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  • Tewy posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Day 11 Af and feeling 😊. Tomorrow though I feel is my first social test ….a good friends 50th birthday party …..and I’m stressing about it.
    What to drink, how to drink it, what to say if I’m asked why aren’t you drinking – every reply I rehearse in my mind sounds naff, how am I actually gonna pull this off and not cave in and want a drink. It’s gonna be mostly couples and I’m single and I can already feel the awkwardness of that let alone the awkwardness of not having the ‘comfort’ of the alcohol….. I’m flip flopping between I’ll go and then thinking it’s just easier to avoid going …..yikes

    • Ok, apparently I can’t share instagram links to individual photos without a huge picture appearing so I will stop trying haha…sorry for all the replies. I will leave my text message only…the picture was from Brene Brown’s instagram.

      🙂
      oxoxoxox

      Ok trying again to post…I didn’t mean to plaster a big fat instagram picture on here…it disrupts the flow of posts too much….. Let’s see if this works:

      Day 11! I love those first double digits ones. Big accomplishment right there, Tewy!
      As far as that 50th birthday goes….someone wise on here once told me when I first signed up that “I had to give myself permission to do whatever necessary to defend and protect my precious early sobriety.”

      If that means eating an entire cheesecake instead of driving to Meijers and buying two bottles of Pinot…so be it…If it means pulling the old “I have the flu/cold/migraine” white lie excuse out of a hat and staying home instead of going to the party, so be it.

      YOU matter and your safety and healing comes first at all times.

    • Tough one so early in sobriety! Don’t have to explain being af! Grab an af drink as soon as you arrive and mingle. ❤️

    • You can do it 🙂

    • Hi Tewy! Congrats on day 11! This day was the first that I ventured out of my house. I was feeling really scared. I had to relearn how to do EVERYTHING sober. I set my brain to “no drinking” mode, filled my belly with food, and carried a very large AF drink. I was almost in tears I felt so fragile in the strange new world. I felt like I had a big sign blinking over my head “SOBER”. I knew I had to experience everything without the goal of drinking. I just went out for a few hours and ran home to safety. Then it became easier. I became so protective of my sobriety that I was almost combative about it. This really helped in social situations when I didn’t want to tell people I gave up drinking. Screw them if I chose to not drink on one night! Why should I drink to please them? I breezed in confidently with my LaCroix and put extras in the fridge or cooler. I poured my drink into a cocktail glass and after that no one knew I didn’t have an alcoholic drink. When people started getting tipsy and pushing drinks, it was time to leave. I showed up, protected myself, and woke up feeling great with big new sober muscles. You get to choose here. If you feel strong enough to not drink go, if not, I feel a cold coming on for you. You and your sobriety are THE most important thing right now. You’ve gone through withdrawal. Why put youself through that again? xx

    • Good for you on day 11, two weeks is right around the corner! If anyone asks me why I’m not drinking I tell them I’m doing a 100 day challenge with ” some folks I know”. It says I’m not drinking and conveys no judgment on the folks that are.

      • Thank you all for you lovely encouragement and advice ….I’ve taken it on board amd right now I’m feeling stronger about this bloody party tonight !! I do have a choice you are right and it is the easier option for me to just not go and make some lame excuse ….but there will be a next time and a next time so I wil put my big girl undies on harden up, show up, be a sober party guest, smile and pretend I’m having the time of my life ….then leave early and run home to my safe place !! Haha I will update on my big night out x

    • Hi @tewy We get this waaaay out of proportion. It is US that is obsessed which alcohol, and it comes as a bit of a shock to discover that everyone else isn’t the same. To us it is a huge deal that we’re not drinking, but most other people won’t care… it’s just not a big thing in their lives. They don’t care about your drinking, and they want to talk about themselves, not you. The really important thing for you is to be able to leave if you need to, so be certain you have an exit route. You’ll probably find that instead of being one of the last to leave you will now be among the first, but that’s an easy thing to do “I’ve got… xxx… to do in the morning.” You’ll feel a lot stronger after you’ve done this once.

    • I think it’s best to go for a short time, Tewy, with the firm commitment that you won’t drink alcohol. Sober socializing, for many or most of us, is learned by experience. Mrs. D says is best when she says “it’s not about what’s in the glass”; meaning focus on your friend’s birthday, the reason for the celebration. Get a glass of ginger ale with a cherry in it, if you want a good disguise drink. After a half hour or so you may settle in to nice conversation, but have an escape route planned, and get out if and when you feel the urge. If somebody asks, you can just say you aren’t drinking tonight, but my bet is nobody will ask. None of their beeswax anyway.

    • @tewy, lots of good advice here, looking forward to hearing about what you did. I had to have a drink immediately in my hand, AF of course. I drank mineral water after mineral water when i was first sober. had a big wine glass, added some lime, or lemon. Or, i had this great crafty type cherry soda that i put in a wine glass with lots of ice and drank it as slow as i could. either way, there are going to be times when someone HAS TO KNOW, JUST HAS TO KNOW why you are not drinking. When i first started, I told the nosy rosies, that i wasn’t drinking tonight, sometimes I still say it, but some STILL HAVE TO KNOW, HAVE TO KNOW, so I tell them something, whatever comes to mind, but as you get stronger in social situations without an alcoholic beverage, and you will, you will realize there are many, many reasons you are not drinking, and not all of them are everyone’s business. Be well, get some sober muscles on OR stay home.

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