• SteveF posted a new activity comment 5 days, 19 hours ago

    Welcome here @Seager. You’ve joined a great community. Please check out Mrs D’s Blog under the Sober Toolbox link. She has some great advice. You can’t do this with will power alone. Need to start re-training your brain. Here is a link to an article Mrs D wrote about Urge Surfing. Check it out: https://livingsober.org.nz/urge-surfing/

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Hi and welcome @ckincade. Here’s a link to an article written by Mrs-D. It was a huge help for me in the early days to get some traction. Hope it will help.

    Strategies for Early Recovery

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Yes you have made some serious progress @lee-2! Don’t listen to that negative voice because you are right, it’s a hoax. Don’t let that voice rob you of all you have accomplished. You are doing great. Some self care is in order. Be kind to yourself.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    @suzkep @liberty @enzedgirl @lee-2 @scared @lynnelowe @hammer123 @womackm @jocord @tom4500 @erica375 @kitten. Thanks for your comments. It’s 2 days later and I’m totally over it. I think this was a case of walking into something that I was totally unprepared for. If I’m going to socialize with drinkers, I always have a game plan. This thing just blind sided me (which is never good when it comes to alcohol). Always be prepared and always have a game plan! Next time I’ll be prepared! Have a great AF day everyone, and thanks for being here!

  • SteveF posted an update 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I just had a nerve racking experience. Some friends just took me on a tour of their new 6,000 sq ft mountain home. Three stories with fully stocked bars, wine coolers, and keg beer at every turn. Wine and beer were flowing while we took the tour. I felt so left out like I was from outer space. I feel like I must have really blown it to be “the guy” that doesn’t drink. Back home now, but feeling very anxious and down. I will not drink tonight. Just want to go to bed. Tomorrow will be a better day.

    • Hells Bells – there is plenty odd about all that – I would wanna hide too – ride it through – it’s probably one of those funny very much after the event situations 😁 and as far as I am concerned you are “that guy that is grounded and steeped in self respect”.

    • Oof, intense @stevef. All that money; all that energy focussed on alcohol, wow, that’s some major identification with what drinking represents. No wonder you felt so excluded.
      You didn’t blow a thing worth having friend. What’s worth having can’t be taken from you. It’s just lonely being a person who’s following their own path. Take care.

    • Oh boy @stevef sorry that happened to you.

      They are clearly big boozers. I hope you get a good sleep and wake up feeling clear and on track about the fabulous decision that is yours to be alcohol free xxx

      • Hi @SteveF. I hope the morning finds you with happier thoughts and it should as you did not give in to the situation. I, at times, look at this entire city with the same vision, it’s just one big bar with endless amounts of booze flowing, like it’s been stabbed and bleeds out alcohol. I am mostly am ok with it because I now realize that it’s a game that I am no good at, I lose every single time but I still feel removed from what’s perfectly normal here and it can make me feel restless and uncomfortable. Is right now. Hang tight. I agree with what @liberty and @enzedgirl said. We made a decision and it’s a dam good one. It’s hard sometimes though, watching the world erase the world. Well that’s what booze meant for me.

    • Ouch, challenging! I’m 2 years in and not sure that would have been any easier to get through! Well done for staying true to you xoxo

    • Sounds a night mare in more ways than one…… yep have a good sleep and tomorrow is a new day and maybe meet your friends out , not visiting their house. sounds too full on.

    • That’s a tough day @stevef, but you are strong enough to get through it! I felt similar last summer when visiting my sister in Kelowna, they took us to a winery and ohhhed and awed about the wine over dinner. I only had four months AF but still managed to sip on a ginger beer through dinner. Left me feeling like I was missing out, the truth is I enjoyed dinner, the beautiful view and the company! Well done on your part, hope you feel better today!

    • i know you must have FELT left out- but from your story, I imagined you looking really cool and IN CONTROL. You were the guy- not from outer space, but the guy that has his life together so well, you simply cannot be bothered wasting a single minute on the stuff. THAT is the guy I see! @stevef

    • Oh, I’m sorry @Stevef. I think I would’ve felt left out, too. But probably from more than just the alcohol! The 6,000 square feet, the mountain, and the perception that they can keep fully stocked bars at every turn. Who can do that? And why bother if they don’t drink it? Aaah, I think I just made myself feel better. What a waste of money. Better to have a coffee/ice cream bar at every turn. Now, about that 6,000 square foot, mountain house….

      • I think they should have been focusing on making you comfortable, do they know you don’t drink? I have unanswered questions. But I know what you’re feeling, I’ve been there. Well not in a 6,000 sq ft mtn home, but in the proverbial boozy 6k sq ft mtn home. We must be true to ourselves. Well done on staying strong. If they can’t make you comfortable there , then maybe for you, it really isn’t such a great place.

    • Steve, I’ve been thinking about your post since I first read it. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I imagine myself in that situation and how I would have felt coming home to my humble hovel after touring a 6000 sq ft palace.

      So I will give you the same pep talk I would give myself: a huge house and flowing booze does not necessarily eqate happiness. Alcohol use disorder and depression are equal opportunity employers.

      I don’t know if you heard, but I’m in the States and another Kennedy has died. A granddaughter of RFK was found dead at the Kennedy compound in Hyannis. Possible overdose. All that wealth and fame, all that tragedy.

      Today I will be grateful for the solid roof over my head, even if said roof does not cover a mansion. Hope you are well.

    • ggeeezz, @stevef, not to offend, but who has a 6000 sq ft mountain home. i would have felt out place regardless of whether there was booze. i don’t know your situation and maybe you slip in and out of 6000 sq ft homes all the time, I dont. i cant even think about all that booze, all those views, what a day, hope you are sleeping well by this point, best to you.

    • @suzkep @liberty @enzedgirl @lee-2 @scared @lynnelowe @hammer123 @womackm @jocord @tom4500 @erica375 @kitten. Thanks for your comments. It’s 2 days later and I’m totally over it. I think this was a case of walking into something that I was totally unprepared for. If I’m going to socialize with drinkers, I always have a game plan. This thing just blind sided me (which is never good when it comes to alcohol). Always be prepared and always have a game plan! Next time I’ll be prepared! Have a great AF day everyone, and thanks for being here!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    @kjpeche. I think this is the article @liberty is referring to.

    Strategies for Early Recovery


    I keep it handy.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    This is extremely interesting @DaveH. I’m more than 18 months into this journey and the lies are beginning to talk to me. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. Why now? The cravings are gone but my brain has recently been telling me how much I am missing out. Also, I hadn’t thought about triggers that lie dormant. I thought by now I had dealt with all of them so I will be on guard. You have explained what is going on so well. Thanks for a very timely post.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    @Sue123 I have been on this board for about 18 months and I have never heard of anyone being able to go back to drinking moderately. I read posts almost everyday about people who have tried and failed and they are kicking themselves in the butt for trying. We are all different, so maybe you’re experience will be different.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    Thanks @lucy!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    You have come to a great place @christym47. My decision to join was life changing. Make sure to check in daily. Check out the entire site. Mrs-D’s blog and Sober Toolbox are 2 of my favorites. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and challenges. Lots of understanding and support will come back to you. Glad you joined us!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    I write my posts on my notes app and then copy and paste to Living Sober. It’s much easier. Just an idea.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @Hammer!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @jaxisdry! It will happen for you one day. You’re doing great!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks@Winner!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @Ro! Had to look up the meaning of bewdy. I’ll take that as a compliment!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @robynb!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @dennyd! That last slip did it. Had terrible anxiety for at least a week. Said no more!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks neighbor @lee-2!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @saoirse!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @mrs-d. That means a lot coming from you. I couldn’t have done it without you and this wonderful community you created. ❤️

  • SteveF posted an update 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    There are soooo many new members here. I joined 18 months ago when there were 5700 here and now the number is up to 8600. I’m here to tell all of you just starting on this journey that you absolutely CAN kick booze to the curb and live a very enjoyable and fulfilling life. No alcohol needed! I started this journey 561 days ago and have had a handful of slips, but yesterday marked 365 days since I last had a drop of alcohol. Cravings are gone. I can walk past booze in the grocery store and not even flinch. I socialize with folks all the time that drink and don’t miss it a bit. It is so liberating! But this isn’t about me, it’s about you. Please believe that you can do it. It really does get easier and life is so much better not dragging that ball and chain of alcohol around. This community has been a real life saver for me and it can be the same for you. Stay close and check in often. Thanks again to all of you for being here and being so supportive. Have a great AF day everyone!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Very powerful post @lee-2. You continue to inspire with your honesty and willingness to lay it all out there. I tend to filter everything. I hope one day to be brave enough to lay it all out there as you do.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Been catching up with your posts @lee-2. Sorry you stumbled but that’s all it is, just a stumble. You know how to do this and I’m sure you’ll be prepared next time the urge to self destruct creeps in. We have a summer home in North Carolina so we can escape the heat and storms so we were spared having to go through that mess. I feel for you but there are better days ahead. xxxx

  • SteveF posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    @lee-2. I’ve been thinking about you down there in NOLA dealing with that shit storm. Hope you’re dealing with it ok and have no flooding problems. Whatever your situation, booze is not part of the solution. I read one of your earlier posts and I too have a love/hate relation with that Banana Republic called New Orleans. Great food and great culture but damn, the political system is bankrupt. Keep the faith! This too shall pass!

    • Thanks for the thoughts @steveF. I thought you were here as well. I got past 4 months and caved a bit with the stress but it was very short lived and over. I was born here and have lots of family but have left before for significant periods of time. Giving it a year with my new job and will see what happens but right now I feel stuck and am not very happy. My work flooded as well and that left me feeling pretty vulnerable.

      • Been catching up with your posts @lee-2. Sorry you stumbled but that’s all it is, just a stumble. You know how to do this and I’m sure you’ll be prepared next time the urge to self destruct creeps in. We have a summer home in North Carolina so we can escape the heat and storms so we were spared having to go through that mess. I feel for you but there are better days ahead. xxxx

      • Hello, Lee@, from Mobile, AL. Didn’t realize you were right down the road. I had a stumble too, over July 4th weekend when I was visiting friends in Texas. But I had made it further than ever before (33 days), so I am just subtracting those days from my total and carrying on! So Day 42 for me, and best wishes to you, my Gulf Coast neighbor.

        • Lee@ replied 1 month ago

          Hi @bridgette, suppose I could have just subtracted a day but that seems to mess with my head to much. I’m not a numbers person and besides, each sober day is worth celebrating. I’m just glad this week is over but you know we are not out of the woods until late Sept.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Sorry for the fall @tipsytoegal but its just another bump in the road. You know how to do this. As someone on here once told me, throw your whole sober toolbox at it. You’ll be racking up those AF days quickly. You got this!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I don’t drink mocktails to deceive anyone or appear to be drinking like everyone else@Andian. I drink them because most of them taste better than a diet coke or tonic water. It’s refreshing that more bars and restaurants are offering them these days. To each his own.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    I remember 4 months ago when you were desperate and asking for help. I also remember you making the commitment to stop the madness. Wow @lee-2, you have come so far! You’re stopping those triggers before they can suck you back in to that black hole. Keep up the great work! It’s not always smooth sailing, I’m in a bit of a funk today, but I know booze will do absolutely nothing to help. So I just let it be and it will pass. You’re doing the same. It is so worth it!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Beautiful post @hammer123. Thanks for sharing and thank you for being here.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Welcome here @shinyhappypeople! Glad you joined us.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Welcome here @kali! I agree with what others have said. Best to be safe given your medical history.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Hoping you can find peace and relief @truthangel. I don’t know what the answer is but I do know that alcohol isn’t it. 6 months AF is a hell of an achievement! Peace xxxx

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks for the mention @hammer123. We are all in this together and the support we give one another is truly a blessing. Each one of us has a different story as to how we went off the rails and started abusing alcohol. We are not bad people we just got addicted. This is what we all share and deal with on this journey to live an AF life. We are all very fortunate to have stumbled on to this wonderful community that @Mrs-D started at the beginning of her journey. Thanks to everyone of you for being here! May you all have a great AF day!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Awesome @kjpeche! You are so right, it is never too late!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I know what a fail is and that was not a fail! That was a huge turning point for you. You can build on that. That’s a great feeling to hit the stop button and pour booze down the drain. Well done you! @teazy

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Welcome here @jmclean! You’ve come to a great place for support. Glad you joined us.

    • Thanks Steve. I’m going good, I must be ready for this now; I don’t have to fight with myself not to be tempted by wine. It’s great knowing I’m going to feel great when I wake up in the morning. And that I’m not embarrassing my husband (and myself) with my lack of self control in social settings etc ….

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Welcome here @glenn! We all have to get to the point where we want to change. Nobody can do it for us. You’ve Taken a great first step and come to a great community of understanding and supportive people. Lots of helpful tools here. Check out the whole site. I like Sober Toolbox and Mrs D’s blog. Check in often. You can do this!

    • Thanks Steve. I will do. I’m not looking forward to the next couple of weeks while i break habits but i am looking forward to the other side.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    You have put the wheels back on and you are back on track @lucy! So glad you checked back in and made the commitment to kick booze to the curb. Life is so much better. Those words from Mrs D are so powerful “it stopped being fun”. End of story. Have a great day!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Love your post @mari135. You are an inspiration to all of us. Thanks for checking in!

    • Ohh thanks so much and right back at you, you are an inspiration and always find the right words for people here. Thank YOU!
      oxoxxo

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Glad you checked back in @dylan-john. I scrolled through your posts and it looks like you were doing well a year ago. You were checking in often. Why not make yourself accountable to everyone here and commit to check in daily? Everyone here supports you and understands. I think staying connected with this community would be a big help. You can do this. I will not drink with you today!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Happy Birthday @lee-2! A Pandora’s Box it is, and there’s no way I’m opening up that box again!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Hi @gigi47. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, it happens. I love this post from Mrs D’s blog:
    https://livingsober.org.nz/youre-not-a-bad-person-youre-addicted/. You’ve done this before and you can do it again with the tools you’ve used in the past. Congratulations for making the commitment today. You can do it!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Welcome here @toxicdrops!

    • Thank you. I tend to have to make sobriety a bit of an obsession by reading up on everything I can find on the subject, and I feel I need to put it out thetecthat I am giving up so that it makes giving up a more real thing.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    This Naked Mind was a game changer for me @Lucy. Check out Annie Grace’s Facebook page and website. More tools to help you kick booze to the curb!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    It definitely will get better @yellowlark. My emotions were all over the place the first couple of months. Physical activity was a big help for me. Jogging, walking, anything to generate those wonderful endorphins to give you a lift. Please hang in there and check in here often.

    • Thanks for your encouragement. I started running again and I’m giving yoga a try. Definitely helps, I just need to stick with it. 🙂

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    You are doing so well @lee-2! You have so much wisdom about recovery, and you are so willing to share it. You continue to inspire me and so many others here. Congratulations on 98 days!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @Lucy. Glad you made the decision to come back. You were such an active member of this community when I first joined 15 months ago. You have been so supportive of others, including me. So many people here are fond of you. We’re all here to cheer you on. Please keep checking in.

  • SteveF posted an update 2 months, 1 week ago

    Strategies for Early Recovery


    I like to post this article from time to time for those just starting on this journey. I found it to be extremely helpful in the early going. It is written by our own @Mrs D. Check it out. Have a great AF day everyone!

    • Thank you @SteveF. At 107 days, I can attest to the fact that if you practice these, they really work. Have a great day!

    • Good read, very true. I like arriving late to social gatherings, once most have had one or two they don’t notice you drinking. Also you can immediately see the impact of alcohol and it’s negative effects.

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Welcome here @blacknic!

  • SteveF posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Welcome here @dutch!

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