• SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 5 days, 18 hours ago

    Yep @teazy I definitely drink to get buzzed or blotto, one or two will never be enough so why even bother.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 5 days, 19 hours ago

    @whynot bet the drunk one will be jealous of you tomorrow x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 5 days, 19 hours ago

    @sue123 I’m not sure how to stop the thoughts, I’m just telling myself that one or two drinks would not be worth risking what I’ve gained over. Two years is amazing and sounds like you’ve made some major life changes. What would we really gain from one or two anyway xxx

  • SoberDaisy posted an update 6 days ago

    102 days, I have been going back & forth in my mind a bit lately, have a made a mistake? was I really that bad? Could I change the way I drink? I have had one other period of sobriety three years ago which lasted four months and that’s what I thought then that I had changed & I could moderate. So I started drinking again, slowly at first just one or two, patting myself on the back for how grown up and responsible I could be. But it really was just a slippery slide back to daily drinking, binge drinking, blackout drinking. I am grateful to have that previous period of sobriety to keep me grounded in reality. I read something the other day that really resonated with me “alcoholism is self diagnosed, there are no tests to detect it, doctors and friends can offer advice and you can take hundreds of online quizzes but alcoholism is something you know in your gut” and I do, even though my addicted brain sometimes tries to convince me otherwise, I know in my gut.

    • @soberdaisy Glad you are listening to your gut. Some of us (like me) take a while to tune in.

    • 83 Days and I’ve had this conversation with myself so many times. Sigh. Tonight I was out with a group about half sober and half drinking. One was quite drunk. Part of me feels sorry for the one who will be hungover tomorrow and still part of me is a tiny bit jealous. Sigh. Silly me.

    • I just logged on to write a very similar post. so thank you. i am just over 2 years sober, left a marriage that wasnt good for 18 months ago, i have worked very hard to build a new life but lately i have toying with the idea of if i am ready to drink “normally” again?? I feel like i am living in fear… fear i will go back to binge drinking again. but then the other part of me thinks maybe i could just have one or two? can’t live your life in fear… so why not just see… ? but then i dont want to undo all my hard work… and so the thought loops continue…. any thoughts on how to stop these loops?

      • @sue123 I’m not sure how to stop the thoughts, I’m just telling myself that one or two drinks would not be worth risking what I’ve gained over. Two years is amazing and sounds like you’ve made some major life changes. What would we really gain from one or two anyway xxx

    • You are doing so well! What would one or two drinks do? Really? for the taste? to fit in? i know for me it would just be annoying, maybe give me a headache, tired, it is whole other problem. It would take away all the amazing benefits of sobriety, clarity, peace of mind, natural highs. always being able to drive, we drink to get buzzed, plain and simple and that is what causes all the problems.

    • I know how you feel I am at 109 days and it is a real struggle at the moment and like you I tell myself one or two drinks will never be enough and I would fall back into the way I was when I stopped drinking every night to blackout, waking up every morning asking why I am doing this…… I don’t want to go back there. Congrats on 102 days.

    • Great that you have that previous experience to steer you back. You tried moderation and it didn’t work. I am the same, I had a period of sobriety in the past, thought I could moderate, set myself lots of rules and before long I was back to a bottle a day even though it was what I did not want. I remind myself of this when ever I start to wonder if… the truth is I can’t control it, I inevitably drink more than I want to and I end up feeling disgusted with myself. It’s how I know I can’t drink. Full stop.

    • If you could control your drinking, you would have years ago. Me too. We cannot. Moderation turns into the same old same old. Every single time. Believe me, I’ve tried and tried and tried. NEVER WORKS. Save yourself the inevitable pain and heartache. AF is the only way to go. Good luck.

    • 102 days is amazing!!!! oxoxox
      And oh man…you described it so well…That thought of “If I can do this…maybe I wasn’t so bad after all.”
      Been there, thought that.
      Then I remembered how shit it felt to wake up hungover and the reality of my drinking (coming to work still drunk/hungover) and that often stops the thought of “I wasn’t as bad.”
      I was bad. It will be bad if I go back there.
      oxoxoxo

    • For me moderation is off the table. Not in my personality. Not in my DNA. All or nothing at all. Full speed or stopped. Made the deals. Played the games. Lost every freaking time.

      I’m at day 138 and I’m determined not to look back. That’s not the direction I’m going. I’ve never ever wanted one drink – always 10. So no reason to think it would be any different now. I got part 1 out of the way – quit drinking. Now I’m dedicated to keeping up the really hard part – staying quit. Alcohol is a fuse. I know it. One drink lights it. And soon as that happens, my life will explode (again). Nope. No way I want to start all over again. So don’t play the game. Don’t toy with the ‘what ifs’ There is no such thing as ‘normal’ drinking. There’s just drinking. Look ahead. It’s bright up there and guaranteed to always be better than behind you.

    • These reminders are so good for me to read. I’m constantly wondering if I could just learn to moderate. But I’m not sure I want to even bother trying because sliding back down the slope and starting sobriety over just sounds like… so much work I don’t want to repeat.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Awesome job, yep totaling up that money saved is great. Not sure where all mines gone too though 😂

  • SoberDaisy posted an update 1 month ago

    Day 78 and feeling crappy, full of a cold. Wondering how I coped with feeling like shit with a hangover every day. It just becomes the norm I suppose.

    • So true! I just got used to feeling unwell every day. Get well!

    • Yeah, I have the same question from time to time. I’d drink because I was sick, as if it helped — I sure told myself it did. When you feel better, and I hope you feel better sooon, you’re gonna feel like a million bucks!

    • @soberdaisy yay on 78 days going strong. I don’t know how I did it either constantly feeling like crap every morning.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Yep I agree at 45 I’ve definitely drunk my quota for a lifetime, well done on day 2.

  • Excited to be planning to build a new deck & nice entertainment area that we have been saving for, But my stupid wine witch brain is telling me “whats the point if you can’t sit out there with a glass of wine? who’s going to come round to be entertained if your not drinking anymore? (cue unrealistic romantic visions of me
    sitting on my deck drinking a glass of wine, One glass….yeah right hahahaha) That wine witch is an arsehole, trying to rain on my parade.

    • I kind of went through the same thing @Soberdaisy. Yep, we have to get past the romantic notions. I turned mine around by enjoying morning coffee outside and yoga at night.

    • That wine witch is a sneaky bitch! What she’s NOT telling you is how crappy she will make you feel if fall for her bullshit. Slam her stupid head in a drawer and walk away. She hates that. You’re going to LOVE your new deck – and you’re going to entertain your sober butt off on it! Kick her butt to the curb. You got this!

    • a wonderful technique that is really worth practising is one that Mrs D talks about … she made it up herself and used it a lot i think …

      what you do is you focus on all the wonderful and meaningful things about the event / occasion / experience / opportunity / new deck 🙂

      so you think about sitting out in the fresh air on a lovely warm evening, listening to the birds twittering as the dusk draws in …. you think about wrapping up in a blanket when it gets a little colder, maybe reading a book out there with a little plate of delicious snacks …. you think about sitting with a friend on a nice Sunday morning, talking through some troubles she’s been having … you think about a kid’s Spring birthday party and how nice it will be to carry the birthday cake out there with everyone singing and smiling … you imagine yourself sitting out there, congratulating yourself on all the money you saved up and that this is your reward, this lovely deck and entertainment area 😀

      and that way you re-train your brain to get all sorts of lovely new associations with having that beautiful feature in your home 🙂 ❤️

    • @enzedgirl your reply really makes me want to build a deck when I get home from vacation…

    • If it were me I would tell that wine witch of how I am not going to fall on that deck when drunk, or be sitting out there long after others have left, still drinking.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    5 1/2 months is awesome, so you know you can do it. You have recognised you need to stop and that’s being a better version of yourself right there. Stay close lots of support here for you xx

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Yay congrats on day 59, I’m with you life has become good! let’s keep it that way xx

  • 60 days. That equals 6+ full to the brim nasty plastic buckets of wine that I haven’t guzzled over the past two months. Today a gave myself a new bead for my bracelet, it represents balance. Feeling balanced is a huge part of what I’m gaining on this AF journey. Being able to give to my family, running my home, my job but most of all myself. “Me Time” used to be just drinking and ignoring everything going on around me and being consumed by guilt for it. I’m not perfect and I don’t want to be, Accepting that for me is huge! Turning up for my life instead of being consumed by angst that I’m not good enough is like a weight being lifted of my shoulders. I don’t want to go back down the rabbit hole, I want to stay strong and live this beautiful, messy, imperfect life. X

    • Well done! Congrats on 60 days! I can relate to what you are saying. 2 weeks for me today and feel so different. Can’t wait to reach 60 days. Go you!

    • Congrats @soberdaisy! 60 days is big…balance is a great goal

    • I really like your trick of visualizing the amount of wine you’ve not drunk. In my case I would have filled a bucket every 4-6 days (but chuck in some beer and gin on top of that). In 60 days I would have filled a bathtub to the brim! Yuk!

    • Yay you @soberdaisy on 60 days! Love the balance! It’s important!

    • Hi @soberdaisy when you said “me time” was drinking whilst ignoring everything going on around you really hit home for me because that is what I used to do, ignore life, the family, the kids and anything I should have been giving attention to, even myself. Congrats on 60 days, I am on 68 and feel great with my messy imperfect life also.

    • @soberdaisy I too used wine as my metime, but I am finally finding other ways to get that me time in. Not always the easiest thing to do but very important if you want to get the benefits of this sober living gig.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Beautiful, you should be so proud of both of you x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    I don’t pity you, but I can relate to you. Yep pick yourself up dust yourself off just another bump in the road xx

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Yep I agree embrace the inner weirdo!

  • I never waking up thinking I wish I’d had something to drink last night. It would have made my night more fun/relaxing/enjoyable, it’s so bloody obvious but such a lightbulb moment for me.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Beautiful post x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Hard and no fun but you did it & it won’t always be that way, go easy on yourself. It’s ok to lay off the socialising for a while if you need the breathing room x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Wow 730 days amazing & inspirational, congrats x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Yep the music is loud & the singing is terrible 😂

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    What a compassionate thing to do, turning what’s been such a negative waste of time and money into something positive for others (and yourself) your awesome xx

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Fantastic to feel in top of the world, awesome job on day 20 x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Awesome job on 7 days. Ignore that nasty wine witch and take her power away x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Yep let’s listen to that whisper xx

  • At my girls netball games today, usually I’d be seedy as hell and worried that other parents would notice, but not today 🙂 It will be followed by a birthday sleepover for my oldest girl, so will have 8 tweens in the house. Also used to be a stress for me, will her friends notice how much I drink? What if something happens. I won’t be able to drive? Nice to be able to relax and enjoy?? The Chaos.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Love this

  • Day 50. Was at a memorial service for my husbands uncle yesterday, it was a beautiful service to celebrate a lovely man, in his own words he didn’t want ‘any depressing crap’. It was a huge crowd and the alcohol was flowing, my sister in law linked arms with me and said I need a drink let’s go to the bar. That urge was so so strong, I could just have one, I’m driving anyway it would have to be just one. But I didn’t want to let myself down I’ve gained in so many ways over the last few weeks. So I said no I’m driving, she said so am I, you can have one? I said I didn’t want one (that shocked her!) pregnant? she asked, yep twins I told her (I’m 45, 3 kids & husband has had the snip) we had a laugh and that was it, the moment passed. I relaxed & enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and was able to drive my husband home after he’d had a few beers. I’m proud of myself, I feel so protective of my sobriety at the moment like it’s a something delicate that I need to shield from others, I’m hoping it grows more robust & part of me over time. I know they’ll be questions from family & friends as I continue not to drink, I’m feeling more comfortable about that. My reasons for sobriety are my business, no one else’s. I’ll share what I want with who I want. Living sober makes me happy, balanced, hopeful and so much more. Not drinking isn’t a sign of failure or weakness, its strength and confidence and I’ll own that all day long xx

    • I just love this @soberdaisy , I got so sick of letting myself down and giving in, you should be very proud! I think all of these challenges just make us stronger in our decision. Nice!

    • Beautiful post my dear!

    • God I LOVE this post!!! Way to go @SoberDaisy! You handled that like a champion. I so agree re your sobriety being your business. I don’t feel the need to share my business with anybody – family or not. I’m in your corner friend. “Not drinking isn’t a sign of failure or weakness, it’s strength and confidence.” Yup. I’ll own that too. Xox

    • I love this too You have much confidence for 50 days. I’d say you’ve got this one! Totally get the feeling of protective over your sobriety. I feel that way after less than 10 days.

    • Well done you superstar! Good on you for protecting your sobriety ❤️❤️❤️

    • Great words @soberdaisy I feel the strength and confidence we are so strong living AF. ⭐️

    • I can so relate to your feeling protective of your sobriety, I’ve used exactly those words myself. Some times it feels like a small child that only you can advocate for, no one else can do it. And with your care it will grow strong and independent. You did some great work for your sobriety yesterday. And again today!

      • You know what I love most about your post @soberdaisy?
        You chose yourself and your sobriety over someone else. And I of course don’t mean that negatively, you met your sister in laws need for some comfort and solidarity – just in a way that met BOTH of your needs.
        I feel that so many of us don’t think it’s okay to put yourself first, and that we are the first ones to think our well-being is less important than someone else’s.
        And it’s not.
        I love your post. Thank you for sharing it

    • I completely understand that protective feeling and it’s a great sign you’re committed to your recovery journey! Well done.

    • @soberdaisy, I absolutely love your answer “I don’t want one” and the twins part was funny. I don’t want one covers it all, it’s simple and profound. Bravo to you for being honest with yourself first and then to others whom you choose to be. Bravo for 50 days! I’ve learned to say “No thanks” and that seems to work just fine as well. Our sobriety is precious! Great job!!!

  • SoberDaisy posted an update 2 months ago

    43 Days AF had such a nice day to myself today, had my hair done, a bit of shopping to treat myself. A bath & good book, now hubby is cooking me a steak for tea, so grateful for today and being AF.

  • I just had a moment with my 14yo daughter, we were discussing the flavoured water drops that I put in my Tonic water. She said Mum I feel like you haven’t been drinking wine in a long time, I told her I hadn’t and she said she thought that was a good thing and that people shouldn’t drink all the time just occasionally and that it had made things better. It made me both happy that she had noticed a positive change & sad that my drinking has impacted on her.

    • That’s very sweet and definitely take it as a good thing! 🙂

    • you should be a proud mother because you have a wonderful daughter who understands you better.

    • That’s great, look at the change you have made and the impact it will have on her. I love that I don’t drink and I think my kids love it too.

    • That’s so lovely! There’s a whole category of therapy for children of alcoholics. Nice to remove her from that possibility!

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Wow that would have taken some courage, well done x

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Yep @wakingowl drinking would just make it worse and for probably take it from an argument to a screaming match. No good for anyone. Staying sober I was able to rationally explain how I was feeling.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Double Digits! A great achievement, awesome job 🙂

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks @daveh your posts are always so relatable and help me to make sense of why can’t I drink.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Yep I know how you feel my husband doesn’t really acknowledge my sobriety either, I don’t think your being overly dramatic at all it would be great to have some real support & encouragement from your husband and a shame your not getting it. At the end of the day we have to do this for ourselves and our kids and be our own cheerleaders I guess x

  • Yuk in a shitty place today, had big fight with my husband last night about him spending money we don’t have on things for himself. Then saw a photo of myself someone posted online that just makes me feel fat & disgusting. Part of me is thinking fuck it might as well just have a drink, but I’m not going too, I know it won’t help.

    • Hello, @soberdaisy, it is just so hard sometimes. Daily life gets in the way of job, doesn’t it. I hate when people post photos of me online where they pick the one that they look great in despite the fact that the photo of me would never have made it past trash if i had taken it. argh. don’t pick up that drink today. see you tomorrow.

    • Had the exact same argument with my husband today and it left me in a shitty place for hours…but I didn’t drink..wouldn’t chnge anything and I’d just wind up feeling shittier.

      • Yep @wakingowl drinking would just make it worse and for probably take it from an argument to a screaming match. No good for anyone. Staying sober I was able to rationally explain how I was feeling.

  • Day 37 yay! Haven’t heard from the wine witch in a while, think she’s sulking because I’m not listening to her but I know she’s lurking around in there so I’ll be watchful 🙂

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thats sounds yum! I’m going to try that.

  • I noticed a lot of people on here do yoga, any recommendations for a you-tube yoga video for an absolute beginner 🙂

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Awesome that you’re feeling so good. What is they say Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter 🙂

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Awesome job on day 10, I know what you mean I was always two drinks ahead of others. Good for you going for a run a gentle walk is all I can manage 😂 Keep up the good work x

  • Day 29, the big 30 tomorrow! I’m feeling great. more productive and feel like I’m living my life rather than just looking forward to the next drink. My main fear is complacency, forgetting how bad it was for me and thinking I could try to moderate. The sensible part of me knows that wouldn’t work but I’m scared if I loose focus on recognising which voice is my own and which one belongs to the nasty wine witch that I’ll fall back into the trap.

    • I know what you mean. I battle complacency by coming back here and being reminded of how good this feels and how far I’ve come – and where I was/how I felt before I started on this journey. Congrats on day 30! 30 sober days!

    • Congrats on 30 days. I have to say having had several years of sobriety in the past (probably 10 years total) it was always something I had to watch out for but it does get easier as you get older so that is good news.

    • @soberdaisy 30 days is massive ! It’s so cool reading how much you’re enjoying the change. I too worry that I’ll forget how bad it got and get complacent, that’s what makes this space so good, staying connected and reminded x

    • Well done you… i fell into the complacency trap the first time i gave up… 3 months without a drink then old witchy got the better of me… just a glass every now and then soon enough returned to the normal drinking routine… along with the internal moderation debate…eventually I realised that even though i wanted a wine i didnt actually enjoy it… so, re-joined the sober journey and have not let complacency get a foot hold this time round… so long story short, if complacency tries to tempt you with a ‘i could just have one’ just remind youself life is so much better without… you’ve got this ☺

    • 30 days well done and congrats.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Oh yes the daily trips to the supermarket for wine and groceries I didn’t need to hide it, that was definitely me! Ignore that nasty voice, you’re doing great xx

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Love that

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    I will thanks, feel like I lost my friend to the nasty Wine Witch tonight 🙁

  • Was supposed to be going out with a friend tonight for dinner & a movie, she just rang to ask if it would be ok if she’d cancelled as some friends had come round and she’d already had two glasses of wine and wanted to have another. Which loosely translates too “I rather stay home and get pissed than go out for the night, and have to drive and I’m already half cut” I wasn’t annoyed I’ll go out with my husband instead, it just kind of made me feel sad for her. She’s always been a big drinker and is very similar to me I haven’t told her I’ve stopped drinking yet I was going to do that tonight, oh well her loss.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    I visualise that nasty wine witch as well. Sometimes when she’s nagging in my ear I think about kicking the shit out of her (not usually a violent person lol)

  • 20 days and I’m feeling pretty good about that. It may be a bit weird but I have my own sober calculator, the amount of buckets of wine I haven’t guzzled. In the last 20 days I would usually have poured 2 1/2 buckets of alcohol down my throat and expected my poor body to process it. I find it a really disturbing visual, it makes me feel quite sick.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Wow 1 year congratulations xx

  • SoberDaisy posted an update 3 months ago

    Sober test for today, going to visit my mother in law. I know she’ll be surprised & have questions when I refuse a drink, so I’ll just have to think of an excuse. We don’t have the kind of relationship where I would feel comfortable being honest with her. She’s very judgemental and gossips constantly about people, even those closest to her. It drives me nuts.

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Yes all looks very glamorous & relaxing in theory. It triggers me too thinking I could drink like that., just one or two haha. Unfortunately it doesn’t show the slurring, stumbling mess alcohol can make us. Congrats in day 19, day 17 for me 🙂

  • SoberDaisy posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    You sound so content, well done xx

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