Just pick yourself up, take the knowledge you’ve gained and keep doing the work to stay sober. I’m on Day 8 (again, too many to count) but I’m here and sober and it feels great! We can do this together! 💛
Day 8- Things I can’t ever forget this time: Waking up in the middle of the night, dying of thirst/trying to piece the night back together, standing in the liquor store buying wine even when I know it’s not what I really want to be doing, the unwanted weight gain/bloat/dehydrated skin, knowing that my kids saw me drunk, my husband tolerating me drinking even tho he hates it and is tired of saying it, being shocked at how fast the empties add up, that this disease killed my brother 5 months ago and how devastating that was to our family. Many many more things to list but I’ll start with that. Happy Easter everyone from Canada!
Congratulations on Day8!!!! I find remembering the bad stuff helps. Even more helpful this go round has been imagining situations in a different way. Trying to imagine and feel how great it will be to be sober in that situation. I found on at least one occasion that once in the situation I was struggling but having imagined it before, made me not want the alcohol. I think it is helping.
@tamsil So sorry about your brother. I lost 2 the same way but continued to drink for years. I had to be ready to quit and beaten down enough. Sounds like you are ready and all of the awful things you just mentioned continue to happen when and if we drink again. the only way to avoid them is to stop drinking completely. Be true to yourself!!
Day 5….Last night my 14 year old and I had a fight over him giving us his phone and going to bed. Lately he’s been my biggest trigger but I was able to notice last night how I can not engage and enforce the rules. I love him so much, I know he’s just a kid but it’s exhausting everyday to have to go over the same rules. He was born testing and challenging boundaries and after some sober time I’ve always gone back to wanting that red wine oblivion. Not this time, I’m not giving up! I still wake up to the same problem only sick, tired, irritable, embarrassed, bloated, with extra weight and guilt.
I have the same issue with my 13 year old daughter. She has been my biggest trigger for about a year now. Besides just being a challenging teen she is also bipolar. Spent the week after Thanksgiving in a mental facility which all of that stress and feelings of failure led me to my last long-lasting wine binge. By binge I mean I was back to drinking wine every night until after Christmas. Ended up ruining Christmas but that is another story
When my kids were teens, my drinking gradually increased. I do think the stress of all the limit setting made the relief of drinking all the more tempting. Now they are wonderful people at 25, 28 and 30, but I can still remember how tired I was when they were teens. Keep in keeping on! You can do this.
Ah, so understand the enormous stress and responsibility of raising children. Nothing more wonderful or difficult thats for sure. Even though our children are grown with children of their own, I still wither when there is conflict between us or they are struggling in anyway. Knocks me off my center like nothing else. Even though I still miss the “red wine oblivion (love that-so perfect)” I am far steadier, calmer AF in my relationship with them. The bond feels stronger somehow and less fragile. Your post struck me with your insight and empathy for him as well as yourself. I imagine he is quite fortunate to have you for his Mom.
It feels great to wake up to Day 4. Last night I felt a tiny urge but not much….I put on one of my favourite sobriety podcasts and went for a walk with our sweet dog. (The Bubble Hour in case anyone hasn’t heard of it) I’ve been on this journey for over 4 years. The first time I got sober was for over 2 and a half years. I’ve had a few other longer periods as well. I have to keep reminding myself everyday that living a sober life is what I want, there’s a reason I keep coming back to it. When I have relapsed it feels like I have a voice in my head that takes over saying all sorts of things to me, “just tonight “, “you can start again tomorrow “, “you’re not that bad”, “you deserve this”, etc etc. This time I have closed the option of alcohol or moderation, I never want a Day 4 again. 💛💛💛
Moderation very rarely, if ever, works for types like us that are on this site. Obviously, myself included!! Let’s just try something new. Something that promises no shame, guilt, remorse, unnecessary calories, no hangovers, no dry skin, dehydration, no next day apologies, etc. etc. etc. Let’s try something new that actually has positive enhancements to our already stressed and busy lives. Let’s try sobriety. We’ve already done the drinking thing – so been there, done that!! Let’s move on like super cool trendsetters and actually take care of our souls, minds, bodies, passions. Let’s find out what we like about ourselves, what makes us happy and eliminate what/who doesn’t add to our happiness. You are rocking this. I believe in you. You’ve done it before. Now do it like you mean it and really find your sober self. Awesome job waking up to day 4!!!!
I read the book of Alan Carr (he seems a little crazy, but some of his ideas are really helpful). He talked about about this voice in your head as a snake or some kind of monster. Every time you ignore the creature, it dies a little more and someday it’s gone. But when you drink, you feed it. It’s important to understand, that this voice is NOT YOU, it’s not your own desire! It’s a manipulation from outside, caused by chemical reactions in your brain, it’s the creature! I like the idea, that this creature looks like Lord Voldemort, urgh! You really won’t miss him, when he’s gone!!!
Way to go being AF for a year! Super inspiring! I feel the same about my Mom, sad when I see her call at night I don’t like to answer because it means she’s been into the wine. I’m going to use that and your message as inspiration to stay sober!