• TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    Welcome @toneloke!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    It sounds exciting and scary at the same time – pretty much like all the amazing, life-changing things that can happen to us in life… I am sure it will be very special and can’t wait to hear more xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    Hello and good to hear from you @mungomaryandmidge!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    Welcome @evala!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    I agree with Ro – do not put yourself into a situation or place where you might end up having a drink, especially if you think that you might have feelings of missing out if you don’t drink. Believe me, you are not missing out on anything! Do your friends know that you are not drinking? Catch up with them in a drink-free environment and keep up the sober life, you are doing brilliantly! x

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 3 days, 7 hours ago

    @laurali, I am German, living in Spain and would love to visit New Zealand and the States! These countries have been on my must-see travel list for a long time and now that I know some fantastic people through this site it is even more of an incentive to visit…and since I am not drinking and sorting my life out there is a even chance that I will achieve this dream.

    • @TimetobeSober exactly what I was thinking. Now that I’m getting my life in order, the actual possibilities of traveling again are not out of reach. More benefits of a new sober life and more reason to keep it that way!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 3 days, 7 hours ago

    Glad you are here @aleksandra

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 3 days, 7 hours ago

    Have a good day xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 3 days, 7 hours ago

    Sounds great @aria! Enjoy the rest of your stay x

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Let’s do it!!! Xxx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    @missbennet yes, it is sometimes very hard to keep my mouth shut. I makes me tense and awkward at times, on other occasions I just get angry. My life would improve immeasurably if I could just let it go…and accept that it is ok to feel awkward, tense or angry, I am human after all…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    I really like the quote at the end-so true! A great post, full of reflection, thank you for writing it.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Welcome to this wonderful place!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Love this post!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Yesterday I also fell off the wagon after nearly 4 months sober-a lot of things coming together, none of them an excuse really. Unlike you I feel terrible, I have the hangover from hell, haha! But I agree with you: spiritual and emotional well-being often gets neglected when life gets hectic. We need to make sure that we look after every aspect of ourselves, avoiding that automatic falling back on unhealthy coping mechanisms and poisoning ourselves with alcohol in order to numb. It will not change anything-as we all know! So back on the wagon and off we go xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 13 hours ago

    Awesome decision. Well done and keep going onwards and upwards, this sober journey just gets better and better!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 13 hours ago

    Sending love xxxx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 5 days, 19 hours ago

    Love it! I think I ought to have that in my kitchen too…

  • Grrrrrr, after 116 days of alcohol free bliss I went and had a couple of beers at the annual local fair yesterday. Several things came together: huge let down by a (so-called) friend, which did not so much affect me but meant that my daughter was not part of an event that all her classmates had joined. I was not part of the Whatsapp group informing parents and all my friend had to do was tell me- I saw her in the morning and we were discussing plans for later in the day. No mention. Instead she sent me a picture of her smiling daughter surrounded by all the classmates. After a rather heated exchange I then had to face her later as we had all agreed to meet and go out beforehand… another friend kept going on at me to have a drink (why do people do this???), good friends, who I only see once every year are visiting, everyone around me was drinking, my partner having started at lunchtime (although he does that on a daily basis)…

    Having just woken up to more party noise (it is half past 8 where I am and I do not even live in the village-they take their partying seriously!) I have a massive headache and feel very dehydrated. Was it worth it? Definitely not! If anything it has made me feel even more assured that alcohol has no place in my body, a bit like smoking a cigarette after you quit, feeling very ill and thinking “why did I do this to myself for so long?”

    However it gave me enough detachment from everything that happened yesterday to see that I could do with changing some things: I am letting events and people get to me too much and need to stop rising to it, even if they are near and dear to me. Why should someone else’s crappy behaviour ruin my fun? Time to create some distance…

    Yesterday also showed my how amazing our (visiting) friends are: no pressure to get me drinking, accepting me for who i am, an open ear and no judgement for my venting, lots of positivity and laughter…. I am looking forward to spending more time with them over the n…[Read more]

    • I don’t know why people pressure others to drink or — when you tell someone that you’ve quit drinking they say, “oh but you never drank that much…” They have no idea what a struggle this can be and how dangerous it is for some of us. Whatever. I’m glad you are here and now… onward.

    • I love that comment about ‘having to deal with everyone else’s crappy behaviour’ – so true. The more I travel this road the worse their behaviour gets.

      • @missbennet yes, it is sometimes very hard to keep my mouth shut. I makes me tense and awkward at times, on other occasions I just get angry. My life would improve immeasurably if I could just let it go…and accept that it is ok to feel awkward, tense or angry, I am human after all…

    • Much as you feel like crap today, it sounds like you turned a big sharp corner. BIG learning going on there. Good for you!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    A big step. Good for you, congratulations!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Good to read this @lee xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    It is good to write about it, and this is the best place to do come. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and I can relate to that treadmill feeling! The cravings will pass, you are doing brilliantly xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    You too @mandles, I can feel that positivity xx

  • TimetobeSober posted an update 1 month ago

    Thank you for all the positive and supportive messages I received in response to my last post, you are the best and I don’t know what I would do without you.
    I am in a major hole right now, feeling very down and can hardly bring myself to do everyday tasks… I feel as if I am going insane, my partner is pretending that his outburst at the weekend (these outbursts have been happening about once a week now) has never happened. No mention, no apology. If I hadn’t written it down at the time (and if I were still drinking) I would start to doubt myself at this stage-is it possible that I just imagined this? I want to reach out and try and make everything alright again, but I just know that this will pave the way to the next outburst in a few days. I need to stay strong and maintain the boundaries and distance I have created to protect myself, but I really wish I did not have to. Fucking alcohol! I hate the stuff so much…

    • Good for you for staying on track, even if you are feeling low. Your instinct to protect yourself seems right to me. If you can, seek out people who will be supportive.

    • Oh @timetobesober not much to say really, your current situation sounds dire and hard going. I suppose the main benefit is you’re doing this sober, drinking would definately make this a whole lot worse. Time to be you for you and protect yourself like you’re the most precious thing in the world x sending warm strong vibes your way x stay strong and life can only get better for you xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Great to read this! So happy that you and your husband are creating new and fantastic moments which are booze free x

  • 84 days. Today has been eventful in a good way: This morning I told my partner what I thought of his drink-fuelled behaviour yesterday, calmly and without trying to explain or justify myself (although I still need to work on my choice of words, haha). So far he has not responded but I am happy to wait and let him make the first step. This time I will not try and solve or patch up the situation, intimidated by cold shouldering and driven mad by my urge for harmony. Although I love the guy I am prepared to walk away for the first time, I have reached my limit.
    Meanwhile Germany my sis went to talk with a councillor about our mother‘s drinking and how it affects the family, and although the councillor could not help her much – it is either our mum or dad, or both, who really need to go – it is good that the first step in the direction of seeking help has been taken. No more silence around the issue.
    I have also decided to reach out today and made an appointment with a psychologist for next week. Too many issues have surfaced in my life recently (haha, and I thought my life was normal… I am a mess, and most of it has been caused by booze consumed over 2 generations!) and knowing that I will have professional help with sorting them out is making me feel so much better.
    There really is nothing good about alcohol whatsoever!!! Keep fighting this nasty, life-destroying poison everyone and don’t believe the lies surrounding it. Love to you all, without your help I would have never got this far in my journey xx

    • I adore this post @timetobesober! It’s filled with profound forward motion and not a speck of denial. 84 days as well. Ya got what it takes and I’m a big fan right now! “I thought my life was normal…I am a mess” right on, and a fabulous mess you are! We all are to some degree but when you take the poison out of the equation life gets real. Your on top of that rock. Stay there!

      • Agree with @Lee. Well done @timetobesober. Isn’t it fascinating how really really hard things are so much more manageable when you are not drinking. They are still hard of course, but you are stronger and know that sweeping problems under the carpet (with the help of a drink or 10) only makes it worse. So much for stress relief. The truth is that drinking only adds to stress.
        The very best of luck to you. Truely, a brave inspiring post.

    • Wow tough stuff to work out but you will be so much the better for putting in the hard work. I hope that you, your sister and your parents can all find some peace and contentment!

    • This is great. Sometime things have to get worse before they get better. The issues are coming into focus, so now they can be worked on. Sounds like several positive steps, stay strong, you’re going in the right direction. Love back to you, thanks for sharing.

    • So much positive forward movement! Good for you!

    • “driven mad by my urge for harmony.” phew, don’t i know it. congrats on 84 days. keep on, @timetobesober

    • I am glad you are able to talk about the issues coming to the fore for you. Take care.

    • Wow @Timetobesober! Despite all the crap you’ve got going on, you sound like you’re in a really good place to begin dealing with it. Taking concrete steps and making clear, well thought out decisions – and really committed to staying sober. Good for you!! Keeping you in my thoughts today. Good luck!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hello and welcome!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you @liberty, I will see what I can find here in terms of support, professional, group or otherwise, although I don’t have much hope after an initial search. I am so glad for all the advice that I have been given here in this forum and i will try and follow your advice with regards to giving myself time…tricky though, living with someone who seems to permanently shout “look at me” and who goes into a massive tantrum when things don’t go his way (and no, this is not my 5 year old I am talking about)… today I did not sufficiently appreciate a pair of trousers and expressed too much concern for his back problem. Day ruined for him, apparently. At least I know that the 3 bottles of wine he downed were to blame for his subsequent shitty behaviour and not me (I honestly thought it was my fault up until I stopped drinking myself and saw things for what they were)! Sorry for sounding a bit emotional about it, but I love the guy and it breaks my heart seeing him turn into my mother behaviour-wise. As much as I am dreading it I think I will have to face it and have a serious talk about things tomorrow.

    • Take it easy. My husband was my soul mate until we started a business together. This changed our relationship a lot and I often get hurt by him. Drinking took the hurt away I did not realise what was happening until I stopped. I read somewhere that marriages (or close relationships) are a meeting of minds and hearts that nurture and protect us… except when they don’t and when they don’t we have to build our own defences. I now pick my battles and walk away when I need to. I tell him how I feel and if he ignores me I let him be. I am not responsible for him. I love him dearly but I’ve learnt to build boundaries. Belle @tired of drinking says we build boundaries by looking after ourselves. You are important. All this collapses if you collapse so start with you, what you need and what you want. Let go of the stuff you don’t need to deal with now. Take care.

    • Mmm, I feel for you. Feel free to ignore anything I write! Good to address your sudden awareness of your needs with conversation; why not. Just be prepared for reaction, as naming it is changing the rules & most of us react to that.
      That doesn’t make it wrong to talk. Go well. It souns like you’re under a lot of pressure.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you @aria, it is good to know that i am not alone. It is not a new situation either but I am still amazed why I have not seen certain things sooner… Although I guess it is all related anyway and I am likely to be looking at it the right way round for the first time in my life. I will continue to look for support, professional or otherwise, because I do think I need help. I don’t want to do anything rash but knowing me I am not trusting myself with this added emotional strain…. I love my family and I love harmony, but I can no longer kid myself that all is well. Things need to change but I am terrified to speak about it. I know the likely reaction and it brings me out in a rash just thinking about it!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you @aprilsfool, what kind of a professional are you thinking about? I have looked up councillors but am not sure if this is the right route to go down…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you for the book reference @mandles, will look it up! I do have a tendency to shoulder other people’s problems and I bottle up a lot until I blow my top. That’s one of my problems-I need to learn to communicate my needs and be a little more “selfish” so that this does not happen… thanks for your lovely reply xxxx oh, and I am in Spain now (from Germany via England, haha)

    • That’s exactly it @timetobesober if we don’t take care of us, we end up resenting everyone and feel worse, which makes yo want to pick up a drink. Spain is lovely, bet it’s a tad hot though, we are in the north west of England, lovely countryside and not too far from Cumbria so a tad cool and wet😂😂 keep on this site and it keeps us all grounded, really love all the new friends I have made. I feel that we are alike, shouldering everyone’s problems, neglectin* ourselves and letting life slip by in a glass.. hang n there xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you @andian, I need to have a talk with my fellow… Today he had about 3 bottles of wine. We had friends over, and before they came I made a comment about his back problems (out of concern) which set him off, apparently I ruined his day by talking about it. Too many parallels to my mother. Still can’t believe that i never noticed this before…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    You are still drinking because your body is addicted to alcohol @shells7. The fantastic news is that you have decided to do something about it-that’s the most important thing. There are many different ways to sort this out and you will need to find out what suits you best. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Post here every day, you are surrounded by kind and lovely people who are experts on this topic. Sending you lots of love, you can do this xx

  • Hello, fellow sober warriors! I haven’t been able to make time for reading or posting here recently but my parents’ impending visit on top of everything else is causing me massive stress and I need to do something about it. Safer to come here and vent than any of the other options. Also I need some advice if at all possible…
    My mother’s not so secret drinking has been going on for well over 20 years, however last week her behaviour (which has been increasingly erratic on a daily basis past 11am) has taken a turn for the worse. This time it is not only affecting family but also my parents’ future tenants, who are lovely people and who have had my mother turning up unannounced in their home, letting herself in with a key, and starting an argument with them. She sees nothing wrong with her behaviour (their tenancy has not officially started but they have a verbal agreement with both my parents which my mother claims not to remember). According to her everyone around her is either rude, shouts at her or just wants a fight. She is obsessed with having to control everything around her, to the point of telling people where to sit and what to say, and cannot understand the amount of stress it creates for everyone involved. In her mind nobody knows about her drinking and all is well. My dad, who has health problems anyway, is left to pick up the pieces. Fortunately my sister was with them during this incident and tried to address the issue instead of glossing over it, but she did not achieve much and is now due to start her new job abroad. I also live in a different country so cannot support my father directly and I am left wondering what my father can do to improve his situation. He has been putting up with this out of loyalty but as my mother’s behaviour gets worse I am wondering if he needs to separate from her to have some sort of quality of life. Unfortunately they are in their 70s and I do not think that either of them can now live without the other……[Read more]

    • Wow, families are so complex and having lived with an alcoholic and watched people’s and my families reactions it never fails to amaze me how few people are to face up and front the problem.
      The tenants. They have rights and deserve privacy and sole use of the property. I think they or your father should change the locks so only your father has access and he manages the property within the rules and regulations of rented properties.

      Great to see you have recognised and dealt with your own issues, well done.

      I would approach your husband via your mothers behaviours. Does he think she has a problem, what would he suggest to help. Bring in parallels of yourself and see if he opens up and can see his own weaknesses.

      Otherwise, talk to him direct, confront the issue.

      That’s my bit. Good luck.

      • Thank you @andian, I need to have a talk with my fellow… Today he had about 3 bottles of wine. We had friends over, and before they came I made a comment about his back problems (out of concern) which set him off, apparently I ruined his day by talking about it. Too many parallels to my mother. Still can’t believe that i never noticed this before…

    • Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, the most important thing I was told once when like you was running myself ragged look8ng after loads of people and situations was to try to become a little selfish… you have to look after you…. there is not a thing you can do about their drinking it has to be something they choose to do, but you can’t spend your energy worrying …read the power of now by erckert tolle, it really puts everything in perspective.. can’t suggest anymore but sending you a huge virtual 🤗 hug … by the way what country are you now in xxxx

      • Thank you for the book reference @mandles, will look it up! I do have a tendency to shoulder other people’s problems and I bottle up a lot until I blow my top. That’s one of my problems-I need to learn to communicate my needs and be a little more “selfish” so that this does not happen… thanks for your lovely reply xxxx oh, and I am in Spain now (from Germany via England, haha)

        • That’s exactly it @timetobesober if we don’t take care of us, we end up resenting everyone and feel worse, which makes yo want to pick up a drink. Spain is lovely, bet it’s a tad hot though, we are in the north west of England, lovely countryside and not too far from Cumbria so a tad cool and wet😂😂 keep on this site and it keeps us all grounded, really love all the new friends I have made. I feel that we are alike, shouldering everyone’s problems, neglectin* ourselves and letting life slip by in a glass.. hang n there xx

    • Oh my goodness – you have a lot on your hands and a lot going on in your head that needs to be addressed. I totally agree with @Mandles. You absolutely MUST make taking care of yourself and your mental health first. The complexity of the situation and the things that are now surfacing in your psyche about your past and current life are extremely powerful. You sound like an extremely insightful person whose life is turning a big corner. A lot happening at once. Is it possible for you to reach out to a professional in your community who can help you to sort it out a bit? Whatever course of action you choose, you sound like you’re in a good place to make healthy decisions. Good luck! Sending strength and good thoughts your way.

    • @timetobesober as a adult child of an alcoholic I can relate to the turmoil you are feeling. Alcoholism is a complex disease and one of the learnings for me was having some insight into the concept of co dependence in my family. Please don’t blame yourself you have made so many changes and have reflected on what is happening for you in a way that shows so much growth. I agree taking care of yourself is very important and professional support to make sense of what is happening could be really beneficial for you. Take care. You are doing so well staying away from the booze.

      • Thank you @aria, it is good to know that i am not alone. It is not a new situation either but I am still amazed why I have not seen certain things sooner… Although I guess it is all related anyway and I am likely to be looking at it the right way round for the first time in my life. I will continue to look for support, professional or otherwise, because I do think I need help. I don’t want to do anything rash but knowing me I am not trusting myself with this added emotional strain…. I love my family and I love harmony, but I can no longer kid myself that all is well. Things need to change but I am terrified to speak about it. I know the likely reaction and it brings me out in a rash just thinking about it!

    • When the lid comes off something, it does seem overwhelming, as if we have to fix it all at once. But actually you don’t have to do anything right now, and you don’t have to fix everything all at once. I know everything can suddenly feel intolerable. Can you consciously give yourself time? Even a set amount. Perhaps the structure already in place can hold you for a while yet.
      3 jobs is a lot, you must be exhausted! I feel tired just reading that…it might be good to find someone to talk to about all this, to help you work through it. Some people here have found Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings helpful. I don’t know if they exist where you are.

      • Thank you @liberty, I will see what I can find here in terms of support, professional, group or otherwise, although I don’t have much hope after an initial search. I am so glad for all the advice that I have been given here in this forum and i will try and follow your advice with regards to giving myself time…tricky though, living with someone who seems to permanently shout “look at me” and who goes into a massive tantrum when things don’t go his way (and no, this is not my 5 year old I am talking about)… today I did not sufficiently appreciate a pair of trousers and expressed too much concern for his back problem. Day ruined for him, apparently. At least I know that the 3 bottles of wine he downed were to blame for his subsequent shitty behaviour and not me (I honestly thought it was my fault up until I stopped drinking myself and saw things for what they were)! Sorry for sounding a bit emotional about it, but I love the guy and it breaks my heart seeing him turn into my mother behaviour-wise. As much as I am dreading it I think I will have to face it and have a serious talk about things tomorrow.

        • Take it easy. My husband was my soul mate until we started a business together. This changed our relationship a lot and I often get hurt by him. Drinking took the hurt away I did not realise what was happening until I stopped. I read somewhere that marriages (or close relationships) are a meeting of minds and hearts that nurture and protect us… except when they don’t and when they don’t we have to build our own defences. I now pick my battles and walk away when I need to. I tell him how I feel and if he ignores me I let him be. I am not responsible for him. I love him dearly but I’ve learnt to build boundaries. Belle @tired of drinking says we build boundaries by looking after ourselves. You are important. All this collapses if you collapse so start with you, what you need and what you want. Let go of the stuff you don’t need to deal with now. Take care.

        • Mmm, I feel for you. Feel free to ignore anything I write! Good to address your sudden awareness of your needs with conversation; why not. Just be prepared for reaction, as naming it is changing the rules & most of us react to that.
          That doesn’t make it wrong to talk. Go well. It souns like you’re under a lot of pressure.

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Sounds good indeed @mari135! I think that such an event is most people’s idea of a nightmare-hence the large quantities of booze consumed by some. Would you have ever thought it possible a few years ago that you were to attend such an event and also make meaningful connections with some people? Huge achievement, amazing! Xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    A great post. Thank you ❤️

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Hello @mari135, always very happy to see you here xx

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Haha, no such luck in my 600 inhabitant village 😂 maybe there are some to be found in Palma but it does not justify the one hour drive… i will substitute with what i can find in my fridge and veg patch (and hope that someone wants to sell me edamame beans for growing, there is a definite gap in the market!).

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Sounds like a great day @robynb! I would love to see how the garden looks…

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Good to see you here @deanna2019

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Kombucha contains living bacteria and yeast, which cause the fermentation. If you heat them up too much you kill them. Best to keep it in a cool(ish) place. Also I am pretty certain that there is not enough sugar in the stuff for it to turn into an alcoholic drink

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    As long as you keep trying you will get to the point where it will stick. You can do this!!!

  • Hi @ro, just woke up and saw your reply. I found the recipe, thanks, and it is even better than I thought because apart from the edamame beans (which I have no chance finding where I live) I have all the ingredients at home. Can’t wait to make it when I come back from work later on. Thanks xx

    • Awesome! Maybe you could find them at the supermarket. You’d be surprised…. I hope you enjoy it

      • Haha, no such luck in my 600 inhabitant village 😂 maybe there are some to be found in Palma but it does not justify the one hour drive… i will substitute with what i can find in my fridge and veg patch (and hope that someone wants to sell me edamame beans for growing, there is a definite gap in the market!).

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I hope that everything turns out well health-wise @ro! May I ask for the famous salad recipe? It is a toasty 39 degrees where I live, set to climb to 41 today, next week looks roughly the same. I mostly live off fruit and salads at the moment and am grateful for inspiration!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Sounds great @cascadeclimber!

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    It takes some time @mayfly and will be different for each one. @daveh gave me a fantastic explanation when I asked the same question a while back, putting the science behind it into words even I (a very non-scientific person could understand). I will try and find his post and then try to repost somehow.

  • 66 days for me today… generally I am not counting the days but could not resist a sneaky look at the sober calculator once I logged on here. What surprises me more than the number of days is the amount of money I used to spend on booze-I have nearly ‘saved’ 400!
    The clarity in mind I am experiencing is priceless though: I can trust my inner voice again and can handle most situations much better than I used to. But there is a downside to this quality: I am now struggling dealing with is drunk people. Particularly friends’ and family members’ responses to things once they had a few are bringing out a right old rage in me-both my partner and my mother are serious drinkers and I cannot believe that for years I used to think that I had something to do with their moodiness and irrational responses-how blind have I been to the fact that this is caused by alcohol? Now that I am no longer participating in this game the similarities of their responses (the “alternative realities”, over-emotional responses, manipulative behaviour – the list goes on….) are staring me in the face, and I am struggling to distance myself from their behaviour in a way that is healthy for everyone. As a teenager I ended up moving to a different country to escape my mother and I can feel a similar flight response brewing with my partner, as I feel that we are going around in circles and that nothing will change if he continues to drink the way he does. In all this emotional mess I am not giving him the credit he deserves for the things he does brilliantly and that does not help the situation at all. I love my family and do not want to rip it apart. Any wisdom greatly appreciated!

    • Being able to trust my inner voice more has been one of my favorite benefits of sobriety, also in week 9. Do you have access to Al Anon? It’s for those of us with close relationships to alcoholics. I’ve only been to a few meetings many years ago, but I still carry some of the wisdom I received there.

    • I really don’t think I could stay sober if my husband was a big drinker so well done you for sticking it out. You are very strong and brave.. Even though he has stood by me for years coping with me being drunk all the time I don’t think I could handle it being him.. sounds daft doesn’t it? congrats 66 days @Timetobesober xx

    • You’re doing awesome! I’ve said this before here; what I thought was true of myself at 3 months was completely different at 6, and then 9 months. They say not to make any major decisions for a year and I assume this is why. Check in with yourself in a few weeks and see how you feel. And good for you for realizing their moodiness had little to do with you!

    • Day 66!! oxoxox
      I keep coming back to advice I got here a while back….That time does its thing and that it’s ok to not have all the answers right now. The “I don’t know, YET” mind.
      I find that took a bit of the sense of urgency away….and allowed me to relax into the here and now.
      Things do have a way of figuring themselves out over time, often without us actively pushing and prodding.
      oxoxox
      It will be ok.
      You will be ok.

      I promise you.

      oxoxo

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    @suze99 I don’t think that this is a situation you could have prepared yourself for… but I love the way you dealt with your reaction to it! Our habits are so ingrained that it is sometimes difficult to get off autopilot. I think that you dealt with this amazingly well. Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on x

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    It is a great feeling to be free from it, and it makes you realise the incredible hold addiction can have on every aspect of life (and how much else there actually is to life)… congratulations on 40 days 💪

  • TimetobeSober posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Have a fabulous sober day today @gigi47!

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