Hi - My name is Cathy. I'm a mom to 2 wonderful boys ages 15 and 9. I also have a stepson who is 14. I live on the East Coast of the United States. I've been a high functioning alcoholic for many years now. But I'm tired. I'm tired of being a prisoner to this disease and I want to live a better, healthier, sober life. I've read Mrs. D's book and am very grateful to have found this wonderful online community which provides support nearly 24 hours a day. Turning my life around - one day at a time.
Happy Friday everyone, late start to my day but I only have a few more hours before my weekend starts and this weekend is going to be filled with self care!!!! Hubby and young son are off to our vacation home for the wknd and I will follow with older son Thursday so I am going to focus on myself these next few days. Ive got a little nagging in the back of my head but I keep playing the tape forward and I’m really trying to not forgot that last hangover. So I plan on popping in a lot the next few days. Hope everyone is having a peaceful day. Love to all.
Keep remembering that hang over @sobermommy1013.. and where booze takes you.. So glad your working on self care this is very important.. sober treats. Keep posting to the support is here and ready for you, have a relaxing weekend. x
Thank you @sobermommy1013 I’ve been here before a few times but this time I both feel and know it’s different. I had my last cigarette on the boat coming over last night and have not worried about it all day. Yay. My goal was to return home both alcohol and nicotine free. Tick.
Hello Sober Friends – I’m feeling a bit off today….I woke up cranky after some pretty wild dreams. It’s been one of those mornings where I can already visualize myself drinking tonight, I won’t though because I signed up for a 7pm gym class that will thoroughly kick my ass. It’s been hectic at work and I’m really just looking forward to this week being over. I have a very relaxing weekend planned of cleaning my house and then doing nothing else. First weekend this entire summer I will be home, maybe that’s why i’m feeling antsy too.
Today’s gift talks about not drowning myself in negative thinking, so apropo for how i’m feeling today. So, no more negative self talk, no more negative thoughts!! I’m pledging my 24 hours today right, @buckeyeone?
Hey @Sobermommy1013, visualizing is THE thing! It’s not so useful to think about what I WON’T do (drink), what makes me nervous (being home), what I SHOULD do (think positive) but what you WILL do. Scientists and psychologists say, that visualizing has an unbelievable great effect on what will happen (even for very sick people it sometimes makes a difference between recovering or their situation getting worse). Interesting too, it doesn’t matter if you believe in visualizing or not – it works, studies showed that! Many very successful people do it (for example sport stars or even lawyers) So just sit down and visualize yourself in the evening, doing what you like to do. Imagine this absolutely exact in every detail!!! See yourself NOT drinking alcohol, but tea, lemonade, chocolate, whatever. Create that scenery in your mind, repeat that several times, it should really help you to be less antsy and to do, what you imagined. YOU create your reality, it’s like a very detailed plan that you burn into your brain. So in your brain the drinking issue automatically has to take the back seat. It’s something one must train a little bit but it becomes easier and it’s great for many different cases!
you are so aware of everything and that is such a great start!! Every day that you wake up with the knowledge that things have to change (even if they don’t) is a step in the right direction. I think you should have an honest conversation with your husband, he may surprise you and be fully supportive and not bring booze home.
oh honey, i just wish i could hug you right now. you are being too hard on yourself, which is exactly what alcohol makes us do. Be easy today, hydrate, take some vitamins….your body needs to heal before your mind can do anything. Dust yourself off, and back on the wagon you go. Remember, you don’t HAVE to go to that beer fest. Just take it one day at a time. I’m not drinking today, how about you??
@tipsytoegal – i get bored and drink too. I miss the drama even though i relish in the quiet….definitely our addict voices…the good news is that we’ve done this before, we know how well our lives work sober, we have the tools, it’s just a matter of us putting all that to good use when we feel ourselves slipping. @mari135‘s posts are always so insightful and amazing. love to you both! xo
@michael6 – be easy on yourself, you are learning all new ways of coping and you are human. it’s progress not perfection and holy sh*t – you made 17 days!!!! Every single sober day counts towards something!! Dust yourself off friend, you’re in the right place.
Hi sober friends….I want to share something that happened to me this week. On Monday, hubby and I went to dinner, Monday was technically day 2 for me. He asked if i would be drinking wine and I said no, i was going to have an ice cold coca cola (i haven’t confided in him that i wanted to stop drinking again – mind you i had 32 days in July). He went on an on about the sugar in soda and how bad it is for me, cancer causing even, etc. i said that i wanted to cut back drinking and he said oh no, not again. Going on to say that I am mean and nasty and short tempered when i’m sober and that all the back and forth attempts at sobriety are draining on the family because of my mood swings. I sat on it and thought about it and he’s right. as terrible as it is for me to maintain sobriety, it effects my entire household. I realize this problem is my demon to fight, but when i carry the household, I guess everyone feel’s it. Now, I’m not going to be mad at him or yell at him because that is an honest assessment of how he see’s things. I ordered the damn soda anyway.
Now last night, we are watching the documentary I am Patrick Swayze and it came to light that he battled alcoholism throughout his life. In passing, I said to hubby, “you know, if someone has cancer and is sick with a disease, no one bats an eye at them going for chemo, or doctor’s appointments, in fact, if i had cancer and said i’m not going for chemo anymore it would be devastating for everyone. Alcoholism is a disease (in my opinion) and yet if i asked for help or support, it’s looked down upon”, well, his face dropped. And he looked at me and said i never thought of it like that and i’m sorry. it was just that one little bit of validation i needed because honestly after our convo on monday when he said i’m basically a bear to be around, i was having a lot of “fuck it” thoughts.
I don’t expect him to ever fully understand the depth of alcoholism, or the struggle to stay sober, but i…[Read more]
WOW this was a powerful post! I LOVE how you were able to pause and see his point of view and gain new insight from it! And then, in turn, he did the same (hopefully!) with you! THAT is how it is supposed to work! I’m so happy for you!!!
Wonderful. It’s great to figure out how to get the support you need. It’s not always available. About three weeks into my sobriety I asked my husband if he noticed that I was less grumpy and irritable recently. He thought about it and said that I was. I still get tense and impatient, but as things go on its easier for me to react calmly to annoyances.
I love this post @sobermommy1013, I also believe alcoholism is a disease and one I will be fighting for ever!! I’ve relapsed far too many times not to… you see my husband is very supportive (now) he wasn’t because he was waiting for my “fuck it” button to go. I think in time your husband will really help you, just be kind to you.. with the mood swings my husband now knows when I need space and time to try and get my head around how I’m changing, and for the better.. xx
Also, a very important point is that when we have used alcohol for so long to manage our emotions / mood, it takes quite a while to re-learn emotional regulation for ourselves without the crutch of alcohol.
That and the fact that alcohol is a depressant, which makes you irritable, put together mean that yes, in the early days (weeks, months) of withdrawal from the drug mean that our emotions and mood can be totally all over the place.
The great thing is that we DO learn to regulate and manage and even appreciate and value our emotional states! But it takes time – it will occur naturally, I believe, but I think you can help it along with a bit of effort.
I can highly recommend reading on mindfulness which is simply about being in the present moment and noticing what is going on for us, inside ourselves and outside ourselves. Meditation practice is valuable, if you’re able to do it, and you can literally meditate on the move. Doing housework 😊
Well done for helping your hubs think of your efforts to be alcohol free in a different way. He might be able to be more supportive now.
Hey @sobermommy1013, the most important thing for you is to go your way strong and confident – you KNOW what it’s good for you beyond all those “side effects”. Perhaps one can’t expect that others – husband, family, friends – fully understand the meaning of this becoming-sober-thing. But of course it’s wonderful to have someone protective by your side. A good therapist would always work with you AND your husband, for it’s important for him to understand the process you’re going through. Without an expert it would be very helpful if he was informed about the adicition issue in other ways. Perhaps he could read biographic books, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, read the posts in this community…? The more he knows, the more he is involved and able to support you!
Hi @sobermommy1013!! So glad to see you here! This is amy with a new handle 🙂 You’ve got this lovely, block out anybody or anything that says you can’t or makes you doubt yourself. You are so strong and wonderful and you can do this. Massive hugs xoxo
I’m so glad to hear the follow up conversation you had with him because at first I was really frustrated he was being so unsupportive!! Yes the mood swings are difficult to get through, but continuing to drink is no answer! Stay strong, it sounds like he better understands where you are coming from now
Wow. Big epiphany on his part! I’ve got to hand it to you. I’d have been pretty damned cranky if I had to sit through that whole conversation when all I really wanted was a cold glass of coke. 🙂
I don’t think it’s possible for a person who can take or leave alcohol to fully understand what it’s like for someone who simply can not have just one drink. They just can’t comprehend what it’s like to really WANT a drink – and a second and a third …. if they have that first one. Good for you for taking care of you!! Rock star!
@sobermommy1013 well done on looking at it from the other perspective and also getting HIM to see yours. I was also very irritable first sober 6 months and angry at all because getting sober didn’t make me feel instantly better and I resented losing my stress relief. I guess it’s time to work on the why you feel that way aside from not being able to drink. And then at some point it will be like a voila moment and you will be have the happy fun moments without the drinks.
Oh @mari135 how i have missed you and your beautiful, insightful, eloquent posts!! I love the quotes from Russell Brand, I found his book so helpful and insightful and FUNNY!! Sometimes we forget that while dealing with this heavy addiction, life can (and should still be fun!! I hope you have a terrific day, my friend. So grateful to be back and reading your posts. xo
And I missed your posts!!! Finally catching up and bringing back self-care to my life after a few weeks of work-nonstop. Phew. Breathing….expanding…..living in the moment. I missed that. And the morning coffee-LivingSober-time. oxoxo Hope your weekend was, and continues to be, all you needed it to!!!
First off – congrats on 570! That’s amazing!!! Second, I’m sorry about the person in the house w/ Alcohol. MY husband drinks and sometimes it feels like he drinks EVEN more when he knows i’m trying to stay sober, the struggle is real. All you’ve got is today. Get through these 24 hours. Don’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet! You will be surprised at how well you CAN cope, you are a warrior!! Have a wonderful day.
Good morning to the US sober crew. Woke up this morning just a few minutes before my alarm and felt very peaceful. I had no headache, no fuzzy mouth, so sore stomach. Just felt very natural waking up. If there was a way to bottle that feeling and sell it instead of booze, boy, would this world be a better place. One of my daily affirmations reads – Detachment involves present-moment living – living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day. God, help me let go of my need to be someone other than who i am today. Help me dive fully into the present moment. I will accept and surrender to my present moments – the difficult ones and the easy ones, trusting the whole process. I will stop trying to control the process; instead I will relax and let myself experience it.
For me, giving up control is extremely difficult, but i find that i kind of give up on myself (in a good way) and just let life happen around me, it takes ME out of the equation and instead of me trying to control everything (especially my drinking) I am now just a participant in life. It feels good. I know some people don’t like the word surrender but for me it’s very freeing at least in early sobriety. Have a wonderful sober day folks! It’s good to be back! <3
Hi and Good Evening from the UK, hope your day has been good, I’m off to bed soon, sober and ready for a relaxing nights sleep.. no 2am wake up, shakes, sweats and raging thirst.. No awful feeling of guilt either.. great stuff. x
I’m working on getting back to that! I had it for about 3 months in early sobriety. Urgh. Course I have other medical stuff so that could be why I have a hard time getting up. I miss those early mornings – so nice to be productive.
Hi @sobermommy1013 Yup those dreams are vivid I luved them despite they were nightmares. More to come I hope and another reason to stick to alc free. Perhaps I’ll get a full length feature dream tonight 😃
Hello my sober tribe! It has been so long (too long), and I wanted to pop in and say hello. I think about you all so often and even though I am not an active member of the group anymore (looking to change that though), I still derive strength from your posts. Instead of boring you all with details of the past few months, I will say this: 1. My father has had surgery to treat his bladder, colon and lung cancer (yes, THREE separate cancers). His last surgery was last Monday and he is home resting comfortably and god willing, cancer free now. 2. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADD and has been treated and THRIVING since!! He also landed a part time job and his confidence has just soared. I couldn’t be more proud and I am literally beaming while typing this. 3. I took a 4 week leave of absence to focus on myself and my family. It was a wonderful time off that I am proud to say I stayed 100% sober.
Unfortunately, since then I have slipped back into weekly drinking. I’m not fooling myself by putting limits on only drinking during the weekends because I know that is short lived. So, I’m coming back to the place where I feel safe to share and hope to find the love and support I know i need to be sober. Moderation doesn’t work for me. Never has, never will. I can feel the pull of the wine witch every single night, it’s time to put that b*tch to bed.
Plugging along – had a terrible fitful restless sleep last night, but it STILL feels better to wake up tired than with a hangover. Seriously I think i only got about 4-5 hours last night, maybe all the sleep i’m doing during the weekend is messing me up? I think i just couldn’t turn my mind off last night. My thoughts went to when i would pass out after wine and how ‘good’ it would feel until i would wake up a few hours later, sweating, thirsty, anxiety ridden and just feeling like absolute garbage!! I don’t want to do that to myself anymore. That polar vortex that @robyn spoke about is coming my way tomorrow and Thursday. 50 days till spring. happy day friends!
Have a cup of a “Sleepy” tea…there are many out there and they really do work! There are also essential oil sprays – I use lavender – for your pillow…pretty wonderful. Have a book by your bed to pick up and read when you do wake up…will put you back to sleep 🙂
I think thats one of the reasons I would drink so much. I just wanted to fall asleep. You’re right though, after a few hours you wake up feeling awful and never get back to sleep so the morning is the worst! I just keep thinking about that. Hope you get some rest tonight! xoxo
Hi @mari135 – i gave up social media for nearly a month and i loved every minute of it!! Unfortunately i needed to get back on because my kids schools post important info re: closures, 1/2 days etc. It’s amazing how damaging social media can be to those of us who are prone to depressive waves. I hope you have a wonderful day, friend!
HI all – just a quick check in – dad’s surgery went well, hopeful we can start chemo treatments within the next few weeks. Quiet weekend at home with my boys. Fought the wine witch a lot saturday night, mostly from just boredom. Ended up just going to bed. I swear, I sleep so much now.
I’m so happy for your Dad! How do you feel now? Boredom gets me , too. I picked up a couple of things I can focus on but put down quickly when I get interrupted. Adult coloring, cross stitch, Angry Birds. I can’t read during these times because I get pissed when I get interrupted. Have a great day, friend!
Glad to hear about your Dad. Sleep heals. It even makes us thinner 🙂 🙂 🙂 I wish I could get enough. Crazy work, and so much a night owl, have to have my reading time – and pop in here, which can turn out looooong