• Teazy posted an update 4 days, 23 hours ago

    Had my first real challenge last night. Arrived at my mothers house in ireland to find my brother had bought me wine and was drinking. He was literally begging me to drink with him (hes a big binge drinker). I told them im not drinking any more as it gives me headaches and takes too much from me, days recovering etc (all true). He didn’t give up, for a long time but saw i was serious. The old me would have just drank the wine. Whats different this time is i pre empted this happening, prepared what i would say, visualised both outcomes, (if i drank how would the rest of the weekend go) and it worked! I scoffed a lot of candy instead and we all stayed up chatting and laughing until very late. Im so pleased with myself. Sadly by brother stayed up all night drinking, he needs help, an dwnt be able to join us for lunch out today as planned with other family members. Who knows maybe him seeing me happy and sober might encourage him too. Onwards and upwards, drinking is shit folks.

    • Well done you – what a legend 💪

    • Well done, an awesome outcome for you, and yes how lovely it would be if your brother decided to stop drinking.

    • That took strength and courage @teasy! Very well done!

    • @teazy – I love your forethought! So powerful.

    • I second the others. Legend!!! oxooxo And sorry to hear your brother is in the trenches right there…..that was me not long ago and him seeing you sober will definitely have planted a seed. It may not show today or tomorrow, but it stays with people. oxoxoxo Well done, you!

    • Wow awesome job!!! THAT’S how it’s done! 😉

    • Great planning and execution!

    • Awesome @Teazy. And (as usual) I’m taking counsel from your excellent planning idea. I’m facing my 2nd family gathering this weekend. My first was my husband’s birthday back in April – only a couple of weeks sober. I hid my iPad in the bathroom so I could come here for support if I needed it (didn’t thankfully, but was comforted knowing it (you all) were there). Now a barbecue with the family on Sunday. 112 days under my sober belt. Feeling stronger, but love love love your idea to preempt the event. Thank you for sharing that – and congratulations on getting your visit off on the right note. Sober!!! Yes you are! Have an excellent trip.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 4 days, 23 hours ago

    Thats horrific, beyond words xx

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 5 days, 8 hours ago

    thanks for the support, some good tips

  • Teazy posted an update 6 days ago

    Off to Ireland visiting family. Haven’t told them im not drinking, but as i am driving everywhere it will be fine. Im feeling braver and stronger every day. The joy i have in small things is a real novelty and there is no comparison to the hungover shame faced me. I really do believe alcohol was the cause of my depression, for years i thought i drank to cure it! I have still to deal with the friends/socialising bit..im not so brave there, but family is fine. I have a friends daughters’ hen coming up soon and it is a night of debauchery, staying overnight, they are used to me being the drunk party girl so i am dreading. i really don’t want to go but don’t want to let my friend down, help! otherwise life is good, sweet even!

    • Hi Teazy! I went to Ireland twice in recent years with my dad, drank soda water in pubs. I didn’t think I could stay sober, and didn’t go because of that in the years before. The first evening about 8 relatives were at a pub, everyone had drinks, and I thought how the hell am I going to get through this, would’ve been nice to have a cold one. I went out for a cigarette. I don’t smoke much, but going outside helped. And I had a great night afterwards. I find that after about 20 minutes, nerves subside and you have the same amount of fun as if you were drinking, and way more so later. If something feels too tough, I tend to skip it. I hope you have a wonderful time, and I will look for your updates. : )

    • Turn up slightly late, they will have had a few drinks and won’t notice if you are not drinking. Especially if you hit the tonic waters hard. Good luck, enjoy watching them make fools of yourself in the knowledge you will wake up clear as a bell.

    • thanks for the support, some good tips

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Thats a keeper, great work

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Aint that the truth

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Thanks Mari, i always want more too, even when i am ‘good’ and stop, if it werent for my family, i cd happily drink and drink, well not really happily! so glad we are waking up and realising this is madness!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    I know, in the last decade i cd stick to one, bottle that is!, but when i was young it was a lot more, yeuch

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    thanks Agirl 🙂

  • Teazy posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    Hey just thought id share my latest ponderings, …if i cant drink a full bottle of wine, then i really don’t want to drink any. I know this to be true, but just writing it down, lest i forget. A lot of people do drink one or two, but most people (i know anyway), drink 5/6 or the bottle. Thats enough to make me sick for 3 days, to start the craving again and all the other shit…anither things thats helping with tv ads especially, is imagining im drinking what they are on the add, but then we have to stop and go and do something…thats the worst feeling ever lol life is great at the minute, eating too much but im allowing it for now. am exercising, mainly walking a a lot and am getting those natural highs that i never knew existed !

    • Gosh those are great ponderings Teazy! Awesome strategies! Sounds a bit like the “play it forward” idea where you fast forward in your mind to the hideous feeling of hangover that is the reality. Just the truth really. You are doing so well!!!

    • I like this! I’ll have two bottles please. Makes me gag! Cheers!

      • I know, in the last decade i cd stick to one, bottle that is!, but when i was young it was a lot more, yeuch

    • Such a wise post, loved reading this!!!!
      I never just want one. What a joke one glass of wine is! Huh. In the end before I got sober I could down one bottle and walk straight to a friend’s house, bottle no. 2 in hand…ready to pretend I had only had “one glass” at home before I stopped by. Thanks for the reminder!!! I needed to hear this today. Feeling blue and a wee bit craving an insta-out-of-feelings-card.

      Nope. Fuck this shit. I don’t ever want to down a whole bottle and then want more and more and more.
      I always want more.

      • Thanks Mari, i always want more too, even when i am ‘good’ and stop, if it werent for my family, i cd happily drink and drink, well not really happily! so glad we are waking up and realising this is madness!

    • One is too many, ten is not enough.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    its hard to make it stick, for some of us it’s harder than others, ive been trying for years but its boiled down to these things for me…knowing why i wanted to stop, believing it is for the best, finding new joys in life…im still a work in progress but coming here, podcasts, books anything about quitting alcohol, youtube real stories, have helped. also the sad stories, watching intervention, reading recover stories have all helped.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    thanks ladies! maybe i will enjoy them one day, its not that many any more to be fair, but for now im happy staying at home and have learned the art of saying ..no thanks!

  • Teazy posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Am in a much better place, am so happy! My journeys been 2 years of gradually drinking less and less until i reached a point where i was drinking every 2-3 weeks for a night! but it was still causing me horrible 2 day hangovers, anxiety, shame, regret, now my confidence is growing, i’ve been focusing on the benefits more, instead of the FOMO etc..ive discovered that i can get so much more pleasure from simple things now, a good movie, a nice meal, sitting in the garden, a walk..i work much better, my house is clean, kids are happy, better meals cooked, .i realised when i was drinking regularly i was always focused on when i could drink, wishing my days away. It does upset me that i wasted so much time in a negative state (20 years) caused mainly by alcohol, but im trying to be grateful that i can change now. I never ever knew life could feel so good and joyous without alcohol, who knew!!! Now the only possible negative i can think of is that i don’t like parties any more, but im ok with that, thank you all here for your support and wisdom and blogs, it really helped convince me, heres to a bright clear future!

    • Thanks for sharing @teazy, sounds like me too! Loving all the benefits too, it seems like small things but have such a big impact ! Simple pleasures are the best!

    • Great to read this @Teazy, and honestly, one day you will like parties again, you just won’t be the last to leave any more. I love parties, for all the reasons they were meant to be for (before we turned them into big fat excuses to get messy). Catching up with friends, dressing up, looking good, listening to good music, eating nice food, having good conversations, remembering everything, being our best selves. Parties are fun once we have learned to be ourselves without booze. I love mostly all the reasons you are loving your life now though, doesn’t matter if you don’t like parties any more. xxx

    • thanks ladies! maybe i will enjoy them one day, its not that many any more to be fair, but for now im happy staying at home and have learned the art of saying ..no thanks!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    Thanks all, yes it seems like a separate entity, the addictive voice,,always got me in the past, not sure why i fall for the same tricks every time! not this time

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    I think its necessary to be in a sobriety cocoon! its better than a drunk one 😀

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    Please don’t dver feel embarrassed by number of day 1s, some very few lucky ppl here have only one, but most have several, its different for everyone, ive had a shed load! Im taking it a day at a time now, on day 13 and feeling a bit wobbly. when the cravings hit hard, i say.. ok ill drink tomorrow..to quiet my mind, and its working so far, the craving passes! good luck

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    JM your drinking days sound exactly like mine, well done!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    No clue about sober dating, but wanted to say well done you for being brave and taking this step. awesome

    • Thanks Teazy, I did the right thing, I know that deep down and the future has far more possibilities now so all good x

  • Teazy posted an update 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    yikes, just when i thought i was good, this is my brain when a craving strike…it says..”.its nearly been two weeks already, you know you wont be able to keep this up, why not have just a few drinks, i mean come on, its not like you were drinking every day or in the morning..its one of the few pleasures you had in life, why make yourself miserable..” and on and on…i mean where does this voice come from? anyway the angel won this time, but boy oh boy was that another close call, im scared im faltering again, i hope and pray that this time i nail it. what worked this time was tricking myself (i know insane), i said, ok ill drink tomorrow then and now the craving has completely faded and i have no intention of drinking tomorrow, maybe thats what they mean by one day at a time?

    • I think you have to be completely honest with yourself about your drinking history…I think its funny how you say the angel won this time. Reminds me of early cinema where there’s a little devil sitting on one shoulder, and a little angel sitting on the other. I don’t think you would be here if your history with alcohol was a good one. There is relief from that history, and you’re putting in the sober time to get there. And I don’t buy this “you won’t be able to keep this up”…thousands have. Alcohol is not your friend. Make the decision. Put it in the past for good.

    • It’s been called many things but the one that makes most sense to me is your “Addictive Voice.” It wants nothing GOOD for you….it will tell you all sorts of horrible, crazy no good crap. Some people name their addictive voice – for example Voldemort from Harry Potter or something like that. It takes it’s power away! Now that you have identified it for yourself maybe that would be an idea. It took me until I was in my 50’s to realize this fact which stinks but at least I know now. xoxox

      • This is so true, I love the idea of naming your addictive voice. My sobriety counsellor told me to imagine what my addiction looks like & I settled on a giant mothball, lol. I can see it hovering there but don’t engage with it other than to say things like “Hello, I can see you. I don’t listen to you because you talk a load of crap”

    • Look at it this way nearly 2 weeks I deserve a treat go and get some flowers, socks, chocolate, apples or whatever works for you. You are doing well you bet the craving.

    • @teazy that is a completely normal thing to happen as it’s so embedded in our culture that booze is what people do for pleasure. You did good with quieting that demon. I’m nearly five years sober and still my brain occasionally throws me a curve ball but it’s what we do with that thought that counts. What works for one does not necessarily work for others but I found if I poured myself a nice large sparkly water with a hint of either lime or lemon popped it in a nice glass then the craving disappeared. In the early days, I hopped on here and just read other people’s posts and that gave me my resolve back.

    • Thanks all, yes it seems like a separate entity, the addictive voice,,always got me in the past, not sure why i fall for the same tricks every time! not this time

    • Good job in delaying the drinking that is a good strategy. Tomorrow everything may feel better! Also good job in recognising that addictive voice, that is not your voice and you don’t have to obey it or even listen to it!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    Thanks Aprils, i hope i can stick to it this time

  • Teazy posted an update 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    Its only day 13 but im getting to see things clearly. I would never have called myself an addict or alcoholic because i had control, and everyone knows that alcoholics have lost control right? hmmmm maybe not so, for me anyway, i had some control, as in i decided when to drink, but always drank too much, but the days when i knew i shouldn’t drink were a full blown battle! i would have to go to bed early, eat a load of crap, stay indoors, so yes i would stay sober on those days but at a cost! i was miserable and fighting and tired most of the time. I would obsess about alcohol all the time. Now if i get the thought that i can drink sometimes, i remind myself of how difficult it is for days afterward. sometimes i feel sad that its taken me so many years to realise that we don’t need alcohol (im 48) but im also grateful that i did realise, with the help of ppl here and the wisdom of those whive done it, thank you, onwards and upwards!

    • Good for you @Teazy. You made a big decision and it’s the right one. You have a long life ahead of you. And it will be all the better without alcohol in it. Look forward. Keep going. Tomorrow is 2 weeks!!! Two honking alcohol free weeks. Your body and mind are healing every second. It will only get better. Well done!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    the very best of luck, you dont have to admit you have a problem to justify quitting, ive told my friends i cant cope with the hangovers anymore (true) and that i dont want to have just one or two (also true). Your family will be happy for you, most people don’t really care that much.

    • @soberwifenewlife like many above, your story is my story. I’m Day 53 and don’t miss alcohol at all. But I love being AF. Life is so so much easier without it. Going out is more fun. I used to dread a social event because I didn’t know if I would disgrace myself or not. I’ve always been a binge drinker. I wish it didn’t take me so long to figure out I could actually just not drink. Welcome to a new life, it’s much much better!

  • Teazy posted an update 1 month ago

    Day 10, dare i be excited? too many day 1s to mention but ive fought the demons this week. ive had plenty of wobbles and cravings but i kept thinking ..why i want to stay sober, who it is affecting if i drink, why my life is a gazillion times better without it. I went for a walk on sunday morning with two neighbours, one was saying how she’d enjoyed two glasses of wine the night before (quick twinge) and the other had one g &t, one!!! Are there really people who drink like this? Strengthened my resolve, I could never drink like them, truth is I wouldn’t want to, whats the point of one drink, ever? The other thing thats really helped is watching intervention series, seeing hardcore addiction up close and being able to relate to the alcoholic. i kept a lid on it for so long, but so did they, until they didn’t and their lives fell apart, literally. onwards and upwards.

    • Good for you @teazy yes you should be excited, week 2!!! 😊

    • Yes, you most certainly should be excited,just think, you are approaching two whole weeks! Keep up the good work!

    • Seems like very solid evaluation of your situation😍😘

    • Hey @teazy. I love intervention! I used to even watch it when i was drinking. When i first got sober i binge watched it and still do if im going through a rough spot. Good stuff. Congrats on day 10! Be excited!☺🌼👍

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Boredom is a huge trigger for me, ive realised how much of why i drank is because i am disinterested in a lot of typical past times, i dont like gardening or exercise nor am i political etc so im still finding out what i do like, spending time with people i love, movies, books and sometimes just watching tv! still beats drinking to a stupor. For treats ill have some icecream or my favourite crisps! God i sound like a twelve year old 😅!!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    this is great! One night drinking would have me hungover, unproductive, depressed and unwell for 3-5 days afterward.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    sounds like you,re in a good place, keeping busy does help, day 12 is fab xx

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    thanks so much for the feedback and advice xx

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Perhaps suggest to him that you both use this confession as a new start for you both and ask him to make a commitment to being honest from here on, it might bring you closer.

  • Teazy posted an update 1 month ago

    having lots of realisations lately, drinking was my anti depressant i guess, drinking was my way of blocking out my reality, so whats wrong with my reality? nothing unusual to be honest, every housewives dilemma of feeling that the boring jobs are not enough, missing having a job and my own income etc…but i hate to winge because i am grateful for all i do have..nevertheless i need to start addressing these things now, because drinking them away is no longer an option and i realise thats what ive done so far. onwards and upwards

    • Lars replied 1 month ago

      Staying sober today is your priority. Sometimes nothing is truly wrong, but we get in bad habits of blotting out. Sometimes it’s just out of boredom. Have you picked up a hobby that you enjoy? Even if it’s evening / morning / afternoon walks, little changes that fill us up, help us get out of our heads can do tremendous good. Take it easy, @teazy. xoxo

    • recovery = recovering the life you have without alcohol. it takes time. so much to do, you will be just walking along the way one day and something will come out of the blue, hit you like oh yeah, i am going to do tis and you will because you trust yourself to listen to these ideas, feelings. be well, @teazy

    • oxoxxo Such an important post because I believe you’re not alone. There was lots in it I can relate to…I miss my own independent financial life as well and don’t even have a reason to not have a career since I don’t have kids. One day at a time. Things change. Life has a way of balancing itself out. You’re doing so much to be your own kindest cheerleader! oxoxoxxo

    • Oh my goodness drinking was completely my way to block out my reality. For sure. No doubt. I am in the process of working on my own reality. I think that is a pretty good realization to have!🌼

    • thanks so much for the feedback and advice xx

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    its awful when our kids have trauma or problems, stay strong, its great that at least you can be there for her with a clear mind, and offer her some rest-bite or just a sympathetic mummy ear

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    yes theres definately a shift, i notice it with the youngsters too, they’re just not as bothered with it, about time!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    yes, in ireland too, but it is changing!

  • Teazy posted an update 1 month ago

    Lots of people dont drink! who knew..am i noticing them more now because im also not drinking? i always thought everyone drank, especially in bars and pubs, they dont!! went for an evening drink with hubby earlier to catch the evening sun outside, was a bit nervous but thought i can do this. lots of people, some were drinking, most were not! met two of our friends, who introduced us to two of their friends, all drinking coffee!!! have i been making too much of a deal of the socialising or what! people dont always drink in social environments. The End. 🙂

    • Seni replied 1 month ago

      Great, that’s what it should be – not drinking is normal, drinking is an exception. Unfortunately here it’s opposite. In Germany people drink twice as much as the other Europeans. Here I am the exception, but I’m very glad to stand on the “wrong side”! 🙂

    • I agree @Teazy. I’ve been at two parties lately where there were drinkers and non-drinkers. I think people are beginning to think more critically about alcohol and whether or not to have it.

      • yes theres definately a shift, i notice it with the youngsters too, they’re just not as bothered with it, about time!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    i wish i had some words of wisdom, can only say i used to hate pubs and first started drinking to be comfortable in them! i still hate pubs now, but love socialising otherwise, love weddings, parties etc

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    thats terrific

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thanks Agirl

  • Teazy posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hey, ive started telling ppl im not drinking at the moment because i was so sick from last party thats its put me off. so far my friends have been supportive although i had one well meaning one suggest i stick to beer. I am kind of excited that this might actually work! i mean whos going to argue when its clear that i drink too much. For the first time, since i started all this, i can see it working out. Part of my problem was i thought i would lose my social life, my friends, then i thought i would have to make that sacrifice…but i am seeing that there can be a place in the middle, not drink and socialise occasionally. it feels like the rest of it is easy..i love being sober at home, i love all other aspects of my life, clarity, being a better mom, sober really is better!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Lars, im the same two weeks, binge, three weeks binge, its gotten gradually less and less but i cant make it stick. am seriously doubting my sanity. feeling like death now, sober and have no interest in drinking again, i know in two weeks ill be tempted again, its crazy..love the advice here

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    that peer pressure is very real and kind of ridiculous, im struggling to stay sober because of it, i have leaned loads here and the ppl are very wise. One thing that helped me was the realisation that ‘not drinking’ is not the hardest part, the hard part is learning how to do everything again without it! socialising especially, weddings, actually saying no to people, funerals, parties and im still learning. saying no is a good idea in the early days.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Good for you yey

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    thats a very good point, thank you

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    So funny about your cat, can you cook for me too? 😀

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Good for you, me too!

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    thanks tom i might just get the blackout book, sounds wise

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Good for you

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I used to spend so much time wondering about this also, and the more i learned the more confused i got! but it is just words at the end if the day. i think its more useful to ask different questions, like ..is this helping or hurting my life? what are the benefits of drinking? what are the problems caused by drinking? then its easier to see the problem…i also believe that you dont have to be addicted to alcohol to have horrendous problems caused by it..hangovers, sickness, depression just to name a few. this is me anyway.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thanks Rise, ive messaged and told them all how rough i feel now, and my plan is to use this for some good, so far ive been met with the jokes, ‘really? you need more practice’ and ine said oh dear be well soon, anyway, life is too short to keep making myself ill, thanks for words if wisdom, i will lay low until im stronger.

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    its a very grey area, i believe nowadays counsellors dont even like to use the word. I believe an alcoholic is physically dependent, gets the shakes, withdrawals if they dont drink, whereas a problem drinker isnt necessarily addicted but suffers negative side affects from drinking too much. This is just my opinion though.

    • Thanks @teazy – from some literature I’ve been reading it seems like some people feel that anyone that has negative results relating to their drinking could be termed an alcoholic. I wonder if I’m in denial. I wonder if it’s important to acknowledge yourself as an alcoholic in order to really embrace sobriety. I don’t expect any real eureka moment but I think there are so many people in various stages of their journey on this site, and I’m interested to learn from other people’s experience

  • Teazy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    thanks Rise, it does feel like im letting myself down to keep others happy! i feel sad that im so weak when it comes to peer pressure, its so silly at my age 48! i will keep going though, im not giving up. my friends dont know about my struggle cos they are just as bad as me and its not a big deal for them, i guess i find the whole thing awkward and embarassing and end up drinking because i cant handle those feelings! ugh

    • @Teazy – I’m early 50’s and I couldn’t get passed this either. Is there one person in your circle that would help you? I seriously had to not go out with certain people for quite some time because I knew I would cave in too. That doesn’t make us weak, just human. If you can honestly try and buy a drink in a wine glass or something that looks like you are drinking you may find they don’t notice. I was surprised recently when I asked my best friend whether she missed the ‘drinking’ me, and she said actually that because I didn’t know when to stop that this is better. We drank a lot together, and she can drink a lot socially but doesn’t have or didn’t have the daily volume I was consuming. The reason I am saying this is that we actually don’t know what our friends might really think. It’s worth the effort once you get past those first few months.

  • Teazy posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    hey, back to day 1. My avoiding social situations didnt last..a dinner with friends turned into a drinking session. I had lots if fun to be honest and therein lies the root of it. as much as i am mostly sober, i still miss socialising, i just dont know how to say no to friends who want me to drink!! i feel as though im letting them down, my brain starts telling me that im rude, anti social, no fun etc and i fall for it every time. i dont know what the solution is, i keep trying, hoping it will stick, when there are no occasions, i am fine. i have done social events sober too but felt really uncomfortable and didnt really enjoy. im tired of feeling depressed after drinking, my body hurts everywhere and i have no energy. i know this sucks nad its not worth it. why is it so hard to stay stopped? feel like im missing something. anyway you are all awesome for cracking this, omwards and upwards!

    • Hey @Teazy – if you don’t want to drink because it makes you depressed then each time you drink you are letting yourself down – your friends (if they are true friends) will stick with you and your decision. If it is too hard to socialise without drinking you might need to lie low for a while. At the end of the day, you can do it to – when you are ready and each day without is one day on the board.

      • thanks Rise, it does feel like im letting myself down to keep others happy! i feel sad that im so weak when it comes to peer pressure, its so silly at my age 48! i will keep going though, im not giving up. my friends dont know about my struggle cos they are just as bad as me and its not a big deal for them, i guess i find the whole thing awkward and embarassing and end up drinking because i cant handle those feelings! ugh

        • @Teazy – I’m early 50’s and I couldn’t get passed this either. Is there one person in your circle that would help you? I seriously had to not go out with certain people for quite some time because I knew I would cave in too. That doesn’t make us weak, just human. If you can honestly try and buy a drink in a wine glass or something that looks like you are drinking you may find they don’t notice. I was surprised recently when I asked my best friend whether she missed the ‘drinking’ me, and she said actually that because I didn’t know when to stop that this is better. We drank a lot together, and she can drink a lot socially but doesn’t have or didn’t have the daily volume I was consuming. The reason I am saying this is that we actually don’t know what our friends might really think. It’s worth the effort once you get past those first few months.

      • Seconded❤️

    • Thanks Rise, ive messaged and told them all how rough i feel now, and my plan is to use this for some good, so far ive been met with the jokes, ‘really? you need more practice’ and ine said oh dear be well soon, anyway, life is too short to keep making myself ill, thanks for words if wisdom, i will lay low until im stronger.

    • For me, I hit a point where the need to get sober was so clear, that the need to drink with family and friends just couldn’t match my need to quit. Had quite the hangover, again, on the morning I quit. Told myself “that’s it, I’m done”. Read in a book where the author had such a moment, and she said it wasn’t very much unlike and other drinking episode…and I think that’s true with me, too. I finally listened to the morning voice. The morning voice is the voice of truth. (The author was either Sarah Hepola in “Blackout” or Sacha Scolic in “Unwasted”, two very enjoyable reads, in addition to being therapeutic reads.)

    • I think one reason it’s hard to stay stopped is we feel really uncomfortable feelings that we don’t know how else to deal with, except to drink away. Sounds like that might be where you’re at @teazy. That part of me that wanted to be free of the whole game had to want that enough to be prepared to tolerate some discomfort while I learnt how. I’m not saying that’s easy and I think it’s individual. But it can be done and we learn skills along the way like we do with anything.
      It’s a really important conflict though; what you want/need for yourself versus what you think you should do to be pleasing. Just imagine for a minute – what if everyone at that table felt the same way as you? What if you were all drinking to please each other?

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