• Soberwife posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    More power to you- glad you had fun x

  • This evening I learned of a sudden death in the family. Someone I grew up with but haven’t had anything to do with in recent years. When I got the phone call I felt numb and negligent for not seeing him recently. Addiction played a big part in his unhappy life. I am with my family, who are drinking wine to process it and I was tempted. But I forcibly reminded myself of the damage addiction caused this person, and was able to refrain. First sober bereavement. Will take it one day at a time. I know how many people on this site and beyond have stayed sober through the hardest times, I am taking strength from that. Nothing prepares us for sudden death- feel numb.

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    I read once that there is a strong correlation between hypersensitivity and addiction; I certainly identify with that. Don’t let those kids bother you: wait until they have to get a job and pay rent!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    In moments of bottle-shop temptation, I have to really level with myself: “Once you have had one, the rest is doomed -as proven many hundreds of times .” Then I might grab a coffee or an ice-cream – whatever works! good luck next time 🙂

    • Yep @Soberwife—that first one is the killer! ive proved that a million times. Taken me to hell and back too many times.

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks, Prudence! Nice to hear from ever-reliable you too 😉

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Dah you made my morning (and it’s not yet 7am here!) Thanks Mrs D, enjoy the beach and your boys 🙂

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Agree- you can do it @pinkcloud! I feel you: I had to learn about 100 times that I. Can. Not. Moderate. Trust me, it wasn’t through lack of trying! Everyone on this site gets it, and checking in regularly got me through those tough days in the beginning. Keep yourself busy today and think how awesome you will feel in the morning. 😉

  • Happy Hangover-free Sunday, everyone! I haven’t posted here on ages, but I wanted to express my gratitude for this site and welcome all the Newcomers. To be honest I haven’t logged in for months… I randomly watched Sandra Bullock in 28 Days last night, and that film made me think of this supportive community. Also how lucky I am to have reached ‘the other side’ from the Booze-Cycle we all know so well. Have a great Sunday everyone, and thanks for being out there. x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Hey @marmite – for some reason this isn’t posting below your post but I wanted to than you for your words of encouragement. It’s great to hear that you found that ‘moderation failure’ made your sobriety stronger this time – that’s what I’m aiming for! Have a great weekend and I will be back here soon (eating chocolate no doubt!)

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Ha, thanks @loopdaloop – I am really encouraged to hear that. Also I agree about the beating yourself up bit – so true. Have a great weekend and I will be online much more now. It’s heartening to know you lot are out there xx

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Thanks @enzedgirl, apologies for the delayed response (see messages above; no internet/phone then hit the ground running)- anyway thanks for the welcome back -it’s good to be back! Will be online much more frequently now. x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Hey @chick, apologies for the delayed response. By now your hubby should be in recovery – I hope he is doing well. It is great that you can be strong and sober together. I hope you are both in good health now x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Thanks for your kind words and apologies for the delayed response… I really did feel like I’d let the team down, so thanks for saying otherwise. It’s good to be back!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Hey @esharp76 thanks for your words of encouragement and apologies for the delayed response. Wishing you a great weekend and I will be back online much sooner now I am back online!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Hey @krisb apologies for the delayed response to your kind message. We are in “Sobriety, the Sequel” together – that makes it a bit easier for me, knowing I’m not alone. Have a great sober weekend x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Again – apologies for the delayed reply – thanks so much for your words of encouragement, @freedom1025. Just logging onto this site and reading the messages of solidarity such as yours here, makes a real difference. Have a great weekend and thanks for the message. xx

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Sorry for the delayed reply, @lilliane (was in a phone/internet blindspot for a while)- it’s nice to know you’re out there, that you understand and that we’re in this ‘Sobriety Reloaded’ together. Knowing you guys are out there makes me feel stronger. Have a great weekend x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    Hey @daveh I apologise for the long delay in responding… We were in the ‘deep South’ of the Australian coast over Easter and had no phone or email reception (was rather nice!)- then returned to work & hit the ground running. I have copied this ‘value bomb’ from your message into my phone:
    “t was only when I completely accepted and understood that the only long-term survivable path for me was to not drink at all did it become possible to stop drinking and be happy about doing that. ”
    -this really resonates, as I also find Moderation a form of torture. I will keep your words close to my heart as I go into this ‘early days sobriety 2.0’ weekend. Thanks so much for your message.

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    hey @mtedenmummy, I apologise for the long delay in responding to your very helpful email. We were in the ‘deep South’ of the Australian coast over Easter and had no phone or email reception (was rather nice!)- then returned to work & hit the ground running. As such, I can say that Easter was sadly a sober fail for me, and I am back to early days again. That said, your ‘treat it like day 1’ advice is really valid – I will be mindful of that this weekend; AF drinks and snacks; avoid some social occasions – stuff I had forgotten about in my stride.
    I really appreciate your support and kind words – it’s so empowering to know there are people like you out there that GET IT! Thanks again & have a great weekend. x

  • Ok I have been dreading this, but here it goes. Had 8.5 months sober, then drank at a wedding, then on holiday, then every weekend – for the past 2 months (to the day). I am desperate to stop this now. I learned so much in those 8 months and I feel sad I’ve thrown my sober peace of mind away. I can now recognise that I am drinking to quash emotions that then rear up 10fold the following day, with the anxiety that accompanies a hangover. So today is another day One. Long Easter weekend next week but why wait – I managed Christmas, why not Easter… Anyway Livingsober people; I feel I’ve let the team down. I have so much respect for the people who post here, and this was such an important resource for me the last day one… So here I am. I look forward to lots of posting & reading; especially next weekend. Thanks (and sorry!)

    • Been there! But have retrieved my sobriety and am stronger than ever. You will be too.

      Like you say you learned so much in that 8 months and you haven’t lost those days. Now to work out the lessons still to go… the stuff you told yourself (wolfie told you) in that slippery slide few months. A mistake I made when trying to clamber back on the wagon was that I forgot to treat myself like I was back at day 1…like really take the sobriety stuff back to basics…delay distract dont, HALT, AF drinks and treats, all that stuff. I think when you have a few months under your belt it’s easy to switch to a more cerebral way of looking at it but for now you just need one foot in front of the other.

      I totally believe you’ve got this. You’re stronger than you know x x

      • hey @mtedenmummy, I apologise for the long delay in responding to your very helpful email. We were in the ‘deep South’ of the Australian coast over Easter and had no phone or email reception (was rather nice!)- then returned to work & hit the ground running. As such, I can say that Easter was sadly a sober fail for me, and I am back to early days again. That said, your ‘treat it like day 1’ advice is really valid – I will be mindful of that this weekend; AF drinks and snacks; avoid some social occasions – stuff I had forgotten about in my stride.
        I really appreciate your support and kind words – it’s so empowering to know there are people like you out there that GET IT! Thanks again & have a great weekend. x

    • Don’t apologise! It’s not failure, it’s education. It’s an essential part of giving up. You did 8.5 months, that’s brilliant. Then you wondered if you could have the occasional drink, and now you have the answer to that question. Unfortunately no-one else can learn this particular lesson for us. The only way to learn this for ourselves is by trying it out. It was only by trying and failing many times that I finally accepted what I didn’t want to believe… that I had no power to regulate my own drinking. It didn’t matter how determined the effort was… once I strarted drinking I couldn’t stop.
      It was only when I completely accepted and understood that the only long-term survivable path for me was to not drink at all did it become possible to stop drinking and be happy about doing that. Until I completely accepted that for some reason I didn’t have an “off” switch, and wasn’t suddenly going to grow one, could I fully know that I couldn’t drink again.
      While I believed it would be possible for me to drink again I was only half committed. Up until then I was giving up something that I wanted to continue, but after that I was giving up something that was getting worse and was ultimately going to kill me.
      You know you can do this now, you’ve done it 240+ times before. You know what’s coming in terms of the challenge ahead, and you know you can overcome it. The days and weeks ahead aren’t full of fears and mysteries any more, you’ve already been there and done that. The 8.5 months wasn’t wasted, it was essential learning. You know you can do this now. You’ve got it this time.

      • @DaveH that is brilliantly put. Thank You.

      • @DaveH you always hit the nail on the head. @soberwife….I understand. I am starting over again too after quite some time not drinking. I think DaveH is right – we have to see for ourselves that we absolutely can’t drink in a healthy/normal way. My last bout of drinking showed me not only that I couldn’t but that I won’t be here long if I drink at all. Back to day 1 sister- equipped with a new reality.

        • Sorry for the delayed reply, @lilliane (was in a phone/internet blindspot for a while)- it’s nice to know you’re out there, that you understand and that we’re in this ‘Sobriety Reloaded’ together. Knowing you guys are out there makes me feel stronger. Have a great weekend x

      • Hey @daveh I apologise for the long delay in responding… We were in the ‘deep South’ of the Australian coast over Easter and had no phone or email reception (was rather nice!)- then returned to work & hit the ground running. I have copied this ‘value bomb’ from your message into my phone:
        “t was only when I completely accepted and understood that the only long-term survivable path for me was to not drink at all did it become possible to stop drinking and be happy about doing that. ”
        -this really resonates, as I also find Moderation a form of torture. I will keep your words close to my heart as I go into this ‘early days sobriety 2.0’ weekend. Thanks so much for your message.

    • Much love @soberwife. I know it’s so hard not to look back at what could have/should have been done. But it’s such a futile, frustrating exercise. So eyes forward, arms locked with your sober warriors and onward we go. Lots of self care and self love for you. xoxo

      • Again – apologies for the delayed reply – thanks so much for your words of encouragement, @freedom1025. Just logging onto this site and reading the messages of solidarity such as yours here, makes a real difference. Have a great weekend and thanks for the message. xx

    • I’m back at day 1 as well, and this advice helps a lot. Lots of lessons learned stronger in my decision. None for me is best. @soberwife you’re not alone

      • Hey @krisb apologies for the delayed response to your kind message. We are in “Sobriety, the Sequel” together – that makes it a bit easier for me, knowing I’m not alone. Have a great sober weekend x

    • Welcome back hun, yes I agree with @Daveh no need to apologise…just feel proud you’ve owned it and wanting to better your life! You’ve got this x

      • Hey @esharp76 thanks for your words of encouragement and apologies for the delayed response. Wishing you a great weekend and I will be back online much sooner now I am back online!

    • You haven’t let the team down. You have shown courage and bravery to come back, to share honestly and to be open to living life on life’s terms. Welcome home, we have your back xx

      • Thanks for your kind words and apologies for the delayed response… I really did feel like I’d let the team down, so thanks for saying otherwise. It’s good to be back!

    • Well done @Soberwife for getting back on the horse! I will start day 1 with you my dear as I have been moderating and has been fine but hubby coming up for surgery soon so he giving up so I said I will as well! So here we go!

      • Hey @chick, apologies for the delayed response. By now your hubby should be in recovery – I hope he is doing well. It is great that you can be strong and sober together. I hope you are both in good health now x

    • Agree with all the comments. Welcome back!

      @soberwife

      • Thanks @enzedgirl, apologies for the delayed response (see messages above; no internet/phone then hit the ground running)- anyway thanks for the welcome back -it’s good to be back! Will be online much more frequently now. x

    • Mate, I’ve been there and honestly, it’s made my sobriety stronger this time. I have absolutely no doubt at all now. I CANNOT moderate. Ever.
      Load up on choccies @soberwife, that’s the joy of Easter for me. Mmmm… chocolate….

      • You’re so not back at day one! You know you can string day after day after day together. It’s all about the next 24 hours one day at a time. X Go easy on yourself becuase I believe beating oneself up just gives more room for the “ism” to find a way in to repeat behaviour. XXX Stay close to the site all will be well you can do this

      • Ha, thanks @loopdaloop – I am really encouraged to hear that. Also I agree about the beating yourself up bit – so true. Have a great weekend and I will be online much more now. It’s heartening to know you lot are out there xx

      • Hey @marmite – for some reason this isn’t posting below your post but I wanted to than you for your words of encouragement. It’s great to hear that you found that ‘moderation failure’ made your sobriety stronger this time – that’s what I’m aiming for! Have a great weekend and I will be back here soon (eating chocolate no doubt!)

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Thanks everyone for your thoughts and for sharing your poignant experiences! This is the dose of sober wisdom I needed to hear… I agree- the thought of going through the first 2 months of sobriety again is a big deterrent.. it’s only the urge to “fit in” with my friends and not feel set apart like I sometimes do while not drinking that makes me consider it… but I feel like this sobriety – by far my longest atttempt- was hard-won ground that I shouldn’t relinquish so easily. Thanks again- will be checking in here when I get wifi x

  • Hello Sober Soldiers! I just logged on here to share an upcoming challenge I am rather apprehensive about: it’s a double-header: wedding and beach holiday….Yep, its the Destination Wedding of a friend, and we I will be in this far-flung, beachy location for 2 weeks. My husband has valiantly sobered up beside me (8 months now)- even though he is strictly a normal drinker. However he has decided to ‘break the drought’ for this holiday, and reasons it’s an opportunity for me to ‘change my relationship with drinking’… Sometimes I think that is possible, but mostly I doubt it. Any thoughts / similar experiences / pearls of wisdom? Thanks! x

    • @soberwife so many of us here have tried to moderate and were unsuccessful. I was sober for over a year and had been very high functioning when I drank, so I also reasoned that I could moderate. Well it started with two glasses of wine a night for a week and then back to a bottle a night – back to being grumpy, sleeping badly, night sweats just getting through each day for my five onclock drink – uuugh it all came back so quickly and then was even harder to stop than the first time.
      You may also want to think about what you want out of the holiday – even though not drinking may be hard at times – waking up sober and fresh and able to enjoy the beauty and people around you and really savour this special time whereas if you drink you risk all of that ?

    • Hi @soberwife! Sounds like a really fun vacation – having one could be a slippery slope. That’s how it was with me. I thought I had moderation figured it out, and then I drank like crazy when a friend kept pouring. And that’s the thing with alcohol – you’re not in charge once you start so it’s impossible to change your relationship with it – it calls the shots. Have a great time, you won’t regret staying sober! : )

    • Can alcoholics drink? You know, I think that telling you to go ahead and drink would be doing you a real disservice. Some who relapse have a very difficult time getting their sobriety back. Personally, I never want to go through those first two months again. I think that moderation is very dangerous. Your brain is playing tricks on you. If a smoker hasn’t had a cigarette in 8 months, should they go ahead and smoke? How many? Actually, I think you know the answer to your own question.

    • I was sober for 9 months back in 2010. Then my husband and I went on holiday to Melbourne and I thought, “I’ve proved to myself I can quit, so I’ll be fine to have a drink on this holiday, and just take it easy from now on.” I ordered a beer on the first day, and it tasted amazing. And then a wine the next day, and then and then… in spite of my determination I was back to a bottle a night within a month, and it took another 18 months for me to quit again — AND it was a much harder quit. We are all different, but what I really want to say is that alcohol does not improve a holiday. It might feel like you’re missing out when others are drinking, but it’s so much better for you and your body to drink a mocktail or a long hydrating glass of water than to put booze back in your system. I mean, if it weren’t a danger for you, you probably wouldn’t be here in this community. I’ve had many amazing sober holidays now, and they are far superior to any holiday I’ve had drinking.

    • @Soberwife Well, now I am at Day 12. I have not had this much time strung together for about 15 years or so. Years ago I had 6 months sobriety. a boyfriend said to me that he did not think me alcoholic. i agreed, cuz I stayed away for 6 months. Drank 1 drink,maybe 2, decided I got this! Went full tilt thereafter. then achieved 2 years sobriety. One night at a dinner, i said, “i’ll have what they are having”. that came out of nowhere, had 1 glass of wine. Decided that i was not a ‘fiend’ and that I got this! gradually I crept up over the years to much, much more as it does. Had always been fearful of withdrawal – what would I experience. would get 1 or 2 days, then go right back, cuz “i got this”. Nope. don’t want the poison. 12 days and moving forward!!! Peace and Freedom!

    • Hi @Soberwife I’ve tried moderating and I’ve always gone back to drinking.. infact much worse each time.. I have to watch that voice that tells me I can because it’s convincing and I know now it’s telling me lies.. No moderation never worked for me xxx

    • If I were to drink, I would not start drinking every day, because I never have. But..I wouldn’t be as ble to stop at 2 , either, because I rarely did. No, I’d go through all the booze on hand, and then likely go get more. I’d be the life if the party, but I might fall down on the dance floor, fall off my chair, or fall and hit my head. How would your drinking go?

    • Thanks everyone for your thoughts and for sharing your poignant experiences! This is the dose of sober wisdom I needed to hear… I agree- the thought of going through the first 2 months of sobriety again is a big deterrent.. it’s only the urge to “fit in” with my friends and not feel set apart like I sometimes do while not drinking that makes me consider it… but I feel like this sobriety – by far my longest atttempt- was hard-won ground that I shouldn’t relinquish so easily. Thanks again- will be checking in here when I get wifi x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Hey! I just read your post, then your profile blurb and they resonated so much with me that I wanted to say “hey!” I am 37 yo and 7 months sober- so the healthiest I’ve been since I started drinking at 18… but I have also been seeing an endocrinologist and gastroenterologist for unrelated but not minor health problems. Like you, I feel like “WTF- I am finally living super healthy and then this happens?” – but I also have to accept that 19 years in the fast lane have had much more of an impact than the past 7 months! Still, at least we are doing the right thing now, and as another member here has said- it’s amazing what medical advances we have access to. So best of luck with your tests & procedures and please contact me if you need to commiserate! X

    • Thanks heaps for the kind words, Soberwife!
      I really appreciate it.

      oxoxxo

      I hope all turns out ok with your health scares!
      That’s no fun at all and nobody deserves to have to deal with that.

      Ultrasound is in a few hours and I will push for the earliest biopsy date available. My aunt had part of her thyroid removed due to a nodule in which they found cells that could have been cancerous in the future. It was precautionary and she has been fine since with 20 years on replacement hormone therapy. We will see.

      oxoxoxo

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Hey Everyone – thanks for the great support, as always. 6 months (almost) without a drink; something that once felt impossible. Have a great week, everyone!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Hey Thanks @freedom1025 I did all the things you mentioned – enjoyed myself completely. The biggest revelation was that my friends don’t drink that much! We took the same trip together last year and I assumed everyone was drinking ‘pretty much’ the same as me…. Turns out they were having 3 or 4 drinks all night (when I would have had at least twice that!)

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks @mari135 – I have saved those wise words for future reference. I was able to remain resolved and am so grateful I did. Thanks for your support & hope you’re doing well!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks @chick! I survived the sober holiday and feel pleased with myself (rather than the historic remorse I often felt after a boozey trip away….and they were ALL boozey!)

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks @bettermylife – You are absolutely right. Like you, I was fine with alcohol around me – in fact it didn’t even distract me (much!. I drank tons of tonic water, read my book, and enjoyed time away with friends. Sober holiday: achieved!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Hey @robynjoy thanks for your wise words… I didn’t have reception where we were on holiday so I am reading these comments now, having survived the trip sober! I have had all those boring experiences you describe above, so it really was novel to forgo them this time and simply enjoy the time away…. and I remember everything!! It will pass; wise words for all of us in times of temptation. Thanks!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    I wanted to say what I just noted @Meplusthree said above: you are a legend for adopting these kids with the extra challenges they present. You deserve some help – counselling or even AA meetings to give you an opportunity to talk about your issues. Also writing your thoughts and feelings down will help. This sobriety thing gets easier with time, and once you have some time under your belt, you will be better able to cope with your hard realities. Seriously. Good luck and much respect.

  • Hey Sober Soldiers! I am just posting on here for a boost of resolve… Tomorrow morning my husband and I are going away with 2 other couples for 4 days. This is a trip I had previously considered ‘breaking sobriety’ for – but now I want to stay strong, stay sober. My reward for such will be hitting the 6 month mark just 3 days after we get home. So close – I don’t want to blow it all now. However I would appreciate any words of wisdom from you lot: the other two couples will be drinking all the tempting beers and wines I once enjoyed; and lots of it! My husband has nobly committed to stay sober with me, which helps but also makes me feel a tad guilty – because it’s not him with the problem, so I feel he’s missing out because of me. Anyway – any words of advice would be highly prized! Thanks!

    • I wonder what the deprivation of not drinking on a trip really is? My guess is your husband has not had that novelty in sometimes, and it never hurts to try new things. Trust me in this, the drinking life is the boring life. Boring hangovers, boring humiliations..shallow experiences. Indulge yourself with a spa treatment, other fun things that replenish. You will never regret not drinking, except for at the rare craving time.It will pass.

      • Hey @robynjoy thanks for your wise words… I didn’t have reception where we were on holiday so I am reading these comments now, having survived the trip sober! I have had all those boring experiences you describe above, so it really was novel to forgo them this time and simply enjoy the time away…. and I remember everything!! It will pass; wise words for all of us in times of temptation. Thanks!

    • Stay brave! You will find your way around this. You’ve achieved so much. Is it worth giving up? Talk to your husband and work out something that’s ok for the both of you. Alcohol around me is ok, but a big troublemaker when it gets inside me. Good luck and happy holiday!

      • Thanks @bettermylife – You are absolutely right. Like you, I was fine with alcohol around me – in fact it didn’t even distract me (much!. I drank tons of tonic water, read my book, and enjoyed time away with friends. Sober holiday: achieved!

    • Sometimes it helps me to think:

      “Alcohol ain’t gonna disappear suddenly and unexpectedly. It won’t fall off the earth tomorrow. There won’t be another prohibition by the government anytime soon. This is not my last vacation, and this is not the last vacation with these very people, unless I choose to never organize a trip with them.

      Because in the heat of it (as in others order their first drink, and a pang hits us) we may feel the old FOMO, fear of missing out. So it helps to put it in perspective.

      It is not too late to live your life, and this is not the greatest party on earth you will miss out on. If you wanted to drink again, you can do it another time, but this time you already made that decision to NOT drink, so you won’t have to decide again.”

      Those are some of the things I tell myself to get through a challenging event or time.

      oxoxoxoxoxox

      • Thanks @mari135 – I have saved those wise words for future reference. I was able to remain resolved and am so grateful I did. Thanks for your support & hope you’re doing well!

    • @soberwife alcohol will not make you enjoy this trip any more – in fact, just the opposite. Soak up the experience, the laughter, the friendship. Also soak up the fact that you’ll be feeling fantastic in the morning while everyone else will be hurting big time. Jump on here as often as you need. We’ll be here cheering you on.

      • Hey Thanks @freedom1025 I did all the things you mentioned – enjoyed myself completely. The biggest revelation was that my friends don’t drink that much! We took the same trip together last year and I assumed everyone was drinking ‘pretty much’ the same as me…. Turns out they were having 3 or 4 drinks all night (when I would have had at least twice that!)

    • Thanks @chick! I survived the sober holiday and feel pleased with myself (rather than the historic remorse I often felt after a boozey trip away….and they were ALL boozey!)

    • Hey Everyone – thanks for the great support, as always. 6 months (almost) without a drink; something that once felt impossible. Have a great week, everyone!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Congrats, Aria! That’s an important milestone! I have also noticed since I stopped drinking how little other people drink; ‘2 beers? that’s possible?!’ When I was drinking I just assumed EVERYONE had had 6 beers! I’m glad being the real you felt perfectly OK: because it’s true!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    That’s the attitude! Distract yourself or when in doubt: eat ice cream!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Thanks freedom1025, sharing that victory and the feedback I have received here really compounds a feeling of achievement. So thanks for your props!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Yeah thanks Scarlet. I still feel like it’s very early days, but that’s why I know it’s important to be aware of these positive experiences, and share them with y’all!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Thank you for the encouragement! This website is great for that.

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Thanks Wvlheel; I’ve enjoyed many of your posts so glad I could return the favour!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Thanks Stopthatsnotme, hope you’re doing ok and wishing you a good weekend!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    You are ever-wise, Prudence! Yep, it’s novel to be able to retain all the content of the conversations I had that night; to be worry-free about my own behaviour and feel oddly confident! I used to drink because I felt uneasy at such events; turns out it really is mind over matter. I have spent much time worrying that I won’t be regarded a ‘fun party girl’ like I always was; but as time passes, I care less about what people think! Happy weekend, Prudence!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    This post made me laugh: so very true! It was surreal to observe what you describe here through clear, sober eyes. Another observation: I know many of us on this site have been self-conscious about attending boozey events sober: ‘what will people think?’… Well this may have been down to the particular individual, but a client I had been sat beside for hours went to top up his bottomless glass of red and noted “you haven’t had much to drink tonight!” I replied “I haven’t had any” and swiftly continued with the conversation… What amused me was that he noted this after HOURS had passed! Thanks for your funny post and touching compliment. I felt very ‘shiny’ the following morning!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Right back atcha, Hummingbird: it’s so great to have this forum where we can share each others trials & victories. Happy weekend!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Ha ‘Go you good thing’ is an expression I haven’t heard in a while; although the old me would be surprised by the context it’s used in here! Cheers!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 10 months ago

    Thanks, Chick! Wishing you a good weekend 🙂

  • Because it’s important to share our sober victories…
    Last night I had my first SOBER black-tie, industry, open-bar awards ceremony. These events are never my cup of tea (or vodka)- but I have to say, it was no more tedious sober than it would have been tipsy. I had lucid conversations with industry-types, remember everything, and had to chuckle to myself as I flossed my teeth and removed my eye makeup when I returned home after midnight: a definite first! In the past I have spilled out of a taxi only to pass out, then wake in the morning with a thumping headache and paranoia surrounding how embarrassingly I ‘may’ have behaved! This morning I woke early and hit the gym before work, and reminded myself of how awful I would normally be feeling at that very moment (sleeping as late as possible; downing some aspirin; attempting to hide my hangover with makeup then creeping into the office, attempting to look confident!) I have done that so many times, it is so refreshing to see the other side. Incidentally, I have exactly 5 months sober time TOMORROW! I know it’s still early days, but I really feel like last night was a breakthrough. I wanted to share for my own sake, but also to encourage anyone who is feeling shaky in early sobriety. Happy Weekend everyone!

    • That’s an excellent sober victory story @soberwife , go you good thing! 🙂

      • Ha ‘Go you good thing’ is an expression I haven’t heard in a while; although the old me would be surprised by the context it’s used in here! Cheers!

    • so awesome, you rule !

      • Right back atcha, Hummingbird: it’s so great to have this forum where we can share each others trials & victories. Happy weekend!

    • Soberwife, your right what a fantastic achievement ! beautiful ladies in gorgeous gowns ,professional makeovers pre event, polite conversation with very pretentious strangers and social climbers , work talk , latest sales figures , intelligent people or even worse people who think their intelligent , office type flirting , free bar with a range of very expensive wines or whiskies for the men . the night getting louder and louder ,drunker and drunker , good dancers crap dancers , poor jokes , nod nod innuendo comments . and I bet you shone like a sober diamond .

      • This post made me laugh: so very true! It was surreal to observe what you describe here through clear, sober eyes. Another observation: I know many of us on this site have been self-conscious about attending boozey events sober: ‘what will people think?’… Well this may have been down to the particular individual, but a client I had been sat beside for hours went to top up his bottomless glass of red and noted “you haven’t had much to drink tonight!” I replied “I haven’t had any” and swiftly continued with the conversation… What amused me was that he noted this after HOURS had passed! Thanks for your funny post and touching compliment. I felt very ‘shiny’ the following morning!

    • Isn’t it amazing when you realise that your true authentic self is so way superior to the fun party girl you thought was clever and chic and funny and cool. Isn’t it nice to realise that people are quite interesting and worth having normal conversations with, instead of giving them only a small portion of our attention because we are worried about the next drink!! Once that awful compulsion is gone it opens up whole new worlds and ways of being. You should be very proud tonight. Well done oxoxo

      • You are ever-wise, Prudence! Yep, it’s novel to be able to retain all the content of the conversations I had that night; to be worry-free about my own behaviour and feel oddly confident! I used to drink because I felt uneasy at such events; turns out it really is mind over matter. I have spent much time worrying that I won’t be regarded a ‘fun party girl’ like I always was; but as time passes, I care less about what people think! Happy weekend, Prudence!

    • Inspiring!!!!

    • Wow, great evening and great post! Proud of you

    • Good on you…a great inspirational post…thanks

    • How awesome! And that is encouraging…5 months in and such a drastic change from previous life. What a great lead off to the weekend.

      • Yeah thanks Scarlet. I still feel like it’s very early days, but that’s why I know it’s important to be aware of these positive experiences, and share them with y’all!

    • @soberwife that’s a huge victory!! Congrats on your sober night out and 5 months!

      • Thanks freedom1025, sharing that victory and the feedback I have received here really compounds a feeling of achievement. So thanks for your props!

    • Thanks, Chick! Wishing you a good weekend 🙂

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    I like the “harder to climb back into the wagon” analogy. I was at a meeting tonight and there were 2 people who had reset their sobriety dates in the last week… which made me think “they are back here, so obviously they want to be sober but relapsed” and “it mustn’t have been a great experience if they are back at a meeting within a week”. I am reluctant to lose my 108 days sober, and i do remember how torturous those first weeks were; not something I really want to repeat so that indicates it isn’t worth the “holiday drinking”! Thanks for your message

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Good thinking @mslil In my head it’s “I will drink in moderation for the 4 days of holiday then return to sobriety when I get home”. But I know from past experiences that its hard to put a “plug in the jug” once I’ve started again… I can imagine the following weekend thinking “just the one this weekend” and so on… So it’s a good point you raise. Thanks for your message!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Yeah I can’t argue with that logic! This is the kind of virtual slap I need; thanks!

    • Sorry, @soberwife – it wasn’t meant to be like that! Truth is, I wrote a long reply, decided that it was too much about me and then wrote a short one taken from it. Still about me more than you!

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Hey Isabel, thanks for your considered response! I particularly liked this bit “Once you’ve done the hard work of removing yourself from its trap don’t voluntarily put yourself back there” – because I know even now as I consider moderation, that I am hesitant to go back to ‘day 1 sobriety’. That first month sucked hard: such a mental battle to avoid alcohol and now that avoidance is finally ‘almost’ second nature. Even after 100 days I still flirt with the idea of drinking, so going back to ground zero will be bloody hard. I know all this, but wanted to hear the wise words of you folk on this website to bolster my strength. So thanks again for the response – will def be rereading it as November approaches! x

  • Soberwife posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Thanks for the share, MrWTF (and great name!) I think you are right, or rather – I know that my plan is pretty risky. I have never been a nice normal social drinker in the past – my ‘magical thinking’ was that I could perhaps be one now that I have had 100+ days sobriety. Deep down I know it’s a big risk. Thanks for your words of wisdom, I will reread them no doubt many times!

  • This is a Call to All ‘Moderation Flirtation’ experiences! I am on day 108 (happy to be here)- but my husband and I have just agreed to a 4 day holiday with friends in November… These friends are all moderate drinkers and part of the planned events are some vineyard and brewery visits. So of course the thought popped into my head (and won’t seem to leave it) “Just for the holiday, I could match one of the moderate ladies drink for drink; so just 1 or 2 glasses at a time…. to prove I can control myself after a period of abstinence, and so as not to be the only sober person amongst civilised, societal drinking.
    I am sure there are Living Sober Members out there with experience and opinions on this subject: please bring them on!
    Thanks in Advance 🙂

    • We’re all different so only you can know whether you’re kidding yourself or not.

      What I know about myself is I’d sometimes go out to dinner with a group, and like them, I’d drink moderately and match them drink for drink. Then I’d run into some other people in a bar and match them drink for drink. Then I’d go home and drink two bottles of wine.

      Anyone can LOOK like a nice, normal, social drinker. Even me in the above example, as long as you never got to see the whole picture. But unless you’re pretty damn confident that you ARE a nice, normal social drinker, your plan is likely to be pretty risky.

      • Thanks for the share, MrWTF (and great name!) I think you are right, or rather – I know that my plan is pretty risky. I have never been a nice normal social drinker in the past – my ‘magical thinking’ was that I could perhaps be one now that I have had 100+ days sobriety. Deep down I know it’s a big risk. Thanks for your words of wisdom, I will reread them no doubt many times!

    • ha! I offer my experience and say to you Don’t do it! My thoughts are that moderation is too difficult to be worth it . Ive managed to give up for extended periods but then….. I fool myself! I decide that yes, of course now I am a Non Drinker I can go out and drink socially on the odd occassion. And the thing is that I can! I plan for someone else to drive, I have a 2 or 3 glasses so I feel that pleasant social bond. I have a marvelous time and I don’t over do it or embarrass myself. BUT BUT BUT the next night I WILL lose the wine o’clock battle, and the next, and the next. And then I’m back in the cycle of wasting nights watching tv programs I don’t need to, drinking far too much wine, lousy sleep, seeing the’ exercise and meditation habits disappear, seeing the anxiety reappear. Alcohol is an addictive drug!! Once you’ve done the hard work of removing yourself from its trap don’t voluntarily put yourself back there. Try drinking soda in wine glasses and make yourself sparkly and inhibition free because you’re on holiday, not because you’re drunk. That’s my voice of disappointment in myself and advice against any kind of moderation if it helps…

      • Hey Isabel, thanks for your considered response! I particularly liked this bit “Once you’ve done the hard work of removing yourself from its trap don’t voluntarily put yourself back there” – because I know even now as I consider moderation, that I am hesitant to go back to ‘day 1 sobriety’. That first month sucked hard: such a mental battle to avoid alcohol and now that avoidance is finally ‘almost’ second nature. Even after 100 days I still flirt with the idea of drinking, so going back to ground zero will be bloody hard. I know all this, but wanted to hear the wise words of you folk on this website to bolster my strength. So thanks again for the response – will def be rereading it as November approaches! x

    • Bad idea. The best way to stay unburnt is to not walk into the fire.

      • Yeah I can’t argue with that logic! This is the kind of virtual slap I need; thanks!

        • Sorry, @soberwife – it wasn’t meant to be like that! Truth is, I wrote a long reply, decided that it was too much about me and then wrote a short one taken from it. Still about me more than you!

    • This is a tough one – as they say in AA alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful.
      Alcoholism is a progressive disease – even when we abstain – yeah it sucks. As soon as we pick up again – off it goes hurtling along at an even greater speed.
      It can only be treated by not drinking.
      You have come such a long way – really think about this and starting over – when that will be.?

      • Good thinking @mslil In my head it’s “I will drink in moderation for the 4 days of holiday then return to sobriety when I get home”. But I know from past experiences that its hard to put a “plug in the jug” once I’ve started again… I can imagine the following weekend thinking “just the one this weekend” and so on… So it’s a good point you raise. Thanks for your message!

    • Just reading your post and wondering #1 how well you were able to moderate your drinking before you decided you needed to quit; and #2 how willing are you to reset your counter after over 100 days in? You understand that if you consciously make the decision to drink while away that’s not a slip, that’s a relapse, right? Is it worth it to you? Do you really want to go through those early days all over again? Maybe you need to stop negotiating with yourself – and take it from me and many others on here, every time you jump out of the wagon it’s much harder to climb back in.

      • I like the “harder to climb back into the wagon” analogy. I was at a meeting tonight and there were 2 people who had reset their sobriety dates in the last week… which made me think “they are back here, so obviously they want to be sober but relapsed” and “it mustn’t have been a great experience if they are back at a meeting within a week”. I am reluctant to lose my 108 days sober, and i do remember how torturous those first weeks were; not something I really want to repeat so that indicates it isn’t worth the “holiday drinking”! Thanks for your message

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