• tgrim posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    I’ve been busily watching Game of Thrones like planned. I recommend this to anyone who is looking for a nightly escape and the best part is there’s no commercials in your face every two seconds showing the falsehoods of alcohol! It’s a treat to be away from that for brief second. The series isn’t going to be for everyone, hence a ton of violence and sexual scenes throughout. My husband and I are spending the end of the summer watching it together. From beginning to end it will probably fill a whole two months of television watching for us. And the best part is I actually remember every single scene because my old witchy wine friend is no longer there!lol………Game of Thrones is without a doubt the best serious of movie I’ve ever watched! EVER!!!!!!!!

    • Tyrion, The Hound, Arya, Theon my faves. Then Jon Snow the big spunk lol. Such a great series. I would recommend the books very highly. Enjoy!

    • It is riveting! Of course, I am a fan too. Thus my avatar: Sansa! LOL. Another great one is Vikings!

    • I haven’t seen it yet but planning to start soon. Sounds like I’d better prepare lots of fruity water and strong coffee to hold on…

    • Glad you are enjoying it! There isn’t anything else good on this summer in my opinion so this is perfect timing! 🙂

  • tgrim posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Good morning! Having my a morning coffee relaxing to some Chet Baker and getting ready for this beautiful day ahead of me. Yesterday my teenage daughter who is 15 had a teen meltdown in the car in front of a store that was close to our home. Anyone who is raising a daughter this age can relate, I’m sure. Well once again we were disagreeing about something stupid but for some reason she took it to heart and got so angry, got out of the car and started walking home. Gota pat myself on the back for this new found calmness in my life. The old drinking me would have went bonkers over her behavior. Well the new me took a deep breath and then said to myself,… let her walk home. Whats the harm? It defused the situation.It was day light and therefore not as dangerous and to top it off we live up a huge hill so and it was hot out so she got a great lesson over this. When she got home I told her no way was she going to go scurrying into that room! I calmly tried to talk things out. WOW! I’ve never had these patient skills. I’m always losing my cool extremely fast! I love the new sober me. I had no idea how different I would become without that poison. I ended up texting her about an hour later telling her that I was sorry for blowing up and asking if she wanted to talk things out or just drop it. Of course her response was to drop it. So I then texted “I love you” and she responded back “I love you too”. This loving ending is so important because teen girls are very in need of love and not fighting all the time.They don’t look it, but they are very fragile. I honestly can’t believe the change in myself and I’m eagerly looking forward to learning more as the days go by. Man, do I deserve this!!!!!!! ALCOHOL SUCKS SO BAD.

    • Hi @tgrim I know about 15 year old girls, hormones all over the place. My step daughter has her boyfriend coming over later for dinner lol, she’s cleaned all the house without me even asking, so I’m happy. I find myself more calmer with both kids since I ditched the booze but they do upset me easily now where as before I’d flare up. But it’s all good.

    • hey @tgrim, this is exactly what happens to me since I’m sober. I’ve got teenage daughters and now I am able to behave like a patient, responsible adult and not like I was also 14y old! Go on 🙂

    • Wonderful post. Keep up the good work 🙂

    • Brilliant brilliant brilliant. Mega brilliance.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    That book was ok, not one of my favorites. The Naked Mind is the absolute best at changing your perspective on alchohol. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have gotten to where I am today without it. If you haven’t read it, then that’s the one you should get.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    i’m new to this sober life. I luckily found this sight and also the book The Naked Mind. I swear by it!!! I know that I wouldn’t have been able to shut my mind off without it. By half way through it already was working for me. I’m on day 48 and I’ve been drinking consistently for 32 years. My life is already peaceful and happy with very little to no internal conversations about alcohol. Keep trying different things and just don’t give in.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    On on day 48 and feel wonderful. It’s my new normal now. No more roller coaster rides for me anymore! Every day is calm and happy 😃 I just finished reading The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and in it the author dedicated a whole chapter to famous celebrities who are living sober and also included a quote from each of them. This was so surprising to me, I had no idea that so many people in Hollywood were sober! I mean they just don’t market this at all. I love the movies and Oscars and in a weird way kinda look up to these people. So I decided to go even further and google this subject. Well, there are a ton of celebrities who swear off alcohol and are very passionate about not having alcohol in their lives😳Come on, this is weird that it’s not talked about. Instead we have alcohol marketed to us like it’s the best thing ever! Commercials, magazine ads, sports events, almost all tv programs, etc…. Here’s a list of some of them
    Natalie Portman, Jennifer Lopez, Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, Jada Pinkett Smith, Samual L Jackson,Elton John, Jack Osbourne and his sister Kelly, Kelly Preston, Denzil Washington, 50 Cent, Eminem, Keith Urban, Bruce Willis, Ewan McGregor,Toby Maguire,Tyra Banks, Kathy Griffin, Robert Downey Jr., Demi Lovato, Jim Carrey, Rob Lowe, Russell Brand,Jamie Lee Curtis,Gerald Butler,Dax Shepard, Joe Walsh,Eric Clapton, Jason Biggs, Travis Barker, Bradley Cooper,Rumer Willis,Shania. Twain,Tyler The Creater,Zac Efron,Kristin Davis, Christina Ricci,Naomi Campbell,Leona Lewis, Lucy Hale,Calvin Harris, Eva Mendes, Daniel Radcliffe,Ben Alfleck, Kim Kardashian West,Common,Logic,Pharrell Williams,Mathew Perry,Sarah Silverman,Dane Cook,Chris Marin,Jennifer Hudson,Tim McGraw,Nicole Richie,Carrie Fisher, Oprah Winfrey,Tom Hardy,John Mayor, John Goodman,Dennis Quaide, Josh Brolin,Steven Tyler,John Stamos, Danny Trejo,Edie Falco, Travis Barker,Alec Baldwin,Sia
    Ok, is anyone else surprised by all these names?????
    I feel that our society is flooded with the…[Read more]

    • It is marketed like it’s the best thing ever @tgrim and it bloody winds me up.. when your watching tele and adverts come on how a glass of wine is glamourous and needed to help relax.. it did none of that for me no matter how much I tried. The first addictive buzz I got I just wanted more and more.. my life was a mess. So many famous talented people here who have given the booze the boot.. and well done to you 48 days.

    • Wow, thanks for that, tgrim. Who knew? And for the book title…I’ll look it up…trying to find more reading matter. I myself was surprised just by the number of members on this site when I first joined up! It made me feel so much less alone!
      Arohanui to everyone out there tonight in all our sober-wonderfulness!

      • That book was ok, not one of my favorites. The Naked Mind is the absolute best at changing your perspective on alchohol. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have gotten to where I am today without it. If you haven’t read it, then that’s the one you should get.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    I have to say that I’m also enjoying the sweet treats. I almost always said no while I was drinking. Who wants to waste time eating dessert when I could have more wine. My taste buds have awakened just like I read they would. Now cake and ice cream is super interesting to me.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    what a great honest list. I love it and can relate 100%!

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    I found the first two weeks the toughest. Many struggles are still present then. Keep going and trust in this sight. It really is amazing!

    • I agree it is tough and Thankfully I found this group through the Bubble Hour. I feel supported and its here all the time with feedback! Thank you Tgrim!

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Your story is very similar to my own. You hit on a ton of things that I was also obsessing about in my own journey. I decided to change only 47 days ago and I’m so happy that I finally see that truth about alcohol. Congrats on day 75! I completely understand how your feeling right now. I’m also thankful for this amazing sight.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 week, 4 days ago

    I survived my first ever sober camping trip! We just got back Saturday and went for 8 days. I couldn’t believe that this was ever possible. Today is day 47 and I’ve done a ton of reading and listening to peoples stories and comments about how life is happy without drinking. I tried it, very reluctantly at first…. but their all right! No alcohol was needed to have a good time. I hung out with friends and family who were drinking and I never once felt I needed one. In fact I felt the complete opposite! I was laughing and having a great time without that poison. I also remember every single conversation, stayed up late ( instead of passing out by 9!), made great memories and didn’t act like a jerk or act super loud. Its a relief to finally be done with that bullshit. I like being happy almost every day, no hangovers, no mood swings,no night sweats, no blackouts, no uncontrollable voice in my head constantly asking about alcohol! Now its just silence! I honestly had no idea how out of control my situation had become. It just felt normal because that’s the way I lived for so long. Like I said my friends who I’ve known since high school were there. I had an interesting experiment on my hands. I had to take the time to explain that I wasn’t drinking ever again. They were very supportive of this decision but I found that I didn’t want to have to do this every single time this situation comes up. So the next day I put a post on facebook to all my friends explaining that I had great news. That I decided to start living a sober lifestyle because I was beginning to feel like alcohol wasn’t doing me any favors anymore. I explained that I joined an online support group and that I’ve also been reading books like The Naked Mind. I said how happy I felt and what great success I’ve had already and how great I felt. Well, I have to pat myself on the back for that bold move. The word is out and now I don’t have to go through that torment of explaining myself every…[Read more]

    • That is an epic accomplishment. You should be very proud! Isn’t it brilliant when we’re finally let in on the secret that we don’t need booze to live life and have a great time. It’s mind blowing! 😊

    • I like it, tgrim. That’s kind of the “rip that band-aid off” approach to letting people know. Just do it all at once. My method was similar. Some people have issues, such as work situations, where secrecy with regard to their alcohol problem prevents them from taking that path, and I’m good with that, too. I sure am glad that you’ve found the new and improved camping trip method, and had a great time. I’m at a campground this very moment, just four nights. A nearby town is having a week-long “Cheeseburger Festival”; a rather alcohol-soaked event. But really, most there aren’t over-doing it. Not like I used to.

    • I did a sober road trip with my sister earlier this Summer, it was the best trip of my adult life. Every single airbnb
      we stayed in left us wine and beer and one even left a huge basket of nips. I ignored it all and built amazing memories.

    • “[M]y first ever sober camping trip! We just got back Saturday and went for 8 days.” Great job!

      I’ve treated most vacations as an excuse to drink even more! And then I get back, more exhausted than ever, from the “vacation.”

      Maybe we should think of ourselves as on “vacation” from alcohol. “I’m on vacation from alcohol.” It’s a good thing, not a bad one.

      Most friends I have that drink, like me, drink way too much.

      I stopped drinking for 6 months once and my friends all wanted me to drink again. I would say, “I’m becoming an alcoholic.” A friend would say, “No, you’re not. How do you know you’re an alcoholic?” My answer to that question: “Tell yourself right now you’re not going to drink for 30 days. Then do it.” You can see it immediately in the eyes of a functional alcoholic–they cannot bear the thought of not drinking for 30 days.

      Hope I did not offend anyone.

      • @max-alabama, I really don’t think you can say anything about boozing that would offend anyone here! We all have our own best horror stories. I think every one of us has tried moderating and failed ..numerous times, and would have looked horrified at the thought of 30 days without drinking at many points in time.

    • Thanks for sharing tgrim! Proud of you.

  • tgrim posted an update 4 weeks ago

    I survived my first outdoor summer concert last night AF! We saw the 10,000 Maniacs play at a free outdoor park which is a yearly event for us. I ALWAYS pack a backpack full of snacks and a nice bottle of merlot. Your allowed to drink here. So I knew this was going to be an interesting experiment for me. Today I rolled into day 31 AF so as you can see,I’m very new at this no drinking for life thing. I was very aware the whole time of all the alcohol around me. I watched it like a hawk but I’m surprised and happy to report that I had no cravings for it. I did feel bad for myself but quickly put a few past memories into my head of me and my out of control ways with that poison and how one or two always turned into 5 or 6. So I drank my seltzer lemon and lime water and enjoyed the show clear headed this time with my husband. There’s going to be a bunch of firsts in this journey and I think that I just knocked this one out of the park! Lets see how I handle the next one which starts next weekend. Camping for 8 days with my family. We do this every year because the kids absolutely love it. Its the summer memory that they talk about the most. I have no idea how to camp without drinking! This should be a huge challenge!!!!! Hope everyone enjoys this amazing summer day.

    • Well done!! You just built some huge sober muscles AND you discovered you CAN have a great time without alcohol. Mind-blowing, right?!! 😊❤️

    • Congrats on getting through the first month! It’s a great accomplishment. The concert sounds like it was awesome. And you will remember it all! How awesome to wake up the day after and only have the happy memories and not a headache and hangover. Great work!!

    • so many firsts, @tgrim, each time it will get easier. this time you make it through eight days of camping without a drink and then next time, you make it through a group of friends drinking after …. whatever. each time you feel stronger. i remember that i was always so tired when i first was saying no all the time, thinking about saying no all the time. even that tiredness goes away. keep looking at why you are grateful. congrats on day 31 AF. great accomplishment.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    I loved that term too. It was very relatable for me and exactly how I was hoping to get sober. A very important chapter for me.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    I just found this by accident 4 weeks ago by googling sober blogs. It was the very first day of deciding that I’m at rock bottom and I need to reach out before I lose my husband. It was not a good day in my life. But I reached out to the universe and finally asked for help. Well this is what it gave me, what an amazing place this sight is.Very supportive and nonjudgmental. I wasn’t interested in AA so I’m thankful that places like this are here for us. Congratulations on day 80! That’s amazing

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    This post is something I can relate to all so well. I’m only on day 29 but its already enough time to rejoice that I’m 100% here every single minute of those 29 days. No nasty blackouts, no time spent thinking about when I get to drink next, no time spent half listening to my poor teenage daughter. So glad that’s all behind me now! Having a clear head is priceless. I’m loving it!

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Congratulations on day 11! That first week was extremely hard for me. Thank god its in the past!!! I experienced a lot of internal conversations that was very uncomfortable for me. I’m on day 29 and I’ve done my homework on this sobriety thing and I’m happy to tell you that I already feel wonderful. No nagging voice, no uncontrollable thoughts about that poison. The Naked Mind was what worked for me. I completely changed my whole view on everything because of that book. I’ve even been to multiple outdoor parties with absolutely no cravings! Definitely give it a try if you already haven’t.

    • i bought it! @tgrim and yes – super helpful. i think that really has made this whole thing easier. i love that term “spontaneous sobriety” i know it’s not easy for everyone- but it has not been that hard for me. feeling grateful for that.

      • I loved that term too. It was very relatable for me and exactly how I was hoping to get sober. A very important chapter for me.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month ago

    Had another wonderful AF day today. Enjoyed coffee, music, a nice lunch with my husband, some small talk with my teenage daughter, and a great power walk. I’m experiencing so very strange happy feelings almost daily now. It feels like joy or peacefulness. I honestly never felt this before. 32 years of drinking really has taken its toll. So glad I’ve finally decided that enough is enough. So my plan for the next few months is to watch Game of Thrones. All eight seasons!!!! Starting in a few minutes. The old me would have been thrilled to watch this too……….except the old me would have a huge glass of merlot in my hand throughout the whole thing. Thank god that old nagging voice is history!!! Hope everyone has a wonderful evening.

    • Hooray for feelings of joy and peacefulness! It’s an amazing thing to finally experience, isn’t it? I recently watched Stranger Things 3 with my husband, and realized I was drunk for SO MUCH of Season 2 I barely could remember what was going on. How sad.

    • I’ve been meaning to do that Game of Thrones thing too – doing it with wine I wouldn’t have a clue what was happening to who when lol might as well watch 8 seasons of the fridge door 🙂

      • that is so funny @suzkep watching seasons of the fridge door. Sometimes I would be watching something and my kids would say you have already seen that, I would have no idea couldn’t remember a thing while I was drinking.

        • Ha! I had to rewatch The Handmaids Tale Season One and Two as I was always pissed and has zero clues as to what was happening… enjoyed it a lot more the second time around

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month ago

    Good morning! I feel so full of energy and energized today. Very thankful for waking up every morning hangover free!! Day 27 for me and so far my morning has been very hectic. My car is still in the shop and its raining here so my husband can’t take his motorcycle to work so I had to get up early and give him a ride. My daughter has a summer camp job so I then had to drive her. Unfortunately I’ll be doing this craziness again in 4 hours but until then I have the quit house all to myself. I’m hanging out with my dogs, drinking tons of coffee, listening to John Coltrane A Love Supreme and about to dive into a book. All the house work is done too!! Looking forward to this peaceful AF day! Hope everyone else finds peace in theirs too!! xoxo

    • Lucy replied 1 month ago

      Hi @tgrim I love days like that, house empty and all housework done. You can now relax and have some time to yourself , does wonders for you.. fab day 27 x

    • JM replied 1 month ago

      What a happy post @tgrim! : )

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Wondering if you’ve read The Naked Mind? I’m on day 27 and I just finished it last week. It has completely changed my world. I’m a totally different person right now because of it.

    • I’m not able to concentrate on too much reading yet but I will keep it in mind for later. Thanks for the recommendation and congrats on your 27 days! You sound pretty stoked about it! Keep it going.

      • @jennah, I have been offline and am catching up on all of your news–wow! So glad that you got to the hospital and are out again and OK. And so glad that we are not drinking. Congratulations to us! Here’s to a happy, healthy recovery, wherever you find the term applies!

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month ago

    I just counted and today is day 26! I’m so amazed and grateful that I’m FINALLY opening my eyes to the poisons of alcohol. Wowie have I been a huge sucker and without realizing it, was sucked into this HUGE world where we’re fed this bullshit that alcohol is needed for every single fun time. This has been my go to thought for the past 30 years. And of course for at least the past 5 years its not a party for me anymore. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe now that I finally got this poisonous shit out of my system and out of my head and thankfully read The Naked Mind it has simply taught me so. OMG…. for anyone trying to quit, please read this. I’m so peaceful and happy already and I’m only on day 26. No cravings at all!!! You just have to understand how to do it and that book is the answer! This past weekend I had a graduation party for my niece and nephew. One graduated from collage and the other from high school. It was so interesting to put that book and the knowledge I learned from it to the test. First off I never ever ever craved not even one drink! The book told me this would happen and guess what, it was right. I had the lemon lime water and I was so satisfied with that. I’m a huge drinker who never ever doesn’t drink, especially at a party. I would have been so lit by the time I left. But instead it was just like this book said I would feel. I was happy and not craving it at all. Instead I enjoyed all my conversations and I laughed a ton and I thought that it was never possible without alcohol. I was one of those people they talk about in the book who thought that never again would I enjoy a party without alcohol. I’m living proof and happy to tell you that this just isn’t true. What I found total disturbing was the fact that every single adult besides me and my husband drank. They even set up a drinking table for beer pong which went on the whole party. These kids just graduated college and high school and some were still in high school. No body thought…[Read more]

    • I agree it is such an eye opener going to a party like this when you’re not drinking. So much fun and better engagement but scary seeing the drinking culture through sober eyes. Well done xx

    • Knowing what a huge struggle this journey has been for me thus far… it kind of mortifies me now to see how MUCH society pushes drinking a lot as “normal”. When I’m watching TV and there is a character that is known for drinking a lot, and that is cast in some kind of funny or positive light to make it relatable.. it makes me sad now because I would’ve used that as just another confirmation that it was normal to use everything as an excuse for drinking. Normalizing heavy drinking is so problematic. I’m bummed to hear about your experience witnessing it being normalized for all of these young impressionable people. 🙁

    • Well done! It sounds like your head is in the right place! Sadly, I relate to your experience with family get togethers all too well. I’m proud to be on the outside of it now, but it is really scary to witness just how normalized the drinking culture is.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you for the recommendation. I’m going to pop into my Barnes and Noble this morning and get it. I will be finishing up The Naked Mind today. Can;t wait to dive into it!

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    YESSSSSSSS! Very thankful I stumbled upon it. Its basically rewired my thinking. I’m very curious to see if it lasts for me because I’m shooting for a forever change.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    I can’t believe that I’ve come so far in such a small amount of time. Today is day 21 and I have finally turned off almost all that crazy internal struggle that I was constantly struggling with and I owe it all to this site and the book The Naked Mind which I’m still reading. In exactly 155 pages its already rewired my mind into thinking something completely different! Its basically like a miracle. I read about two chapters each time I have time to myself and really let the words sink in. My unconscious mind had finally caught up with my conscious mind!!! I had my doubts when I read the reviews of people who claimed that this book saved their life. I mean come on, that just sounds a bit too easy and I was extremely skeptical to say the least. I know myself and I know how bad I’ve been abusing myself for like 30 years. How could one book do the trick? Well folks,I’m so excited to tell you it does work! My husband can’t believe the change in me. We just came back from a three day weekend in Maine. I have NEVER been on a sober vacation like EVER!!! I’m very luck that he doesn’t really drink so that makes it easier. We did go to a few bar restaurants that I slightly had the urge to get a drink out of habit. But it was the easiest decision to just chose an unsweetened ice tea. I felt amazing all day and never got drunk and was happy not to. I did reflect on the different me without that poison. I had to ask my husband a bunch of times if he enjoyed our time without the booze and he said how great it was. That he loved his time with me so much better and how I’m totally different when I drink. I read something very interesting to me in The Naked Mind, It talks about people who have great success with spontaneous sobriety.They said that these people are between 4 and 7 times more successful than participants in AA. The secret to spontaneous sobriety has everything to do with reconciling the internal conflict caused by your desire to quit drinking and your fear…[Read more]

    • @tgrim, just started to re read it! Such a different perspective right?!

      • YESSSSSSSS! Very thankful I stumbled upon it. Its basically rewired my thinking. I’m very curious to see if it lasts for me because I’m shooting for a forever change.

    • Great positivity! I felt the same way after I read Mrs D’s book and Allen Carr’s book. It changed the way I felt about alcohol and I have loved being free of it since that point. 🙂

    • Great to read this! So happy that you and your husband are creating new and fantastic moments which are booze free x

    • @tgrim I’m so going to re-read that book…thanks for the reminder…just what I needed to help me at the moment. Love hearing how good you are feeling too.

    • It’s a brilliant book, also try the unexpected joy pf being sober by Katherine Grey, it’s really good.. x

      • Thank you for the recommendation. I’m going to pop into my Barnes and Noble this morning and get it. I will be finishing up The Naked Mind today. Can;t wait to dive into it!

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I actually am feeling this exact same way. You nailed it! I’ve finally clicked over to “I’m free” too! Never in a million years when I started 21 days ago would I have EVER thought this was possible. The never ending “I’m missing out” conversation that I was having with myself was real and constant. What has 100% helped me is this site and also the book This Naked Mind.I’m so happy for you!

    • I’m so happy for you, too! @tgrim I just happened to have finished This Naked Mind last night! Alcohol Explained was helpful for me, too. They both helped me shift my mindset. Hugs.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    What a gorgeous summer day outside today. I woke up and made my coffee and read a few chapters in my book outside in my flower garden. I also just accomplished a huge power walk up some very huge hills. I’m feeling great and eating healthy. My husband surprised me with a cigar last night for accomplishing 12 days. It was so thoughtful because he’s so happy and proud of me for FINALLY owning up to this very out of control,ugly side of me. I love to smoke a cigar when I drink whiskey so I actually wasn’t sure how this was going to go for me. There is obviously something missing! lol. Anyways I was planning on smoking it this weekend when we go off to Maine for the weekend but he said ” no, we”re going to smoke it in the backyard right now.” Well I’m happy to say that to my surprise I enjoyed it 100% just like I did whenever I would drink on special occasions. Just one more hurtle I’ve jumped over! I also started the book The Naked Mind. I saw that a ton of people recommended it on this sight so I’m opening myself up to it. I definitely enjoy this sight. I’m so thankful that I stumbled upon it two weeks ago. Hope everyone has a great sober day! xo

    • Well done and what a thoughtful gesture, enjoy Maine xx

    • @tgrim A good sober treat works for me on really rough days! I live in Maine! (I’m an expat in Japan this year, however). Enjoy it, Maine is such a special place and it’s really a beautiful time of year there right now. I miss it very much!

    • Good for you on twelve days, Maine is gorgeous this time of year…enjoy!

    • Your husband sounds lovely and so supportive and very proud. I’m glad you enjoyed that cigar! You have a new sober treat now.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    I just had to count and I can’t believe I’m on day 12! This has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. Saturday afternoon is when my internal conversations were at the worst. I had tried to let my husband know how I was feeling all day. That I wanted to go to the brewery, that I wanted to buy a bottle of wine, that I wanted that beer in the fridge. It literally went on all afternoon. He finally said “wow, you really do have a problem with alcohol. That’s all that you could talk about all day long!” Thank god that I didn’t give in to this inner demand. It’s important that he understands that I’m not ok and that I do have to work very hard sometime to be sober. Yesterday we took a great three hour motorcycle ride all throughout Litchfield County. Stopped to have a real nice lunch at a fancy restaurant and my old self would have enjoyed a beer or a vodka and cranberry. But this time I had a gourmet coffee from their coffee bar and I couldn’t believe it….. it worked for me. No alcohol cravings at all! So now I’m thinking, hum, maybe for me this is the answer that might work sometimes. I’ll order coffee not a ton of wine or beer or whiskey! This is definitely a hard journey so far. I’m still learning how to have fun without alcohol by my side. Occasionally I’d be able to control myself and just have a couple but my story usually always ends with me overdoing it AGAIN!

    • You did real good, and may I suggest that you put all the money you ar3e not spending on booze in a jar and go out once a week or so and spend the lot. It honestly really helps. Just buy some new jeans or a lipstick and take your man out, the family out to cafes, or buy speical groceries that you normally wouldn’t afford. It is so good to treat yourself and it also shows you how much money was being wasted. All this is going to get way easier for you than it is right now. When you get fixated like on Saturday you need to do something to distract yourself. Drag him off to a movie or go by yourself, or anything you like doing. Put your sobriety above all else jsut for now, and soon it won’t be a problem, and you will be happy and proud and amazing. congratulations on your 12 days, so cool x

    • I think the first few days when I was realizing how often I was thinking “I want to buy a bottle of wine. I wish I had some beer. Omg why does there have to be so many alcohol advertisements EVERYWHERE” was when I really saw how dependent I had become on booze. It honestly made me feel scared because I was always living with a “I’m fine” attitude even as I drank most nights.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Oh boy! Yesterday sucked so bad. All day I wanted to drink. The feeling never ever went away. I had a few very low moments that I honestly felt very sorry for myself. I always drink on holidays, that’s just what I do. Its the highlight of every single holiday for me. I’m having a hard time enjoying myself if I’m not drinking. There honestly wasn’t any point for it for me yesterday. All I could think to myself was ” gee, I feel like I’m like 12 again and celebrating this holiday like a kid would.” I just don’t think it was fun at all. Alcohol makes it so much better for me. I can laugh nonstop and just have a great time. Ok, I also always go overboard and end up drunk. I’m on day 9 today. Hoping that I can figure this shit out because I do know one thing……..I’m always the one who has way too much. UGH!!!!!!!!!!

    • Keep going! Your energy will improve with time and you’ll enjoy yourself more!! 🙂

    • The truth is I believe that experiencing an occasion that has big drinking pulls for you this early in your journey is tough. Despite that you did it alcohol free which really great and a tribute to your commitment. The more days you build up the easier it gets. Keep going!

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I’m proud of myself. Its summer time and this is usually the prim drinking time for me. Everything always included summer cocktails! But now I’m committed to writing a new chapter of my life and that finally does not include alcohol!! I’m planning on just doing one day at a time. Today I woke up and went for an amazing power walk that went up huge hills and I feel great. Had some morning coffee, started a new book. Weeded my garden and just decided to take in all the outside beauty that I’m so lucky to be around. I’m sticking to checking into this site and reading a handful of posts. I’m finding that this is very important to do when I have time to myself. Going for a swim and treating myself to more of my book. Then I’ll be off cooking and doing stuff for my family. Its been exactly a week for me today and I already can see the positive steps I’m putting in to make this change possible. Like I said….. I’m focusing on one day at a time ONLY! Hope everyone has a great day

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Day 6 for me today.Had a great power walk this morning. I’m happy that I gave myself like 3 hours this afternoon to read things on this site. Mrs.D’s Blog is great! I definitely need to add this into my routine when I’m by myself. The weekends I can hangout with my husband and enjoy life together. I’m beginning to realize that I have an amazing opportunity to grow and that’s not something I take for granted. Hope everyone has a wonderful evening 🙂

    • Hey @tgrim sounds like you had a great day. I feel inspired to head out for a walk this morning although it is cold here in NZ. I too enjoy a quiet time reading through this site it is so helpful. Have a great evening it is time for me to get up and get on with my day. Congrats on day 6

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Day 5 and I’ve been keeping myself real busy with life. I’m not sure I’m all on board with counting days. Is it that important to do that? Can’t I just say I quit and isn’t that enough? I had a three year problem with Ativan (lorazepam) that almost killed me 1 1/2 years ago. I was taking it daily and .mixing it with alcohol every time I drank. Not a good combination for anyone. My breathing was getting very crazy when I slept and my husband and I are convinced that it was going to kill me. Chris Cornell had just killed himself and was on this drug. Its a mind altering drug that when mixed with alcohol impairs your judgement. I felt like I needed this drug out of my life so I just stopped. I flushed a full bottle down the toilet and never looked back. My point is that I didn’t have a daily counter. Is this necessary for sobriety?

    • Not necessary at all, some people love counting their days, others just use a date! Whatever works for you my dear,xx.

    • The only thing that is necessary for sobriety is not to drink today. I think that for many people counting is a good tool to help them not to drink and to plot their progress. There is probably many other reasons as well personal to each one. If you don’t count and I don’t (although I have real respect for those who do) I think its important to keep some sort of log. Ativan is a really difficult drug to come off of you did well but after you flushed it down the toilet you might have had problems if you could pop into a newsagents and buy more. Alcohol is everywhere and its easy to slip into “just the one mode”. Logging or counting keeps a tally. It also gives you an excuse to feel good and treat yourself at the end of the week when you see lots of x’s by the dates cos this can get a bit tough at times. Day 5 is good so whatever is working for you keep doing it.

    • Fantastic going on your 5th day, @tgrim. Love love love the direction YOU are taking.

    • I dont really count the days either, but I do check in on my progress. I knew my quit date when I set up my account here and I look at that every now and again. I get more and more proud as the number gets bigger. That’s part of what keeps me from wanting to have “just one” or any for that matter. But whatever works for you.

    • Honestly, for me, I don’t count. I keep it blank on my page. I needed to make it more about a “lifestyle change” not counting the days. I know my quit date and every few months or so just out of curiosity I’ll google how many days it has been since my last drunk. Counting seems to work for most people but not me. And if not counting works, by all means, don’t do it! Most importantly is to commit yourself to being your healthiest, best sober self. You can do it. You are worth it!! I’m somewhere around a year and a half and I know that today I will not drink.

    • I counted days till I got to a place where I felt like my world was clearing and I wasn’t so focused on that specific day, but rather began really looking forward. Now I find I use experiences and feelings as my point of reference.

      Today is day 124 (could be 126?) for me. I know I’m not out of the woods, and I know I never will be, but I’m living for the now of not drinking. The urges are far fewer and the noise in my head has finally stopped. So when I experience a happening or an emotion that triggers an urge, I stop and think about what’s going on and really consider it. It’s helped me to appreciate the now vs the then. The ‘that was how it was when I was drinking’ vs ‘this is how different it is now.’ Sounds a bit convoluted, but its worked for me. And I will not drink today.

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Agirl….wow that second paragraph is so true! I’m thankful for your insight.I really feel that everyone on this sight truly understands what I’m going through.Thank you

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Yesterday was day 3 and it was SO CHALLENGING to say the least! My husband is problem #1. He isn’t acknowledging this at all. I told him I’ve finally made this commitment and mentioned this living sober sight. He allowed my conversation to last for only a few sentences without any response. Hum…. now I see how this is going to go down for me. He’s a quit cold turkey kind of person. Suck it up and don’t look back. He definitely wants me to stop forever and he did love that I was alcohol free yesterday. He asked me if we wanted to take an hour bike ride to our friends cottage…. The cottage that every visit there I drank. I was in tears. How could he not understand me. He absolutely did not want to see tears. He told me he’s going right then and there and to either come or stay home. Of course I went but that bike ride was a lot of leeriness about how this alcohol free day was going to be for me. We stopped to bring wings and he actually thought nothing of sitting at a bar to wait for them! Wow!!!!!! Then later we went out to a restaurant and asks me if we want to sit at the bar to eat! Oh my god, really????? The cottage was low key but everyone else was drinking and drinking and drinking. With the exception of me and my husband. He’s diabetic so he really isn’t a huge drinker.I told my friend who owns the cottage that I’m going to have a go at not drinking anymore and he was very open to the idea for me. I’m finding that most friends are going to feel this way. I really am not bothered by taking a break. The thing that I’m finding impossible is wrapping my head around this is a FOREVER THING!!!! I drank club soda with lemon and lime out of a can with a straw, which I did enjoy. To be honest I’m just not ready to not have drinks ever.

    • No easy answers but I had a pretty open discussion with my family that there are events and places that will be off limits at times. Addiction is weird, and they need to know that while going to a particular place yesterday was fine, today it’s not and the day after tomorrow I could go there and never even think about ordering a drink. The forever thing is too big and too abstract for me to think about right now. But my dad and both of my grand fathers did it so I’m pretty sure I can do it. I’m staying focused on the positives of weight loss, healthier living, far better fitness. Alcohol is a poison. Today the wife and I will be at Pride in Seattle were craft beer and craft cocktails flow like water but today I feel strong and it will not get in my head.

      • “Forever”…I call it the f word, as many don’t like to hear it. See, you are thinking about it, and handling it well…pushing it out of your head when it gets scary. There are some positive things about embracing the f word though. It allows you to focus on coping, and it ends the daily decision struggle. But it is an uncomfortable word, I’m smiling at myself as I type this…and yet, that’s what we hope to achieve by being here. So tuck it away in the back of your mind until you feel a little stronger, but pull it out and try it on once in a while. It can feel really good, too, to say that I’m free of that crap forever.

    • @tgrim In the beginning I told myself that I’ll not drink for a year, rather than say never again. Others just focus on today. Eventually the inner addict, some call “Wolfe”, will shrink and never won’t seem like an awful thing (most likely). In the meantime, focus on today.

    • Hmmmm. It sounds to me ( and please correct me if I’m wrong!!!) that your husband supports your decision entirely, but doesn’t understand HOW to support you. Sort of like a “language of love” thing where someone loves you but their method of showing you isn’t one you understand, so you don’t feel the love.
      It really is like he’s thinking- thank god that’s over, now we can get on with living. Not realising the work, emotional energy and basically various levels of internal torture that it takes you (us) to achieve that!!!!
      As @cascadeclimber said, it might help both of you to have a discussion about activities and places that you need to limit just now. It’s not nice that you had to sit in a cottage listening to leery comments about your drinking this early in your sobriety. You certainly don’t have to put up with that.
      He sounds wonderful, I have to say. My husband still drinks, which is the pits. And he won’t cycle- although he might do if there was a pub at the end of it 😝.
      Congrats on day 3 you- I think you’re amazing 💐💐💐💐.

      • Agirl….wow that second paragraph is so true! I’m thankful for your insight.I really feel that everyone on this sight truly understands what I’m going through.Thank you

    • First and foremost you are doing this for you !
      Focus on healing yourself and don’t expect any reactions or support…although that would be great!
      I have a similar situation and hubby said “I wanted to wait and see how you go with this thing!”

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Lucy, its nice to hear that I’m not alone here. As crazy as that sounds. Sounds like you son was being affect too. You should feel really proud that your finding the courage to choose a different path. 15 days is amazing!!!! I’m just going to take on day at a time and never give in. If I do then it will just take over my life again. Without a doubt this is going to be the most challenging thing I’ve ever done!

    • All of us mums who abused alcohol have compromised our parenting. Sometimes in a small way. Sometimes in bigger ways. Reading your story I just flashed back to Xmas just gone where I was so hungover on Xmas morning I was just trying to hold it together watching my little boy open his presents. What a waste. It takes courage to admit we weren’t just hurting ourselves but also the ones we love. This site is a great starting point on your journey. You have support here!!!

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Day 2 and this is the first time I’ve ever decided to quit. I’ve tried to slow things down, change drinking whiskey to drinking wine.But I always end up in the same shity situations that I create myself because of this fucking alcohol! Its so mind blowing for me to reflect on how much alcohol I’ve consumed in the last 30 years.I had a very ugly situation that I created myself two nights ago. I drank a whole bottle of wine within an hours time then left the house with a very strong brewery beer. I chugged 1/2 of it in the car before eating some Chinese and shopping in Marshalls. I was gone for 2 1/2 hours total. I chugged the rest of my beer when I got into the car and it made me very drunk. My husband is at a work conference in Dallas for 2 nights. He basically thinks I was out drinking at a bar or with someone. I’ve completely lost his trust. All because of my stupid actions. I must admit, it does sound crazy and hard to explain. So this is why I’ve finally had enough of me apologizing to everyone I love! I almost lost my marriage because of alcohol that I just drank two nights ago.We’ve been married for 16 years.I did some real soul searching all day yesterday. The kind where your in a fog and you don’t eat because your insides are crumbling. I had a difficult talk with my 15 year old daughter about this. I did a lot of listening and what she told me is a real eye opener. I’ve done and said so many bad things to her while I was drunk. I’m thankful that she had the courage to open up and be honest. These are the things that I need to hear. I have conveniently forgotten almost all of the situations she holds so close to her heart. All the sorry’s in the world can’t take those moments back. I have been a great mom when I’m not plastered. My goodness, its just not enough anymore. I stumbled on this sight by accident yesterday. But I have to wonder if that’s true. I believe that if you open your heart and tell the universe what you need it some how gives it…[Read more]

    • @tgrim, your honesty is amazing. We risk life and limb, our own and our loved ones in the pursuit of alcohol. It can be devestating. But you have acknowledged your weaknesses and can focus on the way forward. The line in the sand is drawn. Enjoy the peace and calm that comes with sobriety. And buy your wonderful family gifts with your savings. The future is bright.

    • @tgrim. this was me 16 days ago.. me exactly, I drank to blackout every night.. my son thought I was dead as he couldn’t wake me up! the shame, guilt, anger and sadness I felt in the morning was terrible.. I have now made the decision to stop completely.. and I’m willing to put the work in this time as I am never going back.. myself and my family have been through far too much with that poison .. stay close here my love xxx

      • Lucy, its nice to hear that I’m not alone here. As crazy as that sounds. Sounds like you son was being affect too. You should feel really proud that your finding the courage to choose a different path. 15 days is amazing!!!! I’m just going to take on day at a time and never give in. If I do then it will just take over my life again. Without a doubt this is going to be the most challenging thing I’ve ever done!

        • All of us mums who abused alcohol have compromised our parenting. Sometimes in a small way. Sometimes in bigger ways. Reading your story I just flashed back to Xmas just gone where I was so hungover on Xmas morning I was just trying to hold it together watching my little boy open his presents. What a waste. It takes courage to admit we weren’t just hurting ourselves but also the ones we love. This site is a great starting point on your journey. You have support here!!!

    • Well you’ve made a great choice by joining this community. The support is priceless, and we know those feelings of shame and guilt, and that history we create which we can’t take back. But I have found humans to be very forgiving if they see you honestly and sincerely trying to make things better. It’s not just words, it’s actions.
      You can do this, it can be done. Please make sure you eat lots of healthy food and stay well hydrated to help you start to mend. Big hugs to you. Lots of parents on here relate to your story xo

    • Such an open honest account, I think from listening and reading about this, being honest and getting it out there is a huge step forward , well done to Day 2 and soon you will have done Day 3 xxxx

    • hey, love, everyone here started on day one just like you are doing now. sounds like you have a lot of reasons to keep on. be prepared for the best ride of you life. @tgrim.

    • I know that insides crumbling feeling. You are here now with many people who understand how you feel and can help you on this journey. You’re safe here. You will naturally become a better person by not drinking. xo

    • Hi there, love your post and totally resonate. I have so many nightmare stories involving not just my kids, but work, social events, compete strangers. People say alcohol is no excuse, and true I believe I’ve never acted maliciously whilst drunk, but Jeeze I have acted like a complete waste of space, been inappropriate thinking I’m hilarious, put myself in stupidly dangerous situations the list is endless. After 30+ years if alcohol binging then full on abuse I have finally realised and accepted this life isn’t about relaxation, fun, luxury, independence, it’s a living Hell. I’m out of here. Sober starts here and it’s gotta be better X

  • tgrim posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you so much for opening up and giving me an example of change. I’m sad to admit that I’m not reliable 100% of the time because of alcohol. I’m not an everyday drinker but on the days that I’m drinking I definitely can not get behind the wheel and drive! This actually just happened to me last month. My 15 year old daughter said she had a ride back home from the parents of house that she was at. It’s a 25 minute drive mostly highway. It was Friday night so I decided to let off a little steam and have 3 strong brew beers… of course I’ve gravitated towards these beers because the brewery beers are so strong! Oh the tricks that I’ve come up with!!! So she calls me at 10pm needing a ride. My husband was annoyed so he made me go. The ONLY worry I had that whole ride there and back was OMG! I definitely feel like I’m not 100% to be driving!! It’s Friday night @10pm and the highway was kinda busy with all the drunks driving home. It was a complete nightmare for me that I didn’t even see coming! If I knew that I needed to get her @10 I would have never ever had those Lupaphied beers! I was thankful to be home safe but also disappointed in myself for putting everyone in danger. I will check in day and night on this sure because I have a lot to learn about myself.

    • Hi @tgrim I can fully relate to your post. That was me almost 100 days ago.
      It has been such a relief to make the decision to stop drinking.
      You won’t regret it.
      It might be incredibly hard. It might be easier than you think.
      Either way, you will not have to wake up thinking what the fuck did I do last night.
      Who is upset/mad with me? Who do I have to make amends with (even worse when you can’t recall what you did and really do not want someone to tell you).
      We get it. We’ve done the same messed up things and have the same regret.
      It’s okay.
      This site is amazing.
      There are some great books out there, lots of recommendations for podcasts etc.
      My advice is be gentle on yourself and don’t forget how you feel about drinking today.
      I am at the stage when the mists of time are starting to blur what was so terrible about my drinking.
      I really felt your post came at a great time for me to remember how I felt almost 100 days ago.
      Life AF since then has been great.
      Waking up clear headed is the best.

  • tgrim posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    It’s day one for me. I’m scared and overwhelmed to be finally making this choice. I started drinking around 18. I’m 47 now. I drink a lot. I basically have no stop button. I can never only have two drinks it usually is around four or five. Holidays and friends parties is where I get the most distructive. I never know what I’m gonna say to people and I slur my words and usually by the end of the night I will be blacked out. My family has had enough. When I’m drinking I treat them badly. I am so ready to change and stop embarrassing myself. I have a hard time thinking what I’m gonna do if I’m not drinking. It’s definitely going to be a huge challenge! This blog looks like it will be very helpful. I have a lot of internal battling conversations about alcohol. It’s not going to be easy.

    • Welcome @tgrim. We all start feeling like this, and it is difficult but achievable. What is your plan for today? Have you got alternative drinks and things to do at your normal ‘start drinking’ time?

    • It can be terrifying but you can do it and it IS worth it! Good luck. You got this!

    • Welcome @tgrim! As @rise2015 said, pretty much all of us feel that way on day 1. You will be absolutely amazed at what you discover you can do without alcohol. For example, tonight my son was out with people and their van hit a ditch and got stuck. I was able to take that phone call, jump in the car, and go get my son. I love knowing that people can count on me any time day or night now. Check in here all day, every day to help you through this time. It takes 10 days to get the alcohol out of your body. If you drink again, you’ll reset that clock.

      • Thank you so much for opening up and giving me an example of change. I’m sad to admit that I’m not reliable 100% of the time because of alcohol. I’m not an everyday drinker but on the days that I’m drinking I definitely can not get behind the wheel and drive! This actually just happened to me last month. My 15 year old daughter said she had a ride back home from the parents of house that she was at. It’s a 25 minute drive mostly highway. It was Friday night so I decided to let off a little steam and have 3 strong brew beers… of course I’ve gravitated towards these beers because the brewery beers are so strong! Oh the tricks that I’ve come up with!!! So she calls me at 10pm needing a ride. My husband was annoyed so he made me go. The ONLY worry I had that whole ride there and back was OMG! I definitely feel like I’m not 100% to be driving!! It’s Friday night @10pm and the highway was kinda busy with all the drunks driving home. It was a complete nightmare for me that I didn’t even see coming! If I knew that I needed to get her @10 I would have never ever had those Lupaphied beers! I was thankful to be home safe but also disappointed in myself for putting everyone in danger. I will check in day and night on this sure because I have a lot to learn about myself.

        • Hi @tgrim I can fully relate to your post. That was me almost 100 days ago.
          It has been such a relief to make the decision to stop drinking.
          You won’t regret it.
          It might be incredibly hard. It might be easier than you think.
          Either way, you will not have to wake up thinking what the fuck did I do last night.
          Who is upset/mad with me? Who do I have to make amends with (even worse when you can’t recall what you did and really do not want someone to tell you).
          We get it. We’ve done the same messed up things and have the same regret.
          It’s okay.
          This site is amazing.
          There are some great books out there, lots of recommendations for podcasts etc.
          My advice is be gentle on yourself and don’t forget how you feel about drinking today.
          I am at the stage when the mists of time are starting to blur what was so terrible about my drinking.
          I really felt your post came at a great time for me to remember how I felt almost 100 days ago.
          Life AF since then has been great.
          Waking up clear headed is the best.

    • This is a great place to start your journey. It is helping me a lot and I have found that internal battle about drinking quieting down as you go😀