing brilliantly! Sleep definitely helps, your body needs to recuperate. Re sober muscle: I can only speak from my own experience (so it could be totally different for you), but the only thing which helped me was to be absolutely clear in my head that I am not going to drink alcohol. Ever. I did not have this beforehand so after a few days the whispers would creep in and I would inevitably go back to day 1, feeling like a complete failure. Now I don’t drink and that’s it. And although I have not tested it much in social situations (I am 3 weeks in now) it helps me to shut down any voices in my head. Sending hugs your way, we can do this! x

    • @gglover congratulations! That’s an incredible achievement.
      I know alcohol free beer is not for everyone but I love it. The new Heineken Zero tastes just like a normal beer. I have one of those or tonic water in a wine glass most nights. Feels special but no regrets afterwards.
      Sending you my best wishes and I know you can keep on being AF xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Yes, we can do this!

  • Just quickly checking in before I am off to work. This morning I woke up feeling much more positive than I have felt in a while. It has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and I am very grateful for all the support I have received from people on this forum. Did 5 minutes of exercise (ok, it was not the run I promised myself but there was no time for anything else) and tried out a new essential oil blend I treated myself to this week. I only started dabbling in aromatherapy this month and it has made such a difference! Would wholeheartedly recommend to anyone struggling mentally/ emotionally.
    Wishing you wonderful people a great day xxxx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hello and welcome!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    You are doing brilliantly! Keep working on it day by day, a long term outlook can be quite daunting sometimes…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Welcome @joseph!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you @daveh, @sober4real, @morgan @angiex, @mari135. Your words of wisdom, experience, advice and kindness mean a lot! It helps so much knowing that i am not alone in experiencing these things and I hope my mindset will improve with time. The important thing is that however shitty it makes me feel I do not want to drown it out with a drink or 5. Next target for me will be to carve out some time for exercise. I have a feeling that by pushing myself physically I will also improve my mental resilience. Early night for me tonight, have a good morning/day/evening xxxx

  • Day 17. Very happy not to be drinking but finding it hard to cope with the fatigue caused by a night of broken sleep, and life in general. I am very anxious at the moment and my self confidence has gone completely. Not sure why exactly as nothing has changed. This feeling of inadequacy and not being able to cope with life is not something I am used to, normally I love a good challenge and throw myself twice as hard at things. Instead I now feel like I am spinning out of control and no amount of planning and prep is ever good enough. Then, when things do not go as planned or I cannot do a task for whatever reason it is a complete disaster (when most likely it isn’t, i just can’t gauge it right now). I am also getting increasingly paranoid and feel like people are cottoning on to the fact that I am a complete fraud. Interestingly enough i also used to feel like that when rolling into work after yet another heavy binge…
    Has anyone experienced the same? I guess it is all part of starting sobriety for real after half a life of alcohol abuse but it is driving me mad. Please give me some ideas on how I can break out of this cycle!

    • HI @timetobesober This is something that comes right with time. When we drank regularly our brains reduced the amount of 2 neurotransmitters (chemicals in the brain) that effect mood; dopamine and serotonin. This leaves us feeling low and lacking social confidence. This is what should be happening. It is normal and will slowly creep back over the next months. The anxiety should fix itself more quickly. These are all signs that you are healing, so troubling though they are, they show us that all is well.

    • Hi @timetobesober I went through the same thing. So exhausted. But once I hit 60 days I started feeling tons better, walking, exercising and now I’m good as gold. I think it’s normal to have what I’ve heard referred to as “imposter syndrome.” But follow up with your positive self talk. You deserve sobriety just like anyone else and in a few months you won’t feel guilty because you are doing something about it for yourself. Just hang in there and know it gets better….the cycle will break just don’t buy into your negative thinking about how your brain tells you that you are this or that! Remember to treat yourself super well, take hot baths, time outs, rest and relax. Positive self talk! Treat yourself just as you would if you were really sick and getting over pneumonia. I know for me, the amount I drank I was really ill. I feel so blessed at 6 months. I rarely think about drinking and am so focused on thinking about things I want to do and see and accomplish. Hang in there and don’t give up before the miracle happens. It may not happen overnight. It’s simple not to drink one day at a time, it may not be easy though so just ride out those rough spots because it’s so worth it. Looking forward to hearing how you are doing! xoxoxoxoxox

    • I feel some of this at present – far too much happening in my head, trying to keep up with too many roles, too many bosses, new colleagues, endless technology challenges, so many new things to learn. It is easy to get into a downward spin rather than breathing, exercising when there is a moment, and reminding myself of all I know and can offer the children and families I will be working with.
      What can we do to combat this? I think a massive walk, yoga and a sauna would help, but there is no time 🙁 🙁

    • @timetobesober I do feel for you and relate to a lot of what you’ve written. Please try to be kind and compassionate to yourself. There’s an app called Headspace that teaches simple meditation, it taught me to let my thoughts come and pass instead of letting them stay stuck and circle my head which fed the anxiety so much I felt my head would actually explode. Perhaps try some ‘grounding’ techniques when you are feeling overwhelmed. Try to be patient and kind to yourself. It’s early days, I so believe that the longer you stay sober the better you’ll feel and think and do x

    • 17 days is amazing!! xooxoxx
      I read something about that making it to that 21 days and then the first full month is a good indicator of being able to stay sober long-term, even if there are lapses and you starts over. Fact is, you get this far and that means a lot for your body in terms of detoxing.

      About work…oh boy…I could have written that. Except, you put it into perfect words I would not be able to find and I always just refer to it as “imposter syndrome” since that seems to be a thing in psychology. I really like how you described it as:

      “This feeling of inadequacy and not being able to cope with life.”
      On bad days….that’s how I feel…Like I wasn’t cut out for a normal life and others can tell I am just faking it and not really 34 and an adult.

      Self-compassion helped a ton…sometimes one good sleep and the next day I felt already silly for thinking they will fire me any day now for sure. (I’ve never been fired from any job and this is a complete made up story of my mind that someone will find me out)

      oxoxox

      Hang in there. I find it shifted the longer I was sober. It still bubbles up but not as often.
      Early sobriety can be so raw and vulnerable…..the booze-shield is gone. You’re showing up as yourself 100% all the time.

      Baby steps. One at a time.

      oxxoxox

    • Thank you @daveh, @sober4real, @morgan @angiex, @mari135. Your words of wisdom, experience, advice and kindness mean a lot! It helps so much knowing that i am not alone in experiencing these things and I hope my mindset will improve with time. The important thing is that however shitty it makes me feel I do not want to drown it out with a drink or 5. Next target for me will be to carve out some time for exercise. I have a feeling that by pushing myself physically I will also improve my mental resilience. Early night for me tonight, have a good morning/day/evening xxxx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    I like all the recommended reading, thanks guys!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Day 17 for me too, woohoo! I know exactly what you mean, I suddenly feel that I cannot cope with the world anymore. Serious brain retraining needed here… the important thing to remember is that any thoughts of a drink is just a leftover thought from a long time of drug abuse. It’ll take some time getting used to this new life but we can do this! x

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Please don’t drink that wine, it won‘t do any good… you will only be angry with yourself tomorrow as well as feel it tomorrow as well as feeling even more exhausted. Be good to yourself and have an early night instead. You can do this!!!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    I feel for you…this sounds so much like what I am experiencing with my own mother (her health is a little better than your friend’s though, which means even more denial), and words cannot express my feelings of helplessness and grief at the situation. Point c) is where we are right now as a family and it is a scary place to be.
    You are an amazing friend and fighter! Please keep battling away, it will have an impact. Sending lots of love your way xxxx

    • Oh man, you have my compassion. oxxoxoxoxo I hope your mom wants to get better soon. 🙁
      Helplessness is the perfect word….That person does what he/she wants…What I did when I drank. I wasn’t going to stop just because a few people shared their damn “concerns” with me. No way. It made me wanna drink more….Therapy helped, and the relentless compassion from my therapist over many years…and coming here….
      I might try the route of….”you don’t have to be sober to attend AA”….and see if I can drive her to a meeting without any expectations. Something where I am a neutral anchor but there, if/when she wants to climb out of the fog.

      oxoxox

  • Morning all, Day 15 has started with a huge tension headache for me: Big worries over a very carefully planned lesson (I spent hours prepping it) which fell apart due to a stupid prank yesterday. This impacted all the other lessons i had after that, too, and I was devastated. I have taught for many years (apart from a 3 year break before starting again a few months back) and having something carefully prepared go so wrong, with a class that is usually no problem whatsoever, has made me feel very anxious and worthless as a teacher. Stress levels are through the roof now, all I want to do is spend time preparing even more, which is impossible due to my other work and my family.
    The good thing is that I don’t want to have a drink, but I really need to retrain my brain. This stress is making me come out in a rash (literally!)…

    • Sounds awful. But ! As you have rightly gaged alcohol won’t make it better. ❤️

    • Thinking of you I teach also. I’ve had some bad days. So far I’ve a 100% record of going back getting on with it and giving it another go. Hope tomorrow is more smooth for you. Let me know how you go.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Welcome to this amazing place!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    As everything I would have said has already been written above I am sending you the biggest hug @jesss and hope that you will find some space (physical as well as mental) to give yourself a bit of time out xxxx

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