I'm a 47 years old wife and mother of two children. A son who's 24 and a daughter who's 15. I'm also a step mom to my 22 year old son since he was 3. I'm on my second marriage and we've been together for 18 years. My relationship with alcohol started when I was around 18. I've been a party girl always. I drank very heavily with all the guys that I hung out with. Shots and beer and whiskey and vodka. Not too much wine in my early days. I just always remember having tons of alcohol there. We partied all the time. Almost everything I did had alcohol involved. I have absolutely no stop button. I drink until I'm way drunk. I dated a bunch of different people but I always were in the drinking groups. That's because that's what I did. I have so many drunk days and nights under my belt. It's impossible for me to even try to remember them all. I'm also a sloppy drunk. And a fired up drunk. Also a drunk that will get in your face. To be honest, I've toned things down in the past years. I definitely don't drink every day. Some times not even for a couple of weeks. But then it comes back and I love it and I drink the whole bottle of wine because now I love wine for like the past 5 years. I end up acting stupid and really regretting everything I do when I'm plastered. My husband has had enough and to be honest I have too. Its been a long time coming to get to this point. I'm actually only 6 days in but soon that number will be huge. I have a ton of summer events that I always drink heavily at but I'm just going to have to suck it up and be happy that I've finally made this change for myself and my family. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be honest with this fact....... there has never been nor will there be a day where I can just have one! So if I just can't have one then I just won't have any.
Day 2 and this is the first time I’ve ever decided to quit. I’ve tried to slow things down, change drinking whiskey to drinking wine.But I always end up in the same shity situations that I create myself because of this fucking alcohol! Its so mind blowing for me to reflect on how much alcohol I’ve consumed in the last 30 years.I had a very ugly situation that I created myself two nights ago. I drank a whole bottle of wine within an hours time then left the house with a very strong brewery beer. I chugged 1/2 of it in the car before eating some Chinese and shopping in Marshalls. I was gone for 2 1/2 hours total. I chugged the rest of my beer when I got into the car and it made me very drunk. My husband is at a work conference in Dallas for 2 nights. He basically thinks I was out drinking at a bar or with someone. I’ve completely lost his trust. All because of my stupid actions. I must admit, it does sound crazy and hard to explain. So this is why I’ve finally had enough of me apologizing to everyone I love! I almost lost my marriage because of alcohol that I just drank two nights ago.We’ve been married for 16 years.I did some real soul searching all day yesterday. The kind where your in a fog and you don’t eat because your insides are crumbling. I had a difficult talk with my 15 year old daughter about this. I did a lot of listening and what she told me is a real eye opener. I’ve done and said so many bad things to her while I was drunk. I’m thankful that she had the courage to open up and be honest. These are the things that I need to hear. I have conveniently forgotten almost all of the situations she holds so close to her heart. All the sorry’s in the world can’t take those moments back. I have been a great mom when I’m not plastered. My goodness, its just not enough anymore. I stumbled on this sight by accident yesterday. But I have to wonder if that’s true. I believe that if you open your heart and tell the universe what you need it some how gives it to you. Well I’m definitely going to lean on this sight. I need to become a better person.
@tgrim, your honesty is amazing. We risk life and limb, our own and our loved ones in the pursuit of alcohol. It can be devestating. But you have acknowledged your weaknesses and can focus on the way forward. The line in the sand is drawn. Enjoy the peace and calm that comes with sobriety. And buy your wonderful family gifts with your savings. The future is bright.
@tgrim. this was me 16 days ago.. me exactly, I drank to blackout every night.. my son thought I was dead as he couldn’t wake me up! the shame, guilt, anger and sadness I felt in the morning was terrible.. I have now made the decision to stop completely.. and I’m willing to put the work in this time as I am never going back.. myself and my family have been through far too much with that poison .. stay close here my love xxx
Lucy, its nice to hear that I’m not alone here. As crazy as that sounds. Sounds like you son was being affect too. You should feel really proud that your finding the courage to choose a different path. 15 days is amazing!!!! I’m just going to take on day at a time and never give in. If I do then it will just take over my life again. Without a doubt this is going to be the most challenging thing I’ve ever done!
All of us mums who abused alcohol have compromised our parenting. Sometimes in a small way. Sometimes in bigger ways. Reading your story I just flashed back to Xmas just gone where I was so hungover on Xmas morning I was just trying to hold it together watching my little boy open his presents. What a waste. It takes courage to admit we weren’t just hurting ourselves but also the ones we love. This site is a great starting point on your journey. You have support here!!!
Well you’ve made a great choice by joining this community. The support is priceless, and we know those feelings of shame and guilt, and that history we create which we can’t take back. But I have found humans to be very forgiving if they see you honestly and sincerely trying to make things better. It’s not just words, it’s actions. You can do this, it can be done. Please make sure you eat lots of healthy food and stay well hydrated to help you start to mend. Big hugs to you. Lots of parents on here relate to your story xo
@chasingthedandelion wow!!! Can I ever relate to that christmas story. That just stuck a nerve with me. Three years ago I was an owner of a pastry and antique shop.It was Christmas Eve and my sister was closing the shop with me around 5. We decided that we earned a few drinks at the bar next store. We drank so much and did so many shots it was sicking. My husband joined us but he can control his drinking so it wasn’t a problem for him. I had a busy holiday at work so we planned on finishing up christmas shopping on christmas eve at Target. All the tons of presents that I bought for our 3 kids were in my car unwrapped! I got so bombed that I couldn’t even walk through Target. My poor husband had to shop for the rest of the stuff. I was litterly pasted out on the floor of his car. I couldn’t even move!!! I could hear people outside around me but I was too drunk to even sit up. What a disaster!! I’m so ashamed of this night. My poor daughter was home alone and she was 12!! I decided to set my alarm and come back to get my car at 3am to get the presents out. I then had to wrap it all when I got back, which took hours and was a nightmare. But somehow I pulled it off and the presents were wrapped for christmas morning for all my kids to see. My sister and I were so hung over that christmas morning. We laughed about it. Of course I never told her how my night ended, I kept that ugly truth to myself. These moments can never be redone! There’s no fucking do over! Just another reason why I’m on this living sober sight right now!
I know that insides crumbling feeling. You are here now with many people who understand how you feel and can help you on this journey. You’re safe here. You will naturally become a better person by not drinking. xo
Hi there, love your post and totally resonate. I have so many nightmare stories involving not just my kids, but work, social events, compete strangers. People say alcohol is no excuse, and true I believe I’ve never acted maliciously whilst drunk, but Jeeze I have acted like a complete waste of space, been inappropriate thinking I’m hilarious, put myself in stupidly dangerous situations the list is endless. After 30+ years if alcohol binging then full on abuse I have finally realised and accepted this life isn’t about relaxation, fun, luxury, independence, it’s a living Hell. I’m out of here. Sober starts here and it’s gotta be better X