So when does a nearly 50yr old single mum of three, a Nanna to one, a health professional of all things, a fun type some may say with a good sense of humour decide that enough is enough ??? I’ve know deep inside for a very long time that enough really is enough but have chosen to just ignore it and find a myriad of excuses to just keep on doing it “Nah -it’s OK”Well,actually it’s not OK and its about as far from OK as it gets ...... once upon a time it was fun but it stopped being fun a long time ago..... night after night it’s the same endless conversations in my head about maybe tonight I won’t have a drink - but of course I always do, and of course it never stops at a drink or two ...... I just lose track of how many eventually.So when a social evening with friends in a bar ends with me secretly vomiting in the toilet the sudden self realisation and acceptance that I’m not like anyone else has finally hit home .....I can’t just have a social drink and then STOP..... oh no I can’t help from keep tipping this alcohol stuff down my neck.... I have to keep going till I can barely stand ....keep going until a poor friend of mine yet again has to ‘rescue’ me....put me to bed to sleep it off ....Then I wake in the morning, or at 3am, with memory blanks of the night before and im left in a very dark and depressed embarrassed place having to endure hours of remorseful critical internal punishment. .So finally this Boozy Bird has accepted that Enough is Enough ...... I want to stop...The ride to sober starts this week ..... Let’s go x
And so the turmoil last night passed and yay here I am Day 7 ….. awake early of course and so begins the racing mind again but it’s OK I recognise it and accept it for what it is …..simply that racing thoughts which I know is normal and expected,and in time will settle. The racing heart isn’t pleasant but it’s ok, that too will calm in time ….. So things I learnt that helped last night …… a soak in a hot bubbly bath, my Spotify playlist, visualising how much better and healthier I will feel in time when I finally accept ‘me’ instead of numbing myself with poison, enjoying my aromatherapy candle, a little bit of chocolate, starting a new box set on Netflix and just watching one hour rather than trying to focus on a whole film, cuddling my dog and an early night!! Looking at my journal that I started …..well it’s resembling more of a kids scrapbook really 😂 and I write down thoughts, feelings, why I can’t drink, I stick in inspirational quotes I come across on the internet, I doodle in it, I have a picture of the wine witch that tries to sabotage me which I printed off and stuck in ….. visualising a revolting image of her helps fight her off!! I jot down books to read, websites and blogs to check out hee hee it’s truly like doing a massive school project !! AND finally the other thing that helped massively was YOU GUYS, thank you for your support, thank you for you comments …..they truly lifted me x
Tewy you rock! 7 days=1 WHOLE WEEK! That means tomorrow will start week 2!!! Yes ! The racing mind and pound heart will soon be gone (hated that!). Things will only get better with each day. Congrats to you!